This post left anonymously
i cant even find words.
the only one i can think of is… anorexic. anorexic anorexic anorexic. the word circles round my head repeatedly. i’m certain i’m not anorexic… it’s just a bad habbit and when i’m back to six stone, i’ll stop. when i get the guy i’ll stop. when he calls me beautiful, i’ll stop. i’m dying inside. i have this knotted, hot, frustrated feeling in my chest and a lump in my throat. i need ot cry but the tears just wont come anymore. i’m a living cliche! the girl that no one notices, starving herslef because she has no self esteem left. it’s all rotted away, bit by bit, small pieces of me decaying with every ‘eeew nah i meant her mate was fit man… she’s angin!’ and ‘you know you really need to tone up.’ ‘oh you’ve put weight on.’ and every ‘wow you need to do some sit ups.’ i’m hopelessly in love with queen bee’s boyfriend, who knows about my issues with food, and he just sits and listens to me rant, sometimes almost allows me to cry in front of him if i only swallowed my pride. he’s sweet, funny and would do anything for those he loves… it just seems he loves me… just not in that way and it hurts. it hurts not being the pretty one, it hurts knowing the guys all fancy your friends and overlook you, it hurts that i’m doing this to myself but cant stop myself and i am terrified that i’ll never get out of this horrible spiders web filled with heartbreak and lies! i’ve given in,i’m accepting the fact i’m anorexic, im accepting that i will never be the pretty and he’ll never be mine. i cant do anything about it, i’m stuck here, i may as well get comfortable…
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