hey, this is a long post…with a lot to say.
you are in a tough spot with a troubled past and just want some help in navigating your way through…
if you are on disability…do you get medicaid? can you see a therapist to get help with strategies & next steps?
like what kind of friends/social network do you want? what is one step you could take toward that goal? for example…you could go to a adult children of dysfunctional parents anonymous meeting…
or you could go to your public library to attend a job searching seminar..they usually offer them for free….or if not the library…the state unemployement office..or the salvation army
Yes, I get medicaid and, laughably, they’re denying some things as not being medically necessary so I get to live with a disfigurement now until I can raise some money to get it fixed (and the disfigurement is most of my teeth are missing as a result of them approving part of a process, but not the rest of it).
As for a therapist, I don’t need that kind of strategizing. I don’t need coping ideas for issues from my past or what to do when anxiety hits, or even how to overcome depression. I have those pretty well pat, and if I do need a bit of extra help with them, I know where to go to get the emergency counseling if need be. What I need is actual resources to get to a place where I can begin to work on my goals. The place would be a place to live and transportation so that I could go to a therapist, the public library, attend job searching seminars, etc. I’m frustrated and fighting a nihilistic feeling because the money I had been saving now is going to supplement my income as the dam lawyers figure out how to correct the snafu they caused with child support.
Realistically, I’m also beginning to wonder if I’ll hear any sound advice given right now. My frustration and bordering nihilism may be deafening me. I just know what I want to do to change things for myself and I need some way to do that. I guess, to narrow my question is how can I use $600 a month to move somewhere in the country (the US), pay rent, buy food, pay utilities, get a lisence and a car and find work, get my teeth finished getting fixed, so I can work on chasing my dreams? I have one question I need to answer myself, and that’s where do I want to set down roots in the country? That question, though, is moot at the moment as I’m financially prohibited to do anything except barely maintain where I’m living now even though emotionally this enviroment is as toxic as they come for me. I truely feel I don’t have any options but to ride this out and I worry that I may be at the end of my rope in how much I can endure.
Z-Anonymous invited 6 users to read this post 2 years, 3 months ago.
wow.
I’m not sure I can help…and I’ve heard people use the word nihilism but am not clear on what it really means.
How does moving affect your money situation? if you move will you still be able to see your children?
if you have a friend - maybe an old army buddy - who can help you get set up renting a room in a new place…that is where I would start.
You need to find something to rent for about $150 a month…
and for a while it would be best to find a place with public transportation or close enough that you could walk somewhere.
what kind of work are you qualified to do?
Yep talking can get it out a bit…does help. And OMG I am familiar with that type of srthiritis, it is vicious and extremely painful. But I am amzaed you are not addicted to it’s usual drug treatment and you’ve managed to do what you have in your life, the pain must have been insanely bad. And bipolar does seem to be one of those catch all diagnosis when they really don’t know what to say, especially about depression.
Now for resources we would need to know like a general what area you live in… that narrows down resources in your area that apply to you. Without your general area off the top of my head, the arthiritis society, social services, any outreach programs, resources at the local hospitals, any area disability societies, any habitat organizations in your area, socializing can be free with some internet sites as well as walks in the park, people you meet at local organizations…I’d say grocery store but a food bank would give you access to new people and save at least on the food bill.
It’s common to feel like the *odd man out* not everyone feels like thaty fit in everywhere or anywhere. Being adopted and having divorced parents and a failed relationship you already know how it feels to be cast aside as it were and that’s probably why you have difficulty making friends….your afaid their just going to leave you too.
If I think of more ideas Ill post…stay strong, omg you’ve been through so much already and survived your amazing.
Okay. Well, I’m going to give you a couple pieces of advice that may or may not make sense to you right now. You said yourself that you’re unsure if you can take sound advice at the moment, so read this a few times, and let it sink in.
1. Change your thinking and speaking habits.
This is important, so listen up. The way you speak and think will actively guide and steer your life. I don’t know why it works that way, but it does. Nobody became a wealthy person by constantly talking about how broke they are. And nobody ever changed their life by focusing on their problems. So stop this nihilistic crap, and start having some hope for the future. If you start speaking good things, and opportunities, and friendliness… then your mind will start recognizing opportunities and friends around you. Plus, nobody likes being around somebody that’s a downer, and restraining yourself from things like swearing or vulgar language shows self-discipline and respect for others.
