This post left anonymously
I am 27 years old and have become an alcoholic.
The story is long and I don’t wish to bore anybody, but the problems began 7 years ago when I married a man ten years older than me who was very charming during the courting period.I told him first thing I had Borderline Personality Disorder and expected him to run a mile. Surprisingly to me, he did no such thing. He said he would care for me and everything would be alright. It was not until later when I discovered he was a diagnosed psychopath and after we were married procured a picture of children he already had with an ex partner I began to realise what kind of trouble I had got myself into.
Before the marriage all was on the up. My parents had agreed to take me back in at home and I worked at a regular job serving coffee at Motorola in Swindon.They had taken the trouble to take me to a psychiatrist and I was doing well on the medication and paid off all debts procured when I was younger, and not so good with money matters. This is where I met my husband 7 years ago. I could not help noticing his behaviour was erratic and could switch from violence to serenity in seconds but I just assumed it was the stress of the job. He never revealed to me why he is banned from seeing his children and his ex is in hiding, and now I know why.
On our wedding day he got very drunk and proceeded to pull me round his flat by my hair before shoving my head in a suitcase and banging the lid down on it over and over whilst calling me a whore.That was only the beginnning. When I awoke with bruises down my arms, legs, and face, he seemed to think it was completely normal, ‘because he was drunk.’
Thusn followed 5 more years of hell. I have been headbuttted, thrown down stairs and strangled. If I ever picked up the phone to report such behaviour he would tell me it was over.He kept changing his mind, saying he wanted a family and then not, so I ended up with 2 abortions (one at 5 months) and 4 miscarriages. So, afraid to be left alone, I did as he requested until one day when I summoned the strength to finally report him. We also had a puppy three weeks old which he used to kick down the stairs, beat and lock in the kitchen. If it made a mess on the floor indoors he would rub its face in it.
Since charged with assault he hasn’t touched me apart from one time where he punched me as he was constantly coming and going from the house and would stay away for days without telling me where he was going. When I stood up to him that once I got a punch in the face.
Now he resorts to psychological abuse. Ever since we separated last october he pays rent on the house which we used to live in. He threatens me with eviction if I don’t do as Im told. I receive housing benefit, Disability Living Allowance and ESA but I am so brainwashed all my self esteem must come from him. Most times he just turns his phone off or merely tells me to **** off. As an intelligent logical person I can see from the outside how dangerous this situation really is and I cannot cope with the stress. I have tried AA meetings and went to a doctor who merely gave me a phone number and made me feel like dirt for confessing I had developed alcohol problems. If there is anybody out threre who can help me please, please send a message. I have recently began a degree in Art and Design and due to the builima and alcohol problems I find myself too weak or ill to attend lectures or do the work. The last thing I want to happen is for this bastard to beat me.
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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