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I am a high school senior, and am applying to colleges right now.
Within all the forms and paperwork, there is another problem-my dad. I understand that there are many people with worse problems out there, but, seriously, he destroys my self confidence. He loves and supports us, but demands good results (grades, awards, and housework) while yelling at me for taking so many AP classes that are not engineering related, like History and English, and doing much better in those than my math classes. He still hits us as punishment, and, seriously, has these man-PMS days-no joke- that are often the most difficult to deal with. I went to school last year after he verbally berated how I sucked in Calculus AB (I got a C in the first semester, a B in the second, and a three on the AP test) in the morning. I went to class crying that day, and was too ashamed to tell my friends what was wrong. My mom is nice, but a complete pushover. Now that I am applying to colleges, he is a control freak, and yelled at me for not getting my essays checked by my English teacher and threatening to punish me if I don’t meet his goals. I don’t feel that it is right to punish a 17 year old like so-I don’t really have privileges I can get grounded from, as I am already very restricted, like a nerdish freak, because my parents demand academic success and plenty of familial duties. He is the one who causes the most pain for me in my life-looking back, even in elementary school, 80% of the times I cried trace back to him. My parents want me to apply instate only, citing cost issues and feeling that I am not responsible enough, at the same time my peers and teachers tell me I am way too serious for my own good. I just can’t stand living at home for another 4 years after high school-my parents tell me my grades are not good enough for most schools further away, and because I want to go into engineering (due to my own genuine interest, not their pressuring), I believe I will have great difficulty looking for a job without work experience and with this challenging major, meaning that I will be dependent on my parents for college. I want to become myself, yet still be free to pursue my aspirations-how?
I am sorry if this is just a complete waste of your time, but help is greatly appreciated.
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