The other reason for this, is by focusing on a problem, or situation, or fear, or doubt, or lack… focusing on the negative is proven by Psychology to freeze up your imagination. And if you are going to overcome this situation, you are going to need brilliance, imagination, and creativity. And the best ways to foster those types of thinking is to be bold and hopeful.
2. Start small, and let things grow.
Don’t try to take all your goals on at once. You want to get a place of your own, a job, a car, and all sorts of other things. But you need to organize a progression within yourself. Prioritize things. Which is most important to you right now? I would think a job and a place of your own. You can ride a bike to work if need be. So maybe get online, and put an add on Craigslist, saying you are seeking a place to live. Offer what you can, and say that you’ll be willing to do things like housekeeping in exchange for a place to stay, or a reduced rent. Any artistic or technical skills you might have, put on there as well. You never know what people might be willing to trade for room and board.
You also might want to mention that you are seeking a good, Christian home; a place where you can find refuge and peace. As a rape victim myself, I cannot imagine what my life would have been like without the support of loving, godly people. And it sounds like you need a family just as much as a job and a place to live.
“While it is always best to believe in one’s self, a little help from others can be a great blessing.”
3. Forgive yourself.
You should never feel shame for trusting people. And it’s not your fault when they betray that trust and hurt you; it’s THEIR fault. Don’t let the sick, twisted people of this world destroy the beautiful, compassionate man that lives deep down inside you. Because losing him would be a tragedy for the world, not just for you.
I love you.
God loves you.
So go, and be blest.
Thank you all. As for the pain, farjee, most times I’m ok and at worst it’s just a dull ache, kind of like over worked muscles 3 days after an intense work out. Other times, yeah, **** near debilitating, but I haven’t given ground to the arthritis willingly, and I think I’m still a mild to moderate case(?) don’t know, docs (even on medicare) are expensive.
You’re right, I do need a family and friends. Just realized this past 9 months how true the statement that no one’s an island truely is. Friends and family are the true secret to happiness, not wealth, not fame, not success, but having people around to care for and to be cared for, that’s happiness. That’s the real reason I’m so focused on the other things right now, living, transportation, etc, is to keep myself busy enough that I can not think about the aching loneliness.
The most difficult thing about me getting out is the fact that I don’t have most of my teeth anymore. I thought things were starting to look up and I ended up living in an area that I qualified for dental help and I began the process, halfway through it, approval for procedures fell through, so I’m a man that used to have an easy smile and laugh that feels self concious, at best, about my new deformity (and yes, in the world we live in, I’m judged for it and it’s going to be another challenge for me to overcome).
I also agree that I need to find a cheaper place to live. I have an option, just really don’t want to go back to that because it takes as much of a toll mentally as being isolated in a strange part of the country does. Living with someone who’s incontenant and for whatever reason, doesn’t clean up regularly is difficult to put it gently. However, I’d save about $300 a month moving back there, so I can’t rule it out. As the saying goes, beggars can’t be choosers.
I hope everyone realizes I’m not in crisis or feeling down about my life. I want to change this, I’m willing to do the work to change it. The difficulty comes in that I have to do this on my own. At the end of the day, the best I have to alleviate stress is to write. I don’t have anyone around that I can say let’s go to a movie, the bar, the park, go do something fun. I don’t have that human interaction, instead my social life is through the internet. It’s doing ok at that, sometimes I fall into a funk when I realize that the people that like me (with the exception of a few) only know me through the internet filter, and try as someone might, who they are online and in reality differs. We don’t even get to see most of the nuances that really makes up a person.
