Christmas help: I resent my father-in-law’s cheapness! - Help.com

Thanks for responding - though, I should say that I do work full-time and I do have the expenses that you can imagine (mortgage, 2 kids, etc). I don’t need his money. I know it’s petty to focus on his spending habits (or lack of)- I just resent it, especially with my children - and with my husband on birthdays and Christmas. I feel that a lot of people that say, “it’s the thought that counts,” etc aren’t being totally honest - maybe I’m wrong. Like I said, I know it’s petty and I want to shake the negativity off.

Thank you for your post. And it’s an interesting thought - but, no — I’ve been with my husband for 17 years (not married the whole time) and his dad has always been this way. Even bragged about how when he got married back in the day, he used frequent stay points for the hotel and frequent flyer miles for the airline and discounts on food and that the whole wedding/honeymoon cost him about $75 (2nd marriage). it’s just his nature to be cheap. i think that’s why it bothers me - it is truly part of his genetic code to nickel and dime everything. He’ll indulge in whatever you want to give him - it’s not that he just has simple tastes. it’s just that he loves seeing how little he can spend on occasions when it’s appropriate to give something to others (birthdays, weddings, christmas) and he will try to get my husband to split the costs of things with him that he should really pay for (funny one: my husband was taking a computer course years ago so for 2 months he stayed at his dad’s on friday and saturday because the course was in the city where his dad lived; his dad actually asked him split the cost of a new futon couch/bed LOL)

Oh well. I will say that just writing it out and getting the 2 responses, did feel good. i Just felt like venting it out and this is a place where no one knows me or him. thanks for that.

ps: kids are 4 yrs old and 15 months —

well, let me say that i’m impressed that the posters here don’t commiserate. some of my close friends have complained to me at various times over the years about cheap wedding gifts, people that showed up to birthdays without a gift, and other such topics. i didn’t vent to my friends, even though some can relate, because i didn’t want to speak in a way that might make them not have a good impression of my father-in-law - no matter what, he’s family. you are right that i’m judging them against my standards - what else do i have? i don’t know if i would say that i do things in life out of obligation that i don’t want to. but i will say that i am kind of analytical and will often research what is traditional, common, etc. — so i am the person that will show up with a hostess gift or that will know to plant a tree in honor of a lost loved one of a jewish friend . i realize that i shouldn’t be annoyed because it’s his money - i guess i can’t help but feel like he’s making a statement against me/my husband/our kids. like i said, he’s not simple: he’ll welcome any and all generous acts from us. i guess because it feels unbalanced when it comes to my girls, it pisses me off. at the very least, realize that i’m not complaining about gifts he’s given to me - those have been on the same cheap level but it doesn’t bother me - it bothers me greatly when it comes to my girls. so anyway, linuxya, remember this conversation when you find yourself in the same situation. trust me, i have no doubt that u will feel that way from a boyfriend, wedding guests or friends that somehow unbalance the scale.