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sorry to here about your accident sounds bad and I hope you are alright
Thank you. I was taken to the E.R. but allowed to go home. This morning I had to go see my dr, because I was swelling in my abdomen and my back and sides are hurting real bad. They did a catscan to see if I may be bleeding internally, but they didn’t see anything. I’m going back tomorrow for more tests. Its hard to breathe right now.
Tapdancer, we are so sorry you had to experience this trauma. Thank God you are alive. Your anger response is perfectly normal, all things considered. We know the man that hit you and ran, with no regard for your well being, is an irresponsible, self centered moron. That goes without saying. The only thing positive we can see in all of this, outside of the fact that you lived through it, is that your suppressed feelings of anger from the loss of your parents has surfaced now because you are ready to take them on, validate them, and turn them into something positive, a motivating force in your life. Perhaps this will point you toward your true purpose in life. Something to consider. In the end you will somehow have to get these anger feelings to a manageable level so you may then entertain the thought of forgiveness which will free you from reliving past traumas over and over again. At that point you will truly find peace in you. God Bless Tapdancer.
I think its great that you articulated all this verbally, THAT alone is probably going to do more for you than you realize. It IS normal to be angry about all of this and I know that you will bounce back and be the person you are…..
Hi there Tapdancer.
Just happened on to your post. Sorry you are in so mach pain and hope you get better realy quick. Take your anger out on the person that did this to you, if it helps to stop him doing it again. I admire your courage. Keep fighting you know your not alone. I wish I could help more.
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AND another thing…. there are Jerks and idiots on every corner in America…. we have to co-exist with them unfortunately… but the best “revenge” is a life filled with serving others and enjoying what makes you happy…. I KNOW you will move on….and continue to bless those who you touch
Thank you candp. I guess yesterday was an awful day. I kept thinking how I come on here and try to give encouragement and support to those with problems and yet I myself wouldn’t admit I had issues. Was my advice a sham that I gave?
I’ve felt something building in me lately as May nears. It will be 2 years since they died, and I guess Tuesdays accident lit that fuse that was slowly growing in me.
Yes, I hope now I can deal with what I didn’t want to feel before. I don’t know if I could have gone on like I have if I had stopped to really feel the hurt and sadness and anger that was in me.
I work a full-time job and go straight to school getting home in the evenings to study and go to bed. All of my free-time is spent volunteering to help others. I didn’t leave myself room to feel anything in me, did I? I’ve just been running from what I didn’t want to feel. So thank you for sharing that with me.
Thank you Thepp and Starbuddy.
The best counselors are those whose spirit has been or is being forged in the fires of adversity!
Never been here before in my life untill right now and saw your post.
Two books will help you get over the anger you feel inside.
One is Healing Life’s Deepest Hurts by Edward Smith, and the other is The Ancient Paths. I know the title sounds weird but it’s not. Together they will weave a tapistry of healing that will restore your joy and love for others and life.
you can find them either on abebooks.com or at Family Foundations.
http://www.familyfoundations.com/
Tapdancer, you are a survivor and that is how you made it through this far. Whether you have issues or not you are always able to share positive loving advice to others because of your innate ability to survive. Don’t ever question that. That is a beautiful part about you and that is why we know deep down that this is a necessary speed bump in your recovery process. Please don’t hesitate to let us know if you need to talk or work anything through. We know you can do this.
I like the sound of the titles mystrategicadviso so yes, I am going to find them and read them. I do hope they will help, and thank you for caring enough to offer some help.
Thank you candp. I will remember your offer of help if I feel I can’t let go of what I feel inside. I’m glad you believe in me.
In May, I want to return to where my parents accident happened. I think if I go there now and let out what I feel inside, that maybe it will help me let go of the anger that is building in me.
Do you guys think that is a good idea? I just feel it is something I need to do. Please tell me what you think?
Just like to say that helping others is not a sham but a great strength.
If all of us could help one person every day, the world would be a much nicer place to live in.
It isn’t hiding from your anger but coping with it. You just get better and keep on coping the same way you have been up to now. Its nice just knowing you.
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Thank you Thepp. I will remember your words of support.
You are worth much more and it is pleasure.
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We think it’s a great idea if you are physically able. Take someone with you that can drive you there and to have a shoulder to lean on but face this alone. Have them stay in the car for support but we feel you need the time alone to face your demons. For all the power, Carol and Paul
Thank you. That is what I’m going to do. I’ve thought about it off and on htis past year. I feel its the only way I can let go of the anger.
I have some close friends who will go with me and help me. I couldn’t go there alone, because it will be too emotional for me. In some ways its like stepping backwards in time, and yet, like you said I have to face those demons for they haunt me continuously inside. Thanks Carol and Paul. Take care.
Tapdancer, you are in our prayers!
Thank You all.
I have to go now, but if anyone wants to reply please do so. I’m in alot of pain, but I can’t lie down cuz it hurts every where plus I’m having problems breathing. My bed tonight is going to be a recliner in my den.
