Part help: Would you look down on someone who is understanding and realizing a part of themselves that most people discover at a much younger age? - Help.com

like what?

I still don’t understand romantic feelings towards people as a young adult.

Anonymous wrote:
I still don’t understand romantic feelings towards people as a young adult.

and most adults still don’t. how old are you?

No, not at all. Actually because I made some realizations that most people make years ago. I started to care about my appearance maybe a year ago when most girls start caring when they are 16 (im 22). I realized I should have a plan for college, internship, work, before or along college, not when I almost graduating. Point of the story, its never to late to improve yourself as a person. of course its better to do it sooner but people have different experiences and learn different things, some learn some things sooner than others.

As far as romantic feelings go, have you ever had a relationship, with a girl/guy that you are into, liked to talk to etc./

early 20’s

Anonymous wrote:
early 20’s

lol, that’s no problem at all. i thought dating and love as a teenager was stupid, and i turned out fine. ;)

I don’t think it’s stupid.
It’s just that it’s something I completely don’t understand and have no experience with.
In that way I’m like a much younger kid.
how old are you?

Part of me thinks that these feeling that I’ve been having are more appropriate for someone younger.

Pnov what do you mean?
I can’t really understand your phrasing.

“How to Figure out Romantic Feelings”: http://www.ehow.com/how_2314923_figur…

i’m 21. my first brush with “romance” was in high school, when a guy friend asked me out on Valentine’s day. i said yes… because it was Valentine’s day. the relationship lasted for a few months and i’m surprised that it did last that long. i wasn’t attracted to him, i never kissed him, heck i never even held hands with him. i clearly was not on the bandwagon with romance, bfs and gfs, or any of the emotions that were supposed to come with it. i was clueless, and the only thing i missed when the relationship ended was the friendship we had before.

so yeah, i was socially awkward. i was even more so in middle school. my first real relationship was in college, and i struggled to understand feelings of love and such. it’s a learning experience, even though the relationship was doomed from the start. it’s not something you can just learn by someone telling you what love or whatever is like. you have to figure it out yourself.

Yeah.

I’ve never done anything physical with anyone.

it just makes me feel abnormal.

Anonymous wrote:
it just makes me feel abnormal.

okayyyy… well stop. there’s nothing wrong with not having “done” anything with anyone.

Pnov wrote:
But ask most people in their twenties and older and they will tell you they learned, to some degree, to give their SELVES the approval or comfort that they wanted from others or peers. And this allows them more freedom, and also to create better relationships. .

That is something that I haven’t learned at all.

I may have said this before, but I’m really far behind what would be considered “normal” for someone my age.

I know there is nothing wrong with not having done anything, but I’ve met people in my life who have tried to make me think that way.

I just have an understanding of these kind of feelings that part of me thinks would be appropriate for someone much younger.

a lot of times I wonder if the feelings I have are appropriate.

i think all this means is that you clearly need to get out more and stop obsessing over yourself. just looking out into the world around you, it’s obvious to see that we’re surrounded by immature adults, impossible relationships, childish world-views, and short-sighted goals. people don’t all just “grow up” when they claim to be adults. sometimes it can take a lifetime.

It’s interesting that you say that.
A few people close to me have told me that I am way too self-involved.

Part of me really regrets that I’ve spent so much time alone and not making meaningful relationships with other people.
On some level I just feel extremely uncomfortable around people.

I know this is a major flaw for me and something I have to deal with.

I’ve let my life become controlled by fear.

then stop spending all your time making excuses and do something.

thanks for saying that

i hope you take that to heart.

I do make too many excuses, and I know I’ll never be happy if I keep doing that.
I feel a little pathetic that I’m your age and you are giving advice to me, I guess my maturity is showing.

i’ve been very lucky, and i’ve had good people to advise me and guide me through life. age is just a number, and there can’t possibly be that many years between us. :)

we’re the same age.

It’s like I’ve talked to people who have a lot of experience with romance, etc. and they seem to really understand it or whatever and I feel like I’m a totally different world.

last year, I spent some months living away from home with other people and that’s when it really struck me that I was different.

There might not be many physical years between us, but I’m sure there are a lot of mental years.

Maybe I won’t catch up but maybe I’m meant to live my life in a different way.

ps.
thanks for continuing to post in this thread and give advice, I appreciate it

I agree with AlcyONE. I think that’s an interesting perspective on this matter and holds true more often than not.

Romance, in my opinion, is something one has to experience first-hand in order to acquire some sort of understanding of it. And even then one’s knowledge of romance is still incomplete. You’ll find, as you continue to go through life, that many people will claim to have a perfect and complete insight into certain subjects and, in the process of revealing their understanding of something, will sound convincing. Yet it is impossible to have a perfectly complete understanding of anything. Despite however wise, intelligent or experienced a person may be regarding any matter, there is still - and always will be - much more to learn.

Well, AlcyONE, it’s not just that I’ve never been attached to someone or in a relationship or anything, I’ve never even been on a date.

I know there is a definite learning curve to this.

I guess I need to get much more comfortable with people in general if this is ever going to happen to me.

I just hope I do discover things some day.

so what do you plan to discover? now i’m curious. because i wonder if you’re thinking romance is something more than it really is.

That’s not really in my mind now, it’s a ways into the future.
I just need to be more comfortable with myself and with other people, for now.

I don’t really have a “plan” per se

should I have a plan?

i just wonder what you think you’re missing out on.

