friends help: So I came here from a google search wondering what to do next after a few unfortunate things happened to me socially. - Help.com

matrodrigue
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So I came here from a google search wondering what to do next after a few unfortunate things happened to me socially.

I’ll try my best to explain the situation and hopefully I will get some great insight. Thanks in advance for any responses.

It’s a little long to read, but I could use any words of encouragement or advice at this moment. I don’t want to hurt myself or end my life or anything. I just need some help, and some vent time.

About two years ago I moved to Michigan from Atlanta, Georgia because of a car accident. I was living alone at the time fresh out of high school and my mother had gotten married and moved in with her husband. Because the hospital bills were so expensive I had to fork out all of my cash and move back in with my mother. At first I thought it wouldn’t be too hard to make friends considering I was one of the most popular and well known people in my area. I had a lot of friends and a lot of girls to keep me company as well as moral support from people I trusted. I was in a good place and I assumed it would be the same in Michigan.

Upon entering Michigan I immediately noticed how impossible it was to find a job. I pushed and pushed and eventually ended up at a local movie theater. At the time I was so excited because I believed this would be my ticket to meeting more people and starting a new life. At the time I had no clue, but Michigan hosts some of the meanest and rudest people I’ve ever met.

At my new job I met a girl who was really nice. We talked a bunch on facebook and even exchanged phone numbers and began texting. I thought everything was awesome. She would help me with my problems and some of the things I thought were bothering me and it was nice. I may have come off a little strong but I don’t think she cared that much…I guess I was wrong

Shortly after her and I started talking she would tell everyone at the job that I was a creep and that I was trying to do something to her or something. I honestly have no clue what she could have said but it definitely wasn’t good. Soon after that all of the girls at the job wouldn’t talk to me for fear I would try to creep on them or something and I eventually lost my job. I literally lost my job for talking to one girl. Soon after I lost my job I moved one hour north because I couldn’t handle it.

The girl who had me lose my job since then has apologized and told me she was being childish. She still feels bad and has taken me to dinner and a movie (how ironic) to compensate for ruining my first months in Michigan. She genuinely likes talking to me now.

That was 2 years ago.

I now live in that place one hour north and have been here for almost two years now. Things have been so unbelievably hard. I recently started college and everyone I meet is really cool at first but then stops talking to me, or always says they want to hang out but never follow through. Times were rough for me and then I met a girl who I started dating.

This was August of 2010. She had a boyfriend who had just been falsely accused of a crime in jail. She was heartbroken and we just started hanging out as friends. Soon enough we started getting closer and eventually started seeing each other. Throughout the duration of our relationship her and I were wonderful, we laughed really hard and we smiled all the time. She never wanted to date me though, like she would never make it official. She said it was because she didn’t want a boyfriend and I believed it. I guess.

As the months went on and school semester came to a close her and I began to argue. At this same time she had met a guy at a local gas station and exchanged numbers with him because he was going to the school she was transferring to. I at first had my suspicions but I tried to dismiss them. She would always text him and I thought nothing of it.

December came, and her and I would argue constantly. She would get mad at little things, such as me calling her, or me texting her asking what she was doing. She would also hang up on me if I said something that bothered her. I should’ve known it was going to end.

We “broke” up and then she told me to my face that she wasn’t going to date for a while. I smelled something fishy though and I checked the guys facebook, sure enough, he had just been put in a relationship, but the tag was empty.

I immediately knew what was going on. Two weeks later, he tagged her and they were dating.

Since then I’ve been in an emotional slump, it’s been almost a month since this has all happened and I can’t seem to get out of it. What makes things worse is that I have no friends in this city because I can’t find anyone I get along with or will be great friends with. I sit in my room day in day out, do homework, and talk to my friends that I play Starcraft with. To make things worse I get numbers in college. My first week I managed to pull in 4 numbers from different women, only to have all of them not talk to me anymore. I realized that two of them were just talking to me for help with homework and when I confronted them about the topic I would get into an argument and they would stop talking.

Either that or the girl would say I was coming on too strongly. Which I’m now starting to believe.

