Soul help: - Help.com

yes I do thought I had it with my husband

Yeah.My parents were definitely soul mates.My brother and his wife, soul mates.
I have not been so lucky as yet.But every day is a new chance. I believe in true love too.The love of a lifetime.To the OP, I hope that you find yours, if you havne’t already.

Yeah I do. I think some people are just made for each other.
For instance my cousin’s first boyfriend and her went out from when they were sixteen till they left school. Then they had to break up when she went to college abroad. Years later she was living in London and made friends with her next door neighbour. She went over to her neighbours house one day and guess who was her neighbour’s flatmate?
Her first boyfriend. They started seeing each other and now they’re married.
I mean.. they were completely out of contact for years and had always been crazy about each other, then they both somehow end up in London in flats beside each other? What are the odds. If thats not meant to be I don’t know what is! :)

Cell wrote:
If there’s someone out there just for you, God will make sure that you will find them.

YES.There is a movie called “Made in Heaven” that is so good.Just never give up believeing that you will find your soul mate.Cuz she/he is out there right this moment looking for YOU.

yes very much so! my sister found hers..they even share the ssame birthday :)
life is beautiful..

I believe in soul mates, me and my partner are destined for eachother, we have this connection that only soul mates can have

:) Yeah… I believe in true love. If that’s what you want for yourself, just keep looking, no matter how long it takes. You will find what you’re looking for. :) You will! :)

Take care.

Your welcome :)

We’re all just telling you the truth. :) You’ll find yours too… if that’s what you really want! :) And… you’re welcome! :)

❤♡♡❤ wrote:
We’re all just telling you the truth. :) You’ll find yours too… if that’s what you really want! :) And… you’re welcome! :)

I totally agree with this

Being honest and true to yourself is, indeed, the only way to find your REAL place in life. Always listen to your own feelings, very carefully. :)

Just go with what you feel. I just have a small problem with the “Make your family, parents and brother happy” part. First of all, you can’t make others happy. Your first responsibility is yourself. Remember that. If you make your life one that makes YOU happy, you will be accomplishing yourself to the best of your ability and everyone around you will benefit from it. Make yourself happy, first of all. If you concentrate too much on other people’s happiness, you risk loosing yourself in the process and that wouldn’t be a good thing. Feel with your whole being, with what your heart is really telling you. Not with your head!! LoL :)

Set yourself a goal to find a way to move out and be on your own. Work at it. This is the first step. You are right. It takes a lot of inner positive energy to keep smiling when everyone is unhappy around you. You would be a lot better off on your own somewhere else. Once your life is better, you will be more equipped to help your family. Of course, keep in mind that some people can’t be helped, no matter how hard you try. That’s why I keep saying, take care of yourself, first of all. And don’t say you CAN’T. Anything is possible. You just need to keep trying new ways of getting to your goals. You’ll find a way if you just keep looking and working at it.

Hey, No Time To Hate, thanks for the invite :)

true_story wrote:
Plus people change constantly, with every choice they make. I think its possible that there are soul mates for different stages of life…

I do agree with true-story and it explains why I’ve had several (not that many! may be 3) so called “soul mates” in the form of boyfriends during my pesky past. At the time they did seem perfect until we lost each other. I look back and would never consider them soul mates, but then again I was deluded :)

I do believe its all about place and timing. When you are ready in a mental and spiritual sense whereby you can be of a positive influence on another equally ready person for you- you two somehow will be brought together; fitting like a glove, just meant to be for and with one another. You will also find somehow the relationship blossoms with magnificent ease and almost divine flow.

I do not believe in soul mates.
I believe in the development of the human condition to better work in unison with another. The concept of soul mate is flawed to an extent so vast that it brings forth illusions of such magnitude that it prevents people from reaching the growth they could have with another understanding of it all.

Where is the one when all is one?

The term “soul mate” seems to suggest an ideal connection exists between two people; therefore, I think it would only be appropriate for two people to be soul mates in an ideal world.

I just don’t think it’s possible for two people to be compatible in every aspect. Even if it was possible, the chances of one finding their “soul mate” is one in a million. For all practical purposes, it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack.

no. I also don’t believe in the soul.

Thanks for the invite.

No, I don’t believe in soul mates. I think that if you’re open to love and seek a person who you can click with and find chemistry/and or a connection with, you’re lucky and that’s great. All relationships-love, family, friends-take work and a constant flow of communication. The term “soul mate” implies that your relationship will be an easy one without any conflicts or complications, but if you think about it, that’s an extremely superficial relationship.

I think of soul mates the same way some people think of fairy tales. It’s a pretty concept, but is it real? I don’t think so!

no

Noooo!

This is a question I have pondered over a lot.

I have had phases in which I believed in her, waited for her (years), now I am not sure.

I am aware that this is a rather romantic thought and it appeals to the singles a lot.