Anyway, as you can tell, I get verbose when I write. Just wanted to let y’all know that I’m watching the replies, I’m reading them all, and honestly, I’m not beaten and far from ready to “give up”. I’m not even depressed, I’m just trying to figure out how to change my stars (100 points to whomever can name the movie that comes from) with the limited resources I have. So, I’ll continue to work on it, and continue to monitor this posting and the site in general. My faith is still strong (even if it does waver at times) and I’m still ready and willing to get work done. Enduring and driving forward is what I do best. I just hope eventually I’ll no longer have to endure and drive forward through such intense and compounded difficulties.
One truth that I’ve found that I do want to share and that even in the darkest times, there’s some wonderful happening. If you look at it close enough, look at all the people involved, and look at the little things that may have been overshadowed by an event, you may just find that your path has been littered with the sparkling of diamonds of those people that were there to help you along the way. I have found, and do miss, some very precious and rare diamonds in my life and it’s because of them and the enormity of the gifts that they shared with me, that I am able to keep going. It’s how I know things do get better. I’ll make it through even this difficult time, and hell, who knows, I may be fortunate enough and be blessed to find a way to help someone else as well.
Well don’t worry about the dental sweetie…unless their buyin a horse for breeding stock, real friends dont care :P But like you say it’s just another dig at the self esteem. Now for the pain, even mild exercise is good, keeps the muscles strong and the joints more flexible. Will hurt but does help. Don’t worry about doctors, with that condition theres really not much they can do…keeping your posture as straight as you can also helps decrease some pain as well. And try the tylenol for arthirits and motrin…their over the counter and might be some help with mild attacks when needed. Not sure if their available in your area, I live in Canada and it seems our medication is a lot more effective here…odd.
And yes being alone certainly does make things so much harder, even the simpliest problems can seem huge when you have noone to share your feelings and concerns with. But we’re all here! :) Shout anytime you need to chat, even if abt nothing in particular.
The move that would save you money does seem like a good idea….yes that would be a bit of a nasty position to be in but….sometimes we have to do what we have to do. Sucks but that will change in time, in the meantime helping with finances will also improve other things. While living with them you can be on the lookout for other accomodations that come up when you’ve saved a bit of money aside.
I’m thinking you live in the states I’ll see if I can see any other ideas for that country that might benefit you as well.
And yes this will end and you’ll come through to a better future…in the meantime this all will leave you with enormous empathy for those in your current situation and you actually will understand how they feel and be able to help them.
As for the living situation if you do chose that option, your bedroom can be your sanctuary from dealing with it everyday. Your rooms clean and tidy and you have things in it that make you feel good…and of course your computer :)
Ok was just doing a bit of reading…now it seems the states social services and canadian social services follow the same sort of guidlines. Here if you need housing you need to prove your soon or are without housing then you get affordable housing or free housing depending on your income etc. Here disability pay does not fall under the same guidelines as income, it’s considered apart from that. So with disability here you would be eligible for free housing, nice places here too, not sure about your area. So same rules should apply there. If you need to show that you are without housing arrange to move to your other option but…dont mention and say start an argument with that room mate till your given notice that your to move out. Take that paper to social services stating you have no place to go and need a home. Stuck on a waiting list phone your M.P. in your area, that’s part of their job here to help with government red tape. Need be you can move to the other place temporarily awaiting housing, state your just on a visitation there and still need housing.
Just an idea…
There also is a seperate and if I read it right, you can apply for it as well…as a seperate means of help..
Section 8 Housing Choice Voucher program which also provides rental payment help. Seems to be seperate from social services you apply for it straight from the federal government and if your in housing where you still pay some part, might be an idea to apply for it as well. Be a huge help for financing and dentures or car, license etc.
Also check out local salvation army, goodwill stores and church organizations in your area.
I’m still thinkin … :)
Gov’t programs have to be the most vague and inexact crap i’ve ever read…anytime you wanna check something use wikipedia they explain it better. Now there is also Medicaid and Medicare…seems you can be eligible for both at the same time as well…odd system. But for the dental stuff i would chase after them about that maybe even call the Mp.P in your area….thats so much bs. And gov’t policies change all the time as you’ve found out, it might be just a matter of what a few months and go after them to fund the rest of the dental care they originally promised.
