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I don’t know why, (or rather, I think I do, but not for certain) but I’ve fixated on The Period Talk.
Let me explain.
Short version; My mother was very distant when I grew up, more interested in her career than in children. I had this idea when I was about eight or nine, when I learned about periods from god knows where, that The Talk was this magical thing that brought mothers and daughters together in female secrecy. When I got a bit older my friends told me about their talks with their moms, and they usually included some sort of celebration. Not a party or anything, but anything from a special home made cookie or meal to a fancy restaurant. I didn’t want a gift, or cake, I wanted the bond. Someone to share this very exciting (in my mind) secret with, someone to welcome me into the world of adults, put me on the right path…
Needless to say, my expectations were high. What I got was;
“Did you get your period?”
“Oh… Congratulations, I guess.”
Then she just went on with whatever it was she was doing. I was stunned, and haven’t been able to let it go. To comfort myself I sometimes play scenarios in my head, fantasies, about having someone stepping in my life and becoming my go to person, a substitute mother so to speak. And usually the fantasies are about this talk, or rather, the conversation leading up to it. For some reason I can’t complete the fantasy.
I haven’t had an aunt, family friend or teacher to turn to about these things, and it feels like I’ve missed out. The facts I needed I found in other ways, but the important thing, the female bonding, never happened. That’s what I miss, and it feels like I need it.
In my current situation, there are no candidates for (lol this sounds so wierd) female bonding (parent/child-ish) in my life, and I have no idea how to find one, if it’s even possible. There are no support groups in my area and my shrink is not the right person.
My mother passed away five years ago this April. Maybe the anniversary is what is making me feel more alone than usual.
Do you guys have any advice for me? I would really appreciate anything, I feel I’m getting quite desperate…
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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