This post left anonymously
This is long because it is truely from my heart: thanks for taking the time:)
The rut is mainly self-imposed. I isolate myself:( I recently got away to North Carolina for a retreat from my home/nonexistent professional and social life here in MD. I have gradually pushed people away and stopped attending college classes. Kept changing my major. During the hot summer months, I stayed inside. Got into a little mess, cleaning that up now. Health-related, hope to God it will all be better soon! Before that, I made money by babysitting for a friend and other jobs in college, plus volunteering a lot. Got burnt out from lack of balance and no genuine support system. I live in my parents’ home, they have an unsuccessful and stiff marriage. Miserable example. They are from a different time and culture, and they did instill many values in me, but at times, I express myself as my own person. I am 22. Feel stifled living in the area which I grew up. It is a big city area, with plenty of opportunities, I am just anxious about putting myself out there.
When I went to North Carolina, I started to gain motivation. Started to think rural/country pace of life might better suit me. I even walked into 20 shops and restaurants to apply for jobs. Proud of myself for the efforts! I had a serious goal and possibility of moving to live there with my friend who attends grad school there. That was just 3 days ago. I have back and forth emotions, and trouble making a decision and sticking to it. I ask others a lot for their opinion on what I should do in my life.
My options are to:
1) save up money to move down there, and split rent costs with my friend, while sleeping on a cot in her living room(one bedroom apartment) Mom thinks I will be in my friend’s way, since she is focused on first year of law school, and I am still in the process of completing undergrad. She thinks me moving down there with my friend will ruin our friendship.
2) stay in my parents home, and live according to controlling rules, which make me sick in a way. At age 22, I should be independent. And I take responsibility for not being that way yet. It’s just stifling and quite miserable to be honest. Need a real escape.
Friends say that I take my parents for granted, and I am acting spoiled, when I should know better and just grow up. They have a valid point. Resorting to Yahoo Answers for advice is tricky, but please take me seriously. No rude responses are necessary.
I don’t want to be scared of taking risks in my young adulthood. For instance, in NC, I had an opportunity to work at a restaurant, but I did not have proper black shoes to wear. Had to call and turn down that PAID opportunity. And another thing, this might seem immature and mis-prioritized, but I kind of felt a “connection” with a manager’s friend who was applying to work there the same time as me. My curiosity about him is intensifying my reason to potentially return to NC. I also was required to bring the car back to MD since it belongs to my mother. She did not know about me going to NC on a “road trip.” It was random and spur of the moment, but I needed an escape. I am not in college at the moment, and am applying for jobs. Trying harder now that I saw what I was capable of trying in NC.
I know I sound confused. Why don’t I just settle down in my home state, start a part-time job, relax, and make friends here? We will just have to wait and see about my job opportunities, have an interview on Monday at a department store, and also going in today to a Walgreens store to finish part two of my application. All while living at home, being timid around my own family and all people. It sucks, not a fun feeling believe me. If you were in my shoes..what would you do? Do you relate to any or all of what I wrote?
Also, could I possibly worry too much, and be unfocused in my studies? I feel low self-confidence about returning to classes right now, but the loans will be after me soon enough. So my time to reflect is a luxury for a short time period(until next semester, then will have to re-enroll in classes or request deferral).
I do need to eat better, am interested in possibly studying Nutrition(my chemistry background is not strong), or Tourism/Hospitality.
Also want to get out there and walk in nature! I do enjoy it when I get motivated/have a walking partner.
Advice greatly appreciated! And have a lovely day/weekend!
* 23 hours ago
My prayer habits are faulty..when I practiced them earlier this week, I felt so much peace and contentment and motivation..now being back in the rut, it feels almost like I am limited/back to my depressive habits. I don’t want it to take over! I have been told that I act too serious, yet at other instances that I am not serious with my life. Haha, what a conundrum! Which is it?
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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