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Well she was a little stupid to leave important documents on the recycle bin, if they were so important she would have took more care.

I would beat yourself up about it, it was not your fault, she is just trying to find someone to blame other than herself.

Just leave her alone and let her fizzle out.

What will happen before that?

QueenLazyMcCoolBeans wrote:
Well she was a little stupid to leave important documents on the recycle bin, if they were so important she would have took more care.

I would beat yourself up about it, it was not your fault, she is just trying to find someone to blame other than herself.

Just leave her alone and let her fizzle out.

100% behind Queen Lazy on this. Anyway, important documents like birth certificates, land registries etc can be duplicated. She should know what they were and start working on getting other copies as there is nothing you can do. Can’t you escape to an aunt or your grandparents for a few days while she vents?

Anonymous wrote:
Queen Lazy on this.

Sorry , off topic a little but you are the first person to call me Queen lol ;)

QueenLazyMcCoolBeans wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Queen Lazy on this.

Sorry , off topic a little but you are the first person to call me Queen lol ;)

I didn’t realise you had your coronation. Congratulations. Long may you reign. Sorry Op!

You could try running a program like Recuva to get it back
http://www.piriform.com/recuva
Although to be honest, its never been too great for me :(

eitherrideordie wrote:
You could try running a program like Recuva to get it back
http://www.piriform.com/recuva
Although to be honest, its never been too great for me :(

It was actually documents on a real recycle bin although I do get where you are coming from lol ;)

QueenLazyMcCoolBeans wrote:

eitherrideordie wrote:
You could try running a program like Recuva to get it back
http://www.piriform.com/recuva
Although to be honest, its never been too great for me :(

It was actually documents on a real recycle bin although I do get where you are coming from lol ;)

hahaha my bad, my apologies, I was wondering how it was possible to get the recycle bin collected on the computer. But it makes a lot more sense now :)!!

Your mom is a bully.

Bullies are very anxious, frightened people. The way they feel power is to bully others and get angry. Anger can even be an addiction… getting angry causes a surge of adrenaline and a feeling of control.

Maybe she’s frightened about the cancer and she compensates for her feelings of being a victim by being a bully.

Anyhow, read up on dealing with bullies. The best way to handle bullies is to draw their attention to their bullying behaviour and stand up to them. Don’t play their game. Don’t run away. Don’t give in. Don’t escalate. Don’t fight. Simply stand up to them and demand what you have the right to: to be dealt with respectfully. And point out the bullying behaviour and the possible causes for it… that’s empathy.

She’s your mum and doing her best and losing it now and then because she is not perfect, no one is. She has to understand that she is hurting you, she probably doesn’t because when you’re playing the strong alpha male you don’t show it.

I think you should buy her a beautiful card with flowers in it, or a teddy or puppy (you know what she likes) and write about how you feel and leave it hanging around. Tell her about how you love her, how you felt when you thought she was going to die (remember cancer can come back and she may be scared she will die and leave you), how you are trying to make her happy, how you are sorry that thing go wrong and how you want to learn how to work with her so that ‘we can both be happy which is what we both deserve.’ You’re growing up, in disputes there is usually someone who is more right than wrong, but being grown up sometimes involves making the moves towards reconcilation when you’re the good guy. Why? For peace that’s why. Who said love was fair?

She maybe creating more problems for herself and for you, which in a sense makes sense giving it back, but it just producing so much hurt and confusion which you do not like. And it’s about you too. Tell your mom you want peace in your home. If this is affecting you at school, tell her about it too. You want some of the love you feel for each other to be felt at least sometimes. I’m sure she is up for it, but it’s hard to say it to her face, so write the card and go out all day and come back later in the afternoon/early evening, you’ll probably find her quiet and reflective. She may not have the tools to communicate these things, it may be her upbringing, or she may have the tools but what your are experiencing is a pattern of parenting which isn’t working for you or for her, so why try not to change the cycle?

It may not be totally harmonious from now on and it may probably always be her fault, but it will be a start.

Another part of being a grown up is trying to see it from another person’s perspective. It doesn’t make her behaviour right, it just helps you deal with it more and that is what you have to do, learn how to deal with her behaviours and not take it too seriously.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, C.D.