I am, currently, not sure of it. :-/

I really don’t believe in “soul mates” in the sense that most people think of. I don’t believe that there is one person in the world who is only suited for one other person in the world. I do, however, believe that two people can become “soul mates”, perfectly in tune to each other, even able to read each other’s emotions and strong thoughts from a distance. I think this can happen quickly or over a long time.

Mariam* wrote:
I really don’t believe in “soul mates” in the sense that most people think of. I don’t believe that there is one person in the world who is only suited for one other person in the world. I do, however, believe that two people can become “soul mates”, perfectly in tune to each other, even able to read each other’s emotions and strong thoughts from a distance. I think this can happen quickly or over a long time.

If this were facebook, I’d click the Like button two times or more for this reply… :-)

randomchatsmith wrote:
If this were facebook, I’d click the Like button two times or more for this reply… :-)

No Time To Hate : wrote:
][quote randomchatsmith] SuperLyk ! ;D

Click on the “excellent reply” button next to Mariam’s name.

Araz wrote:

randomchatsmith wrote:
If this were facebook, I’d click the Like button two times or more for this reply… :-)

No Time To Hate : wrote:
][quote randomchatsmith] SuperLyk ! ;D

Click on the “excellent reply” button next to Mariam’s name.

Correction: I meant click on “mark as quotable”

awesome question. I do believe in soul mates. I think its just a matter of time and patience before you finally manage to find your own. There are those whom you you can call your natural soul mates as in instantly get attracted to and then there are those with whom you adjust and make up, not necessarily compromise. But the journey too is fun.
Just a matter of perspective. I think I have found mine and I hope you find yours too :)
Adapted source: a href=”http://www.romanticloversms.com”>romantic sms /a>

Awesome question. I do believe in soul mates. I think its just a matter of time and patience before you finally manage to find your own. There are those whom you you can call your natural soul mates as in instantly get attracted to and then there are those with whom you adjust and make up, not necessarily compromise. But the journey too is fun.
Just a matter of perspective. I think I have found mine and I hope you find yours too :)
Adapted source: a href=”http://www.romanticloversms.com”>romantic sms /a>

No Time To Hate : wrote:
]

MarlinTheFish wrote:
no. I also don’t believe in the soul.

Aha and what is the reason MarlinTheFish ? :)

the reason for what?

I don’t believe in the soul because I can’t see it or feel it or find it anywhere. its just an idea that lots of people believe it because it’s comforting. I have a personal vendetta against those kinds of ideas.

re: soul mate? I suppose for the same reason. and if the soul is nothing than an illusion, then what is a soul mate? Ramona Flowers is my soul mate.

i believe more in kindred spirits. is that kind of the same thing? i had a friend back in the day that was a kindred spirit.

Pnov wrote:
Here’s a fact about WHATEVER a person BELIEVES.

You will tend to only experience what you believe.

You will tend to only notice what you believe.

So, even if ’soul mates’ exist, if you fervently believe they don’t, you will tend to create the experience that they don’t exist.

AND if soul mates don’t exist, and if you believe they do, then you will tend to languish under the illusion that the world owes you a perfect mate.

I agree with you up to an extent on beliefs. but this is not true all the time. this is more true for those people who cling to their beliefs. some people tend to fall in love with their own ideas of the world. and eventually it becomes a barrier. and knowing this is why I feel it is important to recognize what is belief and what is real knowledge.

what does it mean exactly?

Ive heard that you get seven soul mates.

Happy Coincidence wrote:
Ive heard that you get seven soul mates.

collect ‘em all!

trust me on this one. you can always get a bigger bed.

I never thot of that.

I used to.

No Time To Hate wrote:
Do you believe in soul mates ?

Soul mate? No.
Soul mates? Yes.

…maybe.

I don’t know anymore.I used to think so but now I’m not sure anymore.

U kind of come to realise that they are all annoying in some ways that u have to put up with if u want to keep a partner at all.

Tough question. I`m kind of skeptical… I feel like no one will ever love me the way a soul mate would. So I think my own lack of confidence skews my opinion… I don`t think everyone has a soul mate, maybe people have to become sort of ready for it? What do you think after all these replies?

Some people believe your soulmate isn’t necessarily the one that you’re going to marry…like someone who’s your best friend who understands you more than anyone. I hope mine is my significant other lol…so I guess I believe in them. :)

Araz wrote:

Araz wrote:

randomchatsmith wrote:
If this were facebook, I’d click the Like button two times or more for this reply… :-)

No Time To Hate : wrote:
][quote randomchatsmith] SuperLyk ! ;D

Click on the “excellent reply” button next to Mariam’s name.

Correction: I meant click on “mark as quotable”

Ya, got it. did it. Thanks.

Yes I do. I am married to one.

No Time To Hate : wrote:
]

someone on this site wrote:

No Time To Hate wrote:
Do you believe in soul mates ?

Soul mate? No.
Soul mates? Yes.

…maybe.

thanks for showing your views.

