Feeling help: a demon has trapped him and i cannot find the key to set him free. - Help.com

What’s going on?

madness is knocking at more door. i am standing here deciding whether or not to answer.

i have a chance to hide - but i am burning that bridge tonight.

there is still time to run…

but i can’t - i have to stay and keep trying.

even if we can never be together i can’t quit. and it hurts - so bad - i would wish i was dead - but i can’t leave him behind …. here suffering.

but slowly but surely the weight of it all is killing me - i can feel death lurking near - waiting to finally relieve me of my pain.

the spark of hope i hold onto is flickering and so faint sometimes i cannot see it at all….

please… talk to me… please

key word here, psychologist . . .

Stop speaking in riddles and say whats wrong in plain English!

Jebus Zeus wrote:
key word here, psychologist . . .

: (

been there done that - and now i have no money, no insurance… no help no hope no light…

i know no one understands… no one ever has.

why bother?

right?

Savosking wrote:
Stop speaking in riddles and say whats wrong in plain English!

i’m sry

it hurts so much.

everything is all my fault and i am so ashamed - i would not even know where to begin.

maybe living this way is just the price i have to pay.

living is the price, i couldnt have said it any better.

You’re really not making much sense, explain the problem in a rational, understandable way if you want us to help you.

i think the poster is partially insane due to the stress of everyday lunacy brought on by a society that has become a pond of paharia’s feeding on the souls of the weak.

Jebus Zeus wrote:
living is the price, i couldnt have said it any better.

this is what i have to accept;

if i can do this - at least it is something.

Jebus Zeus wrote:
i think the poster is partially insane due to the stress of everyday lunacy brought on by a society that has become a pond of paharia’s feeding on the souls of the weak.

i appreciate ur compassion. pain leads to pain leads to pain… leads to… scrambled eggs in the mourning…lol

bobosnickums wrote:
You’re really not making much sense, explain the problem in a rational, understandable way if you want us to help you.

sry - so little in this world makes any sense to me - no wonder i can’t make myself clearer. thank u for your feedback - maybe i will try again later when i am not so overwhelmed by my agony. but for now i just do not know what else to say.

its ok, im partially insane too lol. hehe

all you need to say is what is actually happening.

i just took a heavy duty sedative and am going to sleep now - finally

bobosnickums wrote:
all you need to say is what is actually happening.

yes - i got that the FIRST time you said it…. quit using your ability to see who i am to condescend to me - THIS IS A VERY DIFFICULT ISSUE - i thanked you the 1st time and i do not appreciate you interceding again and assuring others will not bother because you think only your way is the only way….

you MIGHT be trying to help - but i don’t believe it now

stay away from me

Hope you’re feeling fine.

Do ignore any criticism [even if you thought it may be possibly true from some angle]. You’ll need to learn that.

Some phases are weird. They need us to not stick to the conforming logic and ’sensible’ things. Even at the cost of sounding silly, you should get it out of your system. [Your post is anonymous, so that takes care of some possible worries.]

On another note, if we remove your disturbance for a brief moment and consider the words “madness is knocking at more door. i am standing here deciding whether or not to answer. ” - it is quite a visualization. Personifying a thought/emotion. Something like some lyrics I could find in some band. Some very intense thoughts can be expressed beautifully with such strong emotions.

Have you considered writing poetry?

All the best. I trust you’ll be able to take care of your thoughts and yourself.

You’re quite poetic in thought.

randomchatsmit wrote:
Hope you’re feeling fine.

Do ignore any criticism [even if you thought it may be possibly true from some angle]. You’ll need to learn that.

Some phases are weird. They need us to not stick to the conforming logic and ’sensible’ things. Even at the cost of sounding silly, you should get it out of your system. [Your post is anonymous, so that takes care of some possible worries.]

On another note, if we remove your disturbance for a brief moment and consider the words “madness is knocking at more door. i am standing here deciding whether or not to answer. ” - it is quite a visualization. Personifying a thought/emotion. Something like some lyrics I could find in some band. Some very intense thoughts can be expressed beautifully with such strong emotions.

Have you considered writing poetry?

All the best. I trust you’ll be able to take care of your thoughts and yourself.

You’re quite poetic in thought.

that is kind random - i AM trying to write and blocked… maybe poetry will help me… this was very insightful and generous - i will try that for a while now - i feel help in your encouragement…

Ah! You’re awake!

It will also help to doodle on a piece of paper. Just [ink] pen strokes.