Those tax papers can be replaced easily with a call to the employer. It’s not a major problem at all and certainly not worth all of this fuss. I was clearing the kitchen table the other night and nearly tossed what seemed to be ‘junk mail’ into the garbage. Luckily, I glanced at each piece first and, sure enough, OUR tax forms were in the mix! ARGHHHHHHHH!! Hubby knew what was there but he hadn’t told me the documents had arrived. So, yeah, I almost tossed them into the recycle bin, too!

The first thing that comes to mind is your father. Where does he fit in with all of this? Are you able to have a serious conversation with him? Have you tried? Is he actively parenting or does he stand on the sidelines and let your mom decide how everything is to be handled?

I’m sure it was frightening for her to have cancer. That seems to be the starting point of all of this. There are so many possibilities for why she behaves this way. Can you convey it to your father from the perspective of being concerned about her behavior and her difficulty coping with stress?

Maybe she would benefit from a ‘cancer survivor’ group. Strange as it may sound, survivors often feel like they are still on borrowed time and waiting for the cancer to return again. Others need to work on control issues because they are hypersensitive about not having control over even the little things in their lives just like they might not have any control over whether or not they get cancer again. Some people with cancer push loved ones away because they think it’s best to prepare them for the loss.

C.D., if you absolutely can’t speak openly with your mother, write a letter. I’m quite serious about this. Sit down and write it all out. Write about everything you are telling us and then some. Talk about the cancer and what it was (and is) like for you as her son to know that she had the big ‘C’. Let her know how depressed you have been at times and at a loss for how to make ‘home’ a better place to be for everyone. Voice your concerns, your frustrations and your love.

While you’re at it, write one to your father. Let him know that you need his help with this. Make him aware of what goes on in case he has been hiding under a rock. Call him out on it! You need an ally. You need him to step up to the plate on your behalf because your mother is not dealing well with the slightest amount of stress and it doesn’t feel good to be on the receiving end of her angst.

No, it isn’t easy to write to your parents. Still, they need the wake-up call. At the same time, writing it all out will be good for you, C.D. Also, it puts the onus on your parents to be considerate and respectful with their words and actions, as they should always strive to be. If something you do is an issue, it can be addressed without going overboard with the criticism and the threats. Maybe you can end your letters by asking them to point out one thing that you do ‘right’ for every one thing that you do ‘wrong’ so there can be a balance there. ;)

I hope your folks see at least a glimmer of what I see in you, my friend. I find you delightful! You are so bright. I love your sense of humor. You have a warm heart and good intentions.

Hey, now you know the perfect gift for Mother’s Day….a filing cabinet! :D

By the way, I think we might be cousins! Our mothers are enough alike to be sisters. :P

Cell wrote:
YOU don’t need to get your MOM anything for Valentine’s day. That’s just weird…and a little twisted. Valentine’s is the day to celebrate romantic love. You’re not her bf.

Seriously, wow, you’re letting her walk all over you. That’s not healthy. Not for you and not for her. You need to stand up for yourself and tell her it’s not okay how she’s treating you.

Dear Cell, take a long at this

http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=vale…

It’s very common in the US to give Valentine’s to mothers, sisters, aunts, grannies in fact any female you love or admire. I had a US boss give me one and he explained, ‘That what we do in the US.’ Very civilised methinks.

I know this reply may be late, but the fac she gets mad over little things means she might have an anger issue (which seems really common these days). Or, as someone else said I’m just too lazy to go up and read it, she’s just being a bully. Maybe you need to find a way to press on what makes her feel victimized so that she realizes thats what shes so scared of and the. Remind her that, as her son, youll be there to help her.

Just hang in there. She is your mum and you have to deal with difficult people in life like bosses etc when you are all grown up. Regardless of her irrational behaviour underneath all those confusing signals, there is a woman who truly loves you albeit in a rather unconventional way. Life isn’t anything like the Waltons (Do you know the Waltons TV show? A bit dated I know). She is real and so are you. Don’t feel guilty for not feeling the love you have for her all the time. It’s natural. I hope your relationships with your parents develop and mellow out as your enter adulthood. Keep your head down and get on with your studies in the meantime.

not your fault. dont worry. its hers