You’re welcome. The yes to plural soul mates could be like this - someone lives the early half of their life with someone who turns out to be a soul mate, and say something happens & their partner dies, and then they live the later half of their life with someone else who turns out to be a soul mate. If they were with s.m.1 for 30 years, then with s.m.2 for 30 years, chances are they’ll both be soul mates, though it doesn’t have to take several years to make that determination.

In that regard, there is not a single soul mate. For some people. For others, there might be only one. And then others don’t ever have one.

If you don’t discover your potential-soul-mate then how do you know they exist?

If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? Of course, yet the opposite is true of the soul mate idea.

If someone never finds their soul mate, and if they believe there can be only one, then the fact that they never found them is enough to say that one never existed.

There could just as well have been multiple soul mates… if any two people had crossed paths and found a certain connection together, which could’ve led to feeling as though they were soul mates, then that’s a match made in heaven. Yet, of the 7+ billion people on this planet, there’s a strong chance that - as long as people get out there and meet other people - that they will find multiple soul mates throughout the course of their life.

Yet, then again, so many people subscribe to the idea that there can be only one soul mate. And that’s fine. It’s also hogwash.

…maybe.

No Time To Hate : wrote:

MarlinTheFish wrote:

Pnov wrote:
Here’s a fact about WHATEVER a person BELIEVES.

You will tend to only experience what you believe.

You will tend to only notice what you believe.

So, even if ’soul mates’ exist, if you fervently believe they don’t, you will tend to create the experience that they don’t exist.

AND if soul mates don’t exist, and if you believe they do, then you will tend to languish under the illusion that the world owes you a perfect mate.

I agree with you up to an extent on beliefs. but this is not true all the time. this is more true for those people who cling to their beliefs. some people tend to fall in love with their own ideas of the world. and eventually it becomes a barrier. and knowing this is why I feel it is important to recognize what is belief and what is real knowledge.

Belief and Real Knowledge ?

It is more true for those who cling to their belief? so is that mean you believe in who believe will get one ( Or more ) for them ?

haha. see? the things you want exert a force on your thinking.

no. it is not “more true” for those who cling. what I mean is that those people are most likely to miss the boat because they are so distracted with how life ought to be that they have a hard time see what life does have to offer. what I know is that when you can give up badly wanting something, even for just a little bit, then you can get a little space to see what is actually there for you.

The Rolling Stones wrote:
You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes… well, you might find
You get what you need

Whatever you believe, that’s pretty much what you’ll get. LoL There is no “absolute truth”…

The only true absolute is absolut vodka.

Those who don’t believe in absolute truth don’t believe in anything…especially themselves.

someone on this site wrote:
The only true absolute is absolut vodka.

lol i never drink that xD

and i think never will. :)

Anonymous wrote:
Those who don’t believe in absolute truth don’t believe in anything…especially themselves.

May you please explain it more briefly ?

AlcyONE wrote:
Absolute truth is subjective. I have seen people tell the same lie(s) so many times that they begin to believe it themselves, and then that becomes their absolute truth, based on a skewed reality that is theirs alone.

um, but by definition that is not absolute truth. so you’re saying there is no such thing? :)

Anonymous wrote:
Those who don’t believe in absolute truth don’t believe in anything…especially themselves.

can you explain the difference between believing in absolute truth and in absolute garbage?

I’d rather see the truth rather than just believe it.

❤♡♡❤ wrote:
Whatever you believe, that’s pretty much what you’ll get. LoL There is no “absolute truth”…

depends on what you mean by absolute truth. at any rate, if there is an absolute truth, then it has nothing at all to do with believing.

No Time To Hate wrote:

Oh that one is also need little discussion.

We get what we need ?

:( If we are not happy with that ? what we get :\

ehh i`m sorry suddenly i`m feeling low why ? why we don’t get what we want ( where i`m doing my studies these days there are some couples around me and all of them have each other to talk and laugh and spend romantic time. i`m just looking and them some time feel little jealous but than i said to myself no no it’s okay there is a ONE for you too waiting for you have patience lol ( It’s sounds little selfish i guess but that’s me )

Is it possible if a person get Nothing ? No soul mate ? not even a girls in life ? ( forever alone ? )

:’( Oh waheguru Scary thought :\

Did you get someone in your life ? ( Opps i want to ask that seriously hope it’s not too personal question.)

:-)

if you are not happy with what you get? you get pain and suffering. lol! there is no cosmic reason for it or anything like that. poop happens. life is simply full of inescapable suffering; it is a fundamental part of human existence.

yes, i’m married for many years now. [don’t make me count.] she considers me to be her soul mate, but I’ve never believed that. at any rate, making relationships work is difficult. be careful what you wish for. lol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Those who don’t believe in absolute truth don’t believe in anything…especially themselves.

May you please explain it more briefly ?

