school help: He wants me to wear diapers. - Help.com

pedophile- RUN

How can he be that Im 21 and my body shows it

Dont wear any diaper. I think it is a perverted sexual direction hes going in.

Never met the guy, but I kinda respect him :)

crafte wrote:
Never met the guy, but I kinda respect him :)

huh why?

Are you kidding me? He’s got a chick and then another one to push his pervy thoughts on.

I agree with Doubletime. There is definitely something wrong there and I wouldn’t wear it. Plus by wearing it you’re giving him more control over you.

I say go for it. I’m sort of interested to see how far this can go. I’m surprised he didn’t ask for a pacifier first.

fairybo wrote:
How can he be that Im 21 and my body shows it

He’s been taking care of you since you were 15 so you should be like a daughter to him

why are you cuddling on the bed at 21 years old with him ? something is wrong with you too.

crafte wrote:
I say go for it. I’m sort of interested to see how far this can go. I’m surprised he didn’t ask for a pacifier first.

…we already played with one before but as I said it was never a sexual thing he just get super protective and thats it he never touched me or anything

☠WuT☠ wrote:

fairybo wrote:
How can he be that Im 21 and my body shows it

He’s been taking care of you since you were 15 so you should be like a daughter to him

why are you cuddling on the bed at 21 years old with him ? something is wrong with you too.

I wasn’t living with him so he was never like my father! Far from it. And why cant you cuddle with a friend?

fairybo wrote:

☠WuT☠ wrote:

fairybo wrote:
How can he be that Im 21 and my body shows it

He’s been taking care of you since you were 15 so you should be like a daughter to him

why are you cuddling on the bed at 21 years old with him ? something is wrong with you too.

I wasn’t living with him so he was never like my father! Far from it. And why cant you cuddle with a friend?

you never clarified

um because he has a girlfriend no wonder she hates you.

Ok so he has a diaper fetish for some reason. Big deal. If your into it, do it. If you aren’t, tell him.

I can’t believe how obtuse some people on help are. Sexual fetishes exist, get over it.

But OP: if you aren’t into this guy, or his fetish, let him know up front…you are playing along right now.

This is something he should be asking his girlfriend to do and not a friend.

yes sexual fetishes are ok and all but it gets creepy with this specific one when he is 18 years OLDER and wanting her to wear diapers come on now

Thats why its called a fetish.

Besides nothing beats the golden shower. Thats just wrong!

Snar wrote:
Ok so he has a diaper fetish for some reason. Big deal. If your into it, do it. If you aren’t, tell him.

I can’t believe how obtuse some people on help are. Sexual fetishes exist, get over it.

But OP: if you aren’t into this guy, or his fetish, let him know up front…you are playing along right now.

It looks as if you know what youre talking about. My only question, how can this be sexual if he hasn’t showed any real sexual interest in me?

Why did the block my question?

Ewww. . .

Why do you sit on his lap when his gf is around? why hasn’t this GF broken up with this disgusting man yet? what is wrong with you?

Okay Fairybo. Who do you think you are! Just because a guy doesn’t touch you sexually doesn’t mean that he isn’t getting aroused by the actions you are doing! He is getting aroused by the idea of you sitting on his lap and cuddling with him! You won’t believe me, but that’s why he’s doing it. He’s not doing it out of love, he’s doing it because it turns him on and you’ll do anything for him.

He gets protective of you because in his eyes you are his! You’re allowing an innocent woman to get her heart broken by doing that with this guy!! You’re being the other woman and causing wedges into her life! And you don’t care at all. Because you’re so manipulated by this guy, that you think it’s okay. You are REALLY asking why a 21 year old can’t cuddle with a 40 year old not single guy?

This guy is going to try and see how far he can go with you! He’ll probably ask you to do even more things. Just because he’s not touching you doesn’t mean you’re not sexually pleasing him. You’re pleasing his fantasies, that he goes home to and masterbates alone too. That’s what pedofiles do. Pedofiles trick young people into thinking that they love them so much, and that they are there for them, but they are only there for them, as long as they please their sexual needs.

Grow up and get out! No boy is going to approve of your relationship with this man, and this man will never love you if he leaves his wife! Get your **** straight

OK I can accept there are sexual things involved here, its not like I never wondered before I just wasn’t 100% sure. But he’s been in my life for several years now, it just cant be that the only reason was to be “playful” with me, because this play we do is something recent. I really dont want to lose him since I have no parents or brothers I dont know why some of you treat me like Im a bad person or stupid.

LOOSE him

Well, you’re not a bad person

My first thought when I saw the title of the post was WTF?? and now after reading it I’m still at WTF?? stay from him..

It’s a special fetish — with many followers round the world!
Crazy, but real.

How they explain it (FOR ADULTS ONLY):
· http://dailydiapers.com/
· http://adultdiapersfetish.com/

“I know its nothing sexual because he never tried any move on me, I dont know what to do please help.. :( “

No, it is quite sexual. It is ALTOGETHER sexual.

The longer you stay in this man’s company, the sooner he is going to force himself on you. And when you tell the cops you were wearing a diaper for him, they’re going to think it was consensual sex gone bad.

At 21, you’re a mature female but you are also incredibly naive. I can assure you that this guy is fantasizing 24/7 about having sex with you.

And sicko sex, at that!

Listen to your brain and stay away from him!

She said she’s 21, not 15. Lets get that straight. And though his fetish is weird, it isn’t illegal or immoral. It could be a sign of a mental issue, but it isn’t necessarily.

People are into all sorts of weird ****. I don’t like it up the butt…. but other men do and I don’t go around raging about it. Case and fecking point.

I can’t believe the whole help populace is up in arms. Do we really live in the dark ages where we aren’t free to explore consensual sex on different levels? People do weird ****, if they are into it and no-one is forced…let them.

But the best thing for you to do OP, is TO ASK HIM WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT.

Just ask. Just be open. That is all this requires. Then if something weird is going on you’ll know.

Jeesus.

He has groomed you, anyone can be nice when they want something from you,
If he was a genuine nice guy he would be nice to everyone.
He told you to focus on your school work and not boys because he did not want you to get a boyfriend.

start socialising with people not connected to this man.

He’s 18 years older than you??

If I was you, I would walk out the door as fast as you can, but on your way out, remind him that since he’s nearly 40, he will be wearing diapers a lot sooner than you will be

Anonymous wrote:
He has groomed you, anyone can be nice when they want something from you,
If he was a genuine nice guy he would be nice to everyone.
He told you to focus on your school work and not boys because he did not want you to get a boyfriend.

start socialising with people not connected to this man.

I agree with this! It’s more than true!!! And you know what? He probably emotionally abuses his girlfriend, that’s why she isn’t more aggressive with you. He’s still going to the bars at 40? This guy is after nothing but what he thinks you’re going to give to him.

This guy does come off as a predator of sourts. Imagine a young 15 year old girl without a role model or a ‘father figure’. These girls often seek out older guys to date because they all subconsciously seeking out a father figure. You found a guy who is 18 years older, but instead of dating him, because you were 15, he simply kept you around in your delicate years of life to have you grow a dependancy on his support to you. Think about it. Teenage years are incredibly difficult, and anyone who helps you when you are at your lowest will be, in your eyes, a good person. You may feel obligated because he helped you, you may feel trusting because he helped you, you may feel a strong connection because he helped you. At any rate, you grew a form of dependancy on him, and he took advantage of it. He gets mad when you date boys, and he cuddles with you.

bottom line is: this man has some kind of dependancy fetish, and you have father issues that he managed to take advantage of. Now, he’s asking you to go even deeper into his fantasy, from which you have been slowly going more and more into the more you’ve become attached and dependant on this man.

You are naive because he made you that way. You think cuddling with a girls man is ok, because he made you that way. You have a choice to make now. You can put on the diaper and go deeper into both of your dependancy fantasies, and risk that he may force himself onto you. You can make it extremely clear to him that you will never date him, and never do anything sexual with him, or let you be ‘down there’. You can stop talking to him and start socialising.

I can tell by the way you picture this man in your writing that you think of him as your support and the one from whom you receive the attention every human needs. It’s never good to be so dependant on one person you aren’t comfortable enough with to do sexual acts, especially if it’s an older guy (all guys are perverts….all).

I know some 21 year olds who are totally kinky and into fetish etc, but you don’t sound at all like them.

If it was sexual, and you were mature, then whatever floats your boat, but…

You seem incredibly clueless, and confused. What was your own father like? Have you been in a sexual relationship?

He isn’t a nice guy, and he has issues, and you know it.

Can you get affection elsewhere?

Anonymous wrote:
this man has some kind of dependancy fetish, and you have father issues that he managed to take advantage of.

Poster,are you ok?

WOW!!! you are fricken blind! i dont mean to be rude but you are seriously oblivious….

Chunkymoves wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
this man has some kind of dependancy fetish, and you have father issues that he managed to take advantage of.

EXACTLY!!!

him wanting you to put on a fricken diaper is a fetish, and is say 99% of the time, a fetish is SEXUALLY related. this guy friend of yours/ father figure, has some issues.

Anonymous wrote:
This guy does come off as a predator of sourts. Imagine a young 15 year old girl without a role model or a ‘father figure’. These girls often seek out older guys to date because they all subconsciously seeking out a father figure. You found a guy who is 18 years older, but instead of dating him, because you were 15, he simply kept you around in your delicate years of life to have you grow a dependancy on his support to you. Think about it. Teenage years are incredibly difficult, and anyone who helps you when you are at your lowest will be, in your eyes, a good person. You may feel obligated because he helped you, you may feel trusting because he helped you, you may feel a strong connection because he helped you. At any rate, you grew a form of dependancy on him, and he took advantage of it. He gets mad when you date boys, and he cuddles with you.

bottom line is: this man has some kind of dependancy fetish, and you have father issues that he managed to take advantage of. Now, he’s asking you to go even deeper into his fantasy, from which you have been slowly going more and more into the more you’ve become attached and dependant on this man.

You are naive because he made you that way. You think cuddling with a girls man is ok, because he made you that way. You have a choice to make now. You can put on the diaper and go deeper into both of your dependancy fantasies, and risk that he may force himself onto you. You can make it extremely clear to him that you will never date him, and never do anything sexual with him, or let you be ‘down there’. You can stop talking to him and start socialising.

I can tell by the way you picture this man in your writing that you think of him as your support and the one from whom you receive the attention every human needs. It’s never good to be so dependant on one person you aren’t comfortable enough with to do sexual acts, especially if it’s an older guy (all guys are perverts….all).

im only perverted when im naked in a bed with a girl who is naked and were about to do the naughty :> so id say youre right

wearing diapers is a very common sexual fantasy. its not considered perverted if the people involved are at the right age i.e. 16 or over. if ur not comfortable with it then explain that to him…. but if u do go ahead be careful as i said before this is a common SEXUAL fantasy and he has a gf…

Yes, this guy has been “grooming” you for a sexual encounter for a long, long time. He’s been biding his time. The “cuddling” is going to turn into a full-blown sexual encounter if you hang around.

What makes it all so perverted is that he was a trusted family friend for a long time, and he has a girlfriend.

If YOU were his girlfriend, how would you feel about him cuddling with a 21-year-old woman who was wearing diapers?

This guy’s not right, and all the philosophizing and rationalizing in the world won’t make him right!

Well there’s a lot of talk and advice here so I’m curious what the OP now thinks of the situation.

Snar wrote:
She said she’s 21, not 15. Lets get that straight. And though his fetish is weird, it isn’t illegal or immoral. It could be a sign of a mental issue, but it isn’t necessarily.

People are into all sorts of weird ****. I don’t like it up the butt…. but other men do and I don’t go around raging about it. Case and fecking point.