Now for employment all these programs have a limit you can earn before you lose eligibility…found out if your not sure what your limit is at all times, keep up on it as things always change. See if and what educational programs they have available to you. It’s in their best interest that they find you employment in a field you can manage with your disabilities. There are also a wide range of things you can do online and part time in several fields…might wanna check that out. Get your foot in the door, a home setup and internet employment that you can work in your time and leave if your not feeling well to take a break would be ideal. Something part time even could lead to more work and a better situation for you all round.
If you can’t get them to finish paying for the dental work they only half paid for…when you have a bit saved up towards that, check the local dental universities…some offer free work to help train the new graduates…their work can sometimes be better as well from what i hear.
Thank you Farjee for helping, especially since you are in Canada. Yes, I’m in the states, and yes, I currently live in a place where I qualify for both Medicare and caid, trouble is that the states doens’t recognize dental as a medical necessity for most things so Medicare doesn’t cover it. Additionally, with my gross disability pay (without the deductions), there are places that I don’t qualify for Medicaid, and again, places that Meidcaid doesn’t cover dental for adults. I spent years with very poor teeth that at times could make some of the severe AS pain seem mild.
I guess what I really need is just a support network of friends and family. The loneliness and feelings of isolation is what’s eating away at me every day, and what’s taking most of my energy away. The going at it alone wears me out rapidly (even the few posts I’ve done here has drained a lot out of me). Yes, grocery stores, parks, etc are good places to go to start rebuilding a network, but I’m dinged in so many ways as to why it’s difficult for me to decide to do that, one of them being uncertainty if I’m going to stay in the area. Housing, transportation, self image, finances, weariness all conspire against me and it’s what I’m fighting the hardest against. And as Blest stated, I’m trying to focus on the little problems, which for me are the housing, finances, etc. I know I begin to get one or more of those things to fall into line, the rest will cascade up to and including building a circle of friends and “family” around me.
Just facing a lot of tough decisions with no real good answer and throwing my form of a tantrum at the injustice to even be in a situation like this to begin with. I know I’m in a home stretch for this, that things will crack open as long as I keep trying to find sound solutions. I’m just tired of going at life alone and not just feeling like the odd man out, but actually being the odd man out. I’m that way because of both other’s and my own choices that I made to date. Wish I hadn’t made a lot of them (****, learning to live with some regret is also difficult), but they were made. On the upside, the lessons were learned, and I once more have learned a lot and when I get things a bit more stable, I can help others that find themselves in this situation.
Thanks again for responding. Just seeing someone trying to help does a lot to refresh a weary soul. Thank you all for the help and the words so far, it’s appreciated more than you know or I can articulate.
I’m not what you would call a religious zealot or anything but…you might wanna check this site..very pretty music and the poem is one of my favorites…hope you enjoy it too :) *hugs*
http://llerrah.com/footprints.htm
Anonymous
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2 years, 3 months ago (19 hours, 15 minutes after post)
http://www.charity-charities.org/char…
That link is to a directory of charities in your state. Find the ones that can give you what you are looking for.
You are able to earn money while on disability. Put your writing ability to good use. Sign up with some ‘pen for hire’ sites and ‘work at home’ sites like liveperson.com. Amazon’s Mechanical Turk will pay you money ‘on account’ or issue you a check if you sign up and do very simple tasks. The pay is lousy but it does accumulate and it’s better than nothing.
I’m sure you can turn your life around if you put the effort into doing so. You can start by being independent enough to search for resources on your own with the tools and suggestions that have been given to you.
The best way to meet people is to volunteer your time to a community group. You might find a social or support group that meets your interests or needs at meetup.com. If you don’t find one, you can start one.
Best of luck!
Just checking in…hope everything is slowly looking up for you… :)
Thanks, Farjee. Things are about the same except my determination is back up. Have some thoughts and ideas as to the steps I need to take, been doing a lot of searching (via the internet) for some solutions (hence why I ended up here awhile ago, lol) and have some promising leads. If they pan out or not, only time will tell, just a lot to do still and as you noted, it’s going slow which is sometimes the unbearable part. heh
Thank you for checking it, was a plesant (forgive spellings, touch of dyslexia) unexpected surprise.
