reason help: We fought big time yesterday. - Help.com

This does not sound like a happy relationship. Trust issues hide a multitude of sins. The fact trust is even mentioned as an issue indicates that either there is no trust or trust is being used as a thing to generate conflict. You were made to beg while you were upset. It is sad but you need to move on.

Tymbus wrote:
This does not sound like a happy relationship. Trust issues hide a multitude of sins. The fact trust is even mentioned as an issue indicates that either there is no trust or trust is being used as a thing to generate conflict. You were made to beg while you were upset. It is sad but you need to move on.

He did mention it’s time to move on, how he wish he could be together and so on. I’m deeply hurt. I asked for the last time if he’s sure of what he wants since he made a clear statement/decision but he said he wasn’t sure. That’s when he told me to convince him. We stopped our conversation because I couldn’t stand it, I’m terribly filled up with tears and wanted to be alone. I saw him today & we didn’t talk, but when he saw me took a ride with my friends he asked why didn’t I ask him for a ride. Should I really move on? I want things to work but I just don’t know how.

If you don’t know how I am afraid I don’t. Only you can tell if this is a relationship you want for the rest of your life. From the outside it seems fairly emotionally manipulative (on his part). Really sorry to hear you are so sad.

Tymbus wrote:
If you don’t know how I am afraid I don’t. Only you can tell if this is a relationship you want for the rest of your life. From the outside it seems fairly emotionally manipulative (on his part). Really sorry to hear you are so sad.

From his side, maybe I’m always selfish, wasn’t considerate because I accused him when he’s not feeling well and wasn’t concern, I was upset at him out of blue without asking him but in my defense, I thought he lied to me and what’s the point of asking if he already lied in the first place. But I asked him anyway and he denied it and I told him I didn’t believe what he said. Eventually as I said before, because I don’t have any valid justifications, I realised maybe it was just a mistake. The thing is when I thought he lied to me, I felt like he fooled me and I feel so stupid to care for someone all these while when you are fooled. Yes, I admit I made those assumptions and wasn’t really sure, that was my mistake, I admitted it and ready to apologize again for my mistake but why do I feel now that I’m worthless to him? :’(

No mystery why you have bad feelings about yourself- you behaved badly towards him , by your own account falsley accusing him while he was ill. You are now feeling sorry for yourself. You say he was willing to give you a lifte in his car so he sounds like he’s willing to overlook what for him may have been a bizarre, unexpected conflict when he was feeling down. From what you have said now, the ball is in your court, you can ring him, thank him for the offer of a lift the otherday and arrange to meet him

Tell him you will go to a counselor or a therapist to find out why can’t you trust people and what triggers that. You need to heel first and find remedies why do you have those feelings. Tell him you love him that much to let him go because you feel it is unfair for him to wait on you. If he really loves you and wants you, he will wait without asking. I think from what you told us here, he is ready to move on, he doesn’t want drama. Let him go. Heel yourself first, so you won’t hurt anyone else in your next relationship.

I heard from friends that’s why I bluntly accuse him. Why would my friends lie to me? But when I asked them if they saw it they said no so that’s when I realised I shouldn’t accuse him without valid reason. I think he’s being suspicious that made us jump to conclusion. I want to talk to him, I want to be with him, but all I feel is that I’m not worth anything to him any more.

Anon, guys hate drama. I mean, we really, really, really hate it. And we especially hate being accused of things we didn’t do. When we have a woman in our lives who is generating loads of drama, and who is accusing us of things we didn’t do, we want to get away from that person.

Jealousy and insecurity on one partner’s part destroys many relationships.

This is also the age of “Unfairly Maligning Men.” We’ve actually gotten our fill of it . . . from the continual, unabated man-bashing that goes on in the “Lifetime Channel” on TV, to being continually raked over the coals by the uber-feminists, to having our intelligence denigrated in every TV sit-com, to having our own girlfriends or wives accuse us without any justification. We’re sick and tired of it!

I hope you have learned a valuable lesson. If you want this guy back, you need to issue an unconditional apology (don’t even think of trying to justify what you did, not even an itty-bitty bit!) and you need to do damage control.

Damage control, e.g.., profuse apologies, candy, jewelry, etc., is what women expect from men who screw up, but when these same women screw up they don’t think they should even apologize!

You screwed up, you need to offer this guy a profuse apology, you need to do “damage control” (at least have a pizza delivered to his house), and you need to SWEAR that you will stop being a drama queen!

Anonymous wrote:
I heard from friends that’s why I bluntly accuse him. Why would my friends lie to me? But when I asked them if they saw it they said no so that’s when I realised I shouldn’t accuse him without valid reason. I think he’s being suspicious that made us jump to conclusion. I want to talk to him, I want to be with him, but all I feel is that I’m not worth anything to him any more.

I don’t know why you keep saying or rather assuming ‘you are not worth anything to him anymore’. Is it possible you are using this as another excuse to blame him and not actually confront your own issues?

If you really want to talk to him and be with him, you have to sort this out one way or another. You will need to make it absolutely clear to him that you realise you got issues you need to confront and are dealing with them. Thank him for the opportunity to have made you realise you need to work on your attitude and the relationship as a whole.

My view is that even if you don’t think you are worth anything to him and even if he refuses to come back, he still deserves an appology considering what he has been through with you. Don’t you think?

Anonymous wrote:
I heard from friends that’s why I bluntly accuse him. Why would my friends lie to me? But when I asked them if they saw it they said no so that’s when I realised I shouldn’t accuse him without valid reason. I think he’s being suspicious that made us jump to conclusion. I want to talk to him, I want to be with him, but all I feel is that I’m not worth anything to him any more.

So you trust your friends over your boyfriend? In your logic, why should your boyfriend lie? Friends sometimes are not really good friends. Your boyfriend legitimately feels hurt because you trust your friends over him so you are right, you are not worth anything right now to him. Don’t beg, tell him you need time to find answers why are you so insecure. He will wait for you if he really wanted you.

He said he still wants to be with me. I do want us to be together and hopefully nothing can separate us! I really really like him. Yes I already apologize to him. The thing is I’m scared to lose him :( Thank you all for the advice.

Did you do any “damage control” beyond the apology?

Girls expect damage control when they are wronged, but don’t do very much when THEY are in the wrong.

I’m sure you can think of something–if nothing else, send him a pizza!

chev.jame wrote:
Did you do any “damage control” beyond the apology?

Girls expect damage control when they are wronged, but don’t do very much when THEY are in the wrong.

I’m sure you can think of something–if nothing else, send him a pizza!

Yeah, I pretty much listen to him and spent more time with him as per requested :) Treat him meals and have more alone time with him.

Anonymous wrote:

chev.jame wrote:
Did you do any “damage control” beyond the apology?

Girls expect damage control when they are wronged, but don’t do very much when THEY are in the wrong.

I’m sure you can think of something–if nothing else, send him a pizza!

Yeah, I pretty much listen to him and spent more time with him as per requested :) Treat him meals and have more alone time with him.

That sounds very good to me! If he’s a really good guy, he will show that he appreciates it! ;-)