Feel help: My husband is very sweet and nice and sensetive! - Help.com

He probably had an overbearing father and/or mother. He may have been bullied in school. He figures that the best way to shut down an attack is to assume the appearance of a formidable adversary.

And he’s not wrong in that, either.

Reassure him that you’ve got his back and that he is your hero. Soothe him when negative people are around.

And chase away the negative people!

He hates it when I show that I care or when he sense that I’m sympathying or trying to make him feel better! He gets angry or inscure more and more!one of his sister is really men and she keeps trying to provoke him! She’s younger than him but she’s so MEAN! I don’t know what to do and I am myself isn’t that assertive. But I’ll do whatever for him! I’m an overprotective person! I can sense that he feels that I’m not very strong and that is sort of an extra burden on his shoulders! But I’m ready to do anything just to help him! What to do?

Tell him, “Sweetheart, your sister is always going to try to push your buttons. It’s from ’sibling rivalry’ days, and she still hasn’t been able to let go. You need to deprive her of this tool to get you upset. You have me and you don’t have to compete with your sister any more!”

Then drag him off to the bedroom! ;-)

With an angry person the best to do is you become completely silent and let him fumigate. Don’t say a word. Silence is the best communication in this regard. When someone is angry, it is out of character of his/her behaviour so any reasoning, pitying, negotiating in that moment and after won’t work. What works is you constantly reassure him by what you do to him for him to feel valued. Even when he is angry. Talk is cheap, action talks volumes.
Regarding the sister, he doesn’t need any advice what to do. He knows how to handle his sister, even though he doesn’t want to show it. Trust him but don’t give him advice. He is a grown man. Tell him if you really want to tell him something “I trust your judgment on this.” That will make him feel valued.

I think Beatrice is really really right. And Chev.Jame always makes good points about relationships!

If you really want to help him and turn him into a “strong person for real”, then you have to back off completely when he is in one of his fits. If you support him during that behavior you will be acknowledging and approving that it is OK to react in that manner when he doesn’t get his way.

Yes, make him feel valued and special whenever possible but don’t provide this reward when he is also behaving in a negative way. Over time, he will draw the association and make the behavior adjustments he needs to make, to win people over.

Whatever you do, don’t allow him to continue thinking/believing that misplaced anger is his automatic route to power.