relationship help: I have a long term relationship question. - Help.com

Happilymarried
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An Unknown Location

I have a long term relationship question.

Some of you know the troubles were dealing with and I don’t really have an update on that but I do have something troubling me. Yesterday I was cleaning out my old email and stumbled across a okcupid happy birthday to my spouse. I clicked it and logged in to find out that back in 2007 my spouse created a profile on okcupid which is a dating site. no detailed information but it did have age location MARRIED and what they were looking for which had specific age range and the account had their name but used a username m.s. had from WAY back and frankly it was obvious that m.s. had set it up. I was surprised but not too much since there was no activity. I decided to ask m.s. about it and they lied to me. at first they tried to ignore the conversation because I was texting and then later when I said something in person they denied making it, then said they must have just been goofing around but just didn’t remember and their story kept changing. first they had no idea then they were just goofing around. I’m no innocent I know that line and its a panicked “I never thought you would find out” lie. My spouse will never talk about things that their ashamed of or upset them so I can just forget about getting anywhere with this conversation but its really compromising my trust. My spouse gets very upset when I get paranoid about their behavior but without proof I can’t pin them down to make them talk about anything. anyway thats whats on my mind and I don’t know how to get it out of my head.

This open post was written 1 year, 6 months ago | V/U/S: 565, 3, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Since writing this post Happilymarried may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Happilymarried is a verified member, has been around for 3 years, 4 months and has 163 posts and 701 replies to their name.

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happy birthday, relationship, conversation, information, Yesterday, birthday, Activity, question, Behavior, Remember (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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katrienne.moyenn offline Verified User (4 years) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (3 days, 10 hours after post)

There could be lots of explanations, so don’t necessarily go to point Z before you’ve considered other possibilities. I know a friend of mine created an online dating account just to see if his cousin was on there like he’d heard in rumors. Then again, some people are just curious. We see a lot of these commercials about them, but until you have a login, you never really know what the whole scoop is about. If anything, if you haven’t created an account to find an online lover, but just to be nosey, it’s kind of embarrassing.

All in all, if he isn’t showing any signs of unhappiness or “looking around”, just be happy and enjoy the good things you guys have together now. Let’s face it, anything can happen, but we spend more time worrying about things than we do enjoying what we have. Worrying is what usually causes tension in a marriage anyway. Hope this helps a bit.

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jasonbrodovsk offline Verified User (10 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 10 months, 1 week ago (8 months after post)

I would focus on giving him/her everything they need in the relationship. He is not the same person he was in 2007 and it is not the same relationship. It may be the tip of the iceberg you found but the point is that he choose you and you cant control others. I would tell him or her that if they are ever tempted to go outside the relationship for physical or emotional intimacy they should discuss and improve the relationship internally. The book “Women’s Wisdom” for women and “Garden of Peace” for men by Shalom Arush is probably the best in print on intimacy. If a religeous slant is not for you, then Dr. DeAngeles’s “How to Make Love All the Time” is worth a read.

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