I can’t believe the whole help populace is up in arms. Do we really live in the dark ages where we aren’t free to explore consensual sex on different levels? People do weird ****, if they are into it and no-one is forced…let them.

But the best thing for you to do OP, is TO ASK HIM WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT.

Just ask. Just be open. That is all this requires. Then if something weird is going on you’ll know.

Jeesus.

agreed!

are you a guy?

also, ask yourself, “What would Jesus do?”

OP:
I think your old man suffers from erectile dysfunction, and his gf knows it
I think you are so emotionally dependent on him you will not want to let go
I think he is really into sexual fetishism and you are no where near that
I think you are desperate for attention and love
I think you are depriving yourself from a happy life with a genuine person who can offer you true love and the opportunity to really grow up and be a real woman
I think you should take a good look at what you are doing to your life and his relationship
I think you don’t like most replies including mine. Thats why im staying anonymous.

Anonymous wrote:

Snar wrote:
She said she’s 21, not 15. Lets get that straight. And though his fetish is weird, it isn’t illegal or immoral. It could be a sign of a mental issue, but it isn’t necessarily.

People are into all sorts of weird ****. I don’t like it up the butt…. but other men do and I don’t go around raging about it. Case and fecking point.

I can’t believe the whole help populace is up in arms. Do we really live in the dark ages where we aren’t free to explore consensual sex on different levels? People do weird ****, if they are into it and no-one is forced…let them.

But the best thing for you to do OP, is TO ASK HIM WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT.

Just ask. Just be open. That is all this requires. Then if something weird is going on you’ll know.

Jeesus.

agreed!

Ok well a key point is in the last line of the OP’s post ie “I don’t know what to do”. The conflict exists because basically the OP enjoys the man’s company and a certain (non-sexual) intimacey but really feels uncomfortable with being asked to wear diapers. So really some boundaries need to be established. Personally, being in the position of the OP in a relationship, I feel the OPs discomfort. I also think (based on the man’s anger when the OP sees other guys) the man is pursuing his own gratification with little regard for the OP. The nature of the fetish is irrelevent (although I personally find the aspect of infantilization disturbing). I have a horrible feeling that when the OP starts refusing certain activities the fetishist will reveal his true nature. There will be revealed to be a lot of anger and control issues. I hope this is not the case, but…..:(

its NOT the diaper issue its the fact that he is 18 years older knew her since 15 and she cuddles with him in bed and sits on his lap!

HE is PERVERTED not the fetish

☠WuT☠ wrote:
its NOT the diaper issue its the fact that he is 18 years older knew her since 15 and she cuddles with him in bed and sits on his lap!

HE is PERVERTED not the fetish

It is not clear that the intimicy started at 15. The OP is 21, an adult. But, to be honest, the scenario doesn’t look good from the outside- eg the man’s advice to concentrate on school not boys can be read in as the man cutting the OP off from the OP’s peers and same age relationships. But the op does not flag this up as a worry, the worry for the OP is that the interaction with the man is going into areas that the OP is not comfortable with now.

Snar wrote:
She said she’s 21, not 15. Lets get that straight. And though his fetish is weird, it isn’t illegal or immoral. It could be a sign of a mental issue, but it isn’t necessarily.

People are into all sorts of weird ****. I don’t like it up the butt…. but other men do and I don’t go around raging about it. Case and fecking point.

I can’t believe the whole help populace is up in arms. Do we really live in the dark ages where we aren’t free to explore consensual sex on different levels? People do weird ****, if they are into it and no-one is forced…let them.

But the best thing for you to do OP, is TO ASK HIM WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT.

Just ask. Just be open. That is all this requires. Then if something weird is going on you’ll know.

Jeesus.

OP already said she was afraid to ask him about it, because he might get mad. Fetish aside, this guy is obviously extremely controlling and he has anger issues.

If this guy makes you the least bit uncomfortable, avoid him. You don’t owe him any explanation.

Yep. Get outa there fast. He’s looped. I have a strong feeling you’ll regret it if you don’t.

Each to their own as fair as diapers are concerned. If you can acknowledge this is a sexual fantasy/fetish of his, then it is not your place to indulge in that when you are simply friends and he has a partner.

Wearing diapers is a sign in my mind that he wants to get sexually excited by a very , very , very young girl…You may be 21, but you wearing diapers makes him a pedophile in his own perverted mind..

On a side note, msome of the adverts that pop up just under people’s posts are hardly appropriate, one woman’s post about her mother’s death was accompanied by an ad for turning ashes into a ring. This post comes complete with an ad for Victoria’s Secrets- I mean do they even sell diapers!

Thanks for your responses. I understand what you say but you have no idea how much it hurts to read all the posts here. I can see he’s got a fetish with diapers but I cannot accept what some of you say, that he’s been working on me for years only to have sex with me one day.

He did lots of things to help me out during the years I was bullied in school and he made me overcome that and much more. I never met my father and my mother died when I was 9 and I went to live with my grandma then she died and then I jumped from place to place. When I was 15 I went to live with my mothers cousins and he was the boxing coach of my uncle and he saw how bad they treated me.

When I finally left that place he helped me out with everything I needed, I was in a bad neighborhood and he made sure none of the locals molested me, I could name thousands of things he did for me and never in a fetish or sexual way. And now hes asked me this freaking diaper thing and you speak like hes the worst **** on earth. I know hes got a girlfriend but I dont care I never felt like he was cheating on her with me.

Tonight if he brings the subject again Im gonna tell him that I dont want to play like that and I do hope he doesnt get mad, its not like he will beat me but I dont like when hes annoyed at me.

really? i got this

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ashes into a ring is kinda appropriate

you are brainwashed by this dude

He sounds like an excellent friend who cares about you, but let me ask you OP…Do you think it is acceptable for a “good” male figure, to ask a girl who he supposedly cares about to wear diapers and get all horney? Only you could answer that and no matter what you agree on regarding the diapers, your relationship with him will never be the same…To me it sounds like its payback time for you, and you really owe him nothing…

I dont know if its payback time , I will tell him tonight if he brings the subject again. And what is OP?

fairybo wrote:
Tonight if he brings the subject again Im gonna tell him that I dont want to play like that and I do hope he doesnt get mad, its not like he will beat me but I dont like when hes annoyed at me.

I’d say that this is a good approach. It’s being honest and open. I understand that he’s supported you in many ways and has been a great friend to you. That’s awesome. I think you should keep it that way though: as friends. It’s obvious to me that YOU want to keep it there.

I’m sorry for all the flack you’re getting from all the posters here, and I understand how much that does hurt. However, I think we see a lot of crazy bad stuff on this site. I also noticed some logical disconnects in some of your statements, which makes it look like you are TRYING to justify his actions, because obviously you care about him and you’re involved enough to be bias. That’s okay, because none of us really know the situation better than you do. Can you clarify though how you feel about some of these opinions though:

First Question: Obviously, you’re smart enough to know that the diaper thing is a fetish and they are indeed sexual in nature. Yes, all of the things he’s done for you in the past weren’t sexual, but you’re smart enough to know that relationships with people GROW over time….especially relationships between men and women. Do you think his feelings for you could have changed or grown?

My Second Question: I would consider my partner cuddling with a friend as cheating. In my opinion, I don’t think it’s for you to decide what is or what isn’t cheating within a relationship between two people. That’s really for him and his girl to decide…If his girl says cuddling makes her uncomfortable, you should respect that…right? do you agree or do you disagree?

My Third Question: Every relationship known to man is give and take….you talk a lot about what he’s given and provided you. What do you feel he’s getting out of this relationship? Is it just a friend thing? Because right now he’s revealing to you some inner feelings and it seems like he’s looking for more than just friends.

Last Question: Does he know that you don’t like it when he’s annoyed with you, and that you are in general a people pleaser? People who please just because they don’t like to piss someone off are easily manipulated, and it’s easy to catch onto. He may get frustrated and that’s acceptable. It’s natural. But if he pouts and throws a huge fit and tries harder then to get you to do what he wants…basically, if he’s aggressive with you, he’s NOT being respectful or understanding of the word no, your feelings, or your relationship with him and is actually USING you to fill his own desires that he can’t fill elsewhere. In turn, he’s not quite as awesome as you think. People do this all the time though and there’s nothing incredibly wrong with it, as long as you are AWARE of what’s happening and are okay with it and you don’t bend to his every whim because of peer pressure. So, can you let “no” mean no, so that he doesn’t take advantage of you?

I think that may clear up a lot of confusion…..but in the end it’s all about the decisions you make. I just hope you make ones that make you happy in the end.

fairybo wrote:
I dont know if its payback time , I will tell him tonight if he brings the subject again. And what is OP?

Original Poster ;)

So, creepy, weight lifting, perverted, wierdo’s can get a girlfriend… but I cant? What a world.

Everything is twisted here. You are, he is, and his poor girlfriend has to suffer from watching his boyfriend cuddle up with some 21 year-old. Let his girlfriend go so you and him can play your twisted little game.

Jesus christ. This whole thing got super f-ed up. Why didn’t someone just say “Tell him you want to stick a dildo in his ***”?!

red fox wrote:
First Question: Obviously, you’re smart enough to know that the diaper thing is a fetish and they are indeed sexual in nature. Yes, all of the things he’s done for you in the past weren’t sexual, but you’re smart enough to know that relationships with people GROW over time….especially relationships between men and women. Do you think his feelings for you could have changed or grown?

Yes I think he might find me more “appealing” now that Ive grown up, I dont know. I never really thought about it till now.

red fox wrote:
My Second Question: I would consider my partner cuddling with a friend as cheating. In my opinion, I don’t think it’s for you to decide what is or what isn’t cheating within a relationship between two people. That’s really for him and his girl to decide…If his girl says cuddling makes her uncomfortable, you should respect that…right? do you agree or do you disagree?

I agree, but he doesnt feel like he’s cheating so why would I? And I dont like her at all either so I cant feel sympathy for her. This annoying woman thinks shes the best and treats me like crap and HER boyfreind always takes part with me and tells her to shut up so why is she still with him I dont know.

red fox wrote:
My Third Question: Every relationship known to man is give and take….you talk a lot about what he’s given and provided you. What do you feel he’s getting out of this relationship? Is it just a friend thing? Because right now he’s revealing to you some inner feelings and it seems like he’s looking for more than just friends.

I used to ask him that and he shushed me and said his reward was to see that I was doing alright. Also said it made him feel good to take care of someone that every achievement I got made him feel good with himself. I never thought there was nothing wrong with that?

red fox wrote:
Last Question: Does he know that you don’t like it when he’s annoyed with you, and that you are in general a people pleaser? People who please just because they don’t like to piss someone off are easily manipulated, and it’s easy to catch onto. He may get frustrated and that’s acceptable. It’s natural. But if he pouts and throws a huge fit and tries harder then to get you to do what he wants…basically, if he’s aggressive with you, he’s NOT being respectful or understanding of the word no, your feelings, or your relationship with him and is actually USING you to fill his own desires that he can’t fill elsewhere. In turn, he’s not quite as awesome as you think. People do this all the time though and there’s nothing incredibly wrong with it, as long as you are AWARE of what’s happening and are okay with it and you don’t bend to his every whim because of peer pressure. So, can you let “no” mean no, so that he doesn’t take advantage of you?

He might be somehow aggressive or gruff with people but never with me and I screwed several times and he gets really pissed like I disappointed him but never did anything to hurt me but if someone hurts me in any way he will get real mad and go after them, I dont like it because I dont like violence but it happened a couple of times. I know if I say I dont want to wear the **** diaper he wont hurt me I know, but he might get pissed.

fairybo wrote:
I agree, but he doesnt feel like he’s cheating so why would I? And I dont like her at all either so I cant feel sympathy for her. This annoying woman thinks shes the best and treats me like crap and HER boyfreind always takes part with me and tells her to shut up so why is she still with him I dont know.

