friends help: I feel lost. - Help.com

Dump him, move on. It will be tough, but he doesn’t make you feel how special you really are. Go back to your old friends and rebuild those relationships, make new friends too. I really see any reason to continue a relationship with this boyfriend, he’s a loser, you ROCK!

Your boyfriend does not understand Anxiety, it’s obvious. Many do not understand and can not tolerate it. Though it is not acceptable if he is your partner.
His way of dealing with it, is not dealing with it!
So, instead of making an effort for your sake to understand it, he looses his patience…Not nice!
Have you thought of giving him an ultimatum -
either he learns ALL he can about the anxiety and accept that you DO need the medication -
OR -
you could say Goodbye, look at it as a part of your life that was, and get on with the rest of it (and very possibly meet someone who will accept and understand you!)

The other thing I wanted to say is, you would be better off going back on the meds. Speak with your Doctor to make sure on this first.
It is not worth going off the meds for anyone. You too need to accept that this is a part of the management.
Also, look into other ways, such as Cognitive Therapy…which if you persist does work well! All the best darling, EGx

Well ,all i can see in your letter negativeness. If you think you cant live without him, STAY…. On the other Hand,if you think you can do better… Remember for better or worth,by all means move on.. I truly don’t want to see you dragging 3 Kids behind you and having a Life of Hell. DECIDE……

Please leave him. I can tell you three years is not that long a time. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 12 years now.. I have never wanted to be with him - met him through work and liked him as a person but still felt rather disgusted with him as a man. To cut long and complicated story short - despite me trying to avoid him we ended up together. He’s a good man. I mean he never treats me bad, works while I’m staying home and doesn’t ever complain, he is just good. But no more than that. We don’t really share anything apart from a similar childhood and, interestingly enough, family/life case scenarios.
And I’ve been wishing to leave him - more like escape in the beginning as he really chased me and found me even when I went back to my own country - ever since.
I am only with him because I keep thinking he is a GOOD man and I’m afraid to be alone and perhaps due to my extremely low self esteem I don’t think I will ever meet someone to form a truly loving relationship with. In the meantime I’m now almost 40
and with him much older than me, my chance of ever having children seems to be diminishing greatly from one day to another.

I’ve now reached the stage when I probably really need to get some anti depression drugs as this helpless state of mind seem to be affecting the whole of my life and soon it may simply be too late to rescue anything.

I wish I had enough strength to do as I say. But since you asked - go make a move now. You’re most probably still much younger than me. Don’t waste your life. Leave the person making you unhappy and concentrate on making something good of your own life. They always say the right person will appear on your path sooner or later.
good luck.

Wow Your anxiety is more important then anything your boyfriend thinks or does. there is a reason you have anxiety its signals and tells your body when you can’t handle something. Now your boyfriend may be right when he says that you over react because anxiety will cause this. When you look at your life, who are you going to Liston to your boyfriend or your own body telling you bad bad bad I can’t handle this. just because your boyfriend doesn’t like your anxiety and it’s medication and your friends doesn’t not mean that you have to liston to him. anxiety is a hard thing to deal with, if your going to have a relationship with your boy friend he will need to realize that you struggle with it. now he was angry that he picked you up and then had to take you back home and go to the party with out you. Anyone would understand his anger but your anxiety and his anger have to be able to find common ground where they understand each other or there can’t be a relationship, because it’s just to damaging and will not work.

Not sure if this has been addressed, but please don’t let this situation introduce any self-doubt. We all are not meant to be outgoing people and it is perfectly normal to not want to go in a group [even if this sounds like an irrational fear - it is very true].

I feel socially anxious when I know there will be more people who I do not know in a group. I sometimes end up not going. Not that I have huge socialization opportunities day in and out, but this does cause some anxiety. And I still consider myself normal.

