There’s this girl that I’ve liked for the past 3 years, and I never told her. The last time I saw her was in 2010, and I still feel the same way.
Anyway, for the past 2 years, I’ve been having dreams about her, all the time. In the past week, I’ve dreamed about her twice. It seems that just when I think I’m starting to get over her, I dream about her again, and I don’t know what it means. I’ve never liked someone as long as her, either.
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blackbook668 wrote: It means you haven’t got over her. But I think you really do need to.
Why?
Because you have no means of contacting her and even if you did, I doubt the chance of success with ever getting with this girl. But I wonder… where you ever friends with this girl?
blackbook668 wrote: It means you haven’t got over her. But I think you really do need to.
Why?
Because you have no means of contacting her and even if you did, I doubt the chance of success with ever getting with this girl. But I wonder… where you ever friends with this girl?
Yes. We went to high school together. I graduated in 2010, and she’s graduating in June. We talked a lot, and we’re friends on facebook, but we never actually hung out outside of school.
blackbook668 wrote: It means you haven’t got over her. But I think you really do need to.
Why?
Because you have no means of contacting her and even if you did, I doubt the chance of success with ever getting with this girl. But I wonder… where you ever friends with this girl?
Yes. We went to high school together. I graduated in 2010, and she’s graduating in June. We talked a lot, and we’re friends on facebook, but we never actually hung out outside of school.
That changes a lot. If you were friends then I say ask her out. As friends mind you. Get back to talking with her. I think this won’t be too much of a problem, with Facebook connection.
However maybe you feel awkward about your feelings (correct me if I am assuming you feel more than friendship for this girl).
blackbook668 wrote: It means you haven’t got over her. But I think you really do need to.
Why?
Because you have no means of contacting her and even if you did, I doubt the chance of success with ever getting with this girl. But I wonder… where you ever friends with this girl?
Yes. We went to high school together. I graduated in 2010, and she’s graduating in June. We talked a lot, and we’re friends on facebook, but we never actually hung out outside of school.
That changes a lot. If you were friends then I say ask her out. As friends mind you. Get back to talking with her. I think this won’t be too much of a problem, with Facebook connection.
However maybe you feel awkward about your feelings (correct me if I am assuming you feel more than friendship for this girl).
I’m pretty sure I like her in a romantic sense. But, I have no clue how she feels about me. She doesn’t hate me, I know that much. I’m sure she at least likes me as a person.
everythingburns wrote:
I don’t want to get over her, I just want to be sure why I keep dreaming about her.
Then, maybe, you have to act to get closer to her again, no?
Sure, but trying to get close to girls in the past has never worked for me. Which leads me to ask another question. Do I dream about her because I’m in love with her, or is it because I’ve had no luck with other girls, and I just don’t want to let this one go?
blackbook668 wrote: It means you haven’t got over her. But I think you really do need to.
Why?
Because you have no means of contacting her and even if you did, I doubt the chance of success with ever getting with this girl. But I wonder… where you ever friends with this girl?
Yes. We went to high school together. I graduated in 2010, and she’s graduating in June. We talked a lot, and we’re friends on facebook, but we never actually hung out outside of school.
That changes a lot. If you were friends then I say ask her out. As friends mind you. Get back to talking with her. I think this won’t be too much of a problem, with Facebook connection.
However maybe you feel awkward about your feelings (correct me if I am assuming you feel more than friendship for this girl).
I’m pretty sure I like her in a romantic sense. But, I have no clue how she feels about me. She doesn’t hate me, I know that much. I’m sure she at least likes me as a person.
I’d say if you see her, don’t say of romantic feelings immediately. Get with her as a friend and see how it goes from there. See how she is around you.
everythingburns wrote:
I don’t want to get over her, I just want to be sure why I keep dreaming about her.
Then, maybe, you have to act to get closer to her again, no?
Sure, but trying to get close to girls in the past has never worked for me. Which leads me to ask another question. Do I dream about her because I’m in love with her, or is it because I’ve had no luck with other girls, and I just don’t want to let this one go?
At least you have a crush on her.
Re-start flirting!
blackbook668 wrote: It means you haven’t got over her. But I think you really do need to.
Why?
Because you have no means of contacting her and even if you did, I doubt the chance of success with ever getting with this girl. But I wonder… where you ever friends with this girl?
Yes. We went to high school together. I graduated in 2010, and she’s graduating in June. We talked a lot, and we’re friends on facebook, but we never actually hung out outside of school.