He might not, but a relationship is about 2 people….not just him. In an open relationship when 2 people say it’s okay to swing outside of their relationship, that’s ok…when 1 person thinks it’s okay…it’s cheating. So what you’re telling me is; since he doesn’t care, you don’t care…and because you don’t like her, even if you were in the wrong you wouldn’t care anyway, right?

fairybo wrote:
I used to ask him that and he shushed me and said his reward was to see that I was doing alright. Also said it made him feel good to take care of someone that every achievement I got made him feel good with himself. I never thought there was nothing wrong with that?

That’s admirable, but unlikely. People with that mindset usually volunteer to help a lot people succeed, not just one person that they are close with. I bet that there are other reasons…but I can’t say for certain that it’s not just him.

fairybo wrote:
He might be somehow aggressive or gruff with people but never with me and I screwed several times and he gets really pissed like I disappointed him but never did anything to hurt me but if someone hurts me in any way he will get real mad and go after them, I dont like it because I dont like violence but it happened a couple of times. I know if I say I dont want to wear the **** diaper he wont hurt me I know, but he might get pissed.

I would say he’s into you, and if you’re okay with it, that’s fine….I think you know where you stand and regardless of his intentions, don’t mind standing there. Just don’t let things go to far, unless you want to.

red fox wrote:
So what you’re telling me is; since he doesn’t care, you don’t care…and because you don’t like her, even if you were in the wrong you wouldn’t care anyway, right?

Ive always been like that with him and I dont think its fair that it has to change because of this woman, its not like we’re kissing or anything. I know its wrong if you look at it from an objective point of view but I cant do that because Im inside the situation. And I know things are going to change because the newfound fetish or whatever thing he has but Im just talking about the affection not the fetish stuff. I think if she doesn’t like it she can walk away and get any other guy!

I’ve done things for women in the past, and not in my wildest dreams would I ask them to wear diapers or “cuddle” with me when I had a girlfriend or was married.

The guy is pressing home his advantage. If he was such a great guy, he wouldn’t be asking you to do anything like that.

If the OP hangs around this guy, he’s going to destroy her trust in men in a way that will be hard to repair.

I can see what’s coming . . . in fact, so can just about everyone except our OP.

I appreciate him giving you so much attention- but can you seriously see yourself spending the rest of your life with this man in this relationship? I mean are you open for a relationship with other guy(s) or is this the guy you see for you?

So you have a guy about to turn 40 that you cuddle with and he treats you like a baby and now has bought you diapers… what to do? This even sounds weird to me and I thought I had seen it all, no wonder you are asking for help.

Is he giving you money or anything? What did your parents think about you having a 33 year old guy ‘friend’ when you were 15? All he does is work out and go to bars? I would like to hang out with this dude, I bet he has some very interesting stories.

My first thought is he has been having fantasies about you since you were 15 and he still thinks of you as a little girl and wants to get his pedobear fix. Having you dress up like a baby will reinforce his mental images and he will be thinking about you like that while he is banging his girlfriend. He wants to keep you clean and virginal in his mind or it ruins the little girl fantasy. That is why he doesn’t want you you to have a boyfriend.

My second thought is what the hell is the matter with you? Why do you hang out with some old dude who runs off all your prospective boyfriends and tries to get you to play weird sexual fantasy games????

No doubt about it, as long as our OP is hanging out with this guy, no other guys are going to come around!

Could this have anything/ something to do with you hating his girl friend so much?

Tell your guy friend to dress up like a ballerina, in flaming pink and you might consider dressing up in diapers..Kick this pervert to the curb.

Dr. Ralph wrote:
So you have a guy about to turn 40 that you cuddle with and he treats you like a baby and now has bought you diapers… what to do? This even sounds weird to me and I thought I had seen it all, no wonder you are asking for help.

Is he giving you money or anything? What did your parents think about you having a 33 year old guy ‘friend’ when you were 15? All he does is work out and go to bars? I would like to hang out with this dude, I bet he has some very interesting stories.

My first thought is he has been having fantasies about you since you were 15 and he still thinks of you as a little girl and wants to get his pedobear fix. Having you dress up like a baby will reinforce his mental images and he will be thinking about you like that while he is banging his girlfriend. He wants to keep you clean and virginal in his mind or it ruins the little girl fantasy. That is why he doesn’t want you you to have a boyfriend.

My second thought is what the hell is the matter with you? Why do you hang out with some old dude who runs off all your prospective boyfriends and tries to get you to play weird sexual fantasy games????

I have no parents as I explained in a previous post. Hes works as a boxing coach its not like the only thing he does is going to bars. He never gave me money to spend but he always payed the bills, rent, books or whatever and had total control of it, now I have a job but it wasnt like he was my sugar daddy! I know how you and most of the people see the situation and I can see it too, but the diaper thing is not the only thing hes done. I know its weird ,i could already figure that out! I think you are right about the “virginal” thing though, he always keep saying I should focus in school and homework and whatever but boys and he gets really pissed off when a guy speak to me he always chases them away. He says no ones good enough for me..

moonlightsupper wrote:
I appreciate him giving you so much attention- but can you seriously see yourself spending the rest of your life with this man in this relationship? I mean are you open for a relationship with other guy(s) or is this the guy you see for you?

I dont know I never really thought about it, I was happy the way I was with him (except the diaper thing). I always focus in school and dont really want to date guys right now, never had a bf before, now I dont know what to think anymore

I was going to ask the same thing. Are you interested in him as more than a friend? I have a feeling your sex life would never be dull with this guy…

He is a father figure to you, and he unfortunately sees you as something other than a daughter-figure. You see the cuddling as fatherly affection, while he is just beside himself wanting to do the nasty with you.

No matter what he’s done for you in the past, you have no obligation to be his sexual plaything. You have all kinds of bells and sirens going off in your head, and that’s because you know this setup just isn’t right.

Back away from him . . . no more “cuddling,” and no more being alone together. He has been letting his fantasies get the better of him . . . he has been going down that road a long time, and now it’s very difficult if not impossible for him to turn back. You are going to be hurt very badly if you stay near him.

You have no obligation to be his girlfriend, to indulge any fetishes, or to have sex with him. You need to strike out on your own and find some guy near your age to grow old with. This guy and everything connected to him is just one big dead end!

fairybo wrote:

moonlightsupper wrote:
I appreciate him giving you so much attention- but can you seriously see yourself spending the rest of your life with this man in this relationship? I mean are you open for a relationship with other guy(s) or is this the guy you see for you?

I dont know I never really thought about it, I was happy the way I was with him (except the diaper thing). I always focus in school and dont really want to date guys right now, never had a bf before, now I dont know what to think anymore

Well you are 21 so if you wanted to go out with someone then you can no matter what a 40 year old who is with someone else says. Working hard at school is good but you need more than just school in your life.

Zirbel, you really do have a link for EVERY situation!!

Zirbel wrote:
It’s a special fetish — with many followers round the world!
Crazy, but real.

How they explain it (FOR ADULTS ONLY):
· http://dailydiapers.com/
· http://adultdiapersfetish.com/

fairybo wrote:

moonlightsupper wrote:
I appreciate him giving you so much attention- but can you seriously see yourself spending the rest of your life with this man in this relationship? I mean are you open for a relationship with other guy(s) or is this the guy you see for you?

I dont know I never really thought about it, I was happy the way I was with him (except the diaper thing). I always focus in school and dont really want to date guys right now, never had a bf before, now I dont know what to think anymore

This is getting really sad to read now. You should be enjoying your life and he is in many ways restricting it. Can you at least see that? If you don’t want to date thats fine, but you should be free to ‘explore’ whats out there through simple interaction with male friends without him hovering in the background…are you?

I know you don’t want to upset him and I understand he has significant influence in your life but that doesn’t mean he should have control over you. I agree with many here, this could very well be a dangerous situation especially if you ever decide to leave him.

wear the diapir on your head.

The guy fits almost all of the traits pedophiles have in common. It would be too long to list them all so I will list only those OP brought up.
The guy is getting mad if she talks to boys means he is isolating her to become totally dependent on him which was the case until she started to work. He frowns on any signs of her autonomy and will regard it as a threat so no wonder he wants to isolate her from friends and boyfriends. A pedophile exploits the vulnerability of his victim and OP was totally vulnerable by having no one to raise her etc. By helping her throughout those years he actually made her complitely obey him and his demands. By asking you to wear diapers to be his real baby girl would and did fulfill his fantasies and fetishes. Without it he would never reach climax. Probably you saw him being more and more persistent for you to behave like a baby and wear diaper. Everyone knows here what is going to happen next. Unfortunately you are getting old for him. Soon he is going to find another victim. What I would suggest is to somehow convince him to go get psychological help. He is emotionally labile and is suffering from abandonment anxiety. With you he reenacts his childhood because he wants to make peace with his childhood when something important happened in his life. He needs to learn to reassert control over his life but not through pedophilic behaviour of hurting an innocent young girl.

Some of the other posters are saying that this is a common sexual fetish, but my question is: Why is he focusing on you sexually in the first place?

If you were to tell a relative about this, what would they say? If you have any shame about telling a relative what this man wants you to do - you have your answer. You already know this is wrong (because you’re not quite comfortable with it) and that’s why you’re asking about it. Your gut instincts are telling you there’s something twisted about this.

I can see why you are conflicted.

He has been a huge positive in your life, and he isn’t 100% bad even now.
But he does have serious issues that are now hurting you. Can you see that?

Just because “diaper fetishes” are common (ARE they????) doesn’t make them healthy or positive in any way. You are in a long deep relationship with this man, and when it began you were too young to judge if it was weird. But now you are old enough. The issue of “unfaithfulness” or “two-timing” on his part is minor (common crappy behavior) compared to DIAPERS. One of the things that bothers me most about what you’ve written is that you don’t care anything about his girlfriend. That shows callousness on your part, a lack of empathy for one of your “Sisters.” And by extension, a lack of proper caring for your own self. In addition, at age 21 you’ve been around enough to know that cuddling is “intimate,” period. I would say you bear some responsibility for how this has evolved.

But not nearly as much responsibility as he bears, of course …

It’s all confused and confusing, but you must back off now. It would help if you could talk with someone who knows you, in person. You need support now.

Perhaps his girlfriend is treating you, quoting, like crap because you don’t know where to draw the line with him. I would definitely not tolerate my boyfriend cuddling with a ‘friend’; do you honestly expect her to be totally fine with her bf cuddling up with you AND put up with your defensive attitude? You need to figure out if you want to be with him or not, right now you are just crazy possessive of this man who is not your boyfriend. This is very selfish, and honestly if you truly love him like a family you would want to see him happy. You never said he is miserable with his current girlfriend and you are obviously causing problems for them. Please figure out if you really want to be with this guy, if you do then make it official and stop hating on a woman who rightfully dislikes you. If not, then you need to get out there and find another man who truly loves you with OR without a diaper! Of course he wouldn’t classify cuddling with you as cheating, he is having his cake and eat it too, thats why most of the time a girl has to know when to draw the line, especially when its a special nutcase like your man… he’s probably the happiest player in the world with you playing along like this. It doesn’t sound like he respects you all that much either, making a request like that in the first place.

Get out of his grip and find a real man, you can do so so SO much better. Appreciate him for taking care of you, but don’t make him the center of your world. He is trying tI isolate you from your peers, and whatever motivations he has cannot be good.

This is the craziest post I think I have seen on here.. and terribly long now.

I’ve read everything you and everybody said.

You say that this man tells his girlfriend to shut up infront of you? Seriously? So you’re blaming her for staying in the relationship, but turning a blind shoulder to the fact that he’s in the relationship too? Seriously? How does that make sense at all.

