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I keep thinking and thinking, but I just cant find a reason to continue…
Oh, I’ve already heard the “Your family will be upset. Think about the people who love you” crap, and while it is not my intention to put them through such grief that is not enough to keep trying.
I’m fifteen. I have lived my whole life alone and just now noticed how lonely I was. I have found someone close, I think. A person who I enjoy talking to and am trying so hard to be honest and open with.. Someone who has actually made me doubt if I should do this.. that maybe life is worth trying. isn’t it pathetic that this angel is someone who I have never personally met, who does not know how much I love that he cares enough to try to be a shoulder to cry on, no matter how many times I tell him to stop, who probably does not even know how much his words effect me..
I have tried to just keep waking up, keep enduring the days, “Its just because of hormones” right..? Then how come I am ALWAYS like this. Why does the thought of getting up in the morning and talking with people make me cry? I just feel so tired. I don’t see a reason to keep trying when every day seems like hell. All I want to do is curl up and die. But I don’t know what pills to take, I don’t want to hang myself. Death frightens me.. but I just want to give up. And I will, very soon. Ive tried and tried to just keep getting up, but every day its a little harder. I don’t cut, I’m not self loathing, I just cant care enough to try anymore. How pathetic is that? Everyone else my age is worried about boys and friends.. and I’m bothered by the fact that I desperately want to commit suicide….
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