My best friend likes my ex boyfriend.
And he has liked her for forever. She always has said she doesn’t like him and would never date him because that would hurt me, but today she asked me if she still wasn’t allowed to date him. She claimed their relationship was still platonic, but clearly it isn’t if she wants to date him. I told her that I can’t control what she does, but to know that it would really hurt me. She said that she is now in a dilemma because though she doesn’t want to hurt me, she wants to be happy, too.
I really honestly do want her to be happy. She has never had a boyfriend before (purely by choice) and I think she would be happy with one. But I wouldn’t be able to be around the two of them. I wouldn’t be able to look at her without wondering what made her better than me. I wouldn’t be able to look at him, period. It would basically only further add to the fact that I am completely and totally NOT special. Which, by the way, I carved into my leg a couple hours ago. Great.
I was in her position a couple years ago, when I wanted to hang out with a different friend’s ex boyfriend. I didn’t want to date him, just be friends, but my friend told me it was him or her. I was angry for a little while that she would ask that of me, but after about a week or two I simply sucked it up, cut him off, and that was that. And he turned out to be a totally horrible person anyway. I wouldn’t want to have lost my best friend just to find out someone’s horrible.
Anyway. Point is, I want her to be happy. But with someone else. I don’t want to share all my firsts with her. Then not only won’t I be special, but none of my firsts will either. My first boyfriend, first kiss, first dance, first everything. But I also don’t want to be the horrible controlling friend who thinks she can control everyone else. Mind you, he broke up with me in February. And it’s not that I still like him. I don’t. But it still bothers me, and the thought of them dating makes me want to crawl into my bed and never wake up.
Since writing this post olivia-cecile may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. olivia-cecile is a verified member, has been around for 4 years, 6 months and has 46 posts and 643 replies to their name.
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