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My mother can’t see my boyfriend as anything more than a “dropout”
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost eight months now. I met him through a mutual friend and we discovered that we had a lot in common, and found that we really clicked the next time we hung out. He did drop out of high school, however, but at the time (this was over the summer) he was planning on going back to high school and finishing his senior year. He did go back to school, but decided after the first week that he would rather take the test to get his GED.
The issue that we are having now didn’t come up until recently because I had been away at my first semester of college and didn’t have much time on the weekends that I did come home to have any meaningful discussions. Over winter break my mom sat down and talked to me, and told me that she couldn’t see my boyfriend as anything more than a high school dropout, and that she didn’t necessarily approve of him. Fast forward to this weekend, two weeks after he went in and took his GED. He told me he wanted to talk about something, and told me that he feels uncomfortable when he comes over because my mother has never asked him a single personal question, and he feels as though he is being judged without her really knowing him, so I said I would confront my mom about it on my drive back to school, thinking it wouldn’t be a big deal.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. What started out as a conversation to simply imply that my mother should engage my boyfriend in conversation more often turned into her telling me that she couldn’t care less if he left me tomorrow and that if he feels so uncomfortable he should “man up” and make her see that he’s good enough for me. He’s been planning to take the GED, get his scores back, apply to schools, and get a job, but apparently just saying so isn’t good enough for my mom, who “won’t believe it until she sees it” essentially.
So I explained this to my boyfriend, who was angry and rightfully so. It’s only been a day since all of this happened, but he’s still angry and I’m really at a loss for what to say because I obviously can’t change how my mom feels, despite the fact that it’s going to be weeks until his scores for his test come in and she can begin to believe that he isn’t just saying he’s going to apply to colleges and get a job. Things have always been easy for us, if there’s a problem, we talk about it and settle things peacefully, but in this situation I feel as though I have no control and my mother’s feelings are going to start affecting how he feels about staying with me in the future, because all he can think about is how he’s being labelled as a dropout and a bad guy. So, I guess the point of my rambling here is to ask for the advice of some complete strangers who don’t know me personally. Am I the crazy one for dating a high school dropout and expecting him to go through with what he’s saying? Or is my mom making accusations that aren’t fair? I’m interested in any and all opinions about this, and I really appreciate any answers. Thank you for taking the time to read and to answer.
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