That changes a lot. If you were friends then I say ask her out. As friends mind you. Get back to talking with her. I think this won’t be too much of a problem, with Facebook connection.
However maybe you feel awkward about your feelings (correct me if I am assuming you feel more than friendship for this girl).
I’m pretty sure I like her in a romantic sense. But, I have no clue how she feels about me. She doesn’t hate me, I know that much. I’m sure she at least likes me as a person.
I’d say if you see her, don’t say of romantic feelings immediately. Get with her as a friend and see how it goes from there. See how she is around you.
I guess I could try that. But, what’s the right way to contact her without making it obvious? If I message her on Facebook, it might look a little weird.
everythingburns wrote:
I don’t want to get over her, I just want to be sure why I keep dreaming about her.
Then, maybe, you have to act to get closer to her again, no?
Sure, but trying to get close to girls in the past has never worked for me. Which leads me to ask another question. Do I dream about her because I’m in love with her, or is it because I’ve had no luck with other girls, and I just don’t want to let this one go?
At least you have a crush on her.
Re-start flirting!
Dreams have no meaning. Dreams do not tell you secret messages, nor do they foretell events. A dream is no more than you brain sorting out recent thoughts, recent events, occasional old events, and sorting out the subconscious (which often results in the stranger dreams.)
Your dreams are no more than a train wreck of thoughts.
If you dream about something often, it doesn’t mean it is even important to you, or unimportant, or even relevant. Sometimes, if you think of something a lot, your brain has much more of that to sort and it often comes up in your dreams.
So instead of asking what your dreams mean, ask how you really feel about a current situation. Your dreaming brain should never make your decisions, it’s like letting a drunk man drive your Lamborghini. Use your conscious mind instead.
Dreams can be bad or good. however your particular dream means that you miss her and what to get in contact with her. the only way to do that is to try and get back in touch and see what goes from there. if you don’t then you will be dreaming about the same girl for a long time and this will create emotions that can lead to depression because you will be thinking that I lost something special and can’t get it back. my advice is to try and get in touch with her and meet her and tell her how you feel. :) good luck :)
S✪NICB❂❂M wrote: Dreams have no meaning. Dreams do not tell you secret messages, nor do they foretell events. A dream is no more than you brain sorting out recent thoughts, recent events, occasional old events, and sorting out the subconscious (which often results in the stranger dreams.)
Your dreams are no more than a train wreck of thoughts.
If you dream about something often, it doesn’t mean it is even important to you, or unimportant, or even relevant. Sometimes, if you think of something a lot, your brain has much more of that to sort and it often comes up in your dreams.
So instead of asking what your dreams mean, ask how you really feel about a current situation. Your dreaming brain should never make your decisions, it’s like letting a drunk man drive your Lamborghini. Use your conscious mind instead.
My conscious mind says that I have a crush on her.
Justquiet:) wrote: Dreams can be bad or good. however your particular dream means that you miss her and what to get in contact with her. the only way to do that is to try and get back in touch and see what goes from there. if you don’t then you will be dreaming about the same girl for a long time and this will create emotions that can lead to depression because you will be thinking that I lost something special and can’t get it back. my advice is to try and get in touch with her and meet her and tell her how you feel. :) good luck :)
That “emotions and depression” stage has already come to pass. I believe that it’s because of my depression, that I never had the courage to ask her out.
Difficult, difficult. Well, just try to ignore your fancying her and get to grips with seeing how she is as a friend. With that in mind it shouldn’t be too wierd if you ask her about something. Is there any other methods of of communication apart from Facebook?
S✪NICB❂❂M wrote: So instead of asking what your dreams mean, ask how you really feel about a current situation. Your dreaming brain should never make your decisions, it’s like letting a drunk man drive your Lamborghini. Use your conscious mind instead.
I agree with this last. The dream is not so important as what you know about this girl, which you don’t need any dream to tell you about but a bit of honesty with yourself.
blackbook668 wrote: Difficult, difficult. Well, just try to ignore your fancying her and get to grips with seeing how she is as a friend. With that in mind it shouldn’t be too wierd if you ask her about something. Is there any other methods of of communication apart from Facebook?
Sure. Waiting until the fall for her to enroll at the community college I’m attending. And trust me, I’m prepared to if I must.
blackbook668 wrote: Difficult, difficult. Well, just try to ignore your fancying her and get to grips with seeing how she is as a friend. With that in mind it shouldn’t be too wierd if you ask her about something. Is there any other methods of of communication apart from Facebook?