I want to create memories for other people.
I feel I’m not being remembered
and I’m on the edge of people’s lives

I’m just there
one of the gang

and not hugely important to anyone really
except my family

I’ve had crushes, etc.
before

but I want to have an experience where both people feel that way.

maybe someone has had a crush on you and you’ve never known it. i mean, you didn’t let the person you had a crush on know either, did you?

I did, in one case.

and I have no idea why anyone would feel that way about me.

were you friends with this person?

Anonymous wrote:
and I have no idea why anyone would feel that way about me.

well why did you have a crush on this person?

yes.
but she was much better looking than me and obviously I would never be able to get close to her or anything.

It’s weird

I haven’t seen her in like 3 years.

I can’t really explain it, I was just really attracted to her.

I feel a bit ashamed in hindsight.

why ashamed? and why would you have never been able to get close to her?

well, honestly, I felt extremely embarrassed about feeling that way about her. I mean, it’s not like she wanted or asked me to feel that way.

And we were (and probably still are) very different people. I’m extremely shy, and she was really outgoing and funny.

And I felt this way about her for a few years and I never thought being in a relationship was ever a possibility.
She would have turned me down even if I asked.

Part of me wants to get to a point in life where being in a relationship is a possibility.

I don’t have any real plans for that to happen, but I hope it does.

I hope you don’t think I am pathetic.

Did you ever tell this person about your feelings for her? How do you know you didn’t stand a chance with her if you never even tried to confirm your belief that she would’ve turned you down had you asked her out?

I did tell her that I felt that way about her.

Anonymous wrote:
She would have turned me down even if I asked.

Oh, sorry. This statement made me believe you didn’t.

there’s nothing pathetic about anything you’ve said. while i do feel like i’m pretty confident about what i know about relationships, i’ve only been in two (i don’t even count the one with my guy friend). being brave, asking a bunch of people out, kissing a bunch of people, or even going on dates really have no relation to how mature you are, how well you understand yourself, how well you understand yourself, or how well you understand relationships.

Honestly, I shouldn’t even think about this, I have a lot of stuff that is more important to worry about. Sometimes worrying and obsessing about these things detracts from other aspects of my life.

thanks everyone for taking the time to reply to this ridiculous thread.

well, it’s always on my mind, it always makes me feel like I’m less than everyone else.

Pnov wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
well, it’s always on my mind, it always makes me feel like I’m less than everyone else.

It sounds to me like you don’t understand that you’re CREATING your own misery.

agreed.

Something really fortunate has happened to me that I’m really happy about. It’s not anything relationship-oriented though.

you the OP? what’s up? :)

Yes.
I got into a school I applied to, I’m going there this fall , and I feel extremely nervous.

good for you! that will be a lot of fun. :) do you know what you will be focusing your study in?

Anonymous wrote:
Yes.
I got into a school I applied to, I’m going there this fall , and I feel extremely nervous.

Congratulations. I likewise got accepted into a school I applied to.

It should be a wonderful experience for you. :)

I know that I will do fine academically, it’s just I’m very nervous about the social aspect and meeting people and feeling normal in those kind of situations.

Yeah. I know. I’ve never been good at socializing.

I am feeling generally better about this after this.
I’m not feeling as dysfunctional as I once was.

I’m just afraid I won’t be able to meet people.

I’m feeling a bit more nervous.
A lot of the time I feel very uncomfortable around people my age, especially girls.
I’m always afraid I’ll do something to embarrass myself.

I hope I haven’t fallen too far behind to catch up.

It’s unlikely that you’ll embarrass yourself so long as you don’t try to be anyone or anything but yourself. Nervousness is a natural feeling that everyone experiences in their lives. You’re not alone. The best way to deal with a feeling of nervousness is to first try and understand exactly what it is about a situation or person that is making you feel nervous. In this case it would be girls. What is it about girls that makes you feel nervous? Remember that they are merely human and possess the same human qualities, just as yourself.

Are you worried about how girls might perceive you? I can assure you that as long as you remain yourself and do not deviate from that path, you will have nothing to worry about. We are most comfortable with ourselves when we represent ourselves in an authentic manner. As long as you are comfortable being yourself then others will be comfortable around you. Those who choose not to be around you, when you’re representing yourself authentically, are not important to you and should therefore not make you change the way you are.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

Do not forget: you alone have the ability to control your feelings and emotions. The practice of self-control can really be instrumental in how you effectively deal with future situations. We are the masters of ourselves.

You’re right, I am really worried about how people will perceive me.

really?

absolutely.

I’ve had some positive stuff happen to me recently so I’m feeling well.
I’ve been exercising a lot and I’m off of sugar.

I don’t know if people would like me, though, even if they got to know me, I don’t feel I have a whole lot to offer.

I honestly feel much more comfortable alone than with other people, and have for as long as I can remember.
I know I can’t even begin to think about relationships being like this. I just always feel self-conscious when I’m around people and I always think about how I might embarrass myself or how things might go wrong.
Somehow I have to find a way to just be comfortable around people .

but I do feel strangely positive for whatever reason.

the only way to find out is to let people get to know you.

i don’t know why this is so difficult for me.

it takes practice.

I wish I wasn’t so nervous.
I know I’m going to be really awkward when I go to college.

I believe you’ll learn to adapt to the college atmosphere and make some good friends with whom you can frequently hang out.