If he didn’t want to be with her, he would dump her. Simple. He’s obviously keeping her around and you may never know that reason. Psychologically it makes sense that he’s keeping her so that he can act out his fantasies on her, while thinking of you sexually. She probably knows it too, and honestly? He sounds abusive as hell. He’s probably giving her no choice but to stay in the relationship.

In my honest opinion, because I had a pretty similar thing happen to me when I was 15. He took advantage of you when you were weak and lonely. He saw his chance to “Capture” you and make you the way he wanted. It makes sense that he would keep up the good guy act, but the fact is you were giving him what he wanted all along. He probably just waited till you were of adult legal age, to go further with you to save his ***.

When I was 15-18. I got a lot of help from this couple and this older man. He did everything for me, and so did they. But eventually my “Bad radar” started ticking. I noticed that they were trying to turn me on my family, and I noticed that they wanted more out of me in time. The husband would start to say he wanted to “have fun with me” almost everyday and start smacking my butt. The wife would tell me that it would be the right thing to do to sleep with him, and she’ll join in. Mind you, I was 16 at the time. . .and I was like WTF!

The other guy I actually ended up dating kind of, but he just kept hinting at me that he wanted me to sleep with all of them together. THEN, one night I was drinking with the other guy and I told him I felt like getting a little drunk, so i’ll probably go to bed early. Then when I was a bit drunk he said “Oh the “wife” is here and we’re going to have a threesome” And i said . . “No. I won’t do it” And he told me I had to. He was being very aggressive with me about it and tried to make me drink more wine. The both tried to get me to do it by taking of my clothes. I didn’t want to, I was very upset and crying. Then they made me do some terrible things. Eventually I just forced myself very aggressively out of the situation and they both just kept going at it on my living room floor. I ran out of the house and went for a walk to calm myself. I was hoping they both would leave after a few hours, but when I came back they were talking about smoking crack. I couldn’t believe it. I moved out shortly afterwards and have cut all contact with these people. It’s sad to see that people can be so mentally disturbed.

I wonder if you ever stood back and looked at your situation from a distance. (Please don’t avoid reading this)

You were a child who desperately needed a safety zone and he was there. You grew up believing and trusting his motives. Everything he did seemed to you a reflection of his genuine love and care. It worked for him, it worked for you. You have spent years justifying his behavior towards you, believing he has your best interest in mind. This in turn created resistance against any thought or argument that contradicts his behavior. Someone mentioned being ‘brain-washed’ and that is exactly it. You may not even see this because you don’t want to. You feel you owe it to him that you remain loyal and defensive. As far as you are concerned, people here don’t understand.

I mean imagine the psychological implications and emotional trauma if your mind had to consider and accept what is being said here is essentially true. It is a shock, so big that you don’t even want to face it. What about the upheaval this would create in your life? I mean how can you accept the words of some strangers (who in your mind probably don’t care nor understand) and go against the ‘safe’ mindset you created over the years. I can see this being a very scary and confusing experience and you wish you never brought it up.

I want to encourage you, and say you will and can make it without him. You can have a beautiful and a much more genuine life, if you will just face your fears. There is a way out. You can tear down your walls of self-denial and self-deception, which served an emotionally protective purpose at some point but are completely unnecessary now you are an adult.

You may think you know this guy because of the time frame involved, but one thing is for sure, you can never know what goes on in the minds of others; especially, the minds of sexually depraved individuals. They operate on a subnormal and inconspicuous level that can go on for years, completely undetected. In the meantime, you are missing out on an opportunity to take charge of your life, to live a normal and happy life.

Hi fairybo, it was good that you took the chance to discuss the situation and talk more about it with others here. I can imagine how sad and even shocking others’ perspectives on the situation must be to you. But there’s a lot of serious and compassionate thought in the help you are being offered. I hope you keep in touch with this site and let people know things are ok.

moonlightsupper wrote:
I wonder if you ever stood back and looked at your situation from a distance. (Please don’t avoid reading this)

You were a child who desperately needed a safety zone and he was there. You grew up believing and trusting his motives. Everything he did seemed to you a reflection of his genuine love and care. It worked for him, it worked for you. You have spent years justifying his behavior towards you, believing he has your best interest in mind. This in turn created resistance against any thought or argument that contradicts his behavior. Someone mentioned being ‘brain-washed’ and that is exactly it. You may not even see this because you don’t want to. You feel you owe it to him that you remain loyal and defensive. As far as you are concerned, people here don’t understand.

I mean imagine the psychological implications and emotional trauma if your mind had to consider and accept what is being said here is essentially true. It is a shock, so big that you don’t even want to face it. What about the upheaval this would create in your life? I mean how can you accept the words of some strangers (who in your mind probably don’t care nor understand) and go against the ‘safe’ mindset you created over the years. I can see this being a very scary and confusing experience and you wish you never brought it up.

I want to encourage you, and say you will and can make it without him. You can have a beautiful and a much more genuine life, if you will just face your fears. There is a way out. You can tear down your walls of self-denial and self-deception, which served an emotionally protective purpose at some point but are completely unnecessary now you are an adult.

You may think you know this guy because of the time frame involved, but one thing is for sure, you can never know what goes on in the minds of others; especially, the minds of sexually depraved individuals. They operate on a subnormal and inconspicuous level that can go on for years, completely undetected. In the meantime, you are missing out on an opportunity to take charge of your life, to live a normal and happy life.

I’m quoting this because it’s more than true and that way you’re garunteed to read it!

moonlightsupper; I always read all the replies carefully. Im very very sad (crying) and confused right now, good thing this is an anonymous site and no one knows me otherwise Id be too embarrassed.

I can see what you all say, I think he does have sexual intentions with me but I cant accept the fact he doesnt care about me I just cant because it really doesnt make any sense to me.

Yesterday night he patted his lap (for me to go and sit) and I said no because you have a girfriend and he was like WTF and threw out a freak out demanding to know who I was talking to I said no one and went to my room. Then I heard he called her gf and started to yell at her then he came back very mad saying what was wrong with me, then saying he was sorry that he didnt mean to yell that hated to see me cry. I had to go to my own home anyways so here I am. He texted me 3 times one asking again where I got all the ****** up idea from then saying he wont put up with that crap and another one saying that hes sorry that its OK if I want to have a talk with him. I suppose I should talk to him? But he wont believe I just realized all that by myself, and he will get mad.. :(

He probably does care about you, but it isn’t the type of care that’s very healthy. I care about a lot of things; my dog, my family, my life, and the happiness of those around me. Which do you think is his type of care for you? Does he care for you because you are good for his life, because you are loyal and nice company for him, because you are genuinely like family, or because you are part of his surroundings and he wants you to be happy?

Just because someone has mesed up motives in their actions, or completely unnaceptable behavior doesnt mean they don’t care. Does his caring about you really make up for his behavior and or his actions?

By the way the fact that he flipped out does show taht he has a serious thing with wanting you to be dependant on him. Think about it. He immediately assumed of you talking to someone, and he flipped out because he wants you to only be talking to him. He flipped out because now he has competition for who sways your opinion in a certain way, and now there’s somebody else giving you information that doesnt agree with his.

You do have a choice to make. I wouldn’t judge you if you let yourself go on this way, but he will be trying to make you dependant on him like he already has. You can talk to him and stuff, but I think you should really get out there more. Make some other friends, and some boyfriends, which you haven’t been doing because this guy took advantage of the fathering role you gave him, and made you not talk to any males aside from him.

Until the diaper story, I’d say that it would be fully possible that he was seriously just like a father to you. Then again, it is fully possible, but not at all probable. Also, the gesture he made to sit on his lap is him wanting you to be physically close to him, whether it be for emotional of physical reasons; I can’t say.

I gotta go, I wish I could be more insightful but i really cant.

fairybo wrote:
moonlightsupper; I always read all the replies carefully. Im very very sad (crying) and confused right now, good thing this is an anonymous site and no one knows me otherwise Id be too embarrassed.

I can see what you all say, I think he does have sexual intentions with me but I cant accept the fact he doesnt care about me I just cant because it really doesnt make any sense to me.

Yesterday night he patted his lap (for me to go and sit) and I said no because you have a girfriend and he was like WTF and threw out a freak out demanding to know who I was talking to I said no one and went to my room. Then I heard he called her gf and started to yell at her then he came back very mad saying what was wrong with me, then saying he was sorry that he didnt mean to yell that hated to see me cry. I had to go to my own home anyways so here I am. He texted me 3 times one asking again where I got all the ****** up idea from then saying he wont put up with that crap and another one saying that hes sorry that its OK if I want to have a talk with him. I suppose I should talk to him? But he wont believe I just realized all that by myself, and he will get mad.. :(

I don’t think anyone is saying he doesn’t care about you.

The problem is, as said above, it isn’t healthy.

Your relationship is unbalanced and inappropriate and he is trying to control & manipulate you.

He has obviously been a very important part of your life, however you are now a grown woman of 21 years old and you should be able to stand up for yourself and have relationships on your terms.

You aren’t looking for a sexual relationship with him. He is looking for a sexual relationship with you.

My advice would therefore be to cut contact with him. It’s very difficult to successfully be friends with someone when they want more than just friendship.

However, if you feel you can’t do that, tell him that you are not comfortable with sitting on his lap, cuddling up to him, and wearing diapers, and if he truly cares for you he should respect that and treat you more appropriately. True friends respect each others views & wishes and don’t get angry or aggressive if they do not agree with them.

If he can’t respect what you want, I really think you have to walk away from this situation.

Good luck x

fairybo wrote:
moonlightsupper; I always read all the replies carefully. Im very very sad (crying) and confused right now, good thing this is an anonymous site and no one knows me otherwise Id be too embarrassed.

I can see what you all say, I think he does have sexual intentions with me but I cant accept the fact he doesnt care about me I just cant because it really doesnt make any sense to me.

Yesterday night he patted his lap (for me to go and sit) and I said no because you have a girfriend and he was like WTF and threw out a freak out demanding to know who I was talking to I said no one and went to my room. Then I heard he called her gf and started to yell at her then he came back very mad saying what was wrong with me, then saying he was sorry that he didnt mean to yell that hated to see me cry. I had to go to my own home anyways so here I am. He texted me 3 times one asking again where I got all the ****** up idea from then saying he wont put up with that crap and another one saying that hes sorry that its OK if I want to have a talk with him. I suppose I should talk to him? But he wont believe I just realized all that by myself, and he will get mad.. :(

Read my post again about this and if all these won’t raise red flags for you, nothing will. Be careful around him. Now is when it is going to be nasty.

He showed his true intentions toward you. He has been plotting and planning for years to get you into the sack . . . from the moment he first saw you. He bided his time, because he thought it would be “so good” once he had you undressed and could have sex with you.

There is no point in talking to him any further. Whatever honor he had, he threw away in a bid to exploit you. You owe this low-life scumbag NOTHING. Don’t feel obligated in any way. He crossed a line. He was intending to cross it all along, but he thought he had you mesmerized so that you wouldn’t stop him. He didn’t count on you getting any “second opinions.” Others saw him the way you couldn’t see him before, but now it’s as if all of his clothes have fallen to the floor and you now see a leprous pervert before you!

I want you to completely avoid all contact with him. He will try to lure you back into his web. Next time you won’t be so lucky . . . because next time he may be tearing your clothes off.

Again, don’t feel guilty or obligated to this man. If you went to a cannibal’s home and he tried to eat you for dinner, would you go back? Certainly not. The same applies here!

beatricegalant wrote:

fairybo wrote:
moonlightsupper; I always read all the replies carefully. Im very very sad (crying) and confused right now, good thing this is an anonymous site and no one knows me otherwise Id be too embarrassed.

I can see what you all say, I think he does have sexual intentions with me but I cant accept the fact he doesnt care about me I just cant because it really doesnt make any sense to me.

