relationship help: over 10 yrs of dating still have not found a good man? - Help.com

over 10 yrs of dating still have not found a good man?

I was the one to leave each long term relationship and each one still wants me back. Even my ex husband told my new lover don’t screw it up like he did because he will lose a once in a million relationship. it was so touching and almost made me feel whole.
well 3rd strike and I just couldn’t make this one work. I paid half of everything… i left him alone when i knew he wanted to be left alone and i attended to him as much as possible when he was being extra communicative with me.
I cooked him supper every night… only things he liked. I cleaned. I took care of my own things like repairs and also took care of maintenance on the house. I told him every day how amazing he is. If he started to want to spend more time together I would demand my job to change my work hours which each one has always complied with because i usually rank high. I played video games with him. I am very technologically literate so we were able to conquer a new subject together and help each other until we both understood a new concept of programming or modding technique.

I told him i wouldn’t be comfortable invading his “bro” sessions but he always begged me to go and i would party just as hard as he did and still be standing on two feet and not slurring my words. win!
I look and dress like a fit college girl. I love sex and think it’s a wonderful healthy thing.
I empathize with every emotion he has. I can actually feel his pain when i see his eyes tear up.
Yet every man has told me after maybe the second year that i bring them down. just by my offsetting sarcastic remarks and offensive attitude. maybe that’s something I need to work on but i’ve conquered so many other personalities i don’t want to completely lose myself and who i am.
I will miss many things about him. His patience, loyalty, his good looks, his intelligence, even his smell.
I will not miss his apathetic tenancies towards me. His closeted asexuality. Or the fact he tried to steal my car to supposedly kill his dad then strangled me when i tried to take my keys from him. list goes on..

I had no clue he was like this before we moved in together. just because he was so calm and kind to me. It’s like he just flips a switch into crazy mode sometimes.
I used to go for rebellious psychos and this was my first attempt at stopping my bad habits mainly for the abuse it always inflicted upon me… yet he still ended up being what i always went for.

I don’t ask for much. Sanity and loyalty are my key points for now. yet i keep running in circles.
I haven’t been cheated on yet and don’t know what that may feel like but i’m assuming it’s about the worst thing you can experience in a relationship and i want to avoid it at all costs.

Now I’m single… depressed and lonely and don’t want that to get in my way of good judgement. I can’t take another heart ache. I’ve already been to the ER for palpitations thinking i was about to have a heart attack and all tests came back negative so either the hospital was being lazy or I am truly so stressed that it’s affecting my heart’s rhythm.
I feel so jealous when i see decent men getting walked on by females.
My one and only weakness in life are men and i can’t get over it. I can’t just be single and happy. I don’t do one night stands… I am on a quest for my life partner. who knew it would be so difficult despite my ability to make each one fall in love with me. I’m not trying to be egotistical … I have just worked that hard for this and know i have truly accomplished my part in trying to find mr. right.

This open post was written 1 year ago | V/U/S: 329, 5, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

IntelliGence, Heart Attack, relationship, life partner, life partner, maintenance, Programming, Video Games, Completely, bad habits (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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