death help: How do you explain death to a two-year old? - Help.com

Why would you feel the need to do that?

wow… idk if you can. it’s the sort of thing that a child has a hard time grasping.

i guess you’d have to compare it with things they understand, like sleep. or saying goodbye.

if you don’t mind, why do you ask?

You don’t - far too young.

oh, and experience. ever remember catching a bug in a jar and taking it home, like a ladybug or a caterpillar, only to discover a few days later it’s curled up and stiff?

if a kid sees death, on a safe, small scale like this, they can understand for themselves.

it’s sort of hard, and it might feel really messed up exposing a kid to death like this, but i’m just putting this out there as another means of explanation. I first started understanding it when we’d find bones or dead animals when we were camping. we went fishing a lot too, and taking a life was an early lesson too. so, yeah, experience is the only way a kid can really learn at that age. i guess whether you show them for real or compare it to something they already know, thats they way to do it.

it also depends on the religious status, like if they are in a christian family you mgiht say god took someone into heaven and now they are an angel etc.

~FlutterBy~ wrote:
You don’t - far too young.

i dont think it’s too young, especially if the situation was that someone like the childs mother or father, were the ones that died.

It’s a hard one that’s for sure. Think I would keep it as simple as possible…
like “so and so had to go to heaven”, IDK

~FlutterBy~ wrote:
It’s a hard one that’s for sure. Think I would keep it as simple as possible…
like “so and so had to go to heaven”, IDK

yeah. it’s really tough… i just hope that ISN’T the case here. :(

Mmmmm? What’s happened Elk? Do you mind I ask this?

That’s so sad, E :(

Oh, that’s awful :( I’m so sorry. has any of our suggestions been any help? i can try to think of better ways to explain it

Children can experience death usually though a pet like a fish or a gerbil. They can begin to understand how things die. They understand far more than we give them credit for. Be honest because they know when you aren’t/

Wow i didn’t now i child would ask at that age. and i’m sorry to hear about her sister:(. i don’t think she’d understand (or remember) if she’s only two, but i wouldn’t tell her anything negative. My nephew(now age 5) lost his baby cousin a few years back. he wasn’t raised religiously but he seems very … content(not sure if that’s the right word:/) having been asured that his cousin is with baby jesus, he even uses that to comfort us when our pets die. i understand it’s not an easy speech to give but at that age i think a beautiful lie is better in the long run

Elk wrote:
I’m not religious, so I don’t feel right using heaven as an explanation. We told her that she’s in our hearts. That’s an abstract concept for a two-year old to understand, so it’s difficult to know how she’s processing things. I know that she will keep asking questions.

Keep answering them. You are doing a good job with a difficult situation.

Elk wrote:
I’m not religious, so I don’t feel right using heaven as an explanation. We told her that she’s in our hearts. That’s an abstract concept for a two-year old to understand, so it’s difficult to know how she’s processing things. I know that she will keep asking questions.

yeah, it’s hard explaining it when you can’t use a fantastical approach like the heaven thing.

but, yeah, maybe tell her what death is like. like, maybe it’s going to sleep and not waking up again. that you all had to say goodbye to her.

oi, this isnt easy for me to explain… i can’t imagine your position.

maybe show her what death is, like the bug thing i mentioned. or a flower.

i wish i knew how to do this

Elk wrote:
I read that using a sleep analogy can cause anxiety in children. They start to worry about going to sleep, fearing they might not wake up again.

I like your suggestion to use the analogy of a flower. I even found this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Fall-Freddie-Le…

From one of the reviews:

“Freddy, a maple leaf, is born in the spring, and grows to know his fellow leaves and his surroundings. Although leaves superficially look the same, he learns and appreciates the subtle differences between himself and each other leaf. He admires a larger leaf, Daniel. Daniel has a deeper understanding of life and death. He helps Freddie understand each of his phases of life. Finally, Daniel explains death and letting go.

The book uses the gentle, concrete metaphor of the annual changes in leaves on a tree to help anyone appreciate the different phases of life. Each leaf leaves the tree differently: some drift down quietly, and others fiercely resist the tug of the wind. This shows how each person approaches death differently. Freddy resists until he is withered and brown, the last leaf on the branch. Finally he lets go and experiences a sense of peace.

Although the leaves die each year, they are part of the tree which lives on, although even it has a finite life. the book discusses the interconnecedness of life and death. however, it does not take a stand on the specifics of a life after death.”

oh… yeah i didn’t think of that. the sleep anxiety thing i mean, but it makes a lot of sense.

that book sounds fantastic for this situation. thik you’ll buy it? you might be able to find it online in google scholar.

Er just want to say a five year old asked me why my mum died, you can explain it using all the pretty metaphors you like but I’m telling you the next question is to the parent are you going to die, and to themselves am I going to die? unlike leaves humans suddenly learn they will die and know its happening. Some theories “terror management theory” suggest this knowledge will impact on how a child will live their life (not necesserily in a bad way-but don’t underestimate this.

Elk wrote:

Tymbus wrote:
Er just want to say a five year old asked me why my mum died, you can explain it using all the pretty metaphors you like but I’m telling you the next question is to the parent are you going to die, and to themselves am I going to die? unlike leaves humans suddenly learn they will die and know its happening. Some theories “terror management theory” suggest this knowledge will impact on how a child will live their life (not necesserily in a bad way-but don’t underestimate this.

So how did you respond to those questions?

Ok so the situation was my mum had died, I was with a friend and her daughter and the daughter and I were playing and she just came out with the question (in front of her mother) would her mum die. I side stepped it a bit, I said that my mum was very old and she had a very bad illness. How the girl dealt with the other questions in her mind I don’t know.

What I’m saying is children think in unexpected ways. When children’s parents get divorced children blame themselves, when this girl’s father left home- she wondered if father Christmas was going to visit her that year. I am sure there are books that explain what is best to say at each age, but sometimes they crave the truth, without knowing that they may not be able to handle it. Its the handling it bit that’s the issue.

Elk wrote:
I understand what you’re saying. I think we’re on the same page - I’ve essentially side-stepped it as well… for now, anyway.

:) very wise I think

Eyes close all goes black,
Worms crawl inside eating you,
You are gone for good.