Love help: My mother can’t see my boyfriend as anything more than a “dropout” - Help.com

There are valid points from both sides of this.

Your mother isn’t being unfair, she’s simply being a mother. Easiest way to look at this is to just reverse the position and ask yourself how you would react if it was your daughter. Stereotype dictates the male should care for the female and your mother will want to see you bring home a guy who can do just that. Now you’re lucky and she’s not saying she refuses to see him. I had a friend who’s mother absolutely refused to even let her bf come near the house and it was brutal on the relationship.

You’re not crazy for feeling the way you do. Naturally so, you’re letting your feelings and success in the relationship itself dictate if you want to stay with this person and not trying to predict something that is impossible to predict. You’re both young by the sound of it and there is still time. If he continues to follow through with his promises and becomes successful in some way then you’ll have put your trust in the right place and your mother will grow content with the relationship.

What it does come down to though is that if things remain static for too long you will have to make a choice and, essentially, give him an ultimatum that states it’s either he puts things together or you’re gone. This sort of situation is ok now but if a future is present it will have to be addressed eventually.

you mom is right. respect is earned not by what a person say they will do but what they actually do. actually dropping out was a bad move and he just now took his GED. by that evidence she should not think highly. if high school was too much for him how will he handle collage.

he also seems emotional weak. he is letting your moms disapproval upset him for day! why does he care what she thinks. she is basically a stranger to him. your mom is right he needs to man up. he doesn’t look like much of a man from where im siting.

i’m not saying he won’t come around, go to collage, get a good job, and be a great man for you. i am saying that from what you have said here that odds are he won’t

tell him to stop being upset and use his emotion to prove her wrong. use her disapproval as a challenge. i hope he proves her and me wrong.

oh boy. if you valued everyone on what they SAID they would do, there would be a prince charming on every block. any man can promise anything.

your mom shouldn’t be so callous to your boyfriend’s feelings, but she has a point. she wants him to prove himself as someone worthy to date her daughter, and she feels like he hasn’t done enough.

in my opinion, a boyfriend or girlfriend SHOULD impress the family that raised their significant other. your boyfriend unintentionally made a bad impression with your mother, but you both have to accept that your mother probably grew up in an environment that indicates that dropout = thug, loser. and it’s really hard for her to change that.

for the time being keep your boyfriend and your mother separate from one another. reassure your boyfriend of your faith in him, and your pride in him for handling his situation by taking good steps forward. explain that your mother’s feelings come from being overprotective and having prejudices against drop outs in the past, and don’t necessarily reflect on who he is personally. tell him that you know he can prove himself as a great catch of a boyfriend.

if your boyfriend is serious about this relationship, then your mother won’t be able to scare him off. if he leaves… then maybe he didn’t have the inner strength it takes to deal with conflict in the first place.