Yesterday night he patted his lap (for me to go and sit) and I said no because you have a girfriend and he was like WTF and threw out a freak out demanding to know who I was talking to I said no one and went to my room. Then I heard he called her gf and started to yell at her then he came back very mad saying what was wrong with me, then saying he was sorry that he didnt mean to yell that hated to see me cry. I had to go to my own home anyways so here I am. He texted me 3 times one asking again where I got all the ****** up idea from then saying he wont put up with that crap and another one saying that hes sorry that its OK if I want to have a talk with him. I suppose I should talk to him? But he wont believe I just realized all that by myself, and he will get mad.. :(

Read my post again about this and if all these won’t raise red flags for you, nothing will. Be careful around him. Now is when it is going to be nasty.

I agree with Beatrice. Be careful. There is some danger here.

ilivelife wrote:
tell him that you are not comfortable with sitting on his lap, cuddling up to him, and wearing diapers, and if he truly cares for you he should respect that and treat you more appropriately.

NO. This is not right. Yes, you are here - when it is time to have this conversation - but the sentence should stop right after the word “diapers!” Now that this has happened and you, and we, all see clearly what is going on, there is not a lot more to be said, certainly not while you are (are you?) LIVING WITH HIM. Now is the time to move out, quickly and quietly. Or if you are not living with him, now is the time to make a rather final statement and then go underground for several weeks at the very very minimum. Either way, GET AWAY, now.

Oops, I wrote that before reading chev.jame’s reply. I don’t know if he planned it all along or if it just developed, but you need to get away from him and into a WHOLESOME environment immediately.

At some point (perhaps on the telephone) you can talk to him again if you feel you need to clear anything up. But now you need time and space to think, and understand what’s been happening to you.

chev.jame wrote:
He showed his true intentions toward you. He has been plotting and planning for years to get you into the sack . . . from the moment he first saw you. He bided his time, because he thought it would be “so good” once he had you undressed and could have sex with you.

There is no point in talking to him any further. Whatever honor he had, he threw away in a bid to exploit you. You owe this low-life scumbag NOTHING. Don’t feel obligated in any way. He crossed a line. He was intending to cross it all along, but he thought he had you mesmerized so that you wouldn’t stop him. He didn’t count on you getting any “second opinions.” Others saw him the way you couldn’t see him before, but now it’s as if all of his clothes have fallen to the floor and you now see a leprous pervert before you!

I want you to completely avoid all contact with him. He will try to lure you back into his web. Next time you won’t be so lucky . . . because next time he may be tearing your clothes off.

Again, don’t feel guilty or obligated to this man. If you went to a cannibal’s home and he tried to eat you for dinner, would you go back? Certainly not. The same applies here!

Chev. is a very wise man and he is very VERY true in this statement. Even once being in a abusive relationship myself, I can tell you that will say ANYTHING to you to make you come back to being under his control. Now that you are being an adult, he is getting angry at you because you’re not being a helpless little girl. The little girl that turns him on. HE WILL SAY ANYTHING to make you act this way for him. I honestly say beware. Because if he loses his temper beyond control, he might just figure now that you’re a grown woman, you should be treated like one (In his mind it seems this is how women should be treated) and physically or mentally hurt you.

You feel as though he wouldn’t do that no matter what, but the truth is. He wouldn’t do that to the “baby” girl he sexually needs. He would do that to a mature and independent woman he can’t control to prove control!

Be careful!

fairybo wrote:
moonlightsupper; I always read all the replies carefully. Im very very sad (crying) and confused right now, good thing this is an anonymous site and no one knows me otherwise Id be too embarrassed.

I can see what you all say, I think he does have sexual intentions with me but I cant accept the fact he doesnt care about me I just cant because it really doesnt make any sense to me.

Yesterday night he patted his lap (for me to go and sit) and I said no because you have a girfriend and he was like WTF and threw out a freak out demanding to know who I was talking to I said no one and went to my room. Then I heard he called her gf and started to yell at her then he came back very mad saying what was wrong with me, then saying he was sorry that he didnt mean to yell that hated to see me cry. I had to go to my own home anyways so here I am. He texted me 3 times one asking again where I got all the ****** up idea from then saying he wont put up with that crap and another one saying that hes sorry that its OK if I want to have a talk with him. I suppose I should talk to him? But he wont believe I just realized all that by myself, and he will get mad.. :(

I am genuinely worried for you. His massively agressive reaction when you quite reasonably pointed out that he has a girlfriend is all you should need to see the terrible truth of your relationship. This site is not enough to help you. you need the help of others who can be physically present. I am still not clear on your age, but I think a women’s refuge or support group would help.

I have no one I can tell this to. I know some people from collage but they’re acquaintances really and I wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about this with them anyways and I have no family either. I can try the womans line thats all I can think of. This sucks.

It sucks but it seems to me you are being pretty brave about the situation. You tried out what would happen if you asserted your feelings, your point of view and this small step should have produced a massive learning curve. This guy is needy and controlling. The reaction - who have you been talking to? demonstrates the way he has imposed his perspective on the situation, then, suddenly, that perspective is challenged. He was confident he had defined your reality so you would accept his point of view. He is cunning enough to realise his perspective is being challenged from elsewhere. Now do you see why he kept boys and others away from you?

I always use the Oprah Winfrey test: imagine describing your situation on her show, imagine him trying to explain himself. How reasonable would his take on life sound: well, I’ve protected her, kept undesirable people away, nurtured her - sure we had sex once and yeah she would look better in diapers. How would the audience react.

Yes try the woman’s line, yes try a school counsellor, I’m not sure your friends (who you can of course talk to) will be strong enough to give you the physical support you need. Take care, best wishes , Tim

fairybo, you need to ask yourself these questions:

1-Am I emotionally prepared to leave this guy behind?
2-Am I convinced I should lead my own life without him?
3-Do I believe I have the strength to do this?

By all means please share your thoughts if you wish.
(((Hug)))

moonlightsupper wrote:
fairybo, you need to ask yourself these questions:

1-Am I emotionally prepared to leave this guy behind?
2-Am I convinced I should lead my own life without him?
3-Do I believe I have the strength to do this?

By all means please share your thoughts if you wish.
(((Hug)))

1 - No
2 - No I couldnt do it/dont have the resources
3 - I dont know

And I think this is all ideal theory of what I should do but cant be applied in the reality I live in. Even if I wasn’t so emotionally attached to him I couldn’t get the resources to do well by myself; He pays for collage and bills and the rent when I need to (and thats always because I have little money). Though I realize some of what people say is true I don’t believe he’s been isolating me from the rest on purpose. Hes got this strong personality not only with me but with everyone is that really his fault? I could never shut him down with no explanation it would hurt him so much. Im not saying what he did was right but I don’t think he was planning it all along like some say with the only purpose of having sex with me. I do wish I could be more independent though. But I wouldn’t like to stop seeing him I mean hes been there with me forever and I love him, if hes out of town I miss him and wish hed be back soon, how could I stop seeing him forever and start a new life from 0? And if I lose him I’m completely alone and thats a fact :( . Yes I could make friends (though im not good at that) but it would take time and what do I do in between?
I just called the womans line anyways and they gave me an appointment gotta go on Thursday.

moonlightsupper wrote:
fairybo, you need to ask yourself these questions:

1-Am I emotionally prepared to leave this guy behind?
2-Am I convinced I should lead my own life without him?
3-Do I believe I have the strength to do this?

By all means please share your thoughts if you wish.
(((Hug)))

Good questions but I’m sorry moon and fairy but the answer has to be yes to these or “I am going to find out how to say yes” the consequences of saying no are too horrible to contemplate. fairybo is in a worse situation than she realises.

This guy is depraved. He has given himself over to his depravity, which has overcome any and all sense of any personal honor he may have once possessed.

You must listen to your gut, and your gut is telling you to get out, to get away, to not go near him again. Women get into trouble when they ignore their gut–usually to avoid “offending” some creep!

And the guy is a creep . . . just like that creep at Penn State who likes to “horse around” with boys in the shower. Look at that guy–he was considered a pillar of the community. And even AFTER an assistant SAW him trying to have sex with a 10-year-old boy, all the university did was bar him from using its athletic facilities for his “at risk” kids’ foundation!

Perverts are slick . . . this guy is slick. But he’s going to get frustrated if you are hanging around him and not giving in to him. Sooner or later, he’s going to rip off your clothes and do something that will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Where there is depravity, there is danger. You owe this person nothing. He’s sick, and he’s twisted. He’s nursed the idea of having sex with you for a long, long time . . . and that is exactly what will happen if you put on a diaper . . . or even go near him!

If you wouldn’t mind to share with us what the Women’s Group told you about this. Could you take out student loan while studying? I know it’s awful to start your life with debts when you graduate but it is more awful to depend on the “benevolent” of an abuser. Be very careful and don’t do anything you don’t want to just to please someone.

Thank God you rang the woman’s line. Yes life is tough but he has closeted you so it makes it tough and seem tougher than it is. Look, I got to go off line - Fairybo you are making some really positive steps . Let me tell you a kind of parable

I was in a police station and the police were trying to persuade a woman to complain about her husband who hit her. They made one very simple point: next time he hits you , you could fall, hit your head and die. And yet all the woman would talk about was her love, her needs, pretty much the worries you have.

Now think, you made one simple request. You said you did not want to sit on this man’s lap. His reaction was ANGER and paranoia. How can you rationalise that? If he cared for you your wishes would be paramount.

of course we haven’t lived your life so can’t know all the issues all the feelings, but please, I have such a bad feeling about all of this. Take care. Be careful. He may try and access your computer and make sure he can’t find all this. The women’s organisation is cool,hang in there.

I didnt specify much when talking to her she only said I shouldnt be scared that whatever it was they could help me and told me to go on thursday. Im not sure what they could do to help me but since I have nothing to lose Ill go.

Im already getting a student loan but where I live thats almost nothing (only food coupons and benefits you never really use) I also have a job that pays little but since its very hard to find a job I guess I should be thankful. I still have 2 more years and a half to finish collage.

There’s always the military. You can finish college on active duty and get a GI Bill for graduate work. The pay is good and we’re winding up things in those nasty places.

If you are living under this guy’s roof, get out and go to the miltary recruiter. You’ll be glad you did!

Tymbus wrote:

moonlightsupper wrote:
fairybo, you need to ask yourself these questions:

1-Am I emotionally prepared to leave this guy behind?
2-Am I convinced I should lead my own life without him?
3-Do I believe I have the strength to do this?

By all means please share your thoughts if you wish.
(((Hug)))

Good questions but I’m sorry moon and fairy but the answer has to be yes to these or “I am going to find out how to say yes” the consequences of saying no are too horrible to contemplate. fairybo is in a worse situation than she realises.

I fully agree Tymbus…. but judging from fairbo’s reply, she is not really ready to face up to him and no amount of arguing/ explaining is going to change her mind. She is an adult and has every right to carry on like this if thats what she wants. In many ways, we all have in one way or another helped her make an informed decision. To me thats the important thing, regardless of whether its right or wrong; we have to respect it. I can only imagine what turmoil she is going through…it is a tough one.

Now if she was a child, I would never resign myself to saying what I just said.

fairybo wrote:
I didnt specify much when talking to her she only said I shouldnt be scared that whatever it was they could help me and told me to go on thursday. Im not sure what they could do to help me but since I have nothing to lose Ill go.

Im already getting a student loan but where I live thats almost nothing (only food coupons and benefits you never really use) I also have a job that pays little but since its very hard to find a job I guess I should be thankful. I still have 2 more years and a half to finish collage.

Thursday then. try and overcome any excuse you want to make to not go, it might really be one of the most useful things you ever do :-)

There will be a cheer squad, or support group, or whatever you need on this site when you get back.

