Message help: I have a plan. - Help.com



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I have a plan.

I have had a plan for a long time. I play guitar, I love my sister and I sketch constantly. Everyone says I have such great traits but I don’t see it.

My first attempt was after the one I loved crushed my heart after two years. After abusing my medication so much, an entire month’s worth of antidepressants only gave me a mild fever.

My second attempt was after a good friend of mine hung himself in the woods less than a mile from my house. I will never forget the day I want to remember least.

I am seventeen now, and I am on the other side of the issue. I broke her heart. She calls me every day, and I say nothing. I did it because I feel emotionless, as if a mold I have been fitting into has finally set around me.

The day afterward I wrote. I wrote my heart out and I set it out for all to see. I posted it on the library wall, and after a week the only comment it received was “get some antidepressants.”

I have been looking forward to the money coming to me for months now. Today my father claimed that money as his. This is the drunk of a father that has turned everything around but his lack of love for me.

I am misunderstood. I am closed inside myself. I am Matthew and I ask you today… what message should I give the world before I leave?

This open post was written 1 year, 1 month ago | V/U/S: 280, 6, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Post Tags (10)

antidepressants, Misunderstood, Never Forget, seventeen, Every Day, Remember, Message, Matthew, Library, Fitting (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (6)

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Mickeyduhh offline Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (9 minutes after post)

What do you mean leave?

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Help me with: CLICK HERE!
Melani offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (20 minutes after post)

Your numb. You feel detached, and you just wish it all away?

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Dragon_Lady offline Verified User (5 years, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 4 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (23 minutes after post)

If your plan includes another suicide attempt call for an ambulance. Suicidal plans are a medical emergency, and you need professional medical help.

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Help me with: Thanks, everyone, for the help yesterday!
Nerium offline Verified User (3 years, 6 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (23 minutes after post)

There are many things you can say as you leave the world, but none of it will matter because no one’s replies will ever reach you and you will never know if you left proof that you were once there.

The only one that will care for you at all times without every betraying you… The only one that can value you unconditionally and can work hard to make you happy Matthew, is yourself. The way your plan will affect others is of no concern, because from the very start this plan was made for your own sake right? But if you follow it, you will betray and abandon the one person that you should value above all else.

If the world has been cruel or dispassionate towards you, that is all the more reason to value yourself more, enough to compensate for all the people that SHOULD reach out to you.

Can you please leave this plan unfinished and unfulfilled?

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Help me with: Does anyone know why I might be bad with carbonated drinks?
Melani offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (28 minutes after post)

I agree with Nerium. Leaving won’t solve anything, could very possibly make it even worse.

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msresputi offline Verified User (1 year, 1 month) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 1 month ago (58 minutes after post)

Do not do it…I have been where you have been and I’m still there. But it does get better. Do not take yourself out of this world. This life is so short. You are so young and can do anything in this world that you want to do. I am not saying this to try to convince you not to kill yourself(though that is part of it it) I am saying this because it is so very true. You are worth living. I have thought about suicide a lot almost everyday I was going to post something about that but than saw your post. And as of right now I don’t want to die I don’t want to kill myself. I’m focused right now on making you see you are somebody you will make it in life. And that empty feeling(which I can relate to so much) will go away if you just live. Just live. And your life will get better. You have all the power use it. Just by you posting what u posted in a weird way helped me. That is something you should be proud of. Live.-Sara. P.S.please red

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