Mariam* edited this post 1 year, 1 month ago. Read the previous text »
I don’t even want a job anymore! I need a job - we need money to pay our bills and I’ve got creditors harassing me, but I’m having trouble finding the motivation to even continue applying for jobs. I’ve been doing this for three years. I’ve had some interviews lately, and I realized that I’d rather not put my infant into day care - I want to raise her myself - and this may be coming across somewhat in interviews, though I’ve not said anything, of course. I just can’t get excited about a job. I like my work (or at least I did, when I had a job), but I don’t love it. It’s sometimes fun, challenging, and rewarding, and I really enjoy showing off the finished projects. But I want to work from home so I don’t have to send my child off to be raised by someone else, and this isn’t likely to happen. Very few people are hiring land development engineers now, and even fewer are hiring ones who put their family ahead of their jobs. I don’t want to relocate, not that I love it here, just that I’m going to have to move again, and I’d rather not put my older kids in and out of a bunch of schools.
Rant finished.
Now:
How can I find the internal motivation to continue looking for a job so that, hopefully, we can continue living in our house with running water and electricity?
I’ve tried some various online work, but the pay is so low as to be nearly negligible.
My house is not suited for providing child care. (Stairs, needs repairs, and no fence around the yard.) I used to do home child care, and I really enjoyed it, so my thoughts keep going back to that, but my house just needs to much work to invite people over right now.
I don’t really have any skills to make and sell anything, or anything else that people do from home.
There’s no reason a civil engineer can’t work remotely, but it hasn’t been done much before, and the employers tend to be traditional, “good ol’ boys” who don’t like to try new things. Is there a way to overcome this mentality in other people, maybe create some work samples to display or something?
Blah. Too many bridges, and they all have trolls under them!
Civil enigineer might not find happiness in their job , as its challeging plus draining work. Find happiness in areas other than job life.
What colour is you parachute- is a nice book for landing a decent job.
Dyal invited 70 users to read this post 1 year, 1 month ago.
Simoquin wrote:
Civil enigineer might not find happiness in their job , as its challeging plus draining work. Find happiness in areas other than job life.
What colour is you parachute- is a nice book for landing a decent job.
I’m happy. I’m not looking to find happiness in my work. I like the challenge, I like the work, I’m pretty good at it, but have never loved the work. My happiness is intrinsic - I’m just a generally cheerful person. What I’m trying to do is motivate myself to keep trying to find work, because I really, really, really do not want to send my daughter to day care, and I need to overcome this because I also really need money.
I have that book. Never have managed to get through all the exercises, though.
I had my sons in a private day care when they were little, and years later they told me stuff that had been happening there that was totally inappropriate, not illegal, just inappropriate for child care. When they were little, they didn’t realize it was wrong. Later, my youngest son was in a preschool where the teacher stated to me that “we just want him to be like everyone else.” That’s the biggest part of why I do not want to put my infant into day care. She’s too young to know what is and is not right.
Even though your house may not be suitable to do home day care, maybe you can work at a day care center and have your child with you all day. Day care workers do not make much money, but is better then no income.
You’re definitely in a tough position here. Most parents don’t want to place their children in day care. I wouldn’t want to if I were you, either.
Do you have a family friend who would be willing to baby sit part time instead? Could you find a part time job instead of a full time one? Or a full time job where you work in the office part time and remotely part time? I’ve found that employers are willing to negotiate that sort of thing once you’ve accepted the job. I’m not saying lie, but it probably isn’t a good idea to be upfront to that extent hat you would put your family above work. Most companies don’t want to hire someone who would do that.
My cousin works for an hr firm and she was making a lot of money but had a lot of responsibilities as well, including travel. After she had her baby, they were willing to allow her to work remotely mostly, but she still has to go in every once in awhile and leave the baby with a babysitter which works for her.
Also, my mom was a babysitter when I was younger and she was an amazing one so there are good ones out there too! They’re just a little difficult to track down.