Sure. Waiting until the fall for her to enroll at the community college I’m attending. And trust me, I’m prepared to if I must.
No. Don’t do that. That is too long. I don’t think that is the right way at all. Holding on too long then… I wouldn’t put your hopes all in one basket is what I’m saying here. Don’t see that date in the future as any more than, well, an enrollment.
Oh ok but I agree with blackbook668 you have to tell her because enrollment is not till the summer and you should tell her today, tomorrow or a few weeks time. Don’t wait for months, to tell her how you feel.
Justquiet:) wrote: Oh ok but I agree with blackbook668 you have to tell her because enrollment is not till the summer and you should tell her today, tomorrow or a few weeks time. Don’t wait for months, to tell her how you feel.
But, if I don’t establish a connection with her in person, it’ll just seem weird. No one asks anybody out over Facebook.
you saw her two years ago, well you still have her on facebook so I suggest you talk to her on facebook and arrange a day to meet up with her by as a friend and then see what happens
Justquiet:) wrote: Oh ok but I agree with blackbook668 you have to tell her because enrollment is not till the summer and you should tell her today, tomorrow or a few weeks time. Don’t wait for months, to tell her how you feel.
But, if I don’t establish a connection with her in person, it’ll just seem weird. No one asks anybody out over Facebook.
Not romantically. But I’m sure friends do so. It all depends on how much this is gnawing away at you, and since you dream about her every night, it clearly gnaws at you a lot. This is why I think it is not a good idea.
That and you say fall. That’s months and months away. A lot of time. People do a lot, can and do grow a lot in that space of time. She could be a very different person in fall from the girl you last saw or (more likely) in a different situation.
Also I think your setting yourself up for a fall. You think about her now a lot, what do you think you’re going to be thinking about once you’ve set a date in your mind? I can tell you I think an awful lot more. Building up your hopes, dreaming more. Building up tension.
None of these things are good and when the time comes you will either freak out or be massively disappointed by how little she has thought of you.
Justquiet:) wrote: you saw her two years ago, well you still have her on facebook so I suggest you talk to her on facebook and arrange a day to meet up with her by as a friend and then see what happens
this is a hard decision, no your looking at it a different way i mean like chat up because you haven’t seen her in a while and go watch a movie and going out as friends.
Justquiet:) wrote: Oh ok but I agree with blackbook668 you have to tell her because enrollment is not till the summer and you should tell her today, tomorrow or a few weeks time. Don’t wait for months, to tell her how you feel.
But, if I don’t establish a connection with her in person, it’ll just seem weird. No one asks anybody out over Facebook.
Not romantically. But I’m sure friends do so. It all depends on how much this is gnawing away at you, and since you dream about her every night, it clearly gnaws at you a lot. This is why I think it is not a good idea.
That and you say fall. That’s months and months away. A lot of time. People do a lot, can and do grow a lot in that space of time. She could be a very different person in fall from the girl you last saw or (more likely) in a different situation.
Also I think your setting yourself up for a fall. You think about her now a lot, what do you think you’re going to be thinking about once you’ve set a date in your mind? I can tell you I think an awful lot more. Building up your hopes, dreaming more. Building up tension.
None of these things are good and when the time comes you will either freak out or be massively disappointed by how little she has thought of you.
I already figure that she doesn’t think about me much, anyway. That’s how depressed I feel at times.
Justquiet:) wrote: this is a hard decision, no your looking at it a different way i mean like chat up because you haven’t seen her in a while and go watch a movie and going out as friends.
I guess I could do that. But as I’ve said, I haven’t the courage. If I try to ask her to hang out as friends, she might be able to see right through the gesture.
Justquiet:) wrote: you saw her two years ago, well you still have her on facebook so I suggest you talk to her on facebook and arrange a day to meet up with her by as a friend and then see what happens
I have to admit I do understand his worries about that. I too obsessed over someone (only it was worse since I wasn’t even friends with her but I’ve got over it now) and two years is an awful long time. A lot can happen in two years. And I feel this guy wanted to go out with this girl for some time during or shortly after not seeing her. That can really screw someone’s perspective on things, make them do really stupid things like wait outside places for a chance to meet up with their obsession.
