friends help: My friends think the guy im seeing is creepy? - Help.com

Yes, you have to find out for yourself. Don’t rely on others’ opinions over such an issue. People behave differently under different circumstances and with different people. You can not judge him based on hearsay.

You just be careful. Take note of what they said, don’t make a big issue but keep an eye out until you are well into the relationship. Like several months down the line. Then decide if you really want to continue or not, but make that decision for yourself by yourself.

First I’m sick of people throwing around psychological/clinical personality disorder labels like a bunch of psychiatrists! Who are your friends to say he is bi-polar. What tosh (unless they are qualified)

Guess what guys look at porn.

Sorry my last post was a bit abrupt, I was timing out on my public computer and had four seconds to say what I meant. But really what did you expect the man to say when challenged about porn? “why yes my dear, when you leave at night I like to spank the monkey for a while before retiring to my bed.” People love to gossip and your friends may love that more than they care for you. Just take things slow and, as you’ve been advised, use your own judgement. :)

Tough one, it is sooo easy to be blind to the truth in a new relationship. Your emotions take over and your heart rules….well, remember the heart is deceitful above all things and can’t be trusted….so don’t discount your friends’ opinions but be cautious. I agree that no one should throw out psychological terms like they know what they are talking about (even if they are in the field, cause they are just guessing anyway!) In my opinion (which of course is all this is anyway!) there are two things you should be concerned about. One,if you have already caught him in a lie that is serious. I am not saying that no one lies but what you lie about tells alot about you. Second, and I feel this is the most important one, porn wrecks everything, it should not be viewed even casually as it captures the viewer and can lead to darker and darker issues. Porn is not “harmless” as a lot of people believe. It is litterally slavery to all involvled. It destroys people from the inside out then destroys everything and everyone around them. If you caught him and he blows it off as not a big deal then you should really just walk away. Save yourself alot of pain later by having a little pain now. There, I’m off the soapbox!! :)

er, having said elsewhere that I don’t get into arguments with posters, I think there are different aspects to porn. The porn industry is not the lovliest thing in the world. But that’s only one aspect of porn.

What amazes me, is how young people post pornographic images of themselves via facebook, cam sites, skype etc and these are in turn saved by others and circulated. I suggested to a twenty year old that young people would come to regret this but he said, quite fairly, that given the proliforation of such material society’s attitudes might change.

AND at some point there has to be room to see such material not as alienating but a celebration of human eroticism and sensuality in the face of prudery.

However, on a practial note if you want to walk away from any man who has looked at porn, then the sarah desert is your desternation and even that might be too populated. Certainly you must reconcile yourself to never seeing a man again.

Not arguing just clarifying….it’s not the viewing, it’s the hiding….it is nearly impossible to find a male on the planet that hasn’t viewed porn, but regular viewing destroys the morals of the viewer bit by bit until you don’t see a problem with it. It changes your views toward women, toward sexuality and intimacy as a whole and not for the better. Sex is a God given right of two married people who have given themselves to each other is His sight. It is not meant to be displayed for all to see. We all have to make a choice that is all it really is. You can chose the way of society in general or you can chose God’s way.

@Justaguy: “….it’s not the viewing, it’s the hiding”

By virtue of its nature, porn is usually viewed in privacy, so you have to hide it; but it doesn’t mean it has to take over someone’s life and lead to all the destruction and immorality you mention. I can understand it if it was porn addiction (or “regular viewing”)but in general, guys viewing porn on an intermittent basis is fairly common.

The OP does not indicate any reason to believe its a case of porn addiction. So on what basis should she walk away?? Right now, no one can judge the boyfreind, it is however important to be cautious.