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I think my dad is having an affair…
I was going to update his iPhone the other day for him, and I came across some really disturbing text messages to an out of state area code (one state next to ours); although nothing too explicit, but there were things like “thanks for making my life a little less boring” and “I want you”. I don’t know what to do! This is driving me crazy, and I can no longer look at my dad without being extremely disappointed. It sucks. I’m having trouble focusing on other things now, like work and school (I’m a college student).
I feel like I can’t build up the courage to talk to either of my parents too, as I don’t want to completely ruin our family. My parents have been married for about 30 years, so this is so hard to believe. I know that there have been a lot of text messages and calls between the two of them, but I don’t have any evidence that shows anything beyond that (like meeting in person).
What should I do? I feel completely awful, and I just want to forget it all.
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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Could be, BUT it’s not YOUR business!
Just forget it!
Talk to your dad first, but in private. If you jump to conclusions it could come apart really fast and then yes, you’d be to blame.
“Judge not lest ye be judged…”
You are jumping to too many conclusions without any evidence other than a few random text messages. What if they were from guys? Maybe from coworkers with legit reasons for leaving him text messages. You can confront him if you wish but be prepared to be eating some humble pie.
I’ve done my homework with this… There is absolutely no reason he would texting/calling anyone at 1AM… I don’t think he’d be saying what he said if they were coworkers, either..
Fine. What is it you hate about your father to want to make up all these negative events and sordid extramarital affairs anyway?
There has to be an underlining reason to all this. Lack of trust. Jealousy. Something…
So you want your folks to divorce, thats what I am reading from this.
I don’t want my parents to divorce. I don’t know why anyone would.
I guess I don’t know if there’s any underlying issue here, or what it would be. I’m just going off of late night text messages to an unknown phone number that aren’t directed to my mom, with romantic content in it.
The way I see it you have three options. Tell your dad you know, tell your mom, or keep it quiet. While you could call the woman and tell her to back off it wouldn’t really solve anything with your dad.
Question. What would your dad think about the text messages on your phone? Would he find some that could be misinterpreted or from obscure time of the day?
You are headed down a path you really don’t have any purpose being on much less want to take. I would not say anything to your mom. Not with just the shady evidence you’ve presented here. You are NOT a good detective. You have assumed the worst and tweaked your evidence to point that direction. Good detectives look at ALL the evidence first and THEN draw a conclusion.
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 2 months ago (1 hour, 4 minutes after post)
*OP quickly retrieves her own phone*
I cant believe what these people have been telling you. They have no idea or right unless they have been through it. I went through this myself. My parents had been married 32 years. I started noticing my father texting alot, talking on the internet to someone etc. it was causing me great distress and anxiety. Yes i told my mother of my concerns. Dont let these people tell you to mind your own business etc, it is your father and your mother they are your business. Dont let them tell you you are to blame for anything that follows. My mother talked to my father who assured my mum that he was just talking to colleagues etc. and then one night he came home very quiet, sitting on the computer again and my mother tried to talk to him, he then blurted out that he had slept with a man, over two years ago. April fools day it was, he simply packed his bagged and walked out on us and i havent seen him since. Turns out he went straight to live with this man. Changed his name etc. i was left to pick up the pieces, my parents divorced. My mum has come through it. None of what happened was my fault. It was my mothers right to know. So please if you have genuine belief there is something wrong, have a quiet word with your mom. You are not doing it because you dislike your father. Like me you love your mother and your father. You do not have to shoulder all of the burden yourself, it will make you ill. There may be nothing going on, but whatever happens know that it does eventually get better. You adapt and cope. We are 2 years down the line. I still miss my father and dream about him but i cope now. Weve moved on and were stronger as a family unit now. Im in the uk by the way. Id give southern comforts advice a miss.
Thanks, Kelly. I know that Southern Comfort’s advice is completely off base and uncalled for.
It’s such a tricky situation; I’d love to just ignore it, thinking it’s a phase, but I obviously don’t know all the details (and I don’t think I want to).
I wish I could just forget it all.
Hi, glad youre ignoring southern comfort. If you dont feel comfortable talking to your mum just yet, you could leave things, and just try keep an eye on the situation. I noticed things over a period of months, before it all came to a head and my father was confronted. From what you said of the texts “i want you” says to me like hes texting someone, but they havent actually met up yet.I dont know your mum or dad, so dont know how they would react, but if you feel comfortable enough to talk to either one of them, and just try do it in a way that youre not making a huge deal, something like ” it may be nothing but theres something thats been playing on my mind”. Hope everything goes well for you.
i think you should ask your dad about it. i trust my parents, but if i thought my dad was having an affair, i’d ask him about it. i think it is the compassionate thing to do. your father needs to know that there are important people in his life who need him to act like a responsible adult and set an example to his children. if this is an affair in the making, you owe it to your father to remind him that people in this family care, and to prevent him from going further down a road you fear he may be on. if it’s nothing, then accept it as nothing.
but i do not think you should remain silent. and i don’t think you should go to your mom first until you discuss it with your father.
Hey. The same thing happened to me. I know that my dad was through seeing texts and emails and stuff too. I wasn’t snooping I just came across it. When you know, you just know that it’s true. At first I was so mad I freaked out and could barely get a hold of myself. For days I was quiet just ignoring it around my parents. My mom had no idea and I knew if she did my family would fall apart. I decided to write my dad a letter. I told him I knew, how disappointed I was, how it showed he had poor character and guilt tripped him a lot. I poured out my heart and told him to turn it around. We never really talked about it but I know he read it. It definitely helped to write the letter but looking back now I’m not sure I would have given it to him. It’s kind of an elephant in the room now that neither of us are willing to bring up. I feel guilty about it all the time and have distanced myself from him. It’s really hard and I’ve accepted that I’m never really going to get the closure that I’m looking for. As a teenager I had to make the decision to save my parents marriage and carry that burden. Every situation is different and it depends on your relationship with your dad but I would consider writing a letter to him if it’s too hard to communicate to him face to face and then decide if you want to give it to him. Or if you have someone you can trust it might be nice to talk about it. It sucks bottling it up and keeping everything to yourself. Best of luck
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