I was told if my abdomen continues to swell and I continue to have problems breathing to go to the E.R. and have them notify my dr and the drs who attended. They said there still may be some internal bleeding going on although they can’t see it yet.
So good night everyone and thanks again for you help. Bless you all.
Dear Tapdancer 21,
I just saw your post and my first prayer is that you will be ok physically. In terms of your anger, all of the suggestions made before are excellent ones. I can not relate to the specific anger that you are facing, but I can relate to suppressing feelings. My wife, after just six months of marriage, came to me and said it wasn’t me, she just didn’t want to be married anymore. For a full year I was in survival mode, just trying to rebuild my life, and then, when I think God thought I was ready to deal with it, all my feelings toward the divorce hit and paralyzed me in self pity, self loathing, and an extreme lack of confidence. I didn’t leave my room for 2 weeks. The way I dealt with those feelings, and any overwhelming feeling I have is to pray and also to find someone to talk to. Personally, it works for me. Especially find someone in a similar situation, who has dealt with the same feelings with you, and share them. Someone said that it’s hard to go down a new path, but if you have a guide it becomes much easier. Let them guide you. Years ago support groups sounded corny to me, but now they are a Godsend.
In terms of anger, to me the key is to be in control of it, not let it control you because it can destroy so quickly.
Tapdancer, you are a wonderful person and I think your reaching out to this group is an incredibly positive step. You are my friend and I wish and pray that the best will happen for you. If their’s anything I can do, let me know.
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hi Tap .are you ok now .i can imagine that .you are suffering a lot right .but time will wash it up .i do not know if you can understand my English .as a friend I wish all the good things with you .be happy e*eryday .my key board has broken .i can not input that letter take care
Tapdancer, I’m sorry that I did not see this post sooner. It does look like you have found some great advice though. I think Candp has some pretty good suggestions. I’m also sorry that you found yourself in such a situation. However, your O.K. That’s a LOT to be thankful for. I have lost friends and relatives to accidents. Most of them alcohol related. My way of dealing with it was to get involved in law enforcement. However, I urge caution when people talk about tougher laws. We don’t need tougher laws. We need enforcement of the laws that are already in place. I would suggest that you contact your local court house where this guy will be appearing for arraignment. Ask if you could speak with a victim’s advocate. Tell them what you have told us. Write out a victim impact statement. Be sure that the Judge sees it. Tell the court exactly how this dirt bag has affected your life, and why. This should help you to deal with the issue a bit better. If I can be of any more help, please let me know. God bless. I’m glad your alright.
hi are you ok now .i am really care about you .
Jesus christ chicken I’m so sorry all of this has happened, in such a small space of time. I’m no religious so I can’t say things like God is watching or anything but I can be a good friend and I believe in the afterlife and the best thing I can say to you is your mum and dad were watching you and they made sure you didn’t die. You can find solace in that they are always watching, making sure things go ok, and they were obvuiosly there for you that day, so keep smiling, vent the anger, there is NO harm in being angry, and feel assured that your parents aren’t angry at the people who killed them, they are just happy you are ok.
Chin up misses!! Love Sarah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Your un-insured motorist coverage, as you know, will cover the damage to the car. Also, injuries to neck and back may not show up at first. These are usually whiplash type injuries that may require therapy etc. Your policy will pay for these medical bills. Also, there would be coverage for liability for loss of wages etc.
If you have any problems TD, let me know. So glad that you were not seriously injuried.
Take care….
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I am sorry this hapend I know it can be a scay thing
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TD, with your injuries, you should get a good settlement out of the wreck. Don’t sign NUTTIN…See, you will be dealing with your company for liability. Keep me posted.
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I am really sorry to hear about this, but very relieved to learn that at least you didn’t have to go to a hospital. It’s really amazing really. Count your lucky stars.
My only real comment is that car accidents are increadibly traumatic. I’ve been in three. (Oddly, each time I was at a complete halt at a stop light when somebody came up from behind and smashed into me.) Sometimes the shock of it all creates a numbness that delays the emotional reaction, but they do freak everyone out. So I guess I’m saying that you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. I thought you were suggesting that that you were maybe a candidate for extensive psychotherapy - but it might not be the case. The parallels of your accident with what happened to your parents naturally make you think about that particular loss. But I’m not sure this is because you didn;t adequately deal with their deaths. After all, even if you do make peace with it, I don’t think anybody ever quite stops getting emotional over the loss of close family. That always stays close to the surface and there’s nothing wrong with that - as long as it doesn’t go so far that you can’t live your own life. So I guess I saying you should just give yourself a few more days. See if you still feel so emotional and shaken up after a week or two. And if you are, then seeing a therapist or grief counselor might actually do some good. In the meantime take it easy on yourself. You can get a lot of benefit just from talking to close friends.
If you need them, here are some links to Oklahoma City counselor directories:
http://www.thecityofoklahomacity.com/…
http://cms.psychologytoday.com/usnews…
And don’t forget that if you have a regular medical doctor, their office might be able to refer you to a good counselor.
I’ll be thinking of you and wishing you support.
By the way, I like the practical advice Qzzzz is giving.