Maybe I need to tone down my approach. Or just talk less. My ex said I was intense, but that was only when her and I started arguing and I could see through her lying. I have no friends, no girlfriend, nothing.

What do I do?

I hope some of you are able to help me through this, or at least offer me some advice if you have been in the situation before. Moving to a new state and an new city is harder than it sounds.

To make it worse I just got left for someone else and I can’t get her off my mind. I’m a wreck. I know this will pass eventually but at the moment everything at once is a little overwhelming to handle. I just want one friend, just one. Someone I can spend some time with and someone to help me take my mind off of things. I just want one faithful person.

Is it me? Or is it really that hard to find someone of quality in Michigan.

I have no clue.

I miss Georgia already.

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matrodrigue edited this post 2 years, 4 months ago. Read the previous text »

So I came here from a google search wondering what to do next after a few unfortunate things happened to me socially. I’ll try my best to explain the situation and hopefully I will get some great insight. Thanks in advance for any responses.

About two years ago I moved to Michigan from Atlanta, Georgia because of a car accident. I was living alone at the time fresh out of high school and my mother had gotten married and moved in with her husband. Because the hospital bills were so expensive I had to fork out all of my cash and move back in with my mother. At first I thought it wouldn’t be too hard to make friends considering I was one of the most popular and well known people in my area. I had a lot of friends and a lot of girls to keep me company as well as moral support from people I trusted. I was in a good place and I assumed it would be the same in Michigan.

Upon entering Michigan I immediately noticed how impossible it was to find a job. I pushed and pushed and eventually ended up at a local movie theater. At the time I was so excited because I believed this would be my ticket to meeting more people and starting a new life. At the time I had no clue, but Michigan hosts some of the meanest and rudest people I’ve ever met.

At my new job I met a girl who was really nice. We talked a bunch on facebook and even exchanged phone numbers and began texting. I thought everything was awesome. She would help me with my problems and some of the things I thought were bothering me and it was nice. I may have come off a little strong but I don’t think she cared that much…I guess I was wrong

Shortly after her and I started talking she would tell everyone at the job that I was a creep and that I was trying to do something to her or something. I honestly have no clue what she could have said but it definitely wasn’t good. Soon after that all of the girls at the job wouldn’t talk to me for fear I would try to creep on them or something and I eventually lost my job. I literally lost my job for talking to one girl. Soon after I lost my job I moved one hour north because I couldn’t handle it.

The girl who had me lose my job since then has apologized and told me she was being childish. She still feels bad and has taken me to dinner and a movie (how ironic) to compensate for ruining my first months in Michigan. She genuinely likes talking to me now.

That was 2 years ago.

I now live in that place one hour north and have been here for almost two years now. Things have been so unbelievably hard. I recently started college and everyone I meet is really cool at first but then stops talking to me, or always says they want to hang out but never follow through. Times were rough for me and then I met a girl who I started dating.

This was August of 2010. She had a boyfriend who had just been falsely accused of a crime in jail. She was heartbroken and we just started hanging out as friends. Soon enough we started getting closer and eventually started seeing each other. Throughout the duration of our relationship her and I were wonderful, we laughed really hard and we smiled all the time. She never wanted to date me though, like she would never make it official. She said it was because she didn’t want a boyfriend and I believed it. I guess.

As the months went on and school semester came to a close her and I began to argue. At this same time she had met a guy at a local gas station and exchanged numbers with him because he was going to the school she was transferring to. I at first had my suspicions but I tried to dismiss them. She would always text him and I thought nothing of it.

December came, and her and I would argue constantly. She would get mad at little things, such as me calling her, or me texting her asking what she was doing. She would also hang up on me if I said something that bothered her. I should’ve known it was going to end.

We “broke” up and then she told me to my face that she wasn’t going to date for a while. I smelled something fishy though and I checked the guys facebook, sure enough, he had just been put in a relationship, but the tag was empty.

I immediately knew what was going on. Two weeks later, he tagged her and they were dating.

