I’m having yet another mental break down
Between my new course, unemployment, being two weeks away from homelessness, I’m breaking. I have so much stress in me and no where to throw it. It’s getting worse every day. If I don’t have anything to do for even an hour I get extremely stressed and guilty, like I’m letting everyone down, that I’m lazy, pathetic. Useless.
If I see someone do a household chore I get guilty like I should have done it before they did, like they are now angry that they have had to do it. So I go and do as many other chores as possible. Then repeat the process as soon as someone does another. I go handing out resumes in town, then have panic attacks before I can really approach someone, half the time running away. I apply online and over the phone as much as possible to make up for the places I avoided in person.
My boyfriend doesn’t know what to do with me anymore. He tells me I need to try harder and really put myself out there for work. I just break down and cry. I’m scared so much now. Always afraid of the people I think are judging me, wishing I would go away.
So here I am now, after another fight with my boyfriend, not knowing how to deal with myself. Afraid and crying. Again.
Since writing this post The-Never-Ending-Why may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. The-Never-Ending-Why is a verified member, has been around for 5 years, 1 month and has 103 posts and 1,479 replies to their name.
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