Youre in a really good field. I’m surprised that there aren’t more remote jobs being offered, but the economy is really bad right now.
Are you married? Maybe you could work when your husband is home and vice versa?
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Cell wrote:
Wrong type of work from home. What skills do you have?
When I was a student, I used to work in aquaculture, taking care of lab fish, water fleas, and algae. During that time I was also a research assistant whenever one was needed. I drove a town bus for a while. I ran a home day care for four years when my boys were little, until my ex-husband went psycho so I decided to end it for the safety of the kids. I have a degree in civil engineering and most of my work experience is in land development and hydrology. I can write civil engineering documents, and I’m brilliant at making Excel do things that people say it can’t do, and look pretty while doing it. I know how to use AutoCAD, but functionally only - I’m used to the draftsmen coming behind me and making it look nice. I’m sure I could make things look nice, but I never had to.
As far as hobbies, I read and look up information a lot, and I try to fix the broken stuff in my house, and I play with my kids.
I’m not sure any of that is useful.
The online work I’ve tried has been transcription and stupid surveys. I’ve bid on freelance projects, but can’t compete against the prices of the bidders in India, haven’t gotten any jobs.
@Araz: Most of my friends moved when we were all laid off. I know there are good babysitters because I used to be one, but I didn’t know my boys were at a bad one until years later.
@babacup: I’ve been applying for those, but no response. Listings are rare. I think they usually hire people who are referred internally.
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Thanks, I’ll bid low and see how it goes. I almost had one job at half my regular rate, but then I showed the employer that the task he wanted was impossible and never heard from him again. I guess he and I both got penalized for his architect’s lack of due diligence. He withdrew the job and wouldn’t take my phone calls or reply to my emails offering other options.
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I know how you feel. The economy is a wreck. I saw Mitt Romney on the Jay Leno show talking about how he wanted to roll back Obamacare to the way things used to be, and I wished I’d had a Nerf brick to throw at the television screen!
Here’s what I suggest that you do.
1. Since you’re prior military, think about going into the Reserves or Guard. You’d get a decent paycheck for a weekend drill.
2. Set up a consulting business. Here’s what I want you to do: on your resume, don’t show that you were unemployed for three years. Show that you had an independent consulting firm. When you interview for jobs, just tell ‘em that you would rather have a full-time job than jockey for contracts. Remember that MANY employers won’t even look at you if you’ve been out of work longer than six months (these people are going to bust hell wide open when they die, in my humble opinion). Be coy when talking about what you did. Did you consult with your kids about their Lego projects? Sure you did. You’ll have to be imaginative. Sorry, employers–but you’ve just been too unfair with people lately–we have to fight back.
3. Next time you have an interview, don’t mention that you have kids or that you are a geographical “bachelorette,” and don’t wear the hijab. Get the job and wear five hijabs if you want–but get the job first.
4. Consider getting a small business loan to set up your house as a daycare.
Hope this helps!
Thanks chev.jame. Your words are always wise.
1. Considered that. I’d have to give up custody of my children. With the youngest it isn’t an issue, since she’d just be in the care of her daddy, my husband, (we aren’t legally married, just religiously) but the two older ones, it is a major issue. Their dad, the ex-husband, is certified mentally ill and can’t even take care of himself, and my family and my husband won’t take my oldest son because he has autism and just needs too much care. I hope I don’t die before the two boys become self sufficient.
2. I’m doing this. Business is REMARKABLY slow. I did have a client once, a couple years back. When I talk about my consulting work, I do not mention that I only had once client. I talk about the different parts of that project as if they were different projects. I’m not sure what I’d do if someone asked for a list of a few of my clients to call for references.
3. There is that option, however, I’d have to wonder whether they would have offered me the job if they knew “what I am”. Last interview, I wore the scarf “Jewish style” and got called back for a second interview. They cancelled the job.