Mr. Hide
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EG | 2 years, 9 months ago (15 hours after post)
I’m really sorry for you Tapdancer , and i almost know what you’re going through .some punk attacked me and my sister and little brother,i was about 13 . he got out so easy and nothing happened to him after that . to be honest , i still feel angry about that ,but that punk don’t even deserve my anger ,because anger is energy , if you don’t let it out wisely ,it could destroy you . i wish i could do any thing for you to recover quickly and feel no pain , but i can only pray . i’m sorry about your mother and father ,my father died too in a similar thing ,but it’s destiny it was his time that’s all.i hope you get better soon ,and remember that GOD will give you alot of good things for being such a good person , thank you tap.
Matt
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US | 2 years, 9 months ago (15 hours, 11 minutes after post)
Hey Jo,
I am so thankful that it seems you are not seriously hurt! I think you are angry first of all with yourself because you insisted your parents be at your graduation. You are going to have to lay that down at the feet of Him is able to bear it for/with you. My hope and prayer for you is that when you get past these initial emotions, after being in your wreck, you will hate the evil action that this person has done, but forgive them and not hate them. That you will bring them to justice, but forgive them remembering the mercy that you have received. Also, that you will also forgive the truck driver in your parents accident and not hate them. That you would also allow God to work in you to release you from guilt and hate.
Love, your brother, Matt.
Well at least you are still alive =D well just get him to court and stuff, and meanwhile get a gigantic stressball and stab it and get a punchbag and voodoo doll and all the typical stuff that should help hopefully (i havent actually tried those, but i suppose they would)
J, I’ve heard you talk about how you have dealt with the loss of your parents. No, you haven’t done anything wrong. You’ve been quite strong. Very admirably actually. You kept yourself busy instead of sitting in a pit of self-misery. For that, your parents are proud of you. You are focused on your future. To be the best daughter you can be, regardless of whether they see it from a home, or heaven. How could they not be proud of that? You devote what little free time you have to helping others in their lives. Your path has been difficult, but you’ve made the best of the situation.
You are handling your loss very well. Much better than most could.
You have learned the most valuable lesson that you didn’t die with them. You are still here. Feeling the pain of a loss so major will, and should never go away! But in time it will get a little easier to bear. You will find your memories of them not only bring a tear to your eye, but a smile to your face at the same moment. Each anniversary of their passing should make you pause.
The accident you were involved in has brought up feelings you have suppressed for quite some time. Face them, know you are strong. And know that even the strongest have moments of weakness. You have every right to be angry with that man. But don’t forget to count your blessings here.
1) You are suffering minor injuries compared to what could have been for an accident that severe
2) Your eyes were spared; I can only have faith that there is a reason for that.
3) Its making you deal with suppressed feelings concerning the loss of your parents. (It hurts, it doesn’t feel like a blessing, but there is a reason those feelings are there.)
4) This criminal was caught! And no one had to loose his or her life to catch him! Maybe your accident prevented the loss of someone else’s parents.
5) You pulled perfect strangers together for a common goal. (Unintentionally of course ;-)The ones that helped you, and the ones who refused to let the driver of the truck get away! That amazes me!
6) You’ve been working very hard for years; the bed rest will do you some good! Not that you will take advantage of it though. Working on your design at home and trying to help others here on this site. You are truly amazing women mind you…. I’m not trying to down you. :-)
My point is simple. God has a plan for your life. It’s not easy to see when things are going well, much less when things aren’t. But this too, has a purpose. Regardless of whether you see it, it has a purpose. Your feelings of anger, resentment, hurt, hate…. they are all natural for you to experience. It’s OK to feel the way you do. What makes you who you are isn’t having feelings like this, but how you deal with them. Talk to God. But talk to your parents as if they were with you as well. Vocalize your feelings. They will hear you.
My brother was killed in an accident. He was sitting right next to me. We were closer than most siblings, and he died, right in front of my eyes. At first I only felt numbness, all I was was a moving form, crying and thinking, but nothing more. Then I felt anger, beyond anything I had ever felt. The guy who had killed my brother, I wished terrible things on him, and that was wrong of me, but I didn’t care.
You will never be through with the grief, or thoughts about loved ones. With that anger, approch it. Embrace it. Your anger at the driver, and any thoughts must not even annoy you, or you will be murduously angry again. Don’t think thoughts about him, think cool, smooth, soothing. You may feel alone; I sure did. Feel alone, that’s fine, but know that you are not. Talk/complain to someone if it helps, but you are not entiteled to it.
Reach to yourself, not the driver. You have a kind heart and a wonderful spirit. Go to that, not him. He is no longer your problem. You will probably still feel overwhelming anger, don’t try to make it go away. Work through it, through anger, love, loss…
tapdancer i am sorry about what happed to you and i am gald that you are “oK’ I do not know why this has happened bad things do hapen to GOOD people you may never forget the pain/hurt that you have suffered at the hands of others
please i am not glib about what you feel however for yourself, tou must forgive them. if not the hate/anger will eat YOU alive from the inside what was done WAS WRONG no question.
talk to jesus ask for HIS help it will take time it is not something that can be forgiven all at once THE LORD says “vengence is MINE saith the LORD i will repay Please give hime your anger and tears he will heal you,
I am here if you want to talk send a shout LOVE you little sister rob:-)
Well everybody has given you fantastic advice, I thought I would pass along some cheer. Hope you are feeling better soon!
