Thought help: This is the first time I have done this kind of thing, so I don’t know what to expect… The reason for this post is my sister. - Help.com

my friends are like exactly like this but a bit older. they are twins and fight a lot. by one of them spending most of her time at her bfs it seams the distance has brought them back together

Yea, the only way to stop her is to fight back. It will be tough for a while, but when your sister realises your NOT a pushover, she will stop doing it. Seriously, our family and sometimes especially our siblings shape how we are and the decisions we make later on in life. This is a life lesson you should learn now. NEVER let anyone push you over like that, it is not good for your self-esteem. And you should tell your mum what happened - your version - calmly after your sister has finished her bit. If she tries to interrupt keep using The Apprentice line ‘Ehh Can you let me finish?’ .. and repeat.

I have the EXACT same problem with my sister. The problem is, I’ve already fought back for years. Horrible screaming matches. But what people just don’t get it that sometimes people just can’t be aggressive individuals if you’re not. I am a passive aggressive person. It takes a lot for me to loose my cool and when I do I really loose it. . .but that’s rarely. I hate loosing my temper because it destroys me afterwards, for years. I have to mentally recover myself continuously to go back to an “okay” state. But it’ll always bother me.

I hate that people tell me to fight back with her and tell me that “You just need to be mean and aggressive back to her”. . .because to me that’s basically telling me “You’re an apple but you have to turn into an orange to talk to your sister”. . .It’s just outside of my mental limitations.

Ontop of that, my sister always throws these things into the fight that aren’t even related just to break me down like “You’re fat” “You’re stupid” ect. . .I just can’t handle hearing that stuff because again, I’m always just trying to keep my mental state as far away from a depressive episode as possible.

So, after 21 years of fighting, I’ve just decided that I just . . .there’s nothing I can do. I will just wait for her to realize that not everything is everyone elses fault and people don’t deserve to be treated like army soldiers. Some people are more delicate and require that as well. I am leaving it up to her now to get help because I tried for years to help her out, but she always just put the blame on me or didn’t see how much I was actually trying. she knows I’ll be there if she needs be, but I won’t be behind the scenes anymore.I have my own problems to deal with.

from a parents prospective it sounds like your sister is hard to deal with and thats why you get some blame too. its easier to get on to you also because it probably calms your sister down faster. i don’t know how your mom would react so i can’t say exactly what to do but strangely enough i think a blowup of your own might bring things into perspective for them and i agree with slap that you really need to drive your point home with your mom she needs to stop just dealing with the outburst as they happen and give you more credit. your being bullied, your kindness and love are being used against you. i have 4 children and one of which is egocentric beyond what is typical for their age and their condition (not them) has caused years of damage to our family which again is not at all our childs fault. sit your mom down and talk to her about this, tell her what you told us, don’t wait for another blow up and brace yourself because there is a chance that if confronted these outbursts can be a whole lot worse. when our child is confronted with a lie or bad behavior it gets REALLY bad before it gets better.

Thanks for eveyone’s advice, I feel much better about it now, knowing it’s not my fault she’s like that. I don’t agree that violence is the way out, wouldn’t it just get worse & worse if I were to fight her back? (I’m stronger than her…) I talked to her about it last night and she doesn’t agree that she’s wrong. but at least I told her. I’ve never talked to anyone outside of my family about this kind of thing, so it’s wonderful to get all these replies and know that you guys care as well. I’ll try to make it better between us. Thank you, all of you…