Love help: Opinions please… - Help.com

this answer can not be given.
if there is true love then things we find automatically.

Given unless something happens to take it away. Then it would have to be earned.

Well in a way, getting into a relationship in the first place is trusting someone to not play with your emotions, break your heart, etc., so in a way trust is given automatically. However, aside from the initial trust that is given at the beginning of a relationship, for me trust has to be earned. But for someone to earn my trust, they have to do something that involves trust, so it’s kind of paradoxical. Once I see that they can be trusted, then I can relax a lot more, and am more comfortable with trusting them. And this doesn’t just apply to relationships, but friendships and relations as well.

That’s a rather hard question, you know mmattis?

Personally, I believe trust is earned during beginning of the relationship and god forbid sometthing shakes those foundations later.

Trust should go both ways and earned over time.

Is it only me, or that question was triggered by a recent event in your life?

if u will ask about trust in relationship,it is very risky cos most people are not trustful,
if there is love then can be trusted but not sure about other cases

if u r with right man it’s ok,he will do something for trust
first check that man individually means his habits,sppech and small things in behaviour
otherwise it’s very big debate to tell about trust of person in middle age

mmattis wrote:
I truly believe it is a very individual opinion and ones opinion would be different from another based on the persons experiences in life. No?

For some people it’s an opinion, for others it’s simply a way of life. People often have trust issues due to being constantly lied to, betrayed, hurt, etc., so it’s not surprising that a lot of people have a hard time just completely opening themselves up to someone. I personally haven’t had very many of these experiences, but I’m still very cautious, especially at first.

mmattis wrote:
I truly believe it is a very individual opinion and ones opinion would be different from another based on the persons experiences in life. No?

It makes sense. Probably someone that never had his/her trust shaken will automatically trust someone, where someone scalded would not.

in this stage u will need person who understands ur situation and have same experience same time he should have interest in u.

mmattis wrote:

Yunikat wrote:

mmattis wrote:
I truly believe it is a very individual opinion and ones opinion would be different from another based on the persons experiences in life. No?

It makes sense. Probably someone that never had his/her trust shaken will automatically trust someone, where someone scalded would not.

Yes, I think its very logical. Maybe not the healthiest approach, but probably human nature.

The “healthiest” approach is subjective. You are not supposed to approach the subject in the same matter as someone that never had their trust abused in the past. ;)

Given that you are thinking about it, I’d say you’re dealing with it the right way. :)

mmattis wrote:

Pianosaurus Rex wrote:

mmattis wrote:
I truly believe it is a very individual opinion and ones opinion would be different from another based on the persons experiences in life. No?

For some people it’s an opinion, for others it’s simply a way of life. People often have trust issues due to being constantly lied to, betrayed, hurt, etc., so it’s not surprising that a lot of people have a hard time just completely opening themselves up to someone. I personally haven’t had very many of these experiences, but I’m still very cautious, especially at first.

Yes, I would say that I am of the betrayed kind. I don’t worry constantly about people lying to me but when a seed of doubt is planted is very difficult for me to trust and I put up a wall. I hate it. I want to feel like I did when I was 18 and love with an innocent heart again…

Well, in a way having that wall is a good thing. One day, you will find the guy that is willing to do anything to break down that wall, and he will be the one to make you feel like that again. It just takes time, you don’t want to rush into things. It’s tough to have to wait like that, but necessary. One day, you will either find him, or he will come to you.

It’s difficult to sustain a relationship without initial trust. It doesn’t mean you have to trust someone completely or with your life but you should give some level of trust. If you can’t do that, why bother entering the relationship where no trust or distrust is already a factor? It would be detrimental and cause issues that will feed upon each other until the relationship is destroyed.

Is everyone trustworthy? No. The ones who don’t deserve your initial trust will show their true colors down the road. You will know when something doesn’t ring quite right or doesn’t sound like the truth. Your gut instincts will tell you when something is wrong. That’s when trust is taken away. Sometimes it can be earned again and sometimes it can’t. That depends on many different circumstances on both sides of the equation.

I would never allow my distrust for one person to cause the next person to be prejudged for it. That simply isn’t fair.

1. Trust people till they give you a reason to doubt them.

2. Do not punish someone else for the hurt caused to you by another person. (So if an ex lied to you don’t assume that the next guy who walks into your life is also a liar and start doubting that person)

3. Trust once breached never really returns (you just learn to be mre tolerant but not trusting).

1. Trust people till they give you a reason to doubt them.

2. Do not punish someone else for the hurt caused to you by another person. (So if an ex lied to you don’t assume that the next guy who walks into your life is also a liar and start doubting that person)

3. Trust once breached never really returns (you just learn to be more tolerant but not trusting).

Anonymous wrote:
1. Trust people till they give you a reason to doubt them.

2. Do not punish someone else for the hurt caused to you by another person. (So if an ex lied to you don’t assume that the next guy who walks into your life is also a liar and start doubting that person)

3. Trust once breached never really returns (you just learn to be more tolerant but not trusting).

Very well said, Anon. I completely agree.

mmattis wrote:

Kitten_Ciao wrote:
It’s difficult to sustain a relationship without initial trust. It doesn’t mean you have to trust someone completely or with your life but you should give some level of trust. If you can’t do that, why bother entering the relationship where no trust or distrust is already a factor? It would be detrimental and cause issues that will feed upon each other until the relationship is destroyed.

Is everyone trustworthy? No. The ones who don’t deserve your initial trust will show their true colors down the road. You will know when something doesn’t ring quite right or doesn’t sound like the truth. Your gut instincts will tell you when something is wrong. That’s when trust is taken away. Sometimes it can be earned again and sometimes it can’t. That depends on many different circumstances on both sides of the equation.