Listen to my words. You know me. I am The Fronde. I am the voice of the blood-eternal, one and the same with the same with the ever-circling cosmic flow. Your being has become too forward-shifted. You are like a ship that is carrying too much sail, only you are carrying too much “head”. This leaves you over-exposed to the emotional currents that are swirling around you. I’ve noticed this for some time.
This may not be the sort of help that you expected to receive, but this is what will heal you. Get over your sweet self and stop using your missfortune to curry sympathy from your fellow human beings. Take your “jag”, your modelling career, your dance-troupe, your jewelry business, your literary pretensions, and your overwhelming ego and just GET REAL! I am sick and tired of watching you flout yourself under the guise of helping people. Your posts to help.com have been little more than personal advertisments since I met you. Now it must stop.
I am not saying this to hurt you. I’m only saying it because the truth must come out. I would be rather attracted to a woman possesing your attributes, if it weren’t for the invincible shell of self-aggrandizment you build around yourself.
I have no doubt that the other posters above who are giving you sympathy are well-intentioned, but they are not what you need. What you need is a healthy reminder of your own conditionedness, sister, and I think you just got it.
What’s that? No one’s ever talked to you this way before? Well suck it up, baby. Your life must go on. You may want to be there for it.
wow
Reading your post gave me a sick feeling in my stomach Tap, I really hope you are ok. It angers me just sitting her thinking about someone doing that! no insurance, no license! I hope that he gets what he deserves. Let me know if you need to talk or help with anything.
Dean
Hey there taps.
All I can say is that God has challenges for us. For you you lost your parents, in a horrible. Losing people is hard to go through ecspecially if their your parents. I know this is hard, but God makes people to make things harder, one thing I happened to read in my bible was ” And now thee shall suffer just as he will have died on the cross” We all are going to have tough situations. Some suck way more than others. As for me you know my life story I’m stuck carrying the world on my shoulders. And even though your parents died you must carry on too. You may be mad but you must forgive that person that crashed into your parent;s vehicle. Also you must accept that fact that your parents are dead but they are probably so gald they raised such a great daughter. They know that you are here to say and that you are cattying on safe and sound. So just thank god your still here living and breathing. Yes you may have scars but your life has been saved. All we can say anymore is thank- you.
I am so sorry for what happened, it happened to me, except i was the only person who survived in my car. My family was lost, grandparents died 6 years before, so now I’m on my own. I had the same thing happen that happened to you, the anger and stuff, but I took a different turn. God told me in my dream to pray for the guy, and go visit him in jail. I did. The second the person saw my face, he broke out crying, saying he was sorry. At that moment I wasnt sure if he was faking, or not. But I trusted him, and said it was ok and that I forgave him along time ago. This was the moment I figured out he was telling the truth, for he had the happiest look on his face. Thats my story, heres my advice:
Do as I did, find him in jail, pray for him, and talk to him. Tell him that he should pray alot, and visit him monthly.
Tapdancer21: I’m so sorry to learn of your accident! Your anger is likely best described as RAGE and even tho’ it feels totaly scary, anger is a healthy release. Unfortunately for us human beings, it feels safer to be angry than to feel the pain which is hidden underneath the anger.
But that release of anger is a good thing. It is scary tho’–it feels like you are being carried away by it. Now–how you deal with it is ‘the question’. Firstly, it seems you are limited by your physical injuries for a while. Rest and recuperation is important. Destress your life as much as you can. Grief work is the hardest work you will ever have to do! It takes courage to get up in the morning–and NO, you don’t have to COPE any longer.
You are given permission with what you have been through in the deaths of your parents and grandparents to grieve–to not COPE with life–you are allowed to become a soggy ball of tears and anger for some time. You need to take some considerable time off to work through your pain.
There is a healthy way to grieve–but no one else can tell you how to do it. You can outrun it by keeping busy working and also by concentrating on fixing the world, but eventually the grief will catch up with you.
I strongly encourage you to find a grief counselor–you need a place to go and let it all hang out. Your grief and feelings need to be validated. Unfortunately in our culture we give people permission to grieve for about six weeks and then think they should be ‘back to business’ as usual.
Also, as a postscript–I wish it were so–you can’t rush this process
by DOING.
There is no prescription–just walking through each day–sometimes focusing no further ahead than one minute at a time.
You need good friends around who understand what you are going through–good friends will encourage you to talk OVER AND OVER AND OVER again what happened, what you are feeling, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. That’s what good friends do. They don’t need to fix anything–just listen!
I think with what you shared with me, you’ve been feeling the need for a new expression–through painting. Dance is excellent (anything physical which allows you to vent physically and sweat). I found journalling was my biggest comfort. I would talk to Jesus about everything–even when I was SO ANGRY at God I still talked to Jesus–He always comforted me.