Garou wrote:
Thanks, Farjee. Things are about the same except my determination is back up. Have some thoughts and ideas as to the steps I need to take, been doing a lot of searching (via the internet) for some solutions (hence why I ended up here awhile ago, lol) and have some promising leads. If they pan out or not, only time will tell, just a lot to do still and as you noted, it’s going slow which is sometimes the unbearable part. heh
Thank you for checking it, was a plesant (forgive spellings, touch of dyslexia) unexpected surprise.
I’m glad you are looking up and have some ideas. Let me encourage you to take one, 1, i mean only ONE step each day. And I’m going to take my own advice. ;) cause i have some changes to make and I am going to take one step every day until it is changed.
Yep, always checkin…still in my thoughts and prayers and I hope it starts the gettin better real soon. And yes the hard and most important stuff always does seem to take sooo long. They say patience is a virtue but I’ve always found it more of a pain in the azz myself :P
As for the roomies, just a thought just slowly start saying a nice pleasant comment as you walk by them or sit near them. Don’t worry about a response. Just keep it light and like make popcorn some night everyones watchin t.v. Just set it out and say popcorn anyone, it’s pretty good, help yourselves. Later if things start to improve with them you can just maybe make a light mention about how you were quitting smoking when you moved in there and your like glad you finally quit etc.
Yeah the internet does have some amazing resources, so handy, don’t know how I used to get along before it :)
Things to keep you busy in the meantime are also great, never let your mind dwell on the life crap, everyone needs a mental break. Find some hobbies you can do on the internet and go for walks in the park and stuff, looking at nature can be so relaxing.
All great advice from both of you, Far and Z. I take the steps, and honestly, sometimes I just stop and rest, but as long as I don’t go backward or stop for too long, it’s all good. I go as the momentum carries me, sometimes a whirlwind of activity sometimes an glacier moves faster. But, ultimately, I keep at it, too committed to this work to stop now (don’t think I even know how at this point).
As for the roomies, we’ve entered into a “balance” of sort. I spend most of my days in my room and only see them for an hour or so at most every day. They do their thing and I just try to stay out of the way and out of sight. It’s a lousey set up, but it’s what I got to do for the time being. I tried smoothing things out, but it seems that if I spend too much time talking to one of them in particular, one of us says something wrong and the other gets upset. Tired of that cycle and so I just choose to keep focused on the work I’m doing.
I do have a hobby that I kind of still enjoy. Probably would enjoy it more if it felt more like a choice among things to do rather than it being the only thing I can think of to do *laughs*. But, I do enjoy it, and it’s rewarding in it’s own right.
I really want to thank you guys, sincerely. Just having this place and a couple few people to talk with is nice and it’s something I’ve been missing. I think that was one of the major things that allowed me to get another wind and start trudging through this quagmire.
Thanks again.
Hey Garou, I added you to my friends list. Hope to hear from you in future posts.
Just thought I’d come by and update a bit. Not much has changed, but I have had a bit of vindication. A mutual friend of one of my roommates (well a friend of mine that had made friends with the roommate) was telling me how they had a bit of an issue. I won’t go into details, but that friend told me the things that had happened. They were the exact things that I have had to live with since moving here. I deliberately hadn’t confided in the friend about what I was experiencing because I didn’t want to sour that friendship.
But, when my friend told me what was going on, I finally uncorked and man, I feel some serious relief. Just wanted to share with y’all.
Good Stuff :)
Yep living around that kind of tension can seriusly suck. It’s human nature too for us to also think if there’s a problem must be us, usually never the case. Just step back and think, thank goodness I’m not related to them :P
Garou wrote:
Just thought I’d come by and update a bit. Not much has changed, but I have had a bit of vindication. A mutual friend of one of my roommates (well a friend of mine that had made friends with the roommate) was telling me how they had a bit of an issue. I won’t go into details, but that friend told me the things that had happened. They were the exact things that I have had to live with since moving here. I deliberately hadn’t confided in the friend about what I was experiencing because I didn’t want to sour that friendship.
But, when my friend told me what was going on, I finally uncorked and man, I feel some serious relief. Just wanted to share with y’all.
it is nice to have vindication and some confirmation that your experiences are valid. And now you have a place to vent too. Have you taken a step forward today?