Since then I’ve been in an emotional slump, it’s been almost a month since this has all happened and I can’t seem to get out of it. What makes things worse is that I have no friends in this city because I can’t find anyone I get along with or will be great friends with. I sit in my room day in day out, do homework, and talk to my friends that I play Starcraft with. To make things worse I get numbers in college. My first week I managed to pull in 4 numbers from different women, only to have all of them not talk to me anymore. I realized that two of them were just talking to me for help with homework and when I confronted them about the topic I would get into an argument and they would stop talking.

Either that or the girl would say I was coming on too strongly. Which I’m now starting to believe.

Maybe I need to tone down my approach. Or just talk less. My ex said I was intense, but that was only when her and I started arguing and I could see through her lying. I have no friends, no girlfriend, nothing.

What do I do?

I hope some of you are able to help me through this, or at least offer me some advice if you have been in the situation before. Moving to a new state and an new city is harder than it sounds.

To make it worse I just got left for someone else and I can’t get her off my mind. I’m a wreck. I know this will pass eventually but at the moment everything at once is a little overwhelming to handle. I just want one friend, just one. Someone I can spend some time with and someone to help me take my mind off of things. I just want one faithful person.

Is it me? Or is it really that hard to find someone of quality in Michigan.

I have no clue.

I miss Georgia already.

Rosabella offline Verified User (5 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 9 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (28 minutes after post)

Hmm. Michigan’s north, Georgia’s south. Maybe the people up north aren’t used to southerners. If you DO come on too strong, how exactly would you describe that?

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alice atrophy offline Verified User (2 years, 10 months) Long Term User Shouts: 6 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (31 minutes after post)

the south is incredibly nicer than the people up north

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matrodrigue offline Verified User (2 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (32 minutes after post)

Well I honestly wouldn’t know how to explain it. I’m open and I enjoy talking to people. I’m an outgoing person and I don’t have problems talking to new people either.

In Georgia everyone was very nice and open no matter who it was or how long the person had known the other. Most of my friends in Georgia I met after having some great conversations with them or after talking with them about life in general.

I don’t know how to explain it though :p

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alice atrophy offline Verified User (2 years, 10 months) Long Term User Shouts: 6 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (34 minutes after post)

i get it. to them (as northerners) u come off strong (as a sotherner) bc thats how u r used to acting b/c its socially accepted in the south. ppl in the north arent as open. if u say hi to a stranger they will ignore u. in the south they will smile and wave(:

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alice atrophy offline Verified User (2 years, 10 months) Long Term User Shouts: 6 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (36 minutes after post)

in other words you just don’t belong there. move to indiana. i have a friend there i met on facebook. we get along well. they may b more friendly there. or move back to georgia(:

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matrodrigue changed the tags on this post: they were "Michigan, She Was, numbers, Thought, friends, school, moved, Month, talk, hang" 2 years, 4 months ago.

Rosabella offline Verified User (5 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 9 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (48 minutes after post)

matrodrigue wrote:
Well I honestly wouldn’t know how to explain it. I’m open and I enjoy talking to people. I’m an outgoing person and I don’t have problems talking to new people either.

In Georgia everyone was very nice and open no matter who it was or how long the person had known the other. Most of my friends in Georgia I met after having some great conversations with them or after talking with them about life in general.

I don’t know how to explain it though :p

I think you’ve described it well. It must be partly the difference between north & south. But it sure does seem like you’ve gotten the brush-off a lot. Maybe your tactic should be to be more aloof with girls, and look for a few good FRIENDS. And think about moving back south, where you already have friends (and hopefully a few relatives) at least for a few years.

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Anonymous #
2 years, 4 months ago (51 minutes after post)

Well you know we all struggle from time to time in being self aware. If you are repeatedly being told that you come on too strong or too intense, then you should honestly examine that. Could it be a cultural difference between south and north? Very possibly. You may also be too focused on one person.

I think people with a lot of friends know the art of keeping a lighthearted casual friendship with no strings attached. Eventually one or two of those aquaintances develop into deeper friendships but it can’t be forced.

Not sure why you chose Michigan… When can you move South again?