I encourage you to go into Christian bookstores and look through their
Grief Section of books. There are amazing books written by people who’ve had huge losses–who didn’t become victims–but are survivors with amazing wealth of treasure gained through the fire of their losses.
For myself, and I’m praying it will be the same for you as the years pass–I would never want to go through the loss (or a similar loss) again but at the same time I wouldn’t want to be the person I was before the loss.
Each time I found a new book it was ‘exactly’ the answer I needed for where I was at! God speaks through people, His word, books, music and this beautiful world around us. He’s always talking to us if we could just ‘hear’.
Love you, little Tapdancer21. Praying for you. Oh yes, the #1 thing I learned in grief was EVERY SINGLE DAY even when you don’t feel like it
you need to do something NICE for you.
It sounds trite; but for me it was a ‘bath bead’ from the Body Shop for my tub every night (cost ten cents each). It was a luxury we couldn’t afford that well but I did it for me. We can talk again–I hope some of this helps your hurting heart today.
Love you!
I will help you. I’ve been through almost the same situation as you did only I got off with almost no injuries.
Okay… I sent another shoutout. Did you get it?
Thank God your ok. Try to meditate. It works for me.
Xx-Bow-xX
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GB | 2 years, 9 months ago (2 days, 18 hours after post)
when emotions bild up so bad, people say its a little monster in your chest. You need to scream, i know this sounds wierd but, in my anger management, i was told to:
1) get a pillow, sqish it to my face, and SCREAM,
2) then beat the pillow up
3) cuddle the pillow
it will make sense, once you have the little monster out, talk to someone close about your feelings.
I’m sorry to hear about your accident and I’m sorry to learn there are still irresponsible drivers and hit and runs.
I’ve experienced an “accidental” loss as well.
One of my closest friends died of cancer. Well, kind of.
She killed herself because she didn’t want to fight it anymore.
I was angry as well and mad, mad at the doctors for failing treatment, mad at her for giving up, mad at cancer for pushing her into doing it.
I’ve been depressive after that until I found out a “cure”.
I’ve decided to fight everything I was mad at, and try to keep those things from happening to other people.
So I’ve raised money for cancer research, and volunteered for suicide prevention.
It helped me to help others and I could finally use all this anger for something.
Each day I feel I come closer to coming to terms with that anger.
And it’s like a revenge. It’s like killing what killed my friend.
It worked for me, I don’t know if it can work for you.
You could try fighting against irresponsible behaviour on the road, taking part in prevention, fight for the victims’ rights and fight to make sure recidivists are punished.
I don’t know, I think it could help you feeling better,and it could make this feeling of helplessness due to accidental loss go away.
I hope you’ll find a way to cope and to get better.
Hi there Lilly.
I would like to say I admire the way you stand up and fight.
I have come to the conclusion as well that to fight for the things that are right is the only way I can sometimes cope with the things that matter to me.
It’s nice to see that a number of other people on this site are very much the same. Yours and their strength helps others to become or stay strong. I just felt I had to tell you This.
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thank you Thepp, I appreciate.
It actually started off a selfish goal, trying to find a way to cope. But now I found out I really enjoy helping others.
Helping others helps me get better everyday, about all the things I’ve been through.
I guess I use my experience to help others and to find a sense to my life, to feel even though I didn’t deserve them, the things I’ve been through will be useful to someone else.
Yes perhaps it is selfish to start with, but it is what it turns out to be that matters. It helps me to look inside my self to find the best that is there. Then to share that with others is the best any person can do.
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Exactly. After all, you have to take care of yourself to take care of others.
Thanks for talking.
I am going to try to go to sleep for a while. I am extreemly tired.
Good night and look after your self.
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Thanks to you Thepp, I’ll be going to sleep as well, as soon as I’ve checked all the notices I got while I was away.
Good night and take care.
dang that guy was a real b*tch, hope your ok and hope he goes to gail for a while… may peace be with yuor soul,
C-ya, alexroy51
Good Morning, Good Afternoon or Good Evening,
This is Monday, March 5 2007 at 111:20 a.m. I’m just signing on and catching up on all of the replies posted here. If I haven’t thanked you for your reply, then I will so so in your shout box.
I appreciate all of the replies above. I didn’t come on here Friday. I stayed in bed and slept. I got out my Bible and read the scriptures many of you referenced to me in your shouts and personal e-mails to me.
I prayed alot on Friday and asked God to help me find forgiveness in my heart for the guy who caused my parents accident. I also prayed for forgiveness for myself. I woke up feeling better on Saturday and much better on Sunday.
Thanks also for those of you who shared your personal stories of tragedy and loss and how you coped with the feelings that arose from your loss. Those words I found especially comforting and very very helpful. More than anything, its the anger I felt that truly surprised me.
I had attended a grief support group for awhile after my parents deaths. I called the grief counselors there on Saturday morning and spoke with them about what I was feeling. Its a man/wife who run this support group. They came to my home Saturday morning and prayed with me and for me.