[This is silly, but I used to sometimes watch the ink progressively dry after I ran it across the paper. Then I got self-conscious and stopped it :-)] Nice long curved strokes…

I was going to suggest a test [MBTI]. Then I checked your reply and said to myself ‘Wait, she is going through pain. This psychological test isn’t really going to help her.’ So I took that paragraph off. Also because your post seemed to be 9 odd hours back, so I thought maybe you’d be asleep or something. But now that I know you aren’t, I’m pasting the link: http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/dis….

This isn’t to check IQ, or some ’serious consequence’ type of thing. Though it offers a system [Enneagram] to define 9 personality types. About a million years back, it helped me get some sort of insights on some of my behavior patterns. Some things [after I took the test and read more about my personality type] made sense. Some things scared me too. So, if you choose to take the test, please, rather PLEASE, view the results with a pinch of salt…

randomchatsmit wrote:
Ah! You’re awake!

It will also help to doodle on a piece of paper. Just [ink] pen strokes.

[This is silly, but I used to sometimes watch the ink progressively dry after I ran it across the paper. Then I got self-conscious and stopped it :-)] Nice long curved strokes…

I was going to suggest a test [MBTI]. Then I checked your reply and said to myself ‘Wait, she is going through pain. This psychological test isn’t really going to help her.’ So I took that paragraph off. Also because your post seemed to be 9 odd hours back, so I thought maybe you’d be asleep or something. But now that I know you aren’t, I’m pasting the link: http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/dis….

This isn’t to check IQ, or some ’serious consequence’ type of thing. Though it offers a system [Enneagram] to define 9 personality types. About a million years back, it helped me get some sort of insights on some of my behavior patterns. Some things [after I took the test and read more about my personality type] made sense. Some things scared me too. So, if you choose to take the test, please, rather PLEASE, view the results with a pinch of salt…

thx - checking it out now - ur very kind - ur right i am hurting - so much, have been… and i do try to help myself, get help, i do things… it just never ends. i feel like i band my head against a wall convinced that it finally either fall down or knock sense into me - and i can’t stop believing i have to keep doing it because it is the only hope i have… anyway - im chking that out now.

leave him. you can’t save him.

What the hell 0.o
I didnt say anything about who you are.I dont even know who you are. Youre ranting incoherently and I come to try and understand what youre saying and get insulted?
stuff ya then. good luck with your insanity.

bobosnickums wrote:
What the hell 0.o
I didnt say anything about who you are.I dont even know who you are. Youre ranting incoherently and I come to try and understand what youre saying and get insulted?
stuff ya then. good luck with your insanity.

what about stay away from me did you NOT understand?

you cuss -

you call me insane, tell me to stuff it, say i am ranting and incoherent?

add a completely insincere “good luck”

are u just duller than mud… ?

oh - right - this is NOT about me and my pain - it is ALL ABOUT YOU….isn’t it?:

i cannot believe you are a mod.

Anonymous wrote:

bobosnickums wrote:
What the hell 0.o
I didnt say anything about who you are.I dont even know who you are. Youre ranting incoherently and I come to try and understand what youre saying and get insulted?
stuff ya then. good luck with your insanity.

what about stay away from me did you NOT understand?

you cuss -

you call me insane, tell me to stuff it, say i am ranting and incoherent?

add a completely insincere “good luck”

are u just duller than mud… ?

oh - right - this is NOT about me and my pain - it is ALL ABOUT YOU….isn’t it?:

i cannot believe you are a mod.

She wouldn’t have said anything if you hadn’t been speaking gibberish.

YOU WOULD THINK I HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS WITHOUT YOU ADDING TO THEM?

IF I COULD MAKE MYSELF MORE CLEAR DON’T YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE AFTER THE 1ST TWO - THERE - FOUR - TIMES PEOPLE TOLD ME THAT???

I SAID I CAN’T RIGHT NOW… UNLESS YOU CAN HELP ME WITH THAT THEN I GUESS YOU CAN’T HELP ME.

do you want to hit me over the head with your brilliance and insight one more time? do you want to tell me how righteous you are and what a loser and how lame i am?

go ahead - feed your need to be right - feed your need to be a know it all - if you can’t understand me then i must be mad… after all you are God’s gift to the world of wisdom and compassion and i am just some idiot who is in pain and i probably deserve it anyway….

maybe i will get lucky and die and no one will ever have to bother with my ranting and gibberish and whatever insults you want to hurl at me.

Anonymous wrote:
YOU WOULD THINK I HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS WITHOUT YOU ADDING TO THEM?