However I think this is the best way to get over his obsession. I don’t think he will feel like that is the case though. Part of this screwed perception is making out things are more than they are. Like right now I’m betting this message on Facebook is really a big deal to this guy. I bet he finds it difficult to write anything on her wall. I know the feeling.
But I’ll say this to the OP - whatever you’re feeling now will get a lot worse if you leave it to fester. I know, I’ve been there.
Never think of yourself as nothing or as not much. I know this is not really gonna be understood well, because I too thought bad of myself but try to think well of yourself. It is not good to approach someone feeling like nothing.
What helped me a bit were books, music, film. I could get into them and stop thinking on my obsession. I could feel useful, intelligent as I progressed to more complex books. Like I’d achieved something. So I recommend that - pick up a book, have a read, get into it. Focus on not this but anything that interests you (not just books or music and film) and I think you’ll feel better about yourself.
blackbook668 wrote: Never think of yourself as nothing or as not much. I know this is not really gonna be understood well, because I too thought bad of myself but try to think well of yourself. It is not good to approach someone feeling like nothing.
What helped me a bit were books, music, film. I could get into them and stop thinking on my obsession. I could feel useful, intelligent as I progressed to more complex books. Like I’d achieved something. So I recommend that - pick up a book, have a read, get into it. Focus on not this but anything that interests you (not just books or music and film) and I think you’ll feel better about yourself.
You’re right. I do find it hard to write on her wall. My starts pounding whenever I thought about posting anything. I started sweating before I sent it.
That reminds me of back around 2008-9. I got on my obsessions wall and couldn’t say anything. I froze. I luckily found out (through Facebook) that this person wasn’t really into the things I was, was not really like me, so that lessened the obsession. But I sense that is unlikely to happen to you.
All I can say is this, that if you post on her wall, she won’t make a big deal out of it. As someone with their head clear now I can guarantee that.
blackbook668 wrote: That reminds me of back around 2008-9. I got on my obsessions wall and couldn’t say anything. I froze. I luckily found out (through Facebook) that this person wasn’t really into the things I was, was not really like me, so that lessened the obsession. But I sense that is unlikely to happen to you.
All I can say is this, that if you post on her wall, she won’t make a big deal out of it. As someone with their head clear now I can guarantee that.
Well, the thing is, we both are alike. She’s interested in the same things I am. It’d be easy to have a conversation with her. It’s actually doing it is what scares me.
Do it. Don’t be afraid. Most likely it won’t be a big deal for her. I don’t have much time left this evening, I have to go soon. But I can say this - sooner is better than later in any case.
S✪NICB❂❂M wrote: Dreams have no meaning. Dreams do not tell you secret messages, nor do they foretell events. A dream is no more than you brain sorting out recent thoughts, recent events, occasional old events, and sorting out the subconscious (which often results in the stranger dreams.)
Your dreams are no more than a train wreck of thoughts.
If you dream about something often, it doesn’t mean it is even important to you, or unimportant, or even relevant. Sometimes, if you think of something a lot, your brain has much more of that to sort and it often comes up in your dreams.
So instead of asking what your dreams mean, ask how you really feel about a current situation. Your dreaming brain should never make your decisions, it’s like letting a drunk man drive your Lamborghini. Use your conscious mind instead.
My conscious mind says that I have a crush on her.
then you probably think about her so often your brain is full of her! haha
asking someone out is terrifying… but, when you think about it, the worst she can say is no. and we’ve been hearing no our whole lives.
or you could always pass it off; “Hey ____, would you like to go to the movies with me this weekend?” *some form of no in response, maybe she doesnt see you that way etc* “no, i meant as friends :P”
sure it will sting a bit inside if that happens, but you’ll have your dignity if thats what you’re scared to lose.
and i doubt she’d say no; you two have a lot in common, i’d go for it!
Dr. Ralph wrote: Tell her you want to get together. Message her on Facebook so no one else sees it. See what she says. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
I have a lot to lose. I can’t just flat out message her on facebook and ask her to be my girlfriend. That’d be insanity.
And why is that? You can’t lose what you don’t have. You are completely overwhelmed by this girl all you do is think about her and dream about her. Don’t ask her to be your girlfriend ask her to go to lunch with you, you haven’t seen her in a long time wouldn’t that be fun? Yes! Tomorrow? Yes!
Dr. Ralph wrote: And why is that? You can’t lose what you don’t have. You are completely overwhelmed by this girl all you do is think about her and dream about her. Don’t ask her to be your girlfriend ask her to go to lunch with you, you haven’t seen her in a long time wouldn’t that be fun? Yes! Tomorrow? Yes!