I’m returning to the grief support group to work on the feelings I’ve buried thus far over the death of my parents. In many ways, I can say this accident has some good outcomes and has been an eye opener. If it hadn’t happened, then I would be continuing on pretending that all is well in my life.
In May, I’m returning to the state of Colorado where the accident happened, and I hope I can find peace there and let it go. I’m also going to meet with the parents of the guy who hit my parents head on. I found out from my lawyers that the parents had requested to meet me personally a few months after the accident and before the lawsuit I filed against tham came up in court. My lawyers didn’t tell me, because they felt I wasn’t ready for that. I wish they had let me make that decision back then, but it all moot now.
So a meeting is being set up, and they still want to meet me and talk to me. I feel thats going to help them and me to let go of the heartache and sadness and for all of us to move on in our lives. Their son died that day as well. He had 4 other young people in his vehicle ages 16, 17 and 18, and they all died that day.
So I needed to tell all of you thanks, because you all helped me tremendously including Fronde. I was upset with him at first, but now I understand his position and that he spoke those words out of caring about me. And in retrospect, I needed to hear them, needed someone to be hard with me to wake me up. It took me a few days to understand that, and so I ask all of you, don’t be upset with his words to me. I’m not. Fronde has been a friend to me on here, and it was a misunderstanding on my part.
So take care and God Bless all of you.
I love you all.
Jonetta
On an added note:
The parents of the guy in my parents accident have had to attend parent counseling and also attend AA meetings. They also were ordered to work with youth groups like SADD and with MADD and share what happened as to the accident with other teens.
They have 2 other sons who were following in their brother’s footsteps as to drinking and drug usage. One of my issues was the parents taking responsibility for what happened by allowing their son to have a car. He had previous DUI/DWI’s as a teen, but the parents still bought him a car and allowed him to drive.
I didn’t want his brothers to be like him, and I told the court if they all got help now, perhaps it would save another family in the future. If I didn’t care about the family or the other 2 sons, I would have let it all go and walked away. I couldn’t.
So the parents have been doing what the court ordered them to do, and I hear the whole family is close now, that the 2 sons are attending school regularly, making C’s and B’s where before they had F’s or were ditching school to hang out with their older brother.
I don’t hate them like I thought I did, and I want to tell them how proud of them I am. Oft times out of tragedy comes a success. I hope it is so with his 2 younger brothers.
What are your plans on dealing with the guy that hit you? Is your insurance going to cover you?
Oh yeah…..I happy to hear how things are coming about for you! How are you feeling, physically I mean.
I’m happy that you’ve listened to everybody about praying to god, things like that. Now, if you still want to, try visiting the guy who hit YOU in jail, see how that goes.
Good luck :D
Awesome report, Tapdancer21! Glad you are surfacing again! You’re a courageous young woman with a big heart. It’s a difficult journey you are on but even now, as you’ve said, there are starting to be good things come out of your family’s tragedy. The Lord promises to work good through ALL things. It’s the waiting for them that’s the hard part!
Glad to hear you’ve connected with your grief support people. Please take the time right now to heal physically– one day at a time. I know you will find joy simply because you’re that kind of girl.
God bless you. You know you are such a blessing to others! Any person who’s walked through a similar loss who’s following your stories–we’d take our hats off to you and toss them in the air.
Yay Tapdancer! We love you.
My insurance is covering everything for me. Gary is my lawyer, and he found out that the guy who hit me has more serious warrants out on him from the state of Texas. Gary said the guy is likely going to be extradited back to Texas on those warrant.
The guys parents have offered to pay personally for some of my medical costs and to give me money for another car. I do appreciate their offer, but I don’t want their money. Gary advised let them help, but I don’t feel right taking it.
Is it wrong of me to refuse their personal offer of help for what their son caused? Would some of you tell me what you think of that? Gary can advise me, but I’d like to hear different perspectives.
As to how I’m feeling, I’m getting better each day. I’m still at home. I should be able to drive soon. They rechecked my left eye, because it feels like there’s something in there but could find nothing. It is swollen so perhaps there was a shard in it that came out on its own and just scratched it. My right kidney is bruised really bad, and thats a source of some of my back pain. My abdomen swelled, and they checked again for internal bleeding. My abdomen is banded tight because of the broken ribs so it was hard to breathe when it swelled up. It scared me in a way. Other than that, I’m okay. I’ve never had whiplash, but my neck, head and upper back hurt even to move them or turn them. If I try to turn my head or do it too fast, I get nauseated. I figure I’m healing, though, and with each that passes, I’ll get better.
Thanks for asking animal.
I’m thankful the airbags didn’t go off. I know airbags are good, but the way my car squished together, I think the airbags would have really caused some major injuries in this situation.
Ry_Salye, I don’t think I will visit this guy. I appreciate your thoughtfulness there, but I think in this situation it won’t help. Thank you anyway for suggesting it.
And Holly-eden, thank you for your kind words. I’ll be sending you a shout to thank you personally, ok? I’m happy you’re back, though.
So take care everyone.
