Stop help: i need to stop hating my ex. - Help.com

Okay…ask yourself this. What exactly are you gaining by holding on to those bad feelings? Be the bigger person and let all those feelings go….they are NOT healthy and it is likely preventing you from moving on to a fulfilling relationship. Basically,you are living in the shadow of that relationship. Is that how you want to live? If so realize this, by invoking those feelings inside of you, he is winning.

So without even lifting a finger,he has still managed to control a part of your life. I think it’s high time for you to take the power back.

I understand completely, I felt the same way towards the last girl I dated until I realized that the only person I was hurting was myself. Now I sleep well at nite secure in the knowledge that for her, she will simply go from one empty relationship to another, wondering why she keeps forcing good people away. But that’s another story all together,lol.

Now dont go gettin all jaded! Think about it this way, the right person is out there, you just haven’t found them yet….and don’t even start with all this I aint no spring chicken stuff. I’m 38 myself and I still believe “she” is out there. I just haven’t found her yet. But when I do…its gunna be awesome.

But becoming jaded is the surest way to shut and lock every window and door of opportunity of finding that person.

Please don’t do anything while you are angry. You will feel very different tomorrow and as the anger dissipates. Please try to control yourself and don’t allow him to think he has conquered you. Keep busy and rest assured, his day will come without you having to do anything about it.

I’m so sorry that you’re hurting like this. It probably isn’t going to help any to tell you that he has already moved on. You aren’t on the same page….you aren’t even on the same chapter!

Something tells me that he was in a big hurry to clear your things out of his place because he’s making room for someone else’s stuff. Either that or he simply wanted to eliminate any reason for you to drop by in the future. He’s real charming, huh?

I can’t lie to you. I won’t tell you that it’s easy to move on from this sort of hurt. A breakup like this is similar to experiencing the death of a partner. It’s the death of the relationship. You’ll go through the stages of the grieving process. Anger is one of those steps. Acceptance is the final step and far down the road.

Go ahead and let your anger out. It’s not good to hold it back. However, put some boundaries on how you deal with it. Writing it all down is often therapeutic and it won’t result in a restraining order. Keep yourself very, very busy. Clean out your closets. Delete traces of him wherever you can. Block him on your phone and emails.

You can see that he is gone in every possible way. Don’t feed his ego by lashing out at him. That will just become justification (in his mind) for why he left you behind.

Let it out here. We can’t do much but we can listen and truly care about what you’re going through.

As for having to see him at work, imagine that he’s wearing a mask and it isn’t really him at all. It’s an imposter…a stranger. Put your focus on the task at hand and direct your attention to others in the room. He deserves to be ignored as much as possible.

You’ll be okay…day by day. Give me a shout anytime you need an ear.

Just keep your head on straight and I think you be just fine. Completely agree with Kitten there too,the end of a relationship is exactly like a death and the stages are exactly the same, so in a sense it’s quite healthy for you to be angry. This will pass of course. The important thing is that this part of your life is almost over and a new part is getting ready to begin. As they saying goes, that which does not kill you….

Though, I would run with the neet in the shampoo bottle idea, that’s just f’n hilarity waiting to happen. ;)

The 5 stages of grief:

Denial - This is usually the first stage - disbelief.

Anger - You know all about this one! ;)

Bargaining - Seeking compromise to get it back again in some form (’just friends’, friends with benefits, best buds, dogsitter, ANYTHING) in an attempt to ease the pain.

Depression - Feeling like nothing will ever be the same again. (And it won’t! It will be better!)

Acceptance - This doesn’t mean you’ll forget all about your pain but you’ll stop being sidetracked by it.

These stages were given to us by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book ‘On Death & Dying’. The stages can be applied to the death of relationships as well as people, pets, etc. There are many articles about it. Here’s one http://kathrynvercillo.hubpages.com/h… Just google ’stages of grief’ to find more.

izztid wrote:
Though, I would run with the neet in the shampoo bottle idea, that’s just f’n hilarity waiting to happen. ;)

Heheeee!! I love this one, too! Do you think a little added dye would be too much? Green maybe? Blue?

LMAO! Love the rant, Shady! :D It’s healthy, actually. Thinking of a myriad ways to hurt the one who hurt us helps to dissipate that anger. It makes it less likely that we will actually do any of it. So go ahead and rant! Let off some steam. It can get quite absurd and laughable (that’s a GOOD thing!). Your list makes me LOL!

I hope you’re having a wonderful, peaceful sleep. A new day will dawn. We’ll get through this together - one day at a time. :)

Yeah see,I’m thinking patchy lavender hair here. Epic win,lol.

izzitd wrote:
Yeah see,I’m thinking patchy lavender hair here. Epic win,lol.

Ahhh! Nice! I was thinking of dying the face during the shampoo process. A combo might be nice. :)

Two tone…love it!