I would never allow my distrust for one person to cause the next person to be prejudged for it. That simply isn’t fair.

Kitten, Thank you very much. I would like to say thought that although it might not be fair to but feeling from the past in the a present relationship…like so many things in life that are not fair, I think it’s human nature to want to protect yourself from the feelings of hurt and betrayal… Was it fair to have my innocence of thought and ability to trust openly away from me…NO. So I really do think this is all very relative to an individual nor do I think there is a wrong or right way to think about this topic.

I was expressing my honest opinion, mmattis. I’m not expecting anyone to agree with it.

Of course it’s all relative and it’s all subjective. You will deal with betrayal in your own way. I choose to leave betrayals behind me with the past and move forward without carrying them along like unwanted baggage that will weigh me down. I’m more comfortable starting relationships with a fresh, clean slate and seeing where it goes.

mmattis wrote:
I would like to say thought that although it might not be fair to but feeling from the past in the a present relationship…like so many things in life that are not fair, I think it’s human nature to want to protect yourself from the feelings of hurt and betrayal… Was it fair to have my innocence of thought and ability to trust openly away from me…NO. So I really do think this is all very relative to an individual nor do I think there is a wrong or right way to think about this topic.

What if every individual you meet treated you based on their past experiences rather than try to get to know you as a person… how fun would life be then.

It is human nature to protect ourselves, but it is also human nature to trust (it is a social emotion)… thats the whole thing to forming communities! Trust is the foundation of any group…
If we do not trust one another civilaztion would collapse completely… simple e.g. what if your boss does not trust you to do your job and keeps checking on you all day, would he/she have a productive day?

You need to believe in the goodness of Man, rmember no one really intends to hurt anyone or cause them pain- it is always the consequence of some poorly thought out action.

mmattis wrote:

Pianosaurus Rex wrote:

mmattis wrote:
I truly believe it is a very individual opinion and ones opinion would be different from another based on the persons experiences in life. No?

For some people it’s an opinion, for others it’s simply a way of life. People often have trust issues due to being constantly lied to, betrayed, hurt, etc., so it’s not surprising that a lot of people have a hard time just completely opening themselves up to someone. I personally haven’t had very many of these experiences, but I’m still very cautious, especially at first.

Yes, I would say that I am of the betrayed kind. I don’t worry constantly about people lying to me but when a seed of doubt is planted is very difficult for me to trust and I put up a wall. I hate it. I want to feel like I did when I was 18 and love with an innocent heart again…

I’m with you on that one I’m a very honest person and I say what’s on my hart but apparently I’m attracted to a certain people most of mu past relationships I have been lied to and betrayed. I’m married to one right now and it’s a bad place to be when the ones that are the closest to you and suppose to love you betray you. We have two grate kids together and I do my hardest to deal whit the situation. But I’ll never be the same because I honest and honer people I automatically trusted people to do the same.

Earned , I learned the hard way , don’t you !!!!!

mmattis wrote:
I do not agree that no one really intends to hurt anyone, that is just being naive. There are plenty of people out there that live to hurt others and is not simply a poor thought out action but is done with intent to hurt. (Ex. murderers, rapists, child molesters)

Let me explain what I meant… people do things out of their selfish motivation… their goal is their own pleasure/ satisfaction/ safety/ survival. Sadists seek to actually hurt but we don’t often meet those.

By innocence I guess you mean the lack of experience (of pain/ betrayal)… I do this excercise where I try to find the good in every person (no matter what they have done)… I feel its easier to trust people if you focus on whats good them… you may want to try doing the same.
I have had some amazing experiences in life in instances where I have taken blind leaps of faith… People can really surprise you sometime.

Anonymous wrote:

mmattis wrote:
I do not agree that no one really intends to hurt anyone, that is just being naive. There are plenty of people out there that live to hurt others and is not simply a poor thought out action but is done with intent to hurt. (Ex. murderers, rapists, child molesters)

Let me explain what I meant… people do things out of their selfish motivation… their goal is their own pleasure/ satisfaction/ safety/ survival. Sadists seek to actually hurt but we don’t often meet those.

By innocence I guess you mean the lack of experience (of pain/ betrayal)… I do this excercise where I try to find the good in every person (no matter what they have done)… I feel its easier to trust people if you focus on whats good them… you may want to try doing the same.
I have had some amazing experiences in life in instances where I have taken blind leaps of faith… People can really surprise you sometime.

OK, that makes seance, so a selfish person will will hurt people more often

we are all selfish- part of the survival mechanism. We do things to ultimately help us in some way.
E.g. I help people coz it makes ‘me feel good’. Would I try to help if I didn’t feel better as a result of my action- probably not.

The point I was trying to make is that when we are hurt we focus on our pain and hate the person responsible for it. We forget or don’t even think that this person didn’t mean to hurt us. A boyfriend who cheats doesn’t do it to hurt u- he’s actin on his urges without considering how that will affect u… Or he realises it but does it any way coz his pleasure is more important to him.

I trust what I can believe in and understand. People are natural, like gravity or wind, and I can trust that gravity will work for me sometimes, or wind, or people. It’s just that people are so very much more complicated. Anyway, it’s still as simple for me, I trust what I have actual faith or belief in, like gravity or wind, whatever is really true to me the most. So, I don’t tend to trust anything as complicated as people very much, and tend to be very alone, but I do try as much as I can to reach out to people and to have the confidence and courage to be around them.