suicide help: I don’t really have anyone to talk to, so I guess this might be as good as it gets. - Help.com

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Listen buddy, your story has literally brought tears to my eyes, you sound like a wonderfull person! Its too bad that people take advantage of that. Listen, is it possible to talk things over with your friend that you owe the money too? Tell him the truth and try to work things out with him. He sounds gracious and like a nice person, I think he would understand if you told him what happened, and if you told him you are trying everything in your power to pay him back. Listen you are not alone buddy, I am also lonely and had thoughts of taking my life before, just recently I have lived with a beautiful and loving and fun family, which I loved being around. I was never happier living with my dad, step mom, twin sisters and brother. They are my heart and mean the world to me. But just recently I have been kicked and now I live in my own lonely apartment. They kicked me out because I have convinced my brother and sisters to lie about some things on multiple occasions. And my dad wasn’t having that and kicked me out. I was devastated and alone, it felt like my heart was forcefully ripped right out of my chest forever. But there is hard times in everyones life, and taking your life isn’t going to make things better. If I did take my life then my little brothers and sisters wouldn’t have a big brother anymore, and they would be hurt deeply because they love me so much, and my dad and mom would be deeply hurt for the rest of their lives, and my mom might have taken her own life as well if she lost me, she said that she would. And if you took your own life your friend would definately never get paid and he would think of you as a coward. A lot of down time, or idle time doing nothing is dangerous, so you must stay busy all the time doing something. If you need something to do then a good thing would be to volunteer to do things locally http://www.volunteermatch.org/?_kk=vo… this could kill of a lot of your idle time and give you a chance to meet new people and you might even meet a new girl friend, who knows? You seem like too good of a person to be taking your own life. Just make it through this tough time in your life, and believe there is light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to keep walking to get there, but you must not lay down and rest here in this dark part of your life, if you do you will never know the good things to come. You must believe this is true.

I am so sorry you have this weight on your shoulders - especially with still being in the grieving period for your dear friend - thats a lot for one person to cope with.
Please dont think anymore about taking your own life - Im sure your friend would rather have his friend than money.
What I would suggest is talking to him - he was good enough to lend you money in the first place - Im sure if you be open and honest with him as you have done on this post he will understand. And man will you feel better!! Just explain as you have done here that you wont stop until he is paid back. Take some pride in yourself - because lesser people would shrug it off! Very best of luck x