Yeah , fair comment mooonlightsupper. Also fairybo, I’m with chunkymoves. Thursday is important. The woman you talk to will likely have wide experience and will listen without passing judgement on you fairybo. You need not be embaressed by anything you need or want to say. Believe me, the person (I’m sure that it will be only one person at this point) will likely to have wide experience of many situations. You know she might even say some of us haven’t helped. Because in the end it is, and will be, your feelings and thoughts that will be listened to.

Don’t be afraid to step across the threshold. You will be welcomed and heard. I think it is fair to say everone here wishes you well. If you need encouragement on the day people are here for you, if you do or do not want to let people know how you got on that is up to you.

You’re awesome fairybo! I rarely see people take action from the advice they get, because they don’t think they’re strong enough or that it’s going to help. You’re really smart to take positive action in this situation to make things better for you. Despite these replies hurting and probably not being what you wanted to hear, you didn’t run away and you’re working through the situation and responding to every reply. That’s rare and very mature. Be proud of yourself. You’re a strong individual. Good luck and I hope everything turns out for the better.

I agree with what’s being said here.

Best of luck fairybo. We are all wish the best for you and want to support you.

You are an amaing person to have realied you are in trouble, and to have have found the courage to speak out. You really do astounish me that you were able to correct your situation after so long.

I feel as though everytime I check this post… I recieve brain damage.

Thanks everyone for your encouragement. I really hate this situation and I wont lie, Im still super attached to my friend but I will go on Thursday and see what they say to me, maybe there’s a possible way for me to be more independent? Ill let you know how it goes.

Once you see this counselor, you will BEGIN to get an idea of how much this guy has messed with your mind. It’s like the guy has been holding your head underwater and you are coming up for a gulp of air!

You cannot see things as clearly because you are so close to the situation. I kind of think of you as that little boy that the Penn State coach lured into the shower with him so they could “horse around in the shower.” But it wasn’t horsing around–it was child rape.

Guys like your “mentor” thrive on naivete and innocence, and they will eventually destroy the victim’s innocence.

He was looking to play out a fantasy . . . but now that he knows you’re on to him, he’ll force himself on you in a flash if he gets even the slightest chance.

LISTEN to this counselor . . . and LISTEN to your gut!

Hey just a message to let you know I went to the meeting. The counselor made me see some of the things my guy friend does to me like the weekly spankings or the everyday goodnight calls are clear ways to have control over me. She said I rely on him for everything because these are his intentions but not mine since he imposed the rules out of nowhere (which is true because he never asked if I was OK with it or not).
She asked if I was content with my life (I said yes) and then she asked if I wanted to change something, I said I wanted to be more independent and she said in order to do that I have to start being objective about my situation and learn to say “no”. She said I’ve been this way for so long that I have to walk out of this step by step. I’m gonna start going 3 times a week.

Weekly spankings???? WTF? I don’t think you mentioned that earlier…

Good luck with everything. Time to unsubscribe for me.

Weekly spankings and a diaper, I mean really and you just now started to think things were getting weird? You need to go out on a date. See what kind of hell that unleashes in your friend…

I mean congrats on getting some help, I think you are moving in the right direction.

Never mentioned that because I didnt think it was that important and I plan on going on dates

fairybo wrote:
Never mentioned that because I didnt think it was that important and I plan on going on dates

You didn’t think it was important?! He SPANKS you!! Thats very important!!

Good for you fairybo! sounds like you made progress today. Just please be careful and don’t put up with any anger or control tactics; I can imagine these getting out of control as you ‘change’ towards him. Make sure you have contacts and help handy should you ever need it. I agree its much more helpful if you withdraw from his life gradually. All the best for now and I hope you will find yourself a really nice guy who will treat you with the respect and love that you deserve.

I’m so proud of you Fairybo! Thank you for keeping us posted! I know you can do this :)

Good for you for LISTENING to others and taking your counselor’s advice! Time for you to unshackle yourself from this weird guy’s even weirder fantasies. Yes, the guy is a few sandwiches short of a picnic, and he could easily turn violent on you. Get away from him and stay away. Like Dr. Ralph said, go on dates with NORMAL guys . . . and don’t talk to them about what this guy was doing or wanted you to do. Put all of this into the past and walk confidently into your future!

So after all the counsellor didn’t tell you anything different or anything more we told you here. Now it’s up to you what you are going to do. You got enough advice and encouragment. Good luck in your life.

fairybo wrote:
Never mentioned that because I didnt think it was that important and I plan on going on dates

I’d wait on that. You need to get straighten out, and out of this man’s HOUSE, first. Give yourself at least a year after you do so.

I dont live with him but I do have a room at his place. I dont plan on going on dates right now, I want to be independent first and sort out my situation with money, collage, etc first.

fairybo wrote:
I dont live with him but I do have a room at his place. I dont plan on going on dates right now, I want to be independent first and sort out my situation with money, collage, etc first.

I think you need to get out of his house completely asap. You may not have everything arranged but if you had to you could go to a womans shelter to get help. When he knows that you are getting wise to his games he will have nothing to loose by really hurting you.
Sorry .. weekly spankings, this is abusive and leaving me speechless ACT NOW LEAVE THIS HOUSE ASAP. If you can not find resources please let us know so we can try to help you, or ask that lady you talk to for her suggestions..
Love is not like this..
Be well
Agape

My advice is to slowly move all of your stuff out of that room at his place secretly. Everytime you go there, take a few things, Then more and more.

Eventually you’ll only have to take a few things which will make it a lot easier, and a lot safer for you.

You’ve got a room at his place? Take a friend with you and clear out your stuff–if you can’t live without it. Don’t go alone. If at all possible, just leave the stuff and never contact him again–for ANY reason!

One thing you should know . . . psychos “escalate” their behavior over a period of time. Most serial rapists started out as peeping toms. You don’t need to be around when this guy “evolves” to the next stage of depravity.

I’ve spent some time around criminal profilers . . . and I have one friend who could undoubtedly peg this guy to a “T”. This guy was grooming you like nobody’s business. You were like a turkey about to be stuffed and put into the oven!

Oh, yes. Psychos can be very charming, when they wish to be, and can also use anger and violence to cow their victims into submission. They usually do both.

This guy’s not right. He’s unstable. And that makes him a very real threat to you.

Please STAY AWAY!

chev.jame wrote:
You’ve got a room at his place? Take a friend with you and clear out your stuff–if you can’t live without it. Don’t go alone. If at all possible, just leave the stuff and never contact him again–for ANY reason!

One thing you should know . . . psychos “escalate” their behavior over a period of time. Most serial rapists started out as peeping toms. You don’t need to be around when this guy “evolves” to the next stage of depravity.

I’ve spent some time around criminal profilers . . . and I have one friend who could undoubtedly peg this guy to a “T”. This guy was grooming you like nobody’s business. You were like a turkey about to be stuffed and put into the oven!

Oh, yes. Psychos can be very charming, when they wish to be, and can also use anger and violence to cow their victims into submission. They usually do both.

This guy’s not right. He’s unstable. And that makes him a very real threat to you.

Please STAY AWAY!

Absolutely agree.
I have been in a situation where I did leave everything behind, only clothes and photos came with me. Everything can be replaced.
I also would like to warn you that in NO WAY should you let him know that you are thinking about things, ACT LIKE EVERYTHING is normal. Please do not tip him off at all, it will not go well and you will reap his anger and whatever else he wants to do to you. Treat this very seriously, you are in danger as soon as he knows you are leaving him and not going along with his games any longer. You may need to have assistance from a womens shelter, they will help you and protect you from his threats and abuse. Please be careful that in no way he can find this information on your computer as well. You have to think ahead of things, when he is going to be gone and you can safely leave and NOT come back. Once he understands your intentions it is over, this man will not treat you nicely he will do everything he can to hold onto you, he has put to much money and time into you grooming you for the crap he wanted to do to you. Please be brave and strong and think carefully in everything you do from now on, it is critical that you have a support place to go to, do not try to stay there and figure this out. Now is the time to make your self safe and get away.
Love
Agape

http://www.thehotline.org/

And the main thing . . . you cannot TRUST this man any longer. All the time he was “taking care” of you, he had an agenda in his mind that involved your satisfying his sexual fantasies.

I remember the engineer from the Northeast US who went to Russia to adopt a five-year-old girl. He raped her the first night he had her back in the USA.

This guy’s fantasies about you could easily–so easily–result in rape.

You are going to have to purge your mind of any idea that you can still trust this man. He has thrown away that trust–along with whatever honor he ever had.

Hi fairybo, it sounds like you had a very productive meeting.

I must admit your revelation of weekly “spankings” wrong footed me because it came from no where and seemed like something that would be top of the list to discuss.

However, the key things that you have said are 1) you will be going to further meetings of the women’s group. and 2) you have mutually recognised change will need to be step by step. I imagine these will be small steps at first and it is for you to decide what those steps should be. I hope people here respect that. There may come a dramatic moment or crisis that requires a big step or there may not. Best wishes for the future,

If you are dependent on this guy in any way for shelter or your livelihood, then you need to find a relative or friend to stay with until you can get on your feet.

If you have NO friends or relatives willing to take you in, then march down to the military recruiter and sign up for a two-year enlistment. You’ll get your self-respect back and you’ll learn you have reserves of strength that you never dreamed you had.

The main thing is to get OUT of there, before he wrecks your mind or violates your body, or both!

“you have mutually recognised change will need to be step by step. It is for you to decide what those steps should be. I hope people here respect that”

Just thought it was worth repeating.

Good job, fairybo. One thing - don’t delete any angry voice mails or text messages that he sends you if you can… these may come in handy if for some reason you need to get a restraining order against this guy someday.

Elk wrote:
Good job, fairybo. One thing - don’t delete any angry voice mails or text messages that he sends you if you can… these may come in handy if for some reason you need to get a restraining order against this guy someday.

Very good point!

And never meet up with this guy under any circumstances ALONE!

Seeing as how this post is coming to an end, I’d like to make a fine note.

You guys, single-handedly ruined what that guy has been working on for YEARS. Day in and day out. Isn’t life just a huge mix of irony and nuts? I mean… come on.

If not for help.com, that guy would’ve been have some good times and this poor, deluded girl wouldn’t even know what was happening.

Just a thought.

I’m not sure what the point of your comment is, crafte.

fairybo wrote:
I dont live with him but I do have a room at his place. I dont plan on going on dates right now, I want to be independent first and sort out my situation with money, collage, etc first.

Why do you have a room at his place.

“college” (two e’s)

Now that “spankings” have come up, yes I can see that as abuse, but I’m wondering if it’s just been kinky, mutual weirdness. No matter how old you were when this started, you need to get around some wholesome normal people and begin to look at your own responsibilty for enabling this mess.

“He wants me to wear diapers” – the sentence is beginning to make me really feel SICK.

Good work Fairybo. It’s not your fault, and can see why its so conflicting.

One step at a time…

:-)

Way to go fairybo! (Yeah I’m a poet.) :)

Best wishes from here out! You’re moving in the right direction. Just take it one step at a time.

I just saw the movie Dangerous Method and found lots of similarities with fairbo’s case which made me think that this post was a troll post so I am signing off. Have fun people.

oh god

beatricegalant wrote:
I just saw the movie Dangerous Method and found lots of similarities with fairbo’s case which made me think that this post was a troll post so I am signing off. Have fun people.

And what if you are so wrong and way out?
Just because you watched a movie with some similarities (by the way you need to pay more attention) doesn’t mean this is a troll post. This is a very serious subject and your attempt to undermine the OP and be ’smart’ can be causing a lot of hurt and undo much of the hard work here.

You want to leave just leave, but spare everyone your spurious and pointless comment especially now the OP is seeking help.

