boyfriend help: What do you think? - Help.com

I had a really bad day and I expected him to be more supportive. He felt like he was being supportive and that I was just being a jerk to him. I ended up taking it out on him. I know I was in the wrong and I felt really bad.

I still wanted to talk about it and it isn’t in front anymore so I rewrote it and altered it a bit to be a little more specific. I just woke up today feeling dead inside.

!Honey Bear! wrote:

julia wrote:
I had a really bad day and I expected him to be more supportive. He felt like he was being supportive and that I was just being a jerk to him. I ended up taking it out on him. I know I was in the wrong and I felt really bad.

I responded on the original post, as did others…

People fight…especially couples. That is totally normal, you know?
But for a Man to turn his back and not speak to you for 5 days…well…that is just a bit over the top.
Well, I suppose that giving him an honest, true and from the heart apology might be in order here.
But do NOT take this entire thing on as being all your fault, ok?
No matter what, people who really care for you and love you will NOT turn their back on you…ever….
You two need to go someplace private and quiet, and talk this out.
If he refuses to give you even that much respect…then I really believe that it is time to just move on…
Julia, did you even read the replies on the original post? Just curious….

Of course I read them! But I still wanted to talk about it. It’s actually been 2 days since he’s spoken to me. We had the fight on thursday night, then friday he came over and told me he wanted nothing to do with me. then later that night i ran into him at a party and he acted like he wanted to be around me and then got mad at me when I wasn’t having it. I was confused because only earlier that day had he told me he didn’t even want to be my friend. Then saturday he wouldn’t talk to me, and sunday he came over and we talked for maybe a half hour. I apologized and he told me that he loved me but he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me because he just feels like i’m going to keep hurting him. I said I wasn’t and that I loved him more than he knew and that I needed him to trust me and have faith in me. I asked him if he really knew that, that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me and he said no he didn’t know for sure. he said that i needed to respect him and give him space when he asked for it. so i haven’t heard from him since that conversation (2 days ago).

That’s exactly how I feel about it. It hurts, too. I understand that not everyone is like me, quick with a temper and over it fast, but i don’t understand how you can hang on for so long to something like this. He said that he thinks that I am going to end up hurting him really bad eventually, because he keeps getting more attached to me and he never knows if i will just leave him one day. I feel terrible that he doesn’t trust me. I told him I would change (that i wouldn’t rashly break up with him-this happened back a couple of months ago), and he said well go ahead and change, prove it. but how do i do that when he isn’t even talking to me? I also need advice about another related thing. I’m away at college right now and next week is spring break. My friends here usually go out on thursday night and probably friday night too before everyone goes home. if i go out i will most likely run in to him. should i opt out of going out? should i just go home sooner? i’m not sure if it would be a good or bad thing to run in to him. if i don’t see him by then i won’t see him for at least another week. what would you suggest doing?

thanks for you support! I want to change for both of us. I mean i don’t want to be the type of person who takes things out on people they love and who makes rash decisions that hurt people. I don’t want to hurt him, I want to make him happy. I told him exactly that. I guess I will go out and be with my friends. The thing I’m worried about is that everyone will be drinking, and i don’t want that to effect how i act towards him..I’m starting to feel a little resentful towards him for just pushing me aside. there’s also the possibility that he’ll be drinking and act like everything’s just fine and that we should just act like normal, but i don’t think that would be right with out even talking about it…i mean what happens the next day when he’s sober…it’s back to not talking to each other? ahhgh i’m a mess!

Well thank you! I guess I will just go out and try my best to not drink too much and stay level headed…not sure how i’ll react to him though :/

here’s the update: a friend from out of town is visiting and he invited me out. i went and my ex was there. we got a long well and he asked if i’d hang out with him later and have dinner. so he came over and we made dinner together and ate and kind of talked, not about anything real though. he asked me what i was going to do for the night and i said well i’d like to hang out with you, and he was like well i’m gonna go hang out with our friend (the one who’s visiting). i felt insulted. i told him that i was only going to be here for a couple of more days and gone for a week but he just said well i’ll hang out with you friday before you leave. he knew that i was insulted, and all he could say was that he’d rather just have fun and be around good moods. i told him that was shallow and that if you loved someone you didn’t just want to be around them if every thing was all smiles and pleasantness. i don’t know, i didn’t want it to be like this..he told me that he was confused but he missed me so he wanted to see me and now i feel like i just blew it because seeing him for an hour wasn’t enough for me. what’s wrong with me?

thanks cars, that was really sweet! 2 more days and i can leave this town and enjoy my break!! i’ll probably see him out tonight and possibly tomorrow, but i’m not going to take it too seriously.

thanks! do you think i blew it by the way i acted last night?

yeah i agree. i feel like i might be having second thoughts about him though. i don’t really need another “fair weather friend”. that’s why i told him he was being shallow. i also told him that it seemed as though he was very sensitive when i do something wrong and how it affects him, but when his actions affect me, he doesn’t want to hear it. after that he sat with me for a little while and decided not to leave right away. but really, part of me feels like i deserve better than this and that even though i screwed up, what i did wasn’t really all that bad and the way he’s reacting to it is kind of just too much..

you really think he was looking for an out? he made it sound like he was just protecting himself because he loves me so much and thinks i’m going to hurt him. you see i’ll be graduating in may and have an internship for the summer about 5 hours away…i’ve told him before that i hate long distance relationships.. eh i guess it doesn’t matter. i don’t know why i’m still talking about this! I’m just getting sick of it. i’m going to try not to worry about it because it isn’t doing any good. he doesn’t act rationally in my eyes so there’s no way of planning anything