girlfriend help: Why am I acting like this? - Help.com

why not? you told her it was fine. selfish? jealous? what’s your reasoning?

I would let it go…

i understand why you feel this way. after all that time, it was you and her together in your recovery. that’s a big deal. would it be wrong of me to assume that her remaining sober as well has helped you maintain your sobriety? its a huge support. to have it, tainted, somehow, by that one drink, no matter how reasonable it was or minuscule it really is compared to everything you have been through, it can still sting. her having the toast may have made you feel vulnerable, maybe indirectly? i now i’m making a lot of assumptions and i apologize for that. you two have been together for a long time, there’s obviously a lot of trust between you. all i can suggest is that you explain how you feel. let her know that it is ok for her to drink, but tell her how it affected you. she probably didn’t realize how it would affect you, and probably thought it would be okay because of the occasion.

but can i just say, even though i don’t know you, i can’t help but be so proud of you that you’ve made it so far. a friend of mine is an alcoholic… and he isn’t doing so well. he’s been trying to sober up for almost ten years, but after seeing him, i know that it is no simple task and you being able to make it so far and remain so strong is incredible. so, congratulations, i admire you.

fibr wrote:
thankyou for your reply, you hit the nail on the head, that’s how i’m feeling…
I know she never would want to hurt me, or damage what i achieved. She is the most helpful and supportive person, i owe a lot to her for what i have achieved. I suppose she just thought that since i told her it was fine those years ago that nothiing needed to be said, and she’s young and not an alcoholic, she has been so good to me that she hadn’t had anything for four years, so i feel guilty for being annoyed, and a bit of an ***, that’s why I’m not sure I should say anything, as she would be upset with herself. I think it was more the shock of it, she hasn’t done it since… so do you think i shoud still mention it?how would i approach i?

I wish your friend all the best, it takes a while to get out of it, so hopefully with time he will make that step.

i see what you mean, this might be one of those occasions where a silent forgiveness is best… but if it begins to bother you deep down inside, make your you try to sort it out so nothing bad comes between the two of you.

Have you talked about this with her?

I don’t drink. I’m not an alcoholic, I just never really developed a love for it. I was actually glad when I got old enough to say, “No thank you,” when people wanted to go “party” (translation = get completely wasted) The last time I drank it was about half of an eight ounce glass of lite beer and I got a headache. That was six months ago, before that it was probably ten years.

That being said, I have family and friends who have given me grief about it. One of my friends was horribly hurt I did not toast her wedding with champagne. She knew I wasn’t an alcoholic and her opinion was, “If you cared, you would have taken a few sips, just to be polite!”

Maybe this is what happened to your girlfriend, and she didn’t tell you, thinking you might be worried or hurt. (”Oh, I’m causing tension in her family, crap!”)

Or, maybe she figured you’ve been doing so well, that she can finally relax and have a few sips or even a whole glass of champagne, and it won’t torture you.