I don’t think you can get any more brief than that. :P

AlcyONE wrote:

MarlinTheFish wrote:

AlcyONE wrote:
Absolute truth is subjective. I have seen people tell the same lie(s) so many times that they begin to believe it themselves, and then that becomes their absolute truth, based on a skewed reality that is theirs alone.

um, but by definition that is not absolute truth. so you’re saying there is no such thing? :)

What I’m saying is that I believe we all create our own realities.
For some people that reality is closer to absolute truth than it is for others, based on the stories that we tell ourselves about any given circumstance or event.

I also believe that it isn’t what happens to us so much that matters (because we all have many common experiences one way or another), but in how we react to those experiences, that help us to grow as people, and to build (or not) character.

I think I understand what you are saying. (and I don’t mean disrespect) but absolute truth cannot be subjective since they are by definition the opposites of each other. however, since they are connected in this special way, I suppose it means that they are the same in that specific sense.

when you say “For some people that reality is closer to absolute truth than it is for others…” you imply that you do believe in a absolute truth. which reminds me “Absolute truth” could mean something other than this:

Cell wrote:
An absolute truth is something that is always true, I think. Some people don’t believe in absolute truth. They think everything is relative. People who don’t believe in absolute truth, don’t believe in right and wrong. They think it just always depends on circumstances and ‘whatever feels good’ etc. But I disagree. I think believe in absolute truth. Some things are always right and somethings are always wrong. Like it’s always wrong to abuse children, for instance.

instead, the speaker could mean that it is reality beyond the layer of subjective reality that we have each individually constructed. and, the legend goes, that when you are engaged and in-touch with this ultimate reality you see that everything is always changing. then the idea that “X is always true” is ridiculous because everything is always changing.

so…

No Time To Hate : wrote:
What is absolute Truth ? :-)

in short. it’s a loaded question. :P

No Time To Hate : wrote:

lol Okay thanks !

I`ll back be back with more questions :D

btw. you are the nicest post host I’ve ever seen!

Pnov wrote:

❤♡♡❤ wrote:
Whatever you believe, that’s pretty much what you’ll get. LoL There is no “absolute truth”…

Well, what you just said about beliefs is probably the closest thing to ‘absolute truth.’

“The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen.” — Frank Lloyd Wright, Master Architect

Pnov understood what I meant to say. I believe in the power of Faith. Our individual realities are constantly being shaped and rearranged, according to our own individual beliefs, which obviously, are different from one person to the next. Everything and anything is possible if you truly believe that it can be, WITHOUT A SINGLE DOUBT IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND.
But that is the catch, you see. Some people believe they will meet their soul mate, their true love eventually, but in the back of their minds, they don’t really believe that they deserve that or that it even really exists. Therefore, they end up in relationships that only give them precisely what they expected to get… and nothing more.

So let me rephrase that. There may be an absolute truth that rules over Creation itself but on an individual level, reality is different for each individual, because everyone has free will to believe in what they want to believe and those individual beliefs shape their lives accordingly.

To sum it up, No Time To Hate :], if you really believe that a soul mate exists for you and that you will meet her soon, “without a doubt in your mind”, then you will meet the person you dream of. :) It’s really not that far-fetched. It happens every day. There are thousands of happy couples in this world. They live quietly. They don’t make a big fuss about it. They are just happy to be together and to have each other. :)

Pnov wrote:

Cell wrote:
I think believe in absolute truth. Some things are always right and somethings are always wrong. Like it’s always wrong to abuse children, for instance.

I sure am against child abuse, but then, I’m not sure where one draws the line on this. For example, there’a a video of Jamie Foxx being interviewed by ‘The Actors Studio’ (see youtube, search by ‘Actors Studio Jamie Foxx’) where he said he got a few spankings, and the last one, when he was 13, he says he “got it,” meaning, he believes it helped straighten him out and put him on a better path.

So, maybe it’s an ‘absolute truth’ that chld abuse is wrong, but how one defines ‘child abuse’ may not be absolute. (Another example: Is spoiling a child, ‘child abuse’?)

ah. good point. lol.

MarlinTheFish wrote:

The speaker could mean that it is reality beyond the layer of subjective reality that we have each individually constructed. And the legend goes, that when you are engaged and in-touch with this ultimate reality, you see that everything is always changing. Then the idea that “X is always true” is ridiculous because everything is always changing.

so…

No Time To Hate : wrote:
What is absolute Truth ? :-)

In short, it’s a loaded question. :P

LoL Yep! Hehe… That’s a pretty good way to put it. :)

And that’s all I got to say about that! :)

❤♡♡❤ wrote:
Pnov understood what I meant to say. I believe in the power of Faith. Our individual realities are constantly being shaped and rearranged, according to our own individual beliefs, which obviously, are different from one person to the next.

ok. I get that. but…

❤♡♡❤ wrote:
Everything and anything is possible if you truly believe that it can be, WITHOUT A SINGLE DOUBT IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND.

I don’t get that. sorry.