But it’s not like we were hang out buddies when I saw her all the time. We never hung out outside of school.
People do get back together with high school friends. Your posts already explain your dream, you are imagining what might have been, thinking about getting back in touch and wondering if you could have a relationship. You seem to assume she doesn’t think of you, but really there’s no reason you shouldn’t test the water. contact her on facebook. Just say,” hey we used to hang out at school , fancy meeting up to talk about old times and catch up.” Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
My friend, if you ask her to go out for a drink to catch up on old times, she may well read through your gesture. She might know you are interested in her somewhat, but there is no way she can know how much or how long you’ve liked her. She probably will just think you think she’s a nice girl and like her company, and of course, find her attractive. It’s certainly not the same or as deep as asking her to be your girlfriend. Asking to go out for a drink is just asking for company, to see how things go, but asking to go out with someone seems as though you have decided you really love this person and want them, and it is must more serious and deep. Asking her simply to catch up will obviously give her an idea that you have some sort of interest in her, as a person, or as a friend, or maybe more, but it is not nearly as frightening. Think about it, if there’s a friend you want to spend time with, you just casually ask them over Facebook because ‘it doesn’t mean anything’. So she won’t be freaked out or think you totally dig her or anything like that at all.
Let’s think about worst case scenarios if you ask to go for drinks or catch up:
1. She says she’s too busy. “Umm sorry that sounds cool but I have a lot to do.”
2. That’s it.
That’s all she can say. In your head you might think “oh my god she will be utterly disgusted, she will think I’m a pervert, she won’t like me anymore she won’t talk to me.”
As a woman I can tell you, I am very much prepared for a guy I know to ask me something like that so 1. I’m not surprised. and 2. I’m not disgusted. no matter what league, what appearance, what anything they are. It’s just normal, it is you who is playing it up so much because it’s you who is going to ask. But it’s never the same for the person receiving it, so you would have no need to feel humiliated. Of course inside you may feel very dejected and sad but in reality it would not be an embarrassment, she would probably just feel a bit bad.
If she likes you, she will follow up with, “What about Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday/(Whatever day she is free)?” or say “But I’m free on Friday” for example. And then that’s fine.
Or she could just leave it at the fact she’s busy and you would lose nothing. You’d still be the same friends who don’t really talk all the time but are connected on Facebook.
If you don’t want to come across as very obvious, I suggest you start talking to her before you ask her casually. Just start by saying “hey, long time no see” so simple. Ask about how her life has been since graduation, talk about how fun highschool used to be with your friends etc just a normal talk catching up over Facebook. Don’t listen to others no flirting is required and she won’t ‘friend zone’ you. People blow that concept out of proportion.
So it’s that simple. There’s no magic or tricks or “well she might think this she might think that” women are simple creatures. I get people I haven’t seen in ages pm me in Facebook every now and then to catch up all the time and it isn’t something out of the ordinary. Many of my friends get adds from people they haven’t seen since they were probably 7 and end up dating them, or just being very close again, or simply having a nice catch up and then staying in contact. It’s very normal, you just need to relax and stop caring. Until then you will keep having the dreams and you will be miserable. At least once you rip the bandaid off you won’t be lingering in the middle, you’ll know if you should persist or move on.
And don’t worry about asking to meet up to catch up even if you just talked about some things from the past, it’s still catch up because it’s you hanging out with someone from that past. Think about it literally, it’s you and her, go to some place to get a drink, chat for an hour or two and laugh about the past, go home. That’s all it is. It’s not a blown out 3 course meal etiquette proper dinner date with someone sitting in the corner with a typewriter judging your every move. If you find you’re there and you are too nervous, you could simply say you got a call and there’s an emergency and you have to leave early. Or have some back up when you are hanging out to keep it short and not drag out, like telling her you are going to see your friend later or you have some sort of plan. That way you could hang out again another time to continue from last time. And just because you have things in common, that doesn’t mean you won’t be nervous. You are very normal, it’s normal to be intimidated, but you are also lucky because you still have something to respond with despite that uncomfort. Don’t think it will get easier than this, if you want to talk to someone you like, you WILL be nervous. But you are very lucky that you don’t have to make anything up, you can just talk about things you actually like.
So,
1. Catch up talk
2. Ask.
3. Continue with your life.
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