question help: Does anyone have experience with mental illness in elderly? - Help.com

if you find out let me know

That sounds like dementia, and you should start with a regular doctor. I have a long history of alzheimer’s in my family (it really sucks) and it doesn’t sound like that.

Hmm… To me it seems like a good idea to visit a doctor but… Elderly people are hard to convince. They see it their way and thats final. Thats how my grandma was. She wouldnt believe mom, doctors or even grandpa when we said she should go to the hospital or get sth checked cause it was abnormal. It was best to get someone she trusted uncoditionally like an elderly friend or one of her neighbors she loved to gossip with, to talk to her and convince her. Do you really think its a serious mental illness though? I hope it turns out that everything is ok :)

Z-Anonymous wrote:
she is an expert at playing the perfect patient and hiding what is really going on with the doctor.

With the above sentence, you described a major problem I’ve had with my mom for years. Throughout the years, my mom has turned “masking” into a science. When she was living with us and I was her 24/7 caregiver, I finally had to resort to having private appointments with all of her doctors, advising each of them of that tendency of hers and giving them the *real* scoop on her physical/emotional/mental health. She’s in a nursing home now and I’m finding that I still have to be the one to alert the nurses and the doctor when there’s something physically/emotionally/mentally wrong with her. When speaking with me, she’ll tell *me* what’s going on with her / what she’s thinking / how she’s feeling … when speaking with them, she’ll either clam up and say nothing, or she’ll tell them all is alright.

As to the rest of your post: again, you pretty much described my mom. When she started *really* aging - around her mid 70’s, my mom systematically started re-writing our family history to fit into her fantasy world and to create memories that she can comfortably live with. All negative events from my childhood have been erased from her mind and have been replaced with really happy (and imagined) events.

My mom’s diagnosis: Dementia.

As someone who spent *years* trying to correct? un-do? my mom’s fantasies and to re-insert? the truthful facts into her mind: In the end, I only managed to wear myself out - I never even made a dent in her self-created fantasy world. I finally had to come to terms with the fact that all I was doing was banging my head against a brick wall.

Except for knowing that there is someone else out there who knows first hand what you’re experiencing, I’m not sure that my reply is of much help to you - my apologies.

They say as we get older we revert to our childhood for safety and security. Imagine the thought of getting old and becoming dependent on others for everything and losing the dignity you strived for all your life. Your parents have passed, all your childhood friends are gone, your life long spouse is gone, your children find you a bother and never visit. Imagine telling a wonderful story about a time you enjoyed and noone around you has a clue what your talking about or they have no interest in the people you speak of. Who wouldn’t look to fantasy to imagine something better to give them comfort and elate the fears.
There are places and tests that can be done to diagnose issues caused by aging. If her problem is medical maybe it could range from a vitamin deficiency, dementia or alzhemers. It also could be a plea for attention if she’s feeling neglected and alone or unloved. Feeling alone and unloved or sad can also cause actually medical problems as well. Ever notice when your have a really bad week you also don’t feel good either.
A thought but, is her fantasy affecting her in an negative way, adversly affecting her health or making her behaviour dangerous. Maybe try showering her with more attention and affection or a visit to any older friends or relatives she still has. You can also check with the local societies in your area that would do testing on elderly persons, they could be less intimidating than a regular doctor. Imagine the fear of being tested by a doctor and found to have issues and face being put in a nursing home surrounded by strangers.