Muffsy wrote:
oh god

you too!

I’m willing to risk being trolled a few times to help someone out of sexual abuse.

crafte wrote:
Seeing as how this post is coming to an end, I’d like to make a fine note.

You guys, single-handedly ruined what that guy has been working on for YEARS. Day in and day out. Isn’t life just a huge mix of irony and nuts? I mean… come on.

If not for help.com, that guy would’ve been have some good times and this poor, deluded girl wouldn’t even know what was happening.

Just a thought.

I sense a certain irony in your tone, but its a good point. First we have taken fairybo at her word (I must admit my belief was a little shaken at the spankings revelation and a rfriend just refuses to believe the diapers aspect). Secondly some of have vilified this man who may be innocent (particularly for much of her life). That’s why in the end I tried to focus on fairybos statements of unease, concern and desire for change. I think most have responded to that. Fairybo raised her own concerns and most have shown her practical ways of addressing these.

beatricegalant wrote:
I just saw the movie Dangerous Method and found lots of similarities with fairbo’s case which made me think that this post was a troll post so I am signing off. Have fun people.

I saw that movie, I’ll watch it again. I certainly at times felt this could be a troll post- particularly when the poster revealed about spankings late in the day and that she would be going to a women’s group three times a week. That seemed excessive.

I have just read an article that says older people’s memory is hampered not by memory problems but a lack of attention- I have just been trying to work out where in a story about a game show creator and alleged spy the diapers fitted in. I confused Dangerous Method/Danngerous Minds and Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. LOL. Could beatricegate post the similarities out of interest?

Uh this is not a troll post, you think 3 times is excessive, the counselor wanted me to go daily :S I appreciate all your comments and the time you spent writing and thinking, I wouldn’t joke about this. I know there are other people needing help as well I wouldn’t make of this a waste of time trust me. For the ones who asked, the spanking isn’t sexual for me at all (though now I know it probably is for him) Ive been getting a weekly spanking every Friday forever but never thought it was weird because I was used to it. The thought about that didn’t crossed my mind when I was writing the original post because it wasn’t something that actually bothered me.

I trust you. I believe thing things can happen.

How is it going now? Have you talked to the guy?

fairybo wrote:
Uh this is not a troll post, you think 3 times is excessive, the counselor wanted me to go daily :S I appreciate all your comments and the time you spent writing and thinking, I wouldn’t joke about this. I know there are other people needing help as well I wouldn’t make of this a waste of time trust me. For the ones who asked, the spanking isn’t sexual for me at all (though now I know it probably is for him) Ive been getting a weekly spanking every Friday forever but never thought it was weird because I was used to it. The thought about that didn’t crossed my mind when I was writing the original post because it wasn’t something that actually bothered me.

Can I ask you why he was spanking you? I mean what did he say to justify this every Friday? I can not imagine what it is to just line up for the spanking and not be afraid or upset that you were being humiliated and hurt by him and over what?
We were abused as kids me sis and I, and whenever it happened which was mostly daily we would hide or run if we could, it was not something we just thought was okay. It makes me sad to think of any abuse ever done to anyone, did you just turn off your emotions?

~AGAPE~ wrote:
Can I ask you why he was spanking you? I mean what did he say to justify this every Friday? I can not imagine what it is to just line up for the spanking and not be afraid or upset that you were being humiliated and hurt by him and over what?
We were abused as kids me sis and I, and whenever it happened which was mostly daily we would hide or run if we could, it was not something we just thought was okay. It makes me sad to think of any abuse ever done to anyone, did you just turn off your emotions?

Every friday I have to tell him all the bad things Ive done during the week and he will give me a spanking so I can have a clean consience afterwards. I never felt it was physical abuse because it doeasn’t really hurt and he always says it means I have someone looking out for me that I should be grateful (though I KNOW he’s using this to have control over me). I just got used to it, for me this is normal. There are times when I do something bad and I know I wont be able to sleep because of the remorse if I don’t get one before going to bed (even if its not friday). This is NOT sexual, it’s a way to be at peace with myself, but as I said I know its not normal so its not like I cant see that but I gave up fighting over that a long time ago.

fairybo wrote:

~AGAPE~ wrote:
Can I ask you why he was spanking you? I mean what did he say to justify this every Friday? I can not imagine what it is to just line up for the spanking and not be afraid or upset that you were being humiliated and hurt by him and over what?
We were abused as kids me sis and I, and whenever it happened which was mostly daily we would hide or run if we could, it was not something we just thought was okay. It makes me sad to think of any abuse ever done to anyone, did you just turn off your emotions?

Every friday I have to tell him all the bad things Ive done during the week and he will give me a spanking so I can have a clean consience afterwards. I never felt it was physical abuse because it doeasn’t really hurt and he always says it means I have someone looking out for me that I should be grateful (though I KNOW he’s using this to have control over me). I just got used to it, for me this is normal. There are times when I do something bad and I know I wont be able to sleep because of the remorse if I don’t get one before going to bed (even if its not friday). This is NOT sexual, it’s a way to be at peace with myself, but as I said I know its not normal so its not like I cant see that but I gave up fighting over that a long time ago.

Just because he can think of a moral justification for these actions doesnt make it right. You are perfectly capable of forgiving yourself without any of this sick stuff in your life. Now, please give an example as to what a ‘bad thing’ would be. I know you feel as though this isnt sexual.. but in essence he has dominated you. Domination can be a sexual thing for some people and it sure as heck sounds to me like this is the case.

justice82n wrote:

Just because he can think of a moral justification for these actions doesnt make it right. You are perfectly capable of forgiving yourself without any of this sick stuff in your life. Now, please give an example as to what a ‘bad thing’ would be. I know you feel as though this isnt sexual.. but in essence he has dominated you. Domination can be a sexual thing for some people and it sure as heck sounds to me like this is the case.

Mostly if I dont give the max effort in my studies, bad attitude, if I forget to call him (I have to call him everynight before going to bed), etc then he would hug me and say I did good to make me feel good afterwards but I dont like being treated as a kid I said that to him a thousand times but its like talking to a wall. I know he;s not God to forgive me I dont know why I feel so guilty

Awh fairybo.. this is understandable considering how important it is to everyone to feel accepted and loved.
IF you had better parents who were caring and tried you would never look to this person for acceptance and love.
Even so, there is a time when you have to survive and that is what you have been doing within this odd relationship. It worked for awhile but you have to make a better way for yourself now.
There are so many people on here who you have been giving you excellent advise and true concern for you. That is not something that can be taken away, this is a safe place that you can always come to and find that support and love that you need. I know it is different in person, but this is a good start, and you will be okay if you can apply some of what has been said here to your real life. People who have written to you on here have nothing to gain or take from you, you only get the good stuff because there are no ‘agendas’ like this man has with you.
You deserve to be safe and have a good life ahead of you, to open up to what life can be for you, without restrictions and fear. You have a right to be an adult and be treated with respect and to have boundary lines and to say no when it feels uncomfortable. You create your life with each choice and make it go wherever you would like, you just need to believe that you are worth it.
I want you to be safe and make good choices, I hope that you will do what you need to do now to move in that direction, one small step at a time, until you are walking away for good from the life that has been so difficult.
Sending you light and love and strength
Peace to you
L

That’s beautiful, Agape … and reminds me of something I’ve been thinking while reading this post over several days. Fairybo, people are not all good or all bad (except for the very few). I believe your friend had good motives at some point, or perhaps all the way until now, and yet slowly some sexual thoughts crept in and got institutionalized as (maybe) the weekly spankings or the various other forms of control … But that still doesn’t mean he’s all bad so I do understand how you can feel love for him, and be grateful, at the same time as you are saying “Wait, that’s not right.” We don’t know him, and you haven’t talked much about the good, normal parts of your relationship. So I just want to say that you need not turn from love to hate. It’s better to keep the love, while you realize and understand the parts that weren’t normal and healthy for you (or him), and take the steps you’re taking to grow and protect your inner self, and develop your independence now as you are doing. The border & boundaries got blurry, and you’re now working to fix that. I don’t feel right condemning him since I really don’t know what is in his heart. For the sake of your safety and your growth, and with respect for the good parts of your relationship with this man, I agree you should slowly study this, while remaining kind but now claiming your own separate life and developing and honoring your own standards that come from you, not from anyone else’s teaching.

People may not be 100 percent good or 100 percent bad, but there are some bad behaviors and values that totally eclipse any remaining good.

There’s a woman in Toronto right now accused of torturing her husband for three months. She had a boyfriend who was her accomplice. Every once in a while she’d tell the boyfriend to stop torturing the guy. So maybe we could say she was 0.001 percent “good.” But her failure to stop the torture, and her complicity in it, wipes out whatever “good” she had in her.

If I took in a woman who needed help and gave her shelter and food, but just monumentally messed with her mind in the process, whatever “good” I did was wiped out by the “bad” I did.

Adolf Hitler did some good things for the German people, but it was all wiped out by the bad things he did to the Jewish people. And so it goes.

As a man, I will say that whatever good the man did in this diaper/spanking scenario was wiped out by the bad. He did nothing freely out of his heart, but always with an ulterior purpose in mind. That’s like a master feeding his slaves to keep them alive–he’s not doing it out of the goodness of his heart, but simply because he knows that dead slaves don’t do any work.

The man in this scenario screwed with a young woman’s mind and gave her a skewed view of the world. He has kept her from having a normal life. He took much more from her than he gave to her. What he did was exploitation, pure and simple, and there is undoubtedly a darkness pervading his heart that is yet to be fully revealed.

I will condemn him wholeheartedly, because what he did was wrong by any objective moral standard. The only “good” I can see is that he did not strangle her and bury her in a shallow grave–yet.

Good work fairybo. :-)

You may be right Chev.Jame – you usually are.

Just read the whole thread.

Cut and dried …

You were groomed. He is a controller. He will be doing to others what he does to you. He most likely picked up his ideas from one of a number of movies out there…

Now here’s the tough bit.

YOU KNEW IT WAS WRONG. That’s why you came here. You knew that it was NOT ok to be spanked by him, not OK to be sitting on his knee, not ok to be playing baby games… but under his control, you convinced yourself that there may be a “justification”.

That’s what happens in a controlling relationship.

And don’t kid yourself that “it’s all fine, he wouldn’t hurt me”. He will push the limits further and further and further…

Stay away from him. And do his girlfriend a favour… tell her she, nor any other woman or girl, is not safe until HE gets counselling !

fairybo wrote:
I know he;s not God to forgive me I dont know why I feel so guilty

You’ll feel guilty. You’ll feel that you are betraying someone who has supported you and provided stability in your life for many years. Even hostages and victims of kidnappings sometimes experience guilt after they turn in their captors. Or, after their captors are caught, they actually go to lengths to defend them. It’s called stockholm syndrome. I’m not suggesting that your situation is analogous to a kidnapping, but I do see many psychological similarities.

Here’s a great article. A bit long, but it’s worth the read. It will shed some light on all of the guilt and mixed emotions you have about leaving this relationship:
http://counsellingresource.com/lib/th…

None of us can really know what the truth of your story is in its entirety. But you do.

If things are indeed as you say they are.. then you have a long, long road of healing ahead of you. You also have some serious thinking to do and some hard decisions to make.

This man’s actions need to be exposed to the police.

You were apparently a child when he began to manipulate you. As I said before, you know in your heart that all this is wrong - that’s not a question of blaming you one iota for what might have occurred in such a controlling relationship. The point I am making with that is to say that some men weild such power over you that it prevents you from leaving, prevents you from doing what should be done.

That is what makes such men so very dangerous an individuals.

I also do not believe that a girlfriend would be unknowing in this situation. Has she too been trapped into submission? Or is she complicit? He sat you on his knee with her present and she despises you for his behaviour.. ask yourself why she has not left him? Because she is terrified of him?