I think I’ll only have some suggestions while you have your internal dialogue:
- It is absolutely fine to be who you are - I think you MUST make your peace with that [like many other things you need to make peace with (can you identify some?)]
- Please do not beat yourself up when some situation goes out of control [I marvel at those who do NOT blame themselves when such things happen - they’re psychologically smarter]
- Whenever some anxiety surfaces, please ask yourself ‘why’ it is coming
[As an example (theoretical only, I don’t know what thoughts may run through your mind when things happen):
Is it because of new people?
Why? Will they make you feel uncomfortable?
Why? Do you get anxious when there are new people around?
Why? Do you feel you lack something - that you wish you had - which is robbing you of confidence? (What? would be a question here, for a ‘yes’. If yes, What is it that you seem to lack? (If it is something physical, you may not be able to change too much of who you are. So, to try and belittle yourself for any such thing only erodes confidence and esteem.)

Often, as sensitive introverts, we take up more responsibility [even more so when you’re a woman] in a relationship, than is fair. So, you hold yourself accountable for more than you should.

I’ve pointed this out to another friend once.

He has extremely high standards behaviorally, work-wise. When his subordinate gives flawed work for a review, he is extremely tolerant and patient. [Which IS very nice. Fair enough.]

But, when it comes to doing his own work [high standards too] AND if by chance there is some flaw [always a possibility], he will not feel so good. I don’t say he will beat himself over it, but the same tolerance is not quite there for his own ‘flaws’.

And you know what this is? This is a double standard. Not the way we usually accuse people of, but in a completely reverse way. That I hold the bar lower for others, BUT much higher for myself. So, I will not be treating everyone by the same standard.

I hope you get the point. I’m not saying don’t have high standards. I’m saying be tolerant of yourself when such things happen. Because the only one person who can really understand you is - you. You alone know your thought process, values, concerns, sacrifices made - that others have no way to gauge.

Hope this helps. Once you make your peace with yourself [as wonderful as you surely are], and ease that grip on your own neck, you will probably have a lot of life showing up in beautiful form.

Your guy may have too many things on his mind to explain. Often they won’t be related to you. Maybe friends teasing him about you, maybe things he wants to do, but feels tied down because he doesn’t have time [and thinks you are to blame]. I’m a guy and I can tell you, guys can be pretty weak and pass blame to the nearest plausible/believable reason, regardless of what the real truth is. Only a strong, respect-worthy man will admit to his weakness and confess he needs to do other things and talk it out. And most guys aren’t too good at sharing their lives. [Includes me.]

I’m sorry for saying this, but when you say ‘I’m scared of losing him’ sounds unfair. Because you probably value the relationship much higher than he does.

So instead of suggesting ‘breaking off’ or anything, maybe you can ask, if you were to die in the next five minutes, would you want to be with him at that time? That should hint to something.

[I’m presuming a few things, do correct me if I’m wrong. I doubt. Meaning deep inside you probably think this is a compromise. And that is a horrible feeling to have - that you are living a compromised life, far from what you truly deserve.]

Hope you will value yourself a lot more.

[I may be inaccurate in many things in this reply, because once I flow, I may include some thoughts that may not be true to your situation. Anyhow, a healthy internal dialog should help. Also the most crucial human needs - to love and be loved as you are.]

AND I also know sometimes it can be so tough. Waiting. For the right one. I’ve been waiting for 16 years now. And it is SO easy to give advice. You’d probably give me my advice if I posted your problem.

If nothing else, do know that that there ARE many on this site who care for you. And even of they can’t be there physically, they can give some shot in the arm.

Be strong! Even if you’re breaking inside. Take care lady.

We’re both in our eearly twenties, no kids. He finish college last year and I finish next year. I appreciate all of the advice, I guess its just decided if im worth being treated better than I do get treated. I feel as if I always give 150% and he gives 25% at best. He thinks im selfish when I put him before anything else in my life, sadly even in front of myself. If he’s happy I just do whatever he wants. He has made me change alot about myself, and I guess I feel if I leave the relationship I have compromised myself for nothing.

Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. And your point ‘and I guess I feel if I leave the relationship I have compromised myself for nothing’ is strong.

I wish you the best. Not going to add/subtract to anything now. But I hope things work out to the best. Yours. His. You Two’s.