friendship help: What stops people from changing themselves? - Help.com

fear of change…

One word: Fear

Fear of change, fear of what might be, could be, would be, fear of the unknown, fear you wouldn’t like what you became… etc. etc.

It’s easy to change actions for a few days, but underlying thought patterns and attitudes are much more difficult to change. Some of these things develop during childhood and it takes more than just short-term motivation to make a lasting change - it takes some rewiring of thought patterns and such.

Still fear, fear is one of the sole reason why many people never really live life. Fear of change effects both positive and negative changes.

Also, many people may want to change, but unless they truly buy into it - truly believe that they are capable of the change, then it’s prone to fail. People are also overly optimistic about how easy it will be and therefore do not respond well when things go downhill or when they hit a snag.

People don’t change. We become who we are, and any visible sign of change is just that, visible. The most change we can hope to ever accomplish can only be made on your own time, and according to your own progression. We’re like trees, at a young age you can be directed and shifted, but once you are grown the most that can be done is a couple clipped twigs and some leaves, but that tree is still a tree.

You really want to be successful? Accept who you are now, and hope to progress from there.

Well change can come with experience. I dont know your age. But maybe this “change” isnt something you are ready for. And until you are it isnt going to happen. May I ask what she wants you to do differently?

What do you believe stopped you from changing?

How are you sure that the problem is not her?

But did she ever accept you for the way you are? That’s what I would consider a good friend should do. And then, after understanding me and caring about me, trying to help me change. But never as a requirement for them to have a friendship with me.
I’ve found the best way to change a friend for the better is to just be a friend to them. Show them kindness, encourage them, help them do well. Not to give them advice really or act as an oracle, just show that you care. Did she try doing that?
If you do want to change for the better, it’s pretty much only you who can do it. Others can rarely force you to change. If you want to do better, find people who care about you and understand you, and talk to them. Learn what weaknesses you have and what strengths. And so on. It’ll take a long time, but it’s worth it in the end.