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Dying Of A Severely Broken Heart…
…………..Hi,i hope you have the time to read my post,if so,thanks for reading,if not,its understandable.Here’s my dilemma……my mom went on a date tonight with this guy she hasn’t introduced me to yet.I have no idea what he looks like or who he is,so i had to go to my mamaws house and i took my computer to keep me entertained,but i had a good time with her.She’s the only person i can be serious with.We talked and talked…..but i noticed it was getting rather late,my mom never said what time she would be back,still,she came home at 1:03 am.But she said it was just dinner.It maid me feel so betrayed that she didn’t even call me or my mamaw to let us know she was OK.I called her twice…no answer,i left her a voice mail but still no call.I was worried sick that she had been killed or had been held hostage somewhere.So…..when she came back,she said she went to the mall,and she went to his house to meet his kid.(Would have been nice if i could meet them).She didn’t even mention going to the mall or his house.And when i finally got a hold of her on the phone(this was before she came)…i told her i thought she was dead and asked her why didn’t she answer her phone,this is the most ridiculous *** excuse…..she said she didn’t have reception.There had to be someplace with reception or at least she could have tried to find a place with reception to let us know we’re OK.She didn’t even bother.While i was playing a game on my computer(before my mom came)….my mamaw watched me and told me “you spend too much time on your computer,you need a real life”…..adding on top of this misery of not knowing if my mom was dead or alive,i felt like killing myself right there.But i think she said that because she desperately wants me to ride horses which i have no ambition of taking on as a hobby.She was always forcing me to ride,pressuring me to ride,wants to go to horse shows every time they have one but if i tell her i don’t want to ride,she will go absolutely berserk and get so mad.Apparently,im not good enough for anyone.And know im sitting on my bed,crying…as i write this,trying to keep quiet so my mom wont give me any sympathy.I always go into her room every night and say good night,but i didn’t bother to say anything to her after i left my mamaws.I didn’t say good night,but then she said “i still like you”.I guess im not good enough to be LOVED.I know if she does love me,its fake because i always had to hug her,she’d never hug me.How do i fix this situation? Thank you for the help.
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