My best friend isn’t speaking to me?
So, back on the first day of Uni, I met this girl. We really got along well, and it wasn’t long before I nurtured a bit of a thing for her, but she had a long distance boyfriend that she’s pretty serious about, so I never expected anything to happen. After a while of spending every day together, I admitted I had a thing for her, that I was bummed that she was neither available nor interested, but that I was perfectly happy to remain friends. She accepted this (saying she realised I’d had a thing for her for a while), and we moved on unchanged, spending almost every day together, often alone in each other’s rooms, and having some pretty serious conversations about our past and feelings, all that nonsense.
Eventually I really did stop seeing her in a romantic light, I don’t know if it was getting to know her better made me realise we wouldn’t work as a couple, or I just came to value her friendship too much, but I tried my best to settle any worries she might have had about my having feelings for her. When she was home and upset, I suggested she go see her boyfriend to cheer herself up. Although I never met the guy due to it being long distance, I once, when visiting her in her room, stayed for a little while to say hello to him over Skype, before leaving to give them space.
I wondered about the boyfriend’s opinion of me a few times (he knows I admitted to liking her), but she always assured me that he completely trusted her, and that he even seemed to like me a little for helping her out, going as far to say that she should live with me next year, when our housing situation seemed a little difficult.
Anyway, everything was mostly sunshine and roses (A few minor arguments that were settled the next morning, but never anything major) until we go home for Christmas. She seemed pretty depressed at first to be home, so I did my best to cheer her up. Eventually, she seemed to get better. Until in the new year, she stopped replying to messages. I knew she was busy with work, so I tried not to let it bother me too much, but after about a week I let my insecurities get the better of me (I was depressed to be home too - I’ve dropped out of my previous university due to depression, it’s kinda left a bit of a mark even now), and text her asking if we can talk. She sends a clearly annoyed text asking what I want. I ask her if we’re okay, that I knew she was busy but I was getting a weird vibe. It went ignored.
Eventually things escalate as I try to find out what was going on, she snaps at me, saying she felt harassed by all the messages, that I “wasn’t allowing her freedom”. I get pretty upset and try to settle things.
The next morning I send a text asking if things were okay - Our arguments usually calmed down over night. She replies saying she felt stalked.
This was the last I heard from her. I kept trying to get in touch to apologise (I realise I was being a little overbearing that day), to no response. It was another 2 weeks before I found out I wasn’t going to be living with her anymore (From a third party), leaving me to make last minute plans with some other friends.
I sent a card a week after that, explaining that I truly did just see her as a friend, that I hadn’t intended to make her feel trapped by me, and that I was sorry, and that I hoped things would work out.
I, of course, never heard anything back, but I’m told she complained about receiving a card on Facebook, though I haven’t read this myself.
Things have carried on like this since. We see each other every day, I smile in greeting when I see her around, and she just looks right through me as if I wasn’t there. I got pretty depressed last night and texted her telling her I missed her. I instantly regretted this and deleted her number to make sure it didn’t happen again.
Sorry for the essay, but how do I deal with this situation? I’m trying to move on and make other friends, but seeing her everyday keeps reopening the wound. It hurts me that somebody who called me her best friend seems to care so very little that we aren’t speaking any more. It’s been over a month now, and things haven’t calmed down at all. I realise I was overbearing on that day, but for things to be this bad for this long feels a little out of proportion. It makes me incredibly miserable in lectures to see her there, to the point where I can’t focus on what’s being said, and I’ve resorted to simply skipping them when I don’t feel up to it. Will things ever settle?
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