This post left anonymously
I don’t really have anyone to talk to, so I guess this might be as good as it gets.
Several years ago, I started a business. To fund the business, I took a loan from a friend. Eventually, the business did fail but I didn’t have the guts to tell my friend it failed and told him we were still surviving and I would be making an effort to pay him back the loan that he took.
He has been gracious enough to give me the time, and I have been trying all this while to make the money back to pay him whatever he loaned me. Unfortunately, things have not been going well. I got cheated out of payment several times over, and my lawyer always comes back and tells me it ain’t worth pursuing the matter as chances of getting any payment back from those clients is close to nothing.
I continued to keep trying but things just don’t seem to fall my way. Whatever I earn now is barely enough to keep me afloat.
I keep thinking about taking my own life. Feel like taking up an insurance policy and making sure my friend gets his money back, and I can be free of my responsibility to him. I don’t have anyone, and so I don’t think my passing would really be that bad. My ex cheated on me and so we ended it. My dearest friend passed away 3 weeks ago due to a blood clot in the brain. My other friend is overseas and we never ever get to talk. I have no family as my parents passed away over 10 years ago. It is just me.
I just want to return him whatever he gave. That is the one thing I want the most at this point in time. I do not wish to not pay him back as I feel it is matter of principle and responsibility.
I really don’t know what to do. I have tonnes of ideas but everytime I start on one, I feel the weight of the world on me and I keep second guessing myself. I come up with all the reasons why it would fail and simply not follow through.
I pretty much feel like I have been cheated on by just about everyone I knew or came in contact with. Whoever was around me, always wanted something from me. Once they got it, they left and I was there picking up the pieces.
I am not sure if anyone can really help me, but please help me find hope again. Help me find a reason to continue on this fight I have been fighting for so long. To have the faith and hope that I would be able to make it through this.
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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