❤♡♡❤ wrote:
But that is the catch, you see. Some people believe they will meet their soul mate, their true love eventually, but in the back of their minds, they don’t really believe that they deserve that or that it even really exists. Therefore, they end up in relationships that only give them precisely what they expected to get… and nothing more.

see here the thing. 1) I almost never get what I expect to. I mostly just get anxious about it, and then get let down. blah. so I try not to expect too much. this way I’m always surprised. and my emotions don’t get pulled apart by speculative thinking.

2) if knowing whether or not your belief (soul mate or whatever) is true “without a single doubt…” is tricky and subtle… how do you know one way or the other? in other words, how do you know whether or not your beliefs are real enough, are true enough?

❤♡♡❤ wrote:

So let me rephrase that. There may be an absolute truth that rules over Creation itself but on an individual level, reality is different for each individual, because everyone has free will to believe in what they want to believe and those individual beliefs shape their lives accordingly.

what about scientific knowledge that has say… built the internet. am I free to not believe in that? am I free to not believe in electricity? platypuses? spirochetes?

(I don’t mean disrespect. ) but don’t you think there is a point at which is becomes ridiculous or dangerous to believe in something? like… I CAN FLY!!!

❤♡♡❤ wrote:
To sum it up, No Time To Hate :], if you really believe that a soul mate exists for you and that you will meet her soon, “without a doubt in your mind”, then you will meet the person you dream of. :) It’s really not that far-fetched. It happens every day. There are thousands of happy couples in this world. They live quietly. They don’t make a big fuss about it. They are just happy to be together and to have each other. :)

that describes me and my spouse, but I still don’t believe in soul mates. which shows that good things can still happen to you, even if you don’t believe in them. :P

No Time To Hate : wrote:
]

Hmm I respect your views Cell. Thank you :)

Oh is Christianity or Jesus is the only way to Meet God ? or to know the truth ?

if yes is that mean all of those people who don’t believe in Jesus and God they will not come to meet him ?

and If God is Nice Why not he just cam down and hug us so tightly he know i love him ( may be some times i`m kind of selfish sometime i just want to hug him because i feel low and it’s the only way i feel better )

sometimes i do make post people to say hug me please :D lol

I do believe in him but i`m little confused that if Only Christians will met Jesus ( GOD ) than where all other people who are not christian going to ??

( again i`m sorry if a said anything wrong )

I really want to know everything :)

in general… talking about religion on message boards is “walking the edge”… “flirting with disaster”. but maybe you are polite and diplomatic enough to keep war chiefs in-check?

Do you know what Faith is, Marlin? That’s really all I’m talking about here. If you believe you can fly but…. Hmmmm…. well, maybe not! Or, well… I don’t think so! LoL Hmmm… DON’T TRY IT! LoL

Jesus tried to pass on his knowledge. There’s a good book that’s been written about some of it. lol But it’s not the only Good book around… The judgment is not ours to make. There’s a saying in French (not sure about the English version) but it says: All roads lead to Rome. Well, I say, many other ones do also!

Cell wrote:
Disipline is not abuse. The motive is different. Disipline is to correct behaviors and attitude. Abuse happens because of anger or for the pleasure of the abuser.

still seems a little vague to me. if you correct someone’s behavior and it is better, then aren’t you pleased? and don’t you get angry when your peons don’t obey and force you to discipline them?

No Time To Hate : wrote:
]

MarlinTheFish wrote:

in general… talking about religion on message boards is “walking the edge”… “flirting with disaster”. but maybe you are polite and diplomatic enough to keep war chiefs in-check?

i didn’t get that seriously :\

sorry. religion is a hot topic. talking about religion is dangerous because some of us like to fight about it. I love to “walk the edge” but sadly, it’s ruined many interesting threads. do so at your own risk. if you are nice enough maybe you can keep things from getting too crazy. maybe?

No Time To Hate : wrote:
]

MarlinTheFish wrote:

No Time To Hate : wrote:

lol Okay thanks !

I`ll back be back with more questions :D

btw. you are the nicest post host I’ve ever seen!

lol will you add nicest post host in your friend list ? :))

( *THANK YOU* )

ok. but I only give out one compliment per friend. so consider this the one nice thing I said about you.

I do have a reputation to uphold!

MarlinTheFish wrote:

See, here’s the thing. 1) I almost never get what I expect to. I mostly just get anxious about it, and then get let down. blah. so I try not to expect too much. this way I’m always surprised. and my emotions don’t get pulled apart by speculative thinking.

From the moment you get anxious, you already, obviously, expect it not to happen.
You have made up your mind that by NOT expecting too much, you will be pleasantly surprised and that it will keep your emotions from getting pulled apart by speculative thinking. This is what you TRULY expect… and that’s exactly what you’re getting. That’s YOUR reality.

But Marlin, there is a difference between true Faith in your beliefs and “speculative thinking”. Really, there is! lol

MarlinTheFish wrote:
2) if knowing whether or not your belief (soul mate or whatever) is true “without a single doubt…” is tricky and subtle… how do you know one way or the other? in other words, how do you know whether or not your beliefs are real enough, are true enough?

