Some time last week the new foster mom for our youngest
three children called my spouse and while they were talking she told my spouse that my son whispered or whispers i love you too when he’s tucked in. i can’t stop thinking about it because for the last few months before they were taken again i tucked him and his little sister in every night and told them i love them and i know thats why he did it. so i know he’s thinking about me and they won’t let me see or talk to them and its killing me. we lost them once and got them back so i did everything i could to cherrish every min with them because i was afraid it might happen again and it did and i still feel like what we had wasn’t enough, like i could have done more with them. i’ve been flipping out, snapping out in anger, i sleep in until five pm and i just realized its because i miss them so much and when they were taken this time it broke a piece of my sole just like it did the last time. i just didn’t realize it this time because it was different, they had no legal right to take them so i figured we would get them back soon or that its just damaging their case to be so obvious that this is personal to certain case workers but their still gone and they miss me as much as i miss them but they don’t understand and i can’t cope with them feeling abandoned or lost because i’m not there. i’m losing my wits and i’m taking it out on people around me. i don’t realy need any responses i just needed to tell someone so i’m not keeping it all inside and i hurt so badly for them and its affecting everything. i just want so badly to tell them i love them.
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