Just checking in…hope everything is slowly but surely improving for you Garou. I know personally I’ve been working on some issues in my life and omg it seems to take forever and a day to get better sometimes.
Wishing you all the best and my prayers are with you….:)
Nothing’s really improved, I’m still stymied where I was when I wrote this originally. Everytime I make a little headway, I get knocked back and have to start again. Eh, maybe I’ll come back here and add some detail to the latest go rounds, just not up to it right now but didn’t want anyone to think I was ignoring them.
Garou wrote:
Nothing’s really improved, I’m still stymied where I was when I wrote this originally. Everytime I make a little headway, I get knocked back and have to start again. Eh, maybe I’ll come back here and add some detail to the latest go rounds, just not up to it right now but didn’t want anyone to think I was ignoring them.
sometimes life seems to be one step forward and two back….but keep your mind focused on the positive progress…don’t let the negative make you stop or stall…and in time you will be further than you would have been
Yeah don’t worry about it just post when your up to it…and we know your not ignoring us, never worry about that.
I’ve always found the saying money attracts money to be true….watched enough rich people just seem to get money so easily. Lately I’ve been trying to think positive sorta…I just think about anything good for the day that’s happened and focus on nothing but that and it does seem to work, seems to attract more good things. Even if nothing good happens in a day I’ll focus on…nothing bad happened so it’s a good day. When things get really rough it’s the time to focus on the basic like…I have a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, a computer to help me, internet to use, great people on Help.com to chat with :) etc.
I whole heartedly agree with that outlook, the positive thinking attracting positive changes. The obstacle sp> I was/am facing is when the positive thinking just seems like wishful thinking, hoping in pipe dreams as-it-were. It’s difficult to maintain that positive outlook when surrounded by so many difficult events. That being said, the reason I’m posting now is that the move is scheduled an preparations are underway. Critical mass was reached here (as I feard it would) and though the conditions I’m moving to are in some ways worse, they now seem preferable to what I’ve been enduring here. In fact as soon as I got the all clear, an enormous amount of stress just faded away. While I’ll be moving to a place where I face some old stresses, and some new ones, I feel that this is the best thing for me to do. I intend to hit the ground running and using challenges I will face initially as motivation to finally begin forging that life that I have craved for so long. :)
Sorry took so long to reply…been working at the positive thing. I try the chipping at little things some days. Like lately I’m into organizing things, everything seems so much simpler when things are organized. Closets, mail, desktop etc.
I’m also working on one of those *pipe dreams* and I feel since I’ve lost pretty much everything I have nothing left to lose. So why not :). Besides seems to me all the greats also had the worst hard times but they focused and just kept going then succeeded. Besides if what I’m working at totally fails….pfft who cares, I have nothing to lose left. :D But…if it works out..Fab! If not I’ll try something else.
So here’s to both of us and our *Pipe Dreams*…let’s just ignore the crap around us and work for what we want to make us happy. :)
Sounds like you and I both are in the same place. I’m still seeking a place to truly settle down and plant some roots. I have an idea, don’t know if it’ll work out or not, but I was happy again a few days ago, truly happy for a few hours. I know why, and I want to get back to that. I’m throwing my dice again, and win, lose or draw, I get to say that I keep throwing my dice. Sooner or later, I think I’ll win the roll, but if not, I’m content in that I don’t stop trying. Suppose it’s all any of us can do.
Garou wrote:
Sounds like you and I both are in the same place. I’m still seeking a place to truly settle down and plant some roots. I have an idea, don’t know if it’ll work out or not, but I was happy again a few days ago, truly happy for a few hours. I know why, and I want to get back to that. I’m throwing my dice again, and win, lose or draw, I get to say that I keep throwing my dice. Sooner or later, I think I’ll win the roll, but if not, I’m content in that I don’t stop trying. Suppose it’s all any of us can do.
i’m glad you had a day of good happiness. it’s about time things were a little more balanced for you. I’m glad you aren’t giving up…i agree we all just keep plugging along.
farjee
Blest