Feel help: My male friend was sexually abused how can I help him? - Help.com



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My male friend was sexually abused how can I help him?

We were standing by his car and I asked about a scar of his and he admitted that he used to hurt himself. I admitted that I had also hurt myself in the past and out of nowhere he came out with his past abuse he said he was about five or six and it was his stepmother who abused him. He said that his cousins made fun of him. He said that it made him feel like less of a man. He is a very flirty guy and has had many sexual partners now I wonder if his past has anything to do with that.
I just want to know how I can help him…as his friend.

This open post was written 1 year ago | V/U/S: 426, 10, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Post Tags (8)

Standing, Feel, hurt, male, scar, Sexual abuse, guy, man (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (10)

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someone on this site offline Verified User (1 year, 1 month) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (9 minutes after post)

Be sensitive to his needs. Be compassionate. Be a good listener. Be willing to take a step back if he needs breathing room. Be ready to take a step forward and offer your shoulder or a hug if he needs that. Be there for him.

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someone on this site offline Verified User (1 year, 1 month) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (11 minutes after post)

Also, don’t suffocate him with that subject. Be ready to change the subject to something completely unrelated.

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Anonymous changed the tags on this post: they were "Standing, abuse, Feel, hurt, male, scar, fun, guy, man" 1 year ago.

Anonymous #
1 year ago (15 minutes after post)

Its more hard for a guy to admit being sexually abused
Sometimes I wonder about all those people who keep silence

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kiramcdoohea offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (17 minutes after post)

He was very straightforward with it but he struggled to keep from crying I just apologized and struggled not to cry myself. I want to know something I can say that may help him out instead of my just crying everytime he talks about it.

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someone on this site offline Verified User (1 year, 1 month) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (19 minutes after post)

You’re being supportive. That is good. Sometimes it doesn’t require having “the right word” but simply being there for them.

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talula offline Verified User (1 year) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (34 minutes after post)

Yes that is true. Just being there is supportive. The wound runs very deep and has many layers for protection. Only address it if he brings it up…otherwise just enjoy the company and YESSSSSSS the sexual promiscuity comes from that wound!

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Help me with: December21,2012
bobosnickums offline Verified User (5 years, 12 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (6 hours, 58 minutes after post)

Encourage him to get professional help-dont become his support/counselor, because you dont have the skills for it.

Treat him just the same as you did before, coz hes still the same person and theres nothing worse than being treated differently by someone you trusted enough to disclose that kind of stuff to.

and dont bring it up. if he wants to talk about it some more, he will.

youre a good friend to want to help him, hes a lucky guy to have such a friend.

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Help me with: Hi all,
The Sherlockian offline Verified User (5 years, 1 month) Long Term User Shouts: 41 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (7 hours, 19 minutes after post)

talula wrote:
Yes that is true. Just being there is supportive. The wound runs very deep and has many layers for protection. Only address it if he brings it up…otherwise just enjoy the company and YESSSSSSS the sexual promiscuity comes from that wound!

Molested people often become sexually promiscuous. To them, it’s like shaking hands.

Who was the abuser? The stepmother?

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Help me with: Rape and justice in the wonderful world of Sharia law in Dubai .
talula offline Verified User (1 year) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year ago (15 hours, 28 minutes after post)

Yes…molested people learned how to disassociate feelings from sex. It is a very common coping mechanism.

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Help me with: December21,2012

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