IF I COULD MAKE MYSELF MORE CLEAR DON’T YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE AFTER THE 1ST TWO - THERE - FOUR - TIMES PEOPLE TOLD ME THAT???

I SAID I CAN’T RIGHT NOW… UNLESS YOU CAN HELP ME WITH THAT THEN I GUESS YOU CAN’T HELP ME.

do you want to hit me over the head with your brilliance and insight one more time? do you want to tell me how righteous you are and what a loser and how lame i am?

go ahead - feed your need to be right - feed your need to be a know it all - if you can’t understand me then i must be mad… after all you are God’s gift to the world of wisdom and compassion and i am just some idiot who is in pain and i probably deserve it anyway….

maybe i will get lucky and die and no one will ever have to bother with my ranting and gibberish and whatever insults you want to hurl at me.

Did I ever say anything of that other than that you had been speaking gibberish? I would love to help you, but I can’t understand what the problem you are having is.

geez, calm down. if you don’t want to talk about something or to someone then stop replying to them. it only draws it out longer. no one’s calling you a loser or lame.

all bobo did was ask you to clearly state your problem. it seemed like you needed help trying to find words to explain your situation and she was trying to help you. and suddenly you start ranting about her being condescending and saying you don’t think she wants to help you and for her to “stay away”. i’d feel insulted too if i were her. i know this is a sensitive issue for you but some people genuinely want to help you and can’t do so until they have more information. if you just wanted to rant, you could have simply politely say that you’re ranting and aren’t ready to go into details yet.

Right. I guess we need to understand that ‘Anonymous’ may not be in a position to clearly explain/talk about the bits yet. As ‘Mynameis0zyPaulson’ noted.

So, now we know we are all getting deeper in the sand ourselves, though ALL of us intended to help her - which is why we all responded [’Anonymous’, please do note this].

So instead of adding to the number of people who will now start a rant [joking! - sorry :-)], lets pull back if it isn’t helping.

Peace to ‘bobosnickums’ and ‘Savosking’. I know you’re trying. Sometimes it just doesn’t connect. Doesn’t change my opinion of you wanting to help.

Or that we first need to comfort her - with whatever little information we have. At the moment.

i took the test - mostly individualist… then equally achiever, investigator, and peacemaker… i hope i can renew myself and transform my experiences somehow…

lots of salt : )

i can help others - but i can’t help myself - and yes, if i could talk about it better i know that would help. and i am sry - just trying to be clear makes me start crying and all i can do is curl up and hope sleep comes to end the waves of despair…

but interesting… thank you being constructive and interceding for me. i am kind of raw and overly sensitive. i know they are trying to help in their own way. i am sorry i can’t express myself better.

i worked on a poem too or i should say poem-like…

here it is:

breathing, thinking, wondering
it is definitely confusion i feel
as faithful as i am
temptation constantly
leads me astray
and i
pay

i actually wrote it in my journal - which has been sitting blank on my desk - for a long… time.

Ha! I’m an ‘individualist’ too! :-) Mostly.

Or at least I used to be… 7 odd years back!

“i can help others - but i can’t help myself” - are you talking about me? or you? :-)

Your poem seems to be your state of mind. I respect that. Let this be something you will look at MANY years later and smile. I sometimes read my diary from years back, and I feel nice about who I was. Defiant. Idealistic. Lonely. Stubborn. Liked/appreciated by others (who often ALSO tried to tell me the world is not how I look at things; hinting I should sort of conform too).

Your poem looks like one side of a wing. Just the outline! :-)

[I tried to draw an outline of those words using’/’ and ‘|’ and ‘_’ but the preview shows that all formatting has gone awry… But I hope you do see the wing outline of your poem.

And I was going to say, soar on them!

Then an inevitable internal dialogue happens.

And while the two voices go “Post it, it’s cute!” and “No, man! This is so silly! There will be people reading and wondering if you’ve lost it!” I’m posting before they reach a conclusion!]

Take care. I trust you’ll be ‘pleasantly shocked’ (I love these words) as to how much strength you can gather from random people.

i bet SOME people would say you make no sense…lol

i need to be encouraged - i am not brave at all.

to be honest - i am terrified.

i do not want to waste/ my life on a hopeless dream.

i do not want to die/ knowing i gave up on it.

i guess i would rather | keep trying and fail |then just settle and always wonder| if i could have made it…

ty

well you should figure out if it’s hopeless or not. the longer it takes for you to decide this, the longer you will float in limbo not knowing if you are doing the right thing, too afraid to stay? or too cowardly to leave? no doubt it’s a complex issues, but sometimes dreams are not what they seem to be.