boyfriend help: My boyfriend and I have been living together for 1 year and 6 months. - Help.com

Well, Anon, if you are going to sleep at 10 p.m., and are waking up at 8 a.m., you are sleeping 10 hours a day, not 8. Too much sleep is also bad for you. I’m assuming that you are still in bed when he goes out the door to work.

Living together usually doesn’t work out. In fact, the divorce rate is higher for people who have lived together before getting married.

You say that he doesn’t focus enough on the emotional connection between the two of you. How does he know that? Have you told him, or have you been leaving him to make the correct guess?

I think you should work on your relationship, and look for a job if you don’t already have one. Living together arrangements can vanish in the twinkling of an eye.

it is not healthy for you to be around someone like this, he most likely feels bad about himself and is projecting negatively on you. You’re sleeping patterns are great, it’s important to get enough sleep to be healthy. Although you may love him we dont always love the people that are good for us. I think you should move on and have some time living alone and growing as a person

you’re not going to be alone if you leave him, that wont happen

Dear Pixie,

does my name appear in this??

yes in this post it does, melissa.

how do I correct that?

click anon when you send the message at the bottom

Does my screen name say Anonymous?

yes

Can you see any other information?

no don’t worry, you’re safe!

I’d like to poke in what I think of as the “Medium” option, Anon:

It seems like you are afraid or perhaps think you don’t know how to tell him how you are feeling. It seems to me that you haven’t brought up how you are feeling at all to him. Perhaps this is that time. If you are afraid of saying the wrong thing, write it down and edit it until it sounds right! This isn’t a job interview or audition, you can have a note-card! However, if he doesn’t take what you say (and therefore how you feel) seriously, you then need to tell him that this doesn’t seem to be working out; that you need someone who is, as you said, “Optimistic” and “supportive”. If he isn’t willing to work together with you to make the situation you are in ideal, then it’s time to move on.

Sometimes we think we love someone, only to find out when we split that the love we once felt has simmered away. It doesn’t mean you don’t still care about the person, just that you two aren’t “meant to be”.

Don’t be afraid to move out, break up, and get away from that comfort zone you have created for yourself. In order to be healthy and happy, sometimes we need to invoke change.

Hope this helped!

this really is something you should have noticed before you moved in with him.

do not stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy. somewhere out there is a man waiting to see your smile. don’t be afraid to look for him. and don’t waste your time with a man who doesn’t care.

Thank you PromisingMoon for your advice. I’ll try that perhaps. However, we have talked about some of these issues, and he acknowledges that he can be overly critical, and his statements should be more positive. There is one more thing…his sense of humor is not at all aligned with mine. I find his sense of humorous either very dark ( mean) or childish, like haha that’s funny ( but not funny) if you know what I mean, more on the annoying side. I feel terrible to even think/write this. P.S This is my first serious relationship. I am 28 years old. He really does have a heart of gold, but these are just some things that are affecting me in a profound way. I also have attachment issues too. I get too attached to him, because he’s like my family in a way. Any thoughts PromisingMoon? Thanks :)

Anonymous wrote:
Thank you PromisingMoon for your advice. I’ll try that perhaps. However, we have talked about some of these issues, and he acknowledges that he can be overly critical, and his statements should be more positive. There is one more thing…his sense of humor is not at all aligned with mine. I find his sense of humorous either very dark ( mean) or childish, like haha that’s funny ( but not funny) if you know what I mean, more on the annoying side. I feel terrible to even think/write this. P.S This is my first serious relationship. I am 28 years old. He really does have a heart of gold, but these are just some things that are affecting me in a profound way. I also have attachment issues too. I get too attached to him, because he’s like my family in a way. Any thoughts PromisingMoon? Thanks :)

Acknowledging a problem and addressing it are two completely different actions, my friend. One can acknowledge a problem and keep on moving because they don’t think that it really affects that person so much. I still urge you to bring this issue to him, even though you have already talked it out. However, this time I ask you to not let the conversation end until you have not only made him aware of this problem, but come up with a plan of action.

I think that it is beautiful that you can see the good side of him (as you call it his “heart of gold”) even in your times of trouble. I know this can be hard because this is not only your first very serious relationship, but that you also might be feeling a big urge to stay with the comfortable setting you have been in/maybe start a family (everyone is different). But, if he is unable to even try and make this situation not only more comfortable for you, but make you feel safe and at home, you need to protect yourself (even if it means moving in with a girl friend for a little while and eating ALOT of Ben & Jerry’s/Hagen Daz to get you through the hard times, or whatever).

To sum it up, you need to do what is best for you. You are always going to love him, but in order for you to be as happy as you can be, you need to be in a good situation. Sometimes you just have to make yourself happy, (Whether by buying shoes or baking or eating ice cream.)

Just focus on being happy and how to get there and you’ll do beautifully. :]

Dear PromisingMoon, thank you again for your words of wisdom. I would really like to outline more of the situation with you if that is possible?

Anonymous wrote:
Dear PromisingMoon, thank you again for your words of wisdom. I would really like to outline more of the situation with you if that is possible?

That’s fine, sweetie.

Great thanks, im writing to you in your shoutouts.