Love help: I am in love with a wonderful man. - Help.com

I agree with queen. If you feel that intense with dislike for his children, then you should reconsider getting married to the man. If he is persistant on you on breaking off the relationship, then maybe you should sit him down, and really let him know how serious this matter is to you. He needs to understand your feelings. I hope that all works out. Take Care.

I am a true believer in “Everything happens for a reason”. I can feel the love and admeration that you have for this man. How are his children toward you? Are they accepting? Loving? I really do hope that you are able to work out your feelings on this matter. =)

I’ll just echo what everyone else has said in a way: don’t make your decisions under pressure or without a consideration of your own personal health. I think you’re being really responsible about the situation.

I think u and him should just go and runaway with eachother

Do you think that u and him should just go and runaway with eachother ?
But also think whether it is worthty or not ?
If yes then go ahead.

Hi friend–nicely put letter. Yeah, can’t kids just screw up things royally when they want to!? I love this guy–he’s obviously a good fellow–totally romantic and unrealistic in love with you–foolish enough to think that love conquers all.
AND IT DOES–WITH WORK! If I were in your shoes–I would go to couples’ counselling for blended marriages. This is hard work to blend two families together.
But it is doable. It’s really hard when you only share his kids (thank heavens at this point) once a fortnight to really get to know them. It’s very likely these girls are determined at this point NOT to like you and if possible they will try to make your life a misery.
They might still be angry and hurt about their Dad not being at home with their Mom. You don’t know what kind of STUFF their Mom is feeding them about you either.
I was the visiting parent with two of my boys for many years and I know what pressures they received from their stepmom to not call me ‘mom’ and to not come over to see me. And it’s also likely if the girls (the twins) have an awesome weekend with you and your husband they might go home screaming monsters toward their Mom if they are still angry at the marriage breakup.
I agree with you husband–in time you can work this out and you will likely come to love his girls. I think you have a better chance of doing with this professional help–both you and your boyfriend together.
If you don’t resolve this issue now and deal with it, set healthy boundaries and rules, and a friendly relationship with the twins before you get married the trouble will likely escalate not diminish.

The fact they are nine and not yet teenagers is a good thing–way more easy to resolve emotional issues before 13 or so. I encourage you to get counseling or at least go to the library and get books on the subject of “Blended Families” and read them WITH your boyfriend. If he’s not willing to work with you together on this problem I wouldn’t want to marry him myself.
Sure hoping this works for you.
Blessings.

Hey Truth: Glad to hear about your decision to seek professional help.
You mention above your own teens cause you to want to pull out your hair!
Well, what other purpose do they have? Keeps hairdressers in business!
and mothers on their toes–Keeps Bayer, Tums, and the Liquor producers in business. OH, I forgot the most important one–CHOCOLATE!! Chocolate producers keep the world a better place–women’s answer to the wars of this world, in my opinion anyway and definitely the opiate for the end of a mother’s day. Be blessed in chocolate.

I just want to encourage you–you guys will likely delight in the discovery process that good counseling opens up. It should produce an even deeper intimacy between you both and teach you LIFESKILLS which you will be able to apply to the next crisis that comes up in your life after you learn from this one.

You will be running alongside kiddies for some years yet–how you and your boyfriend learn to communicate with each other, trust each other, come to mutual agreements re discipline and rules and standing fast with each other in them (Consistency is the quality that wins the war with teenagers).

I learned this from my counselor years ago “a teenager’s job is to individuate. Be a teenager and all that that entails ie. bucking the system, rebelling, coming home late, crossing boundaries, wanting to try new things way too soon.
Your job as parents is to stop them from self-destructing in this process
so that by the time they are nineteen they are able to be independant young adults. They have a lot to learn in a short amount of time.

Trust is something kids have to earn. It’s not a given. They need to earn it. That and choices. Good choices and not so hot choices–and all choices have consequences.

Good luck! Yes, my hair did thin out (a lot) during my fifth pregnancy and it never grew back in. My thirteen year old daughter nearly did me in–but it was the beginning process of MY growing up into the woman I am today. And I’m OK–surely a whole lot better than I was then.

God bless you guys on your adventure! And I love the way your guys agreed to ‘just go with you’ to counseling. He sounds like a nice man.
You will love his daughters eventually because I think you are the type of woman who fill keep on trying to ’see’ him in the twins and call forth the wonderful qualities he has out of them. You will likely become a port in the storm for them as they grow into your family.
Your own daughter will likely be jealous of your attention to them–but then again, nothing in life is easy! Go at it, woman! Your name IS
“Woman”. what else can I say?