I seem to be having some sort of emotional breakdown.
I have allowed myself to become paralyzed. Perhaps I am withdrawing from my responsibilities out of fear of failure. I have felt overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by failure, by expectations, by value judgments placed on my activities. WHY do I care so much what others think of me?
I have rewritten this post at least six times now.
I am failing at life. I had suicidal thoughts recently. Thought it would be good to mention.
Feel disappointed in myself. I know that I’m disappointing my friend. I thought I was doing better, and that I would never fall into this again.
I feel alone. Lost. No solace.
I feel like I am being overly dramatic. I have been accused of this before. I know that in the past I learned that drama gets attention, and I do dearly need attention, but I do not think that attention is all that I need. I do not think that attention would be any more than a temporary solution to my issues. How can I tell if I am being overly dramatic anyway? How can I know if I am making up a dramatic situation for attention, or if it truly exists? Have they caused me to distrust my own self so much?
I feel insane. Like I am a bit of sanity piloting a largely fragmented mind. I have felt insane for a long while now. I have never seen a counselor, thought I have longed for someone to talk to, someone to listen, to maybe help me understand myself, my life, my emotions… to help me wort it out. But the stigma of needing a counselor, of having something WRONG with you… and then anxiety. Blah, I have typed too much already. I feel this post is at risk of erasure by me, so I’m going to click the button now before I have a chance.
Since writing this post Kalen may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Kalen is a verified member, has been around for 4 years, 11 months and has 29 posts and 1,655 replies to their name.
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