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matrodrigue offline Verified User (2 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (1 hour, 3 minutes after post)

Anonymous wrote:
Well you know we all struggle from time to time in being self aware. If you are repeatedly being told that you come on too strong or too intense, then you should honestly examine that. Could it be a cultural difference between south and north? Very possibly. You may also be too focused on one person.

I think people with a lot of friends know the art of keeping a lighthearted casual friendship with no strings attached. Eventually one or two of those aquaintances develop into deeper friendships but it can’t be forced.

Not sure why you chose Michigan… When can you move South again?

I once was the person with a lot of friends though. When I lived in the South. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting ever since the breakup with me and that girl and I’m slowing things down a bit. Anyone I meet next I will try to slowly get to know them and then move on from there.

It’s a little disheartening and it’s going to take a while. I have noticed though that people in Michigan are generally a little bit meaner than people from states further south.

People try to tell me that people are the same everywhere. I honestly find that to be completely false.

People in Michigan are REALLY not the same, they may even be a little bit meaner than most. A little less cultured, and a little less open to the ideas and personality traits of other people.

I hate to say all of that because it makes me sound shallow minded but three of you have confirmed that my problem may be my geographic location.

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Rosabella offline Verified User (5 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 9 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (1 hour, 5 minutes after post)

It may vary from town to town, also.

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matrodrigue offline Verified User (2 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (1 hour, 8 minutes after post)

That would seem too easy. I won’t be able to move south again until I get my associates. School is cheap here and so is rent so I’m literally stuck here for now.

I have a 3.9 GPA (let’s hope it stays up) and I will get into a decent university outside of this state :P.

It’s late. I wonder if anyone else will read this and give me some insight during the day too.

Have any of you ever been in this situation before?

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Rosabella offline Verified User (5 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 9 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (1 hour, 11 minutes after post)

Yes, more people will read and opine.

Yes, almost everyone has had a relationship end mysteriously. And felt bad.

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matrodrigue offline Verified User (2 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (1 hour, 12 minutes after post)

LadyMufflewump wrote:
Yes, more people will read and opine.

Yes, almost everyone has had a relationship end mysteriously. And felt bad.

3

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Rosabella offline Verified User (5 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 9 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (1 hour, 13 minutes after post)

matrodrigue wrote:
3

?

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matrodrigue offline Verified User (2 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (1 hour, 14 minutes after post)

It was meant to be a little heart. But the thing didn’t fix haahaha.

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Rosabella offline Verified User (5 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 9 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (1 hour, 15 minutes after post)

oh

3 I thought … but maybe not here

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Anonymous #
2 years, 4 months ago (1 hour, 15 minutes after post)

Don’t get me wrong I’m not knocking people from Michigan I’m sure they get along with eachother just fine

But culture shock is a very real thing. Its not shallow, You’re right they are not the same and have different ways from the south. Not better or worse but maybe just not your cup of tea. Maybe you crave familiar people.

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Rosabella offline Verified User (5 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 9 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (1 hour, 16 minutes after post)

that’s interesting, it left off the left-pointing arrow I put in front of the 3, like this:

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Rosabella offline Verified User (5 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 9 #
An Undisclosed Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (1 hour, 16 minutes after post)

yup, again

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matrodrigue offline Verified User (2 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 2 years, 4 months ago (1 hour, 19 minutes after post)

Anonymous wrote:
Don’t get me wrong I’m not knocking people from Michigan I’m sure they get along with eachother just fine

But culture shock is a very real thing. Its not shallow, You’re right they are not the same and have different ways from the south. Not better or worse but maybe just not your cup of tea. Maybe you crave familiar people.

That’s the thing. They get along with each other just fine and everyone is friendly and cordial. It’s weird.

I’ve always thought of myself to be a very outgoing and friendly approachable person. I wish I could upload a picture here too.

I’m not horribly unattractive either. I’m in decent shape I take care of myself and I generally look good.

Looks don’t mean everything, I know that, personality is important. Hmm.

This is something that will probably confuse me until I take my dirt nap six feet under.

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