marriage help: why do i say i hate fighting with my husband and than jump right into a fight?

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why do i say i hate fighting with my husband and than jump right into a fight?

Came home tired - he was in an ok mood but cussing alot - that’s how he talks thou- drives me crazy and we have a 4 year old. So i started demanding he stop cussing. His mood quickly became hostile. Just verbally and emotionally. He would never physically hurt us. And he just went off about how he gets nothing. Which is soo not true. We are (me, him and our daughter) all fine - we have tons and we get nothing. all together. I fought back - what? you get nothing? poor u. And then tried to just ignore him. But his mood was sour for hours. I went to the store and came home - my daughter was crying and he had broken my hair brush by throwing it. I just knew he must of been yelling and scaring the hell out of her. SO NOW I GOT MAD. so we both yelled. He went to the guest bedroom. which is good. go away - we don’t need to be fighting in front of our daughter. Now i feel horrible. I shouldn’t have gone to the store with him in that mood. What do i do? I want to talk with him. But I don’ t want to cause us to stay in a bad fighting place. We have been fine for a long time. But i just want him to know he shouldn’t act like that. Grow up. … thats what i was yelling at him. (how grown of me) I know it takes 2 to fight. My parents fought - its in my blood - but at least i can see that right? What do you think - Will a walk away rule in my house work? If you are angry - Say i’m angry and i’m going to walk away - and everyone needs to leave you alone and walk away too? ideas. are we horrible parents? & my husband wants another child. I am soo not ready - so that is not happening. I want things like this worked out before we add more. Thank you for reading - if you did - thank you Help.com for being here.

This open post was written 1 year ago | V/U/S: 519, 7, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.

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walk away, Happening, like this, Throwing, daughter, Quickly, reading, husband, yelling, bedroom, marriage, fighting, parenting (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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newdaytoda #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (35 minutes after post)

I am sorry to read your post. I searched help an found it. I can relate that times are tougher now for most everyone it seems these days.
My husband and I have been married for 22 yrs now and stayed with it in my part for our daughter. Many troubles have come to us since then
If u want to talk more we can.
Please stay safe

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Ahhotep 9 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (1 hour, 4 minutes after post)

Let him cuss, just take your daughter in another room.

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cpage 6 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (1 hour, 11 minutes after post)

It takes most of a marriage to perfect it.

He may just need some time to reset after he gets home from work before he deals with the demands at home. Maybe just keep your daughter busy for a bit after he gets home and give him 30 minutes to get settled in.

The fastest way to end an argument is to just say the words, “I’m sorry” even if you know your right. Being sorry is not about who is right or wrong. It is more about loving someone so much that you will humble yourself and want them happy. It is hard to be mad at someone who says, “Honey, I’m really sorry. I messed up. I love you.”

At first, you might need to take 20 minute time outs when arguing so that you can relax, gather your thoughts and humble yourself enough to say “sorry”. Talk about this plan when you are both in a good mood.

talula 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (2 hours, 27 minutes after post)

I am also sorry about your situation. You are right when you say it takes two to tangle. The bottom line is that you must decide what you absolutely want in your life forever. Your situation is not unusual. Sometimes people need this kind of drama to make them feel alive. There is likely years of counselling to understand that point unless one decides to find other things to make you feel alive. You are teaching your daughter to thrive on drama rather than living in peace.

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IrAdler 2 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (5 hours, 43 minutes after post)

You both need to go to an anger management therapy session where they will teach you how to control your impulses. Especially in front of a 4 years old. It is not a healthy environment she is growing up.

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Dr. Ozy 34 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (7 hours, 19 minutes after post)

it would be best if you talked to him when you’re not angry or tired. you and your husband need to work on communication, and you can’t do it in that state. many times if a man feels hurt or maligned, they react in anger instead of addressing the issue. consider the possibility that perhaps there is more to his arguments than he is saying right now.

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cynthiamatter #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (8 hours, 48 minutes after post)

Thank you all for all the HELP. :)
I appreciate all the posts and ideas. I can’t change him - I can only control my response - which should be protective of my child and my self and just stay away when he’s in a bad mood. Then he will end up calming down and getting in a good mood. I was super tired yesterday and just couldn’t grip that. Its easier the next day to see. He and I talked this morning. He listened to me and I tried to listen to him but he didn’t say much. We have already improved on how often fights like this happen. Used to be once a month. Now about once every 3 months. Hopefully we’ll get to once a year! then… no more? :) I do need to work on being a good listener of him/ for him and just pay attention to his cues. He doesn’t talk about what he needs much and for him to be saying he gets nothing. … I shouldn’t have fought with him - i should have taken the opportunity to see what he was needing and get that met. Marriage is tough but wonderful. I love my family more than life and they drive me insane. Thanks again. I’m sure I will post again and try to help some others too. This was my first post. What a great place.

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why do i say i hate fighting with my husband and than jump right into a fight?

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