4. I have really awful credit - I haven’t had a full-time job since January 2009. The major things wrong with the house are the lack of fence and the porch rail. I can put a safety gate across the stairs, and everything else is just cosmetic now that we’re rid of the giant rat. I can fix the porch rail as soon as I figure out how, but I can’t improvise a fence. If I don’t get a childcare license, I’m limited to four children, but am not required by law to have a fence. Maybe I can start as a babysitter, then when I have enough money, fence up and open a family day care like I used to have at my old house.
For #2, you can tell ‘em that you designed whatever it is that you design for me! ;-)
Understand about children with autism. You ought to get some kind of gov’t assistance. I think you would in Canada. But in the USA the Repubs are too afraid someone will get something they didn’t work to get via slave wages.
I’d also say to work on your COVER letter. That’s the main thing. You can really tailor the cover letter to whatever job to which you’re applying.
Recommend you also get married in a civil ceremony and save some money on taxes!
The reason we aren’t legally married is because our combined income would cause my son to lose his SSI. That is the only government assistance he gets for autism. When I’m working, we don’t get that. His autism definitely does affect my work - I miss days or have to go pick him up when he has meltdowns - but I’ve not lost a job over it yet, only gotten mediocre performance evaluations. He’s getting a lot better as he’s gotten older, but now the issue is that there isn’t any child care available for kids his age in this town and he can’t stay home alone.
How can I find the internal motivation to continue looking for a job so that, hopefully, we can continue living in our house with running water and electricity?
If that works for you, you can make a list along the same theme, and keep adding motivational items to it.
Like this:
“Why I want a job:
- So we can continue living in our house
- So we can have running water.
- So we can have electricity.
- etc.”
This general type of thing can be helpful sometimes, to be working on something related to what you more truly wish to be working on. You’d rather be working to earn money, but working on something (like writing a list) is working on something for the sake of working on something to earn money. Which, if I can explain my knotted logic, means that you are working on getting a job by writing this post. You have all that motivation, you are going toward your goal in the best way you know how. This is actually maybe even a helpful way, because someone might leave a brilliant reply like “make a list”. I hope that helps.
If I were the President, I would propose a law to Congress, to wit:
The mega-corporations would absorb the unemployed on the basis of their profits.
No more outsourcing. No importing of foreign labor. CEOs would trim their salaries, if necessary, to help accommodate taking on new employees.
It is a RIGHT of everyone who is willing to work to have a job. If our government cannot make that happen . . . then we need to elect a new government!
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Thanks for the invite Dyal.
And Mariam - Wow! :-) You’re qualified pretty wow! :-) and your experience. I have no words for specific suggestions. Just some appreciation for who you are, what you can do - and all the best.
(You’re great at MS Excel? Great. Hey - get into top management. Don’t set your sights low. I know this is rather brash and blind - perhaps stupid/uninformed, but who knows? All the best.)
I can understand your lack of motivation for I also have a lack of motivation and have been searching since 2010 or so. How to get it back would be a mystery to me though. Especially with the added complication of a child which I luckily don’t have.
I’d say one thing though. I find when I’m in a cynical mood searching up jobs, I just am not in the right mood at all. So if you find yourself thinking “yeah right” at something or “sure” at some thing you think silly (God knows some descriptions of jobs can bring it on with all this teamwork this and bubbly character that) then I suggest you take a break. That may seem like it won’t help but it will. Carrying on will just end up with you in a worse mood than before.
I take a half hour break. I do nothing at all to do with jobs and try not to think about it. Mostly I just try and sit back and take in my surroundings or walk or have something to eat. Nothing that’s likely to distract for more than half and hour though, because then I’m likely to take much longer than half and hour.
I have had somewhat of a break right now and am going to go back to job searching. I am in a better mood. My mind is not directly enthusiastic about jobs, just cleared of bad thoughts and focused on things to do. For now, my cynical voice has gone away.
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