boyfriend help: Parents and moving in with my boyfriend - Help.com

How old are you?

Clearly you are an adult and you should have the right to make your own choices and have your own beliefs. Obviously if you do move out, your parents will not be pleased and probably alienate you for it. What you don’t want to happen, is that you find yourself in an unstable relationship and then no where to turn to should things fail.

I think you need to make every effort to gain independance for yourself. Also, despite the fact that your family will not be happy about your action, you should keep trying to maintain communication. You never know, they eventually may grow to accept your choiccs in life.

I am not saying that your family is wrong to believe in marriage before moving in, but I do believe in the freedom to make your own choices and even mistakes. Thats how people grow and become wiser.

If you are moving in to your boyfriend and you are studying still, who is going to pay all the bills and expenses? Have you talked everything over with your boyfriend before? I know it sounds cold but it is important. Many relationships break up because of it when one moves in with the other.

are you moving into the same bedroom as your boyfriend?

in my opinion, relationships grow more solidly if you wait to commit to one another before committing to the responsibilities of living together. it’s going to be so much harder to leave someone if you already pay jointly on bills, rent, furniture and dogs, etc. and if you’re so intent on staying, then it’s usually about time to be thinking marriage. don’t play a married couple before becoming one.

if you still want to move in, i’d advise that you get a two-bedroom apartment, and work out the rent like roommates, with both people on the signed contract, and both people splitting rent and utilities. i think this will help with your parents as well. just a little bit, but it will at least relieve some practical fears about their daughter moving into the house of someone who isn’t ready to promise a lasting commitment.

also if you have no income, allowance, or savings at all whatsoever, then realize that you are living at the mercy of your boyfriend’s charity to house you, feed you, and support you while you continue school. generally it’s better to maintain a certain level of equality and independence when you’re still in the “dating” stage of a relationship. if you ever broke up with your boyfriend, and you have no other home, then it’s best to not alienate your parents.

last bit: if you have already established independence in other facets of your life, then your parents will be more likely to trust your adult decisions. if you have always depended upon others to support you, they’re going to want you to demonstrate your maturity before they will accept you leaving to move into your boyfriend’s home.