This post left anonymously
I find humor in the fact that for the past four months, I have been experiencing intense sadness and could not find any solution to rid myself of it.
It followed me like a plague… eating at me to the point where I doubted that I even had a soul. Four months of torture… four months of being abandoned by friends and family and crying my eyes out because I could not even get through the day without experiencing a distorted reality where no one or anything seemed real. All of a sudden, when I thought I could no longer get through the pain… and I was laying on the floor with lonliness and sadness in my heart and my eyes redden with tears thinking to myself that I will have no way out of this mess…. that death would probably be better than feeling this way… I fell asleep. This morning was just another morning of feeling depress, I felt my head ache, still felt sadness, and my mind was rather off… However, when I checked my cellphone… I saw that I had a missed call… I checked it and it was from a person that I hadn’t spoken to for five months. She called and sent me a text message around the same time that I was feeling the darkest despair of my depression. When I saw her text that simply read, “Hey, long time. I hope all is well.”… suddenly, the darkness that felt like tar slowly went away and my headache seemed to throb less. I felt as if my reality began to feel clearer that I could see everything around me. What is funny is that many people had sent me a text message, yet I felt nothing… I felt as if I did not want to respond. I felt completely empty as if I did not exist to even receive a text message… yet, from this one person who was always there for me when I felt down last semester… who was not even considered to be one of my best friends or good friends, but someone that I seem to feel attached to until I broke away… just her text message alone and the fact that she tried to call me, brought me out of the deepest despair that I had ever felt. Today, instead of mopping on the couch and not having the energy to do anything… I decided to wash my car, and I actually had a smile… I actually felt peace that I could not feel for four months…
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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