Since writing this post swallowtail90 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. swallowtail90 is a verified member, has been around for 4 years, 10 months and has 7 posts and 97 replies to their name.
man oh man… what is he doing thats making you feel used??
Yeah, I would move. Things will only get more complicated if you stay.
ur right, but the whole situation should be taken into consideration before just packing up and heading out… i mean were they drinking and it just happened??? was there mutual feelings that just got out of control??? lots of ?s but the only likely solution(as unfair as it may be) would probably be to do like Chris says and move out…
Hi Lil Misses, we went on 4 or 5 very long dates and on the dates he said a lot of things (maybe just lip service but I can be a little naive) that led me to believe that he might have a small spark in his heart for me. After sex, he literally said that I am “fuckable” and that we were “in heat.” I have slept with very few guys and I feel totally embarrassed and humiliated that I misread him so thoroughly. When I told him this and also told him that I felt used, he had NO response.
I am really struggling with the situation because I absolutely love the home and I am also getting a VERY good deal on it. (also moving is a pain.) But the chemistry is still very strong and I am worried.
Hi Lil Misses, I tried to reply but help.com blocked my reply! sheesh.
to answer your second post, we were both sober. we went on 4 or 5 long dates and I thought that he had feelings for me, but after sex he said some things that sounded like he viewed it only physically. When i told him that i feel humiliated and used because i thought that he might have been starting to have some feelings for me, he had NO response. :( i feel like an idiot for having misread him so thoroughly. i have been with very few guys and normally i know what they want from me. in this case i misread the situation.
we were both sober btw. just a VERY strong physical attraction.
No, do not move… Se how it goes between you, and then if you can’t live under his roof you can move.. Just don’t let him use you. You can control your own life don’t let him do it..
gosh what a a** thats so not cool, and im sorry you are dealing with that… Such an unfair situation as i said before… guys can be so cold hearted… trust me i know, im dealing with a guy exactly like that, except at least he’s not my landlord… i would say that u should try to talk to him again and if he still doesnt see ur point then u should move…
thanks girl, i did talk to him one week after we had sex (we had sex two weeks ago and he was gone all week for work) and he said that he still really feels the chemistry, but all lovely romantic talk that he used to say before the sex was all gone. maybe i should give it just a little more time.
the one factor i didn’t mention is that he is always gone all week for work and he is only home on the week-ends. so at least i have the home to myself all week. that makes me think that maybe i can take a *little* more time to make the decision.
or you could also try some reverse physcology… lol.. that’d be interesting… give him a taste of his own medicine…sorry i now getting even isn’t always the best solution, and 2 wrongs don’t make a right, but sometimes it works
haha what do you mean reverse psychology, keep telling him that HE is a piece of meat? LOL… for some reason i think he might just LOVE that (sigh)
lol maybe he will like it lol!! im kinda sensitive with my words(not in bed-well kinda with my bf cuz hes a lil shy i guess u could say)but when i talk to my bf like a piece of meat lol he gets totally off on that lol!!
hahaha yeah this guy would probably love that too! agghhhhhh. if i was just looking for something physical it would be ok to continue having sex, but i seriously really like this guy. :(
thank you to each and every one of you who responded to my post! :)
Yeah, it sounds like he’s not who you thought he was. Well, you’re under no obligation to keep seeing him. But since he’s your landlord, that really creates an awkward situation. The choice is yours, really….
sorry for the repeat info in my earlier answers, guys, i thought it might take a really long time to get my initial 2 posts approved when it said that they were “awaiting approval”… help.com is fast! :)
no problem, maybe you should just give it a little more time… he may have feelings for you and just be afraid to admit it… maybe he doesn’t see it yet, but in time he will…
Don’t let him use you though. I had a situation like yours when I really liked this guy. He was so lovely before anything happened between us and then as soon as it did he completely changed. Guys tend to change their personalities so they can get girls (found out the hard way!). Don’t cling to the memory of how he used to be with you because that was most likely all for show.
you guys are all awesome, i feel way better. i will just give it a little bit more time and if things keep feeling so tough, i will probably start looking to move. if he has some feelings for me he has a funny way of showing it! sheesh!!
To me, buddy sounds like a real d!ckhead. At the very least he’s uncouth, but it seems more likely that he’s really disrespecting you. He might even be one of those insecure misogynistic types that like to ’seduce’ and then humiliate women in order gain a sense of ‘power’. I’d say to shut the door on buddy. Sweet words after sex are just as easy to say as before.. so what’s his excuse? He won’t even respect you enough to say a few of them. Sorry to sound so harsh, but that’s my POV. ..Willy.
He went from ’sweet nothings’ to ‘crude nothings’. He might be dreaming of an ideal situation for himself that entails having the convenience of a live-in sex partner when he is home on weekends. He saves time, money and gas! :P
It doesn’t mean he has no feelings for you. He might be trying to keep you at an emotional distance so he isn’t rushed into anything more than a physical relationship. I think you know that it’s very, very difficult to take a step backward after taking this step forward. Now that you have had sex with him, it won’t be easy to stay apart.
You don’t have to rush into moving. You have already told him that you feel used because you thought there was some potential there for a real relationship. You feel duped and who can blame you? Unfortunately, the actual conquest is the main goal for a lot of people. After they ‘win’, they aren’t so interested and they show their true colors.
It’s now up to you to be sure that you are no longer feeling used and humiliated by distancing yourself when he is around on the weekends. Keep yourself occupied with outside interests and friends. Actions speak louder than words and you need to show him that you are not weak, desperate and ‘in heat’.
I hope that you protected yourself so you won’t have other consequences to worry about down the road. I’m sorry that this has happened to you but it’s a very valuable lesson. Unfortunately, people don’t always mean what they say.
i would tell him u misunderstood his intentions and you don’t have sex with guys unless there is an actual relationship. I would say ur sorry, pretend to be polite about it, but you are looking more for a relationship. Then…DATE AROUND..u don’t even have to date around bring over guys to hang out or have guys pick u up or SAY ur going out with a guy even if ur not…then like go to a movie with a friend or something when he asks about ur evening say the new guy ur seeing took you out bowling or something idk…make if up.
thanks guys for the thorough reponses, very much appreciated. :)
and to the last anon, i read everything that you said very carefully and yes, i have been distancing myself somewhat. and we did use protection, i also came back into Seattle to get tested even though the risk is very low with protection. i was negative for everything but i felt good knowing for sure.
Lucky him.youre payin him for sex *smirk*
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