You can only judge the value of your work by the results you get, a tree by its fruit. If you are not satisfied with the results… (What can I say!) keep practicing!

Cell wrote:

MarlinTheFish wrote:

Cell wrote:
Disipline is not abuse. The motive is different. Disipline is to correct behaviors and attitude. Abuse happens because of anger or for the pleasure of the abuser.

still seems a little vague to me. if you correct someone’s behavior and it is better, then aren’t you pleased? and don’t you get angry when your peons don’t obey and force you to discipline them?

Disipline is applied to help a child become a better person, so save them from worse trouble when they grow up. Abuse comes from the emotions of the abuser (either rage or they’re a pervert, etc). It’s totally different.

sweet! so if I’m a pervert and I have the proper motivation, then I can “discipline” children! because after all, it is for their own good.

don’t get me wrong. I agree with the basic premise child abuse is wrong. but I agree with Pnov that there is a problem in trying to define it. I’m just playing devils advocate here to expose how difficult it is to get to something absolute. there is a social sense of what is normal. in the US, it used to be normal and accepted to beat your kids harshly, but now people think differently. either we must accept that a majority of our forefathers were child abusers and are probably rotting in hell right now, or that the definition of child abuse has changed and therefore it is not absolute. interesting dilemma yeah?

They only did back then, what they “thought” was the right thing to do. It was a different reality. Now, we understand things differently. “Disciplining a child” is a another topic altogether and one that I find rather “disturbing”, personally speaking. This post is slowly taking another tangent… Should we even go there??

No Time To Hate : wrote:
]Oh don’t worry i just ask question and i don’t fight unnecessary :-)

If i ever don’t agree with a person i will not argue may be he\she is right or may be i `m … :)

Life is too short i`m just seeking the answers

here is a question Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

that question make me think :D

why fight LOL NO NO NO :D

So this post is about “a bunch of different questions” then?? LoL

Ok… Can I answer your last one? Hehe… If I had to choose between being a worried genius or a joyful simpleton, I would choose to be a simpleton! But you can still be a “joyful genius” you know! Although I don’t like the term “genius”. I personally find it very presumptuous. And everything being relative, someone’s genius might be another one’s “Ape”! We are all learning and all have something precious and unique to offer the world. So-called geniuses have their good and bad sides. They are human beings, still learning and progressing like everyone else is…

❤♡♡❤ wrote:

MarlinTheFish wrote:

See, here’s the thing. 1) I almost never get what I expect to. I mostly just get anxious about it, and then get let down. blah. so I try not to expect too much. this way I’m always surprised. and my emotions don’t get pulled apart by speculative thinking.

From the moment you get anxious, you already, obviously, expect it not to happen.
You have made up your mind that by NOT expecting too much, you will be pleasantly surprised and that it will keep your emotions from getting pulled apart by speculative thinking. This is what you TRULY expect… and that’s exactly what you’re getting. That’s YOUR reality.

But Marlin, there is a difference between true Faith in your beliefs and “speculative thinking”. Really, there is! lol

hold on. that’s a little confusing on my part… I get anxious when I expect something bad to happen. and I get let down when I expect something good to happen that doesn’t happen. so no, I don’t think the anxiety is a result of not believing hard enough.

honestly I don’t know if there is a difference between faith and speculative thinking other than a matter of degrees. I’ve actually been thinking about it a lot lately. speculating rather. :)

❤♡♡❤ wrote:

MarlinTheFish wrote:
2) if knowing whether or not your belief (soul mate or whatever) is true “without a single doubt…” is tricky and subtle… how do you know one way or the other? in other words, how do you know whether or not your beliefs are real enough, are true enough?

You can only judge the value of your work by the results you get, a tree by its fruit. If you are not satisfied with the results… (What can I say!) keep practicing!

sure. but if I try something and I get no fruit. and then I try it again and I get no fruit. and then I try it again and I get no fruit. and I try it again…

at some point, I’m going to come to the conclusion that the method doesn’t work and I will try something else. and if that something else does work, then I actually KNOW and don’t have to believe.

to me it doesn’t make sense to keep trying harder at something because there is some unconscious part of my brain that is secretly trying and wishing and hoping for the opposite.

No Time To Hate : wrote:
]
Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

oh. you are very wise. that question cuts me to the core.

Yep.. you’re right. If you are secretly wishing and hoping for the opposite of what you are working so hard at… Obviously, you are NOT 100% putting ALL your energy in the same place.. and OBVIOUSLY, you will NOT get any result, NO matter how hard you TRY! Faith is expecting something you believe at 100%, is the right thing for you and there is NO doubt in your mind that you deserve it and that it can be.

Anywho! Figure it out. There is just “so much” that can be said about it. True knowledge only comes through personal experience. Words can only go “so far”. If your mind is closed to a certain possibility, that’s just as far as it’s going to go.

