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About 6 months ago, I met someone whom I cannot forget.
He was, back then, my class Instructor’s assistant and we developed a romantic relationship.
At first, I was very disinterested in perusing anything serious with this guy; him in the contrary was full force trying to charm me into thinking otherwise. It almost seemed as the most disinterested I was, the more he persisted (typical, right?). Well, after some time, however, I traveled out of town for the weekend (away from him) and caught myself thinking about him more than I thought possible. Upon my return, I decided to take him more serious, and so I did. (No FORMAL relationship yet)
For the most part, we had a great relationship. Spoke often; saw each other about three times a week, some weekends, etc. He is a very handsome guy, in his own way, though; tattoos, a few piercings and very charming personality. I of course became a little insecure in his credibility. As my feelings grew fonder, I began to wonder if he was uniquely exclusive with me. So one night, I slept over, and in the midst of my craziness and thoughts, I grabbed his phone (BAD idea).
I found a few back-and-forth messages with a classmate of his, which I thought were a little compromising as he had told her “…he was ‘sort of’ seeing someone”, and of course the typical ‘pictures’ men keep in store for when needed (of other girls)! Needless to say I was very upset at this point. That night was sour, I couldn’t sleep and upon waking up I left his house as I told him I never wanted to see him again and/or speak because I simply did not trust him. He was puzzled and asked me to further explain. So I did.
From this point on he flipped the coin on me and things between us became UGLY. I guess he showed his real colors and I was shocked. He yelled at me and said I should have never invaded his privacy (to which I understand, to a certain extent); he called me crazy, psycho and ended by saying that he did not want to be that involved with me anymore.
I apologized, but I was hurt and double wounded. One because of what I had seen and how much it had bothered me, and two, because well obviously I missed him and it was sad the way it had ended. Of course it didn’t end there. Throughout the following month we continued communication though he became even more and more distant, cold and abusive towards me (verbally). We would argue a lot because I was always questioning his intentions with me from that point on. He was never clear, all he ever said was “I do not want you to think I want a relationship right now, because ever since that happened I rearranged my priorities and I do not want to be involved with anyone in that realm.”
Despite it all, I wanted to give it a shot, but arguments between us became more aggressive each time. He started to verbally disrespect me in the nastiest way possible. “Psychotic b*tch ” “Fu*k you” “You’re stupid” “Leave my house” “I don’t want to talk to you”, etc. Why I stayed, I do not know.
We had planned a trip out of state for Christmas and when it got around, we took off. Most amazing time I have ever had with him. We connected, shared words, jokes, and visited beautiful sites, held hands, kissed, it was incredible. From that point on, I would come home and he would go visit his family up state. During that time, we became very affectionate with each other, we could constantly call me he missed me a lot. Things seemed to be getting serious between us. I was HAPPY. He even said he “loved me” but that he was just afraid of commitment, but that he was certain that deep inside he was in love with me, but he did not want to disappoint me.
A week passed and the idea of me going back up to visit him for that last week of the year sparked up and he urged me to come. He said he would accommodate me in his house and that his family would be glad to meet me. I was a little skeptical at first but very willing to take the risk and fly up there just to spend time to him because I missed him like hell and well, to meet his family of course. Things between us seemed to be FINALLY heading somewhere…I mean come on, who invites you over for Christmas and to meet their family when there is absolutely no interest to commit?
Needless to say, I flew over a few days later and it was glorious. I was introduced around his large family and held the most interesting conversations with his relatives. The accommodated me as if I was part of the family, it all seemed to be going great. He made breakfast for me each morning, we visited friends and family members and various sites. Anyway, after day 2 his mood had began to shift towards me, it wasn’t hard to notice, and he started to text while I was there in his presence which I did not highly appreciate, I mean, come on…who would? So yeah, we did argue about that and the next day was the day I would take off so he drove me to the airport and I came back home. (Ps, his family, especially his mom adored me)
Two days after, he stopped communicating with me. He said he was very sorry but he did not want anything to do with me in terms of a serious relationship. That I “knew” he changed his mind often but that all he could handle was a “Friends with Benefits” kind of relationship (talk about BIPOLAR).
AND here I am. I accepted the request but of course that failed (several times). I thought that I could really maintain that kind of deal, but it is more than clear that I was unable to. I love him. I know I do. I wish I could say otherwise but the truth is I really care for him. 3 months have passed since the last incident in which I was at his house (attempting at this FWB relationship) and we had a brutal argument, and he threatened to call the police on me, all because I asked him for a kiss goodnight as I was leaving his home and this seemed to upset him. We didn’t speak again for about a month, then one night he messaged me to “have s*x”. I ignored it. But days after I replied. Very stupid idea, I know.
I feel kind of lost at times, mainly because I suffered a great deal with him; my self-esteem is LOWER than the ground. Every time we speak he is highly disrespectful towards me, the worst part is I still miss him so much. I need advice.
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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