You say he is agressive and violent.

Who is he targeting now? Who did he target in the past?

Where are your family in all of this? You don’t live with him.. you just have a room there. Where do you live? Why and how did he target you?

How exactly DID a vulnerable child end up in this man’s “care” without anyone questioning it?

Anyone still here?

Tymbus wrote:
Anyone still here?

Hi.

Just wanted to say hi so you know Im OK. Im still going to counseling and Im looking for a better job. I got to talk a little with my friend, and the counselor said his reaction wasn’t unhealthy and thats something. Thanks everyone once again for your time and your replies, sometimes when I feel low I re read several ones.

Oh hello.

I’m intrigued.

How come your counsellor didn’t advise you to steer well clear?

Fairybo, I don’t think a guy like that could have a healthy reaction to anything . . .

. . . and like Mum said, you need to stay well clear.

You’re amazing for seeing through the brain washing and constructing a healthy life for yourself. You really are an inspiration.

fairybo wrote:
Just wanted to say hi so you know Im OK. Im still going to counseling and Im looking for a better job. I got to talk a little with my friend, and the counselor said his reaction wasn’t unhealthy and thats something. Thanks everyone once again for your time and your replies, sometimes when I feel low I re read several ones.

Are you referring to his reaction so far, to your decision to distance yourself from him?

Gee, I guess none of this stuff you reported was really that important or that weird, huh? Is that what your counselor told you?

@Fairybo

You’re impressive. I’ve been on this site a while, and most people in tough situations take a long long time before they can face up to even taking a first step in a new direction. You are braver than maybe know.

You were called a troll, some suggested it was your fault. You could have run away, or been distracted by them. You faced them, and moved on. Well done.

Maybe one day you’ll come on here and see someone stuck in a bad place and be able to tell them how you did it :-)

For the one who asked the counselor said my friends reaction wasn’t unhealthy regarding the talk we had (I told him I didn’t want to get the weekly spanking or the obligatory every night calls anymore because I was getting too stressed out (which is true). She didnt say some of the things he did were normal just his reaction this time.

So. where are your family in all this?

How did you come to be in this situation in the first place?

Where do you live usually?

When someone finds themselves in a controlling relationship, they need to understand how they got there in the first place to know how to prevent it happening again.

How did you end up “in his care”?

fairybo wrote:
I told him I didn’t want to get the weekly spanking or the obligatory every night calls anymore because I was getting too stressed out (which is true).

Actually, this is just barely true. The real truth about why you don’t want it is a lot more than this. You’re making it seem like your fault: “I’m too stressed right now.” Maybe that was all you had the courage to say.

mumstheword wrote:
So. where are your family in all this?

mumstheword wrote:
How did you come to be in this situation in the first place?

My mother died when I was 9 and I never met my father and have no siblings either. After grandma died I ended up with my aunt and her husband but they never wanted me in the first place and when I turned 18 they “invited” me to move out, they said they would help me with the rent but after 2 months they stopped talking to me and James ended up paying for my bills, buying me food and making sure I went to school. I’m not lying when I say he’s the only one who’s been there for me. I know what he’s been doing lately is not healthy I can see that but he wasn’t always like that.

mumstheword wrote:
Where do you live usually?

mumstheword wrote:
How did you end up “in his care”?

Fist of all; I dont live in the USA - I make this clear because I think some people believe I’m from there (ie when they suggested Id join the army, my country is very pacific and the army doesnt work like in the USA). I live in a small flat by myself but I have a room in my friends home. Why? Because when I was younger I used to ask him to stay with him because I hated my neighborhood, he even threatened the locals to never bother me (they obeyed) but I still felt insecure and wanted to stay with him (I make clear he never ever tried any sexual move on me besides the cuddling). Then he got me a flat in a safer side of town but my room is still there and I use it when I stay over the weekends and some days of the week sometimes. He lives by himself but his girlfriend stays with him 2 or 3 times a week.

He has been a big positive in your life, and he’s also human with some confused sexuality.

Life is complicated.

Chunkymoves wrote:
He has been a big positive in your life, and he’s also human with some confused sexuality.

Life is complicated.

My view is; life is easy….people are complicated. lol.

How about,

Live people are complicated?

You know, Adolf Hitler did some good things for the German people . . . got them back to work, had the Volkswagen developed . . . restored some lost pride.

But the price was too high for all of that.

Just as it is for you.

Chunkymoves wrote:
How about,

Live people are complicated?

Are you still considered a person after you’re dead? How exactly does that work? lol

red fox wrote:
Are you still considered a person after you’re dead? How exactly does that work? lol

Yeah you’re still considered a person if you are dead. Of course you are.
Your life isn’t very complicated if you are dead though..

I’d say then the words are interchangeable in this context then. Happy to confine wordplay, but we really should take it to shouts :-)

Thank you for providing some extra background info.

May we ask what country you are in as we are much more able to direct you to the best local support if we know?

From what you tell us then, this man still has a hold on you by virtue of the fact that you are dependent upon him for accomomdation.

His girlfriend does not live with him but is complicit in what is going on.

You say that your family did not care. All teenagers believe that at some point (not that I am in any way trivialising what may have occurred) - how sure are you that things really were that awful at home with your aunt/uncle. They can’t have been terrible people.. after all, this “protector” of yours is a good friend, isn’t he?

Where are your family now? Do you ever see them? Does he ever see them?

One thing that, I find incredulous, personally, is that you are naive enough to think that you may be the only victim in such circumstances. Can you guarantee that he has not targeted others? What do you intend to do to ensure that others are not manipulated as you have been? There is no doubt in my mind that, if things occurred as you tell us they did, you were targeted and abused by a manipulative and controlling individual. You recognise his control over others. You recognise how everyone does as he says. Yet still you think he doesn’t control you?

I am sure that you have read newspapers, watched films.. you will have seen how apparently loving men befriend and target those who are in helpless, vulnerable positions. You have said yourself that this man weilds a certain “power” over the local gangs and nasties… it is a very big problem here in UK actually. The usual age to begin that targetting is when a girl reaches 14 or 15. They offer protection, nice possessions, presents, whatever is missing in their life (usually a father figure), they offer that magical “entry ticket to the adult world” that so many teenagers crave, a flat of their own, some nice clothes. This goes on for weeks, months, even years. Then BAM. Once they have nowhere else to go, they are used as sex slaves, pimped to others - and powerless to move on without police intervention. Does this sound familiar?

Bear in mind that you were apparently a child in the eyes of UK, US and European law when he first offered you “sanctuary”. I am, however, aware that children do not enjoy the same protection and rights in all countries. Hence it would be helpful to know which one?

Meanwhile.. you have an apparently very long road ahead of you. You cannot remain under his care, can you? You will need to find your own place and move right away from him if ever you are to be happy.

One thing I would like you to think hard about is this: to what extent are you now, with full knowledge of what has occurred, willing to walk away? If you remain, are you not putting YOURSELF in the same position as his other girlfriend and becoming complicit in his “activities”? Can you live with that guilt when/if you find another 14/15 yr old needing his “loving protection”?

Tough questions, I know.

But these are the questions responsible adults must face.

Anonymous wrote:

red fox wrote:
Are you still considered a person after you’re dead? How exactly does that work? lol

Yeah you’re still considered a person if you are dead. Of course you are.
Your life isn’t very complicated if you are dead though..

Though once someone passes, don’t you say…he WAS a great person? Wouldn’t it be awkward if you said…he IS a great person? lol….just sayin:P

red fox wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

red fox wrote:
Are you still considered a person after you’re dead? How exactly does that work? lol

Yeah you’re still considered a person if you are dead. Of course you are.
Your life isn’t very complicated if you are dead though..

Though once someone passes, don’t you say…he WAS a great person? Wouldn’t it be awkward if you said…he IS a great person? lol….just sayin:P

Well he’s not a great person anymore if he is dead, right? Still a person though.

Anonymous wrote:

red fox wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

red fox wrote:
Are you still considered a person after you’re dead? How exactly does that work? lol

Yeah you’re still considered a person if you are dead. Of course you are.
Your life isn’t very complicated if you are dead though..

Though once someone passes, don’t you say…he WAS a great person? Wouldn’t it be awkward if you said…he IS a great person? lol….just sayin:P

Well he’s not a great person anymore if he is dead, right? Still a person though.

off-topic, idn’t it?

Anonymous wrote:
Well he’s not a great person anymore if he is dead, right? Still a person though.

Interestingly enough, it is a subject of much debate! Based on jurisdiction you could be considered a person or “property” once you die: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Person

creepy. Anyway…The comment just got me curious. Sorry to hijack the post fairybo:/

How are things going fairybo?

Well, if you really aren’t a troll, then all I can say is that you are the biggest fool we’ve ever encountered on help.com

So you decided to become complicit in his activities then?

Have a happy life together.

But may your God help you if he gets bored and turns to another child for his amusement.

(I note you did not bother to tell us where you were.. I guess we are to conclude that you know full well what the law would think then?)

I’m talking about when you weren’t 21 but a child .. maybe read back on my previous replies and have a good long think ?

“He broke up with his girlfriend for me and proposed to me right after that”

Thats what you always wanted right?
And what does that tell you about him?
Do you honestly think he will wait the 2 years for you to finish college while he remains ’single’ ?

These are all rhetorical questions.

Good luck with all this…. hope you know what you are doing and not end up self-deceived. Take care.

Wow, well stay in touch with the counselor and hope you prove us all wrong. Is he willing to see a professional?

“He broke up with his girlfriend for me and proposed to me right after that”

This kind of says it ALL. Just like that, huh? Proposed to you, even! Right after he dumped this older “girlfriend” or whatever she was … This WILL go downhill from here, and so will you if you follow him.

A few snippets from one of your comments:

fairybo wrote:
I can see he’s got a fetish with diapers but I cannot accept what some of you say, that he’s been working on me for years only to have sex with me one day.

… but you still want to “marry” him?

fairybo wrote:
And now he’s asked me this freaking diaper thing and you speak like he’s the worst **** on earth. I know he’s got a girlfriend but I don’t care I never felt like he was cheating on her with me.

Well, he was cheating on somebody … And you’re cheating yourself if you don’t get away from him.

fairybo wrote:
Tonight if he brings the subject again Im gonna tell him that I dont want to play like that and I do hope he doesnt get mad, its not like he will beat me but I dont like when hes annoyed at me.

And this is the kind of situation from which you will start a MARRIAGE?

PS: I was wondering what the “bo” in Fairybo meant. Sort of truncated. “book?” “bottle?” “boy?” But now I see you’ve changed your name to Fairyb (without the “o”). What’s it all about, Alfie?

In my personal opinion, I find it all rather incredulous to say the least.

You mean incredible, Mums.

Sometimes the simplest things say the most. We have all spoken from experience. Hard learned and painful experience.

I’m unsubscribing and wishing you the best.

I warn you, it won’t be too long from now before you become the girlfriend he just left for a younger woman to fill his needs. A 30 year old woman will never pull off high pig tails and a diaper well enough for him. You’re too young and too inexperienced in love to even be thinking that this is a good idea. This isn’t a Disney movie. This will end badly. For many different reasons.

But mainly the reasons you are choosing to blow off. Like a niave woman, you may be making the biggest mistake of your life by marrying him. The funny thing about not having dating experience, is you can’t tell when someone is just saying what they know you want to hear to get what they want.

Goodluck.

That’s the word I was looking for LadyMufflewump.

Totally unbelievable.

my bf asked me the same thing one night i said no cuz i dont want to i think its rather creepy its as if he wants to have sex with a baby or a 90 year old preson. and not me.but its all how you see the person and your thoughts on it if your ok with then do it but if not dont force yourself.