Pnov wrote:

MarlinTheFish wrote:
I don’t think the anxiety is a result of not believing hard enough.

Well, now you’ve mentioned something I believe I’m fairly adept with,… why we feel however we feel.

If you feel ANXIETY it’s BECAUSE you’re believing something you don’t want to believe. So, if you’re experiencing ANXIETY you are, in essence, practicing believing in what you DON’T WANT. So, if you GET what you don’t want, it really doesn’t surprise me.

but you’re assuming that I get what I want all the time. that’s not true. sometimes I expect something bad and it turns out that way and sometimes it doesn’t turn out that way. and sometimes it does turn out the way I thought, but it doesn’t actually feel as bad as I thought it would. irregardless of the way it turns out, the anxiety is still there.

❤♡ ( : ♡❤ wrote:
Yep.. you’re right. If you are secretly wishing and hoping for the opposite of what you are working so hard at… Obviously, you are NOT 100% putting ALL your energy in the same place.. and OBVIOUSLY, you will NOT get any result, NO matter how hard you TRY! Faith is expecting something you believe at 100%, is the right thing for you and there is NO doubt in your mind that you deserve it and that it can be.

huh? I think you are misunderstanding me. I never claimed that I’m secretly wishing. I said, how can one know? my point is this: how do you know you are 100%? how do I know my brain holds a secret wish, if that wish is secret from me?

you say the proof is in the results? but that’s not a testable theory. if there is no way to identify that one is 100% then there is no way to determine whether success is the result of being 100% or if success is the result of something else. or many something elses

MarlinTheFish wrote:

❤♡ ( : ♡❤ wrote:
Yep.. you’re right. If you are secretly wishing and hoping for the opposite of what you are working so hard at… Obviously, you are NOT 100% putting ALL your energy in the same place.. and OBVIOUSLY, you will NOT get any result, NO matter how hard you TRY! Faith is expecting something you believe at 100%, is the right thing for you and there is NO doubt in your mind that you deserve it and that it can be.

MarlinTheFish wrote:
huh? I think you are misunderstanding me. I never claimed that I’m secretly wishing. I said, how can one know? my point is this: how do you know you are 100%? how do I know my brain holds a secret wish, if that wish is secret from me?

OK… you know what you secretly believe, pretty much, by the way you « feel », by listening to your feelings, by doing some some searching and being completely honest with yourself. You get mixed results in some situations, because you hesitate between believing in two different outcomes.

MarlinTheFish wrote:
you say the proof is in the results? but that’s not a testable theory. if there is no way to identify that one is 100% then there is no way to determine whether success is the result of being 100% or if success is the result of something else. or many something elses

And like I said before, there is only one way of understanding something and it’s by putting it to the test and observing the results… over and over and over again, if you must, experimenting it on a personal level… over time. You can draw your own conclusions somewhere down the line, based on what you observed in your own life.

I’m going to go plant some flower bulbs now. :) Ciao. :)

Pnov wrote:

To me, the KEY to have more of the outcomes we want is in improving how we FEEL, which means, improving what we BELIEVE.

oh. I see. I think my Belief just got a level-up.

:P

Pnov wrote:

Then you said, “irregardless of the way it turns out, the anxiety is still there.”

If you feel ANXIETY, even when you seem to have gotten a GOOD outcome, it means that you’re still BELIEVING in something you don’t want. For example, you might get a raise at work, and for awhile you feel good. But then you might start feeling ANXIOUS again. If you are, then you might now still be believing something unwanted, like, “Oh, but it’s not as much as I expected.” Or, “It was nice to get a raise, but I still don’t like this job,” etc.

I’m not sure, but I think you are misunderstanding. I agree with many of your insights, but your insights do not add up to your final point. IMHO.

I never said I felt anxiety when I have gotten a good outcome. I said when there are expectations about something bad there is usually anxiety about the (as yet unknown) outcome. “I don’t want to go. I just know it will turn out badly.” etc.

MarlinTheFish wrote:
sometimes I expect something bad and it turns out that way and sometimes it doesn’t turn out that way. and sometimes it does turn out the way I thought, but it doesn’t actually feel as bad as I thought it would. irregardless of the way it turns out, the anxiety is still there.

meaning: it doesn’t matter how things turn out. it doesn’t matter if I was right or wrong, the anxiety was still there. see? the anxiety had nothing to do with the outcome. its presence was independent of the outcome. the anxiety does seem to depend on my emotional attachment to my idea of what *might* happen. when the outcome is resolved of course that anxiety goes as well. even if the outcome is bad, at least I know.

the point is this… the future does not play out as a function of an unknown, seemingly independent part of my brain that may or may not be (since there is no way to know) wishing for the opposite outcome of what I want.

since (to me) the anxiety seems to be caused by my emotional attachment to my idea of what *might* happen, this is why I’m very skeptical about beliefs. giving to much power to a belief (in this case, the expectation) IS the problem. if I can manage to put aside my prejudices and preconceptions and worries and expectations, all these ideas that get in the way by pulling our emotions this way and that, then… what’s left?

I read your last reply, Marlin, and all I can see is that you give out way too much power to everything and everyone around you. How responsible are you for what happens to you? Anxiety comes when we feel helpless in doing anything about a situation, when we believe that what happens to us depends on outer circumstances and people. The more you accept total responsibility for your own circumstances, the more you will realize that you have way more say in how your life turns out.

Accepting total responsibility for what happens to us is the first step in empowering ourselves. You might realize, later, that your own outlook on any situation deeply affects where it will go from there. You have a whole lot more power than you dare to believe…

Im replying coz you asked me to, this isnt my area of expertise by far lol.

I dont know if I do or not-you see some people and I have friends who just seem like they were meant to be together…one couple met when they were 14, got married at 21 and are about to have their second baby now when we are 28, and theyre just made for each other. thats not to say they dont have their squabbles and issues, they aint perfect, but they definitely “fit” together perfectly.

but then other couples dont seem like soulmates, not saying their relationshps wont work, but it just doesnt have that soul matey feel to it.

id kinda like to believe that there is one special person out there made just for me, but then I think bloody hell, out of 7 billion people on this planet, I have to find this one. sh*t.

so to answer your question-I don’t, at the moment, but sometimes it seems like it is a true thing.

Cell wrote:
An absolute truth is something that is always true, I think. Some people don’t believe in absolute truth. They think everything is relative. People who don’t believe in absolute truth, don’t believe in right and wrong. They think it just always depends on circumstances and ‘whatever feels good’ etc. But I disagree. I think believe in absolute truth. Some things are always right and somethings are always wrong. Like it’s always wrong to abuse children, for instance.

Exactly what I meant.

❤♡ ( : ♡❤ wrote:
I read your last reply, Marlin, and all I can see is that you give out way too much power to everything and everyone around you. How responsible are you for what happens to you? Anxiety comes when we feel helpless in doing anything about a situation, when we believe that what happens to us depends on outer circumstances and people. The more you accept total responsibility for your own circumstances, the more you will realize that you have way more say in how your life turns out.

Accepting total responsibility for what happens to us is the first step in empowering ourselves. You might realize, later, that your own outlook on any situation deeply affects where it will go from there. You have a whole lot more power than you dare to believe…

well. this is getting to be offensive. I am not asking for help. I don’t need empowerment. I do accept responsibility for my life and I don’t have a problem with that. and accusation that I give out too much power in my life is ridiculous and unfounded. furthermore, you are advocating that the problem with my life is that I don’t do it enough. you are the one telling me I must believe harder in order to cut out anxiety from my life.

❤♡ ( : ♡❤ wrote:
If you are not satisfied with the results… (What can I say!) keep practicing!

what I have a problem with is someone telling me that anxiety comes from a secret part of my brain that is trying to sabotage my dreams and aspirations. and that the only way to fix that is to try harder.

❤♡ ( : ♡❤ wrote:

MarlinTheFish wrote:
you say the proof is in the results? but that’s not a testable theory. if there is no way to identify that one is 100% then there is no way to determine whether success is the result of being 100% or if success is the result of something else. or many something elses

And like I said before, there is only one way of understanding something and it’s by putting it to the test and observing the results… over and over and over again, if you must, experimenting it on a personal level… over time. You can draw your own conclusions somewhere down the line, based on what you observed in your own life.

I do put things to the test. I make it a point to destroy belief. once you know something then there is no need for belief.

here’s the problem that you don’t seem to understand… your theory about being 100% is not testable. think about it. how would you go about creating a test for something that is ordinarily hidden from you, say like cancer?

basically your method (based on how you’ve been describing it) goes like this… “well he died. he must of had cancer.” OR “well, he’s still alive. he must not have cancer.” that’s not really a test at all. don’t tell me to test out your theory when it’s not possible to design a test that enables us to learn something about it.

Marlin, that was just my observation. You know better than anyone, what works for you. I was just trying to give you another view point. If it’s not helpful, just don’t consider it. You have free will to do things the way you know them to be best… just like everyone else.

AlcyONE wrote:
Anyway, the therapist I saw explained to me that depression comes from worry over the past, and anxiety comes from worry over the future. When I began to understand that I can’t do anything about either of those things, I stopped having any sort of anxiety or depression, and to this day continue to focus on the present. Today is the only thing any of us can do anything about, and it is a whole let less burdensome to deal with just one day at a time than all the years behind and ahead of me.

this makes a lot of sense to me. IMHO, putting too much stock into the whole soul mate idea is just setting yourself up for problems. because it CAN become a source of anxiety and depression. and what is it really? just an idea. just something we believe because we want to believe it. how much clearer would the world be if we could see beyond the whirlwind of emotions and thoughts and beliefs to what really is?

Whatever works for you! I happen to believe in soul mates. In my case… it worked out just fine. :) To each his own!