Well, my advice… Take it to God… yes I am a Christian and proud of it. Leave it in His hands. ^-^
Wow, take money from his folks. That’s a hard call. If not having the money will hurt you financially, then take it. God works in mysterious ways. If money isn’t an issue for you now…i.e., you can pay your bills for the duration of the healing process, then I probably wouldn’t take it. However, if that is not the case, then you need to understand that pride isn’t a factor here. Its not your call how his parents handle the situation. In fact your rather blessed that they care enough to even offer.
Here’s a joke that I love….
Big storm, the whole valley is flooding and on evacuation orders. A christian man sees the water coming and goes to the second floor of his house. With the water continuing to rise he ends up on his roof. His neighbors paddle by and offer him room in their boat. The man declines stating “God will save me!” The water continues to rise. A search and rescue team arrive and offer to take him out of the storm on their boat. The man declines stating “God will save me!” With the water continuing to rise the man is now on is chimney. A Coast Guard helicopter spots him and sends down a rope ladder. The chief yells down begging the man to board the helicopter. The man again declines screaming “God will save me!” Shortly afterwards, the man drowns.
When he arrived at the pearly gates he met God. Crying the man asked God “Why didn’t you save me Lord? I was faithful to you wasn’t I?” God replied “I sent two boats and helicopter for you, why would you turn them down?”
Wow, I’m glad you are ok though…
I think you should accept the parent’s offer to help. Not only for you, but for them. It is something they also need to do. I thank God that you are OK, though you must be in a lot of pain. Will be thinking of you. God bless.
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i don’t know what to say all that i had a crappy day
I don’t know what to say because everyone covered everything
i think that this is one of the longest posts on help.com, i hade to roll my mouse wheel 35 time so that i can read the most recent post!!
Hey tulpipumpki, how are you my young friend? You don’t have to say anything. Just the fact that you replied means alot to me, ok? Thats a form of showing you care. I read your other reply above, and that helped me alot.
I also want to tell my other young friends on here that replied with helpful advice or just encouragement by sharing your stories with me like hotsox42, Listy Misty, Schwornes and tulpipumki THANKs. You guys amaze me by your level of maturity and wise words, and I have alot of admiration and respect for you. Its so nice to see young people caring and helping as you do.
Hey alex_roy51, I know what you mean. I kept hitting my scroll on my mouse to get to the bottom. It made me smile.
I am sooooo sorry Tap Dancer21!
[As you know] I thought I was having a bad day, but now I realize I wasn’t. Your situation is a lot worse than mine. I am soo sorry about your parents. I also hope you get better!
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thats supposed to be a flowerr haha
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Thank you. I am on the way to better. Thank you for the flower and for your caring words. Take care.
I am so glad you are okay. My parents were in a car accident a few years ago.
My mom had a broken pelvis and 3 broken ribs and had to stay with me for
about a month to recover. I hope you heal quickly both physically and in
your heart. Its good to let go of anger. I like taking walks to let go
of anger. And praying it helps so much. Best wishes in a speedy
recovery.
Glad you are doing ok TD. Sorry I’ve not been much of a friend, but my prayers and thoughts were with you.
Please pray for JoJo. We have not heard from her in two weeks!
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Thank you cmfleming11. I appreciate your help.
Hi Qzzzz. Thank you, and yes, I have been praying for Jojo. She is one of my favorite people on here, and since I first read your post about not hearing from her, I have been praying. Let me know if anyone hears from her. Thanks
Hey once again lol,
Well if your ok and all I’m glad cuz this topic scared me so much! But I’m glad your doing ok and everythings going pretty good at least and I’m glad I could help.
Sincerely,
Bethany
Hey Bethany,
I didn’t mean for this to scare anyone especially you young people. Yes, you helped me alot, and I do hope things are going well for you. I’m healing and getting better each day that passes.
The part of Oklahoma City I live in is a suburb on the far northwest side called Bethany. Funny, isn’t it? It has its own school system, but we’re surround by OKC on all sides. So the bigger school district around us has 3 high schools. Tomorrow I’m having students over from the 3 high schools and Bethany High School. These students all volunteer around OKC plus they’re active in SADD which is why I know them all. Once a month I provide the meal at a homeless shelter. I don’t cater it. I cook it all myself, and believe me, it gets hectic cooking for 500 people. Major stress day…lol…. So the students asked their sponsors and their principals if they could do it for me this month. Its their way of helping me right now so they’re all excused from class tomorrow to come here and prepare the meal. I have a huge kitchen, and because I love cooking for people in huge numbers, I have alot of huge pots/pans/utensils.
The students planned the meal, and this evening they’ve all going with their parents and sponsors to get the food. I called the markets to let them know the students were coming and what was needed so they can sort of have it all ready for them. Each group is getting something different, and we worked out who will make what. We worked out our time schedule, because it all has to be down to the shelter by 3:30 for set up to serve.
I’m looking forward to tomorrow. For the first time since I started doing this, I get to sit back and supervise…lol… Its going to be fun working with the teens tomorrow. They are getting credit for this plus volunteer hours. Its going to be the students to serve the meal tomorrow. No adults. The teens wanted it that way. So their friends, who aren’t involved in SADD or in the volunteer program at school, are going to meet them downtown OKC to help serve the meal. I wish I could go with them, but I can’t.
I work with teen groups from time to time after what happened to my parents. I believe God led me to these young people as a part of my healing process. So you and the other teens on here, tulpipumki, have been a God send to me. If I can help any of you, I will. I think our role as older generations is to reach back and help the next generations find their way into adulthood in positive ways.
So you take care, and keep me updated on how you’re doing, ok? Remember I told you awhile back how proud I am of you and how mature you are for one your age. I still am. Jonetta
too long post ::: ! couldn’t read all of it
are you ok now ?
Hi Amebaid.
Yes, I’m going to be better. I’m having surgery early Monday. I’m checking into the hospital on Sunday afternoon. I’ve never been in a hospital. I seldom get sick and never even had any broken bones or scratches or cuts. I’m trying not to panic, but I feel myself getting scared inside. I just keep talking to myself when I feel panic/fear rising and then I pray. I have to let go and give it to God.
Yes, the post is a bit long. Thank you for asking. I hope you get your computer problem fixed. Wish I could have helped you.
the only operation I’ve ever made was removing of tonsillitis and the gave me as much drugs as i need and more
other wise i don’t think I’ll let some one use scalp to make some incision in my skin ..noway
so,, good luck and inform me about all the changes
don’t worry about the computer I’ll take care of it I’m sure someone will help
also I’ve informed some friends allover the web
thanks
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Thank you Tony. Your words are comforting and help put me at ease somewhat. I’m trying not to think about it, because when I do, I feel panic starting inside of me. I tell myself give it to God. He will be with me and help me through it.
Thanks for the prayers. You take care also. Stay in touch, and when I can after tomorrow, I’ll let you know how it all went.
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Allrightee then. I won’t panic. I will not panic. Thanks Tony.
Oh my gosh, thank you. I’d be honored for your cat to be named Tapdancer. Also thank you for your kind words. I just feel so bad about your brother. At the same time, it makes me happy what you and your son are doing in his honor by educating others. I’m just so proud of you and your son.
I know your brother is smiling down on both of you today and sending you his love. You have to know he’s proud of you too by taking his death and turning it into a living legacy that will help others with addictions and educating the young ones before they get to that point.
Cry your tears. I learned its how we heal our hearts when we lose our loved ones. You be well too. I’m happy I was able to help you feel better today Catherine. My name is Jonetta. Nice to make your acquaintance. I visited your website and I love so much what you do to help people.
Hey Everyone.
I’m closing this post. Its way too long to keep scrolling down to the bottom.
Thank you all for your help, support, love and care. I’ll remember all of your words to me and may God bless each one of you on your journey through life on this earth.
Take Care.
Jonetta
~.^.~ edited this post 8 months, 2 weeks ago. Read the previous text »
On Tuesday, I was in a hit & run accident. A guy ran a red light, and he ran into the passenger side of my car. The impact was so hard that my entire passenger side was pushed to my driver’s side, and I was caught in it. All my windows/windshield shattered and glass went everywhere.
It caught me off guard, and I don’t know what I thought. I just know one minute I was driving and the next I was sitting smashed between the sides of my jag with the pickup’s bumper and front right in my face. Oh yes. he was driving a big king cab pickup that sat high.
Right after he hit me, he backed up and revved his motor and squealed away from there. People stopped to help me, and several guys took off chasing the pickup. They were in contact with the police until the police caught up with him and finally got him to stop. He was arrested. He had no car insurance, no valid driver’s license and several outstanding warrants.
The paramedics had to pry open the driver door to get me out. It had jammed which was good or I would have been tossed out into oncoming traffic. I have 2 broken ribs on the right, 1 broken rib on the left and stitches on my right leg. I had glass shards in all my exposed skin and in my clothes and in my face. Luckily none went into my eyes.
I was fine afterward on Tuesday and people were surprised how well I was taking it. Only yesterday my world came crashing down, and I started to feel extremem anger, frustration, impatience. I’m not a mean person or cruel in any way, but I found myself wanting to hit people by last night. I started crying last night and couldn’t stop.
My parents were killed almost 2 years ago in an accident where the guy had no insurance or drivers license & had been cited many times for DUI’s or DWI’s. It was like yesterday all of that came back, and I got so angry inside I wanted to hurt someone.
I thought I had dealt with all of my feelings over losing them, but I guess I haven’t. I try so hard to go on and make them proud, but then irresponsible people like that make it hard. I hate the guy who killed my parents even him nd his friends died as well. I hate this guy who caused this accident yesterday, and if I can help it, he will not walk away from what he did. It would be only a matter of time til he does it again and possibly kill someone the next time.
Those of you who know loss like that, how do you deal with the anger inside? How do you let go and stop going back to what once was and never will be again. I thought I was doing okay, but Tuesdays accident triggered off a set of emotions in me that I’m finding hard to deal with. Can anyone help me?
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