This post left anonymously
What Is wrong with me?
I want to be alone. I want to suffer in silence. People are so fake. there is no reason my problems should bother someone else. No reason people should look at me and see How damaged I am.
Yet at the same time I cant help but let my guard down to someone who confuses and manipulates me into talking about what would be better left in my mind. Who is the only person I trust, regardless of the fact that I have never met him. Such a good friend, He is always truthful.. But blunt too, and sometimes hurtful. Who, I am sure, thinks so very low of me, from all of the troubles I have told him.
I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. Sleep is the only time I am not troubled with my thoughts. Its harder to enjoy the little things in life. Its no longer peaceful to go walking in the woods.. Unless its a gloomy day, when the world mirrors my emotions. I don’t do art anymore. I don’t Socialize.
I am not sure if I want to care.
I want to die, I truly do.. No.. I do love the world, if not the people in it, nature it beautiful, simple joys are wonderful, living is interesting. But every day is redundant. I smile when I would like to hide in my room and break down in tears. I laugh with others, when I dont even care for what they have to say. and I smile and lie to someones face when they ask whats wrong. “Oh nothing, I am fine. Just tired, thats all.”
I